Shane rubbed his brow. His dad had never said a word about how he felt about his health problems. As far as Shane knew, he’d bulldozed his way through it like he did everything in life.
“But you didn’t die,” Shane pointed out. “You’re here and getting healthier by the day.”
His dad met his gaze, his blue eyes so intense Shane wondered if he’d done something wrong. Had he left the water on in one of the cattle pens? Put a horse away sweaty? Forgotten to ride one?
“God probably took one look at me and said, ‘No, thanks. He can go back to Earth.’”
The words were as close to humility as he’d ever heard his father say. His dad lived life with what some might call an innate sense of entitlement, all stemming from a work ethic that’d brought him to the top of his sport...several sports. Shane would have thought his dad would expect God to roll out the red carpet for his arrival.
“It was probably more like, ‘Oh, HELL no,’” Shane muttered.
He’d never joked around with his dad, and he tensed as he waited for a harsh retort. To his absolute shock, his dad seemed to smile. He couldn’t tell if it was a real smile, though, because it was so small it was almost nonexistent.
“You want to know what I thought when I woke up?”
Shane just held his tongue. He’d never seen his dad in such a contemplative mood. Not even after the surgery. He’d gone right back to usual bossy self. That day outside the arena when Kait had arrived, he’d come down to tell him that he was riding all wrong.
“First thing was how it didn’t seem fair that I would wake up and your mom didn’t.”
The words floored him. He and his dad had never really talked about how his mom had died during an emergency surgery to remove a large mass. Frankly, when he’d heard his dad would need an operation he’d wanted to discuss it with him, about how he feared he might lose both parents in the same way, but he hadn’t wanted to voice his fears out loud. Plus his mom had been terribly ill when she’d been admitted to the hospital.
“Mom’s case was different.”
“Yeah, but you were right the other day. I should have been there with her. I should have been the one to see her through her health problems.”
“We all understood—”
“No. Don’t try and excuse it for me. It’s not right.”
It was so strange to hear his dad apologize for something he didn’t know what to say.
“The second thing I thought was, ‘Where’s Shane?’ I had something to tell you, you see, but you weren’t allowed in the recovering room. Not yet, at least. The nurses told me that, but you were the first thing on my mind when I work up.”
If his dad had told him he was headed back to the rodeo circuit, he couldn’t have been more surprised. He had four other siblings, and despite the fact that his dad butted heads with all of them, Shane figured his dad liked him least of all. That was a terrible thing to say, but it was true. He’d analyzed his relationship with his dad enough times that he knew it was one of the reasons he tried so hard to please him. Even after all these years, he still wanted Reese Gillian’s approval.
“Why?”
His stared down into the valley again.
“I’ve done a lot of things in life that I’m not proud of, son. Might surprise you to know that one of those things has to do with your mom. I know it wasn’t just you that disapproved of me and how I stayed away from home when she was sick. And I know of all my boys, I’m hardest on you. But the truth of the matter is I loved your mom. So much so that I couldn’t bear to watch her die.”
Shane stared at his dad in shock. From the veranda came the sound of laughter. Probably Carson clowning it up. Shane barely noticed. He was too busy studying his dad’s eyes. They were sad and contemplative and full of regret, and he’d never seen him look that way when talking about his mom.
“I know you thought Mom and I had a combustive relationship, and the truth is, we did. I’m harder on the people I love. Don’t know why. Just am. So while you might think my marriage to your mother wasn’t perfect or that I regretted marrying her at times, that wouldn’t be true. It was good as it could be. Your mom understood me. She stood by my side through all the years on the rodeo circuit. She put up with my bad temper and my mood swings and the times I lost it and treated her like shit. She got me, and when she got sick I couldn’t deal with it. Plain and simple. I turned into a coward.”
“She never complained.”
His nodded. “She wouldn’t. That’s the kind of woman she was. Brave. Like your Kait.”
Shane didn’t know what to say. All this time he’d thought his dad didn’t like Kait.
“Dad, when Kait showed up here, you seemed so afraid.” Shane took a deep breath. “Why?”
His dad shrugged. “Because the moment I saw her, I knew I’d been wrong. Here was this woman pregnant with your kids, and she’d just flown all the way across the country to talk to you. And then later, I heard her talking to you, and she didn’t try and guilt you into going back to her home state. No. She came to tell you she loved you. That’s just like something your mom would do.”
Shane’s eyes burned and he realized he wanted to cry.
“That’s what surgery taught me, son.” His dad stared at him intently. “It’s not gold buckles or winning the average at the national championships or how much money you make. It’s the people in your life. I don’t know why I didn’t see that before, when your mother was alive.” He shrugged. “Maybe I needed to stare death in the eyes. Don’t know. All I know is there I was in the recovery room and I wasn’t thinking about your sister and how she nearly made a mess of her life. Or your brother Carson and the fact that he doesn’t have a serious bone in his body. Or Maverick and how much he wants to take over the ranch. Or Flynn and how he doesn’t want a thing to do with the ranch. All I could think about was you and that girl and how much I’d tried to push you away from her and that I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that because if things are as serious between the two of you as I think they are, you shouldn’t let someone like me get in the way. Someone who’s made a mess of his own relationships, including the ones with his kids.”
Shane leaned back. He had to blink to stop himself from crying. Had to inhale sharply. Had to clench his hands in his lap.
“So there’s my spiel. Been meaning to talk to you about it since that day Kait showed up here, but I think I hoped you and Kait might work things out on your own. Didn’t want you to think I’d gone soft or something. But then you came back from North Carolina still moping around, clearly crazy in love with that woman, so I thought I should probably say something.”
In love?
“Don’t look so shocked,” his dad said. “You know you are. You might not want to admit it. After the number I’ve done on you about women and what a pain they are, it’s not surprising you turned tail and ran, but that was my mistake, son. I see that now. If she’s the one for you, go. Make it all work out. The rest of it,” he waved a hand. “Your rodeo career, money, where you’ll live, it’s not important. She’s important. And so are those babies. My surgery made me realize that. I hope you realize it, too.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
It had been the day from hell.
She’d lost her keys in the morning. She’d walked outside on her way to the race shop only to spot a broken sprinkler spewing all over the place. When she’d climbed in her car, she’d noticed at some point a rock had hit her windshield, cracking it. So now she had a spiderweb-like pattern making its way toward the dash. And now, when she was finally back at home after a long day at the office, she couldn’t seem to recall her own damn gate code. It frustrated the heck out of her, these annoying side effects of pregnancy. Thanks to her elevated hormone levels, she now had the nose of a bloodhound and the addled memory of a senior citizen.
“Damn it.” She was sure she used the right cod
e and tried it one more time.
The gate opened.
She almost cried out in glee. All she wanted to do was go inside and put her swollen feet up. Maybe take a bath, not that she wanted to see her body naked. She had come to the conclusion that some women were made to carry a baby. She wasn’t one of them. Granted, she was having twins, but she’d seen pictures online of other women in the same boat. They didn’t look nearly as big as she did. It wasn’t fair.
Her house smelled like Christmas, thanks to the pine-scented wax she’d put in a burner. The thought reminded her that she’d be a mommy then, and, though she tried not to panic, it was hard not to wonder how she’d do it all. There were times, like today, when she couldn’t imagine chasing after two young kids.
“Hello, Kait.”
She jumped and dropped her keys. “What the—”
Shane stepped out of her kitchen, all dark smoldering cowboy again with his black hat.
“Shane!”
Why, oh, why, did she want to cry seeing him standing there? Why did she feel such an overwhelming urge to go to him, to crawl into his arms, to close her eyes and let him carry the weight of her world?
“You look tired.”
Oh, great. Just what she wanted to hear. “Thanks.”
She bent down, wincing a bit, holding her back, and picked up her keys. When she straightened, he was there in front of her, his eyes holding a softness she’d never seen before.
“How did you get in?” Come to think of it, how had he known her gate code?
“Your mom gave me a key.”
“Oh, um.” She motioned toward her family room. “Would you like to sit down?”
What to say? What to do? Seeing him standing there when she wasn’t prepared for him brought it all back. Her pain and heartache and fears and disappointment. She didn’t want him here, would kill her mother for letting him in, because she couldn’t stand looking into his eyes and not—
“Kait.” He reached out and touched her cheek. “I’ve been such a fool.”
She froze. His thumb stroked the line of her jaw—back and forth, back and forth—and it made her want to close her eyes, but she couldn’t look away from him. Didn’t want to stop staring into his eyes.
“Why are you here?”
He smiled. “To tell you I love you.”
She couldn’t move, wondred if she’d heard him right.
“To admit that I was scared.”
“Of what?” She tipped her head into his hand, having to close her lids as tight as possible because she did not want to cry.
“Of moving. Of starting over. Of being man enough to hold on to a woman like you.”
She had to see, had to look into his eyes again to confirm that what he told her was echoed in his eyes, and when she did finally take a peek, she could barely breathe. It was all there. The love. The uncertainty. The apology she’d been hoping for but had never hoped to see or hear.
“I think we’ve both been scared.”
He nodded. She told herself to breathe. “But you, darling Kait, are so much braver than me. I ride bulls, yet I couldn’t face my fears about loving you. I let you down.”
He had. Terribly. But it was okay now because he was here standing in front of her.
“I’m so sorry.”
And apologizing, and she would forgive him for anything as long as he kept staring down at her with so much love in his eyes. Well, almost anything.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” His other hand came up. He gently clasped her head, tilting it up. “I love you. I have for weeks now, but then we went to that race and I realized you could have anyone in the world. You’re Kait Cooper, famous race-car driver, more amazing than any other woman in the world. I still can’t believe you want me, even now standing in front of you and seeing that love in your eyes.”
“Don’t be afraid.”
“I tried not to be. I told myself that your fame didn’t matter, but it did. It messed with my head. I wanted to take care of you, but that weekend I realized you could take care of yourself. That you were such an amazingly strong-willed woman that I would never be man enough to hold you. Or so I thought.”
He kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes again.
“Then I saw you at that doctor’s appointment and you held my hand when we found out we were having a boy and a girl, and I knew in that moment that you did need me. That we were man and wife. Mother and father. Shane plus Kait.”
He pulled her to him, holding her tight, and from nowhere came a smile. And tears and joy because she understood what he was trying to say.
“Our hearts are one.” She felt him nod.
“You need me because I love you. Not because of who you are, but because of who you are to me. Just Kait. My darling Kait.”
She tipped her head back, and he found her lips and then he was kissing her and she realized it wasn’t a dream. This was her life. Her future. Her love.
“I love you,” he whispered against her lips.
“I know,” she said, because she’d always known. From that first night in Vegas to their last time together, she’d known. Deep in her heart, the realization had been there, she’d just been the first to put a name to it.
“Marry me?” he asked.
She drew back and through eyes gone blurry with tears said, “We’re already married.”
“For real this time. Without Elvis and the fake flowers and with our family. Our whole family.”
She was nodding, and then he was kissing her again, and she realized that getting pregnant hadn’t been a mistake. Far from it. It’d been the biggest blessing in her life—
“Ouch.”
She drew back, her hand covering her belly.
“What is it?”
“I think I was just kicked.” She went still, flinching a bit when it happened again. “Shane, they’re moving. Feel.”
He put his hand where she indicated, pressing, both of them waiting, breathless, and then she felt it again, that odd tickling sensation that was part muscle spasm, part gas bubble but oh so special.
“I feel it.”
He stared at her in awe. She smiled and then he kissed her again and she kissed him back, and then they were laughing and smiling and holding on to each other as if they would never let go.
Epilogue
Kait shot up in bed.
“Shane,” she cried just before she gasped again. “Shane!”
Shane rolled over in bed, took one look at her face in the dusky half-light of dawn and knew. She could tell by the way his eyes went wide.
“It’s time?”
She nodded, clutching a belly as big as a horse’s. She would know, too. Despite Shane’s objections, she’d insisted on moving back to California with him, living in the old ranch house until their own home could be built on Gillian acreage.
“Call my mom and dad.”
Shane jumped out of bed. Kait winced as she slowly shifted to the side of the bed. It was truly amazing how much a female belly could stretch. She half joked that she needed a sling to hold it up. The doctor had said everything was normal, but there was nothing “normal” about not being able to see her own feet.
A contraction hit again. She gasped.
“Okay, I don’t know who came up with the idea of childbirth, but I can tell right now this is going to be bunk.”
“My mom told me when I was little that God had to be a man because childbirth would never have been invented by a woman.”
“She’s right.” She flinched again. “This baby’s coming soon.”
“Then we better get going. Your mom and dad said they will meet us at the hospital.” Shane thrust a jug of orange juice toward her. He held a a robe in the other hand. “I called Dr. Penrod, too. He’s on his way.”
“What
is that for?”
He stared down at his hands as if surprised to see he held something. “I thought you might be thirsty.”
She laughed, but it was choked off by another contraction. “I’m not wearing a robe to the hospital.”
“But you might need it later.”
She just shook her head. “Fine.”
They were on their way in record time, which was a good thing because all Kait wanted was drugs, especially after having to hoist herself into Shane’s truck. She was pretty sure she’d pulled some muscles on the way up.
She tried to distract herself during the drive, staring at the trees and the hills around them. Her parents had been incredible about her move to California. When she’d explained that she liked the anonymity that went along with living in a state that had nothing to do with racing, they’d packed up their bags and moved west, too. Well, not everything. There was now Cooper Racing West and East. Once the babies came, Kait would operate out of Cooper Racing West while her brother operated out of their East Coast facility. She couldn’t believe her parents would do that for her but they had, and she would forever be grateful.
“Almost there.”
She clutched the door handle thanks to another jolt of pain. “Dear God, what did women do before epidurals?”
“Screamed a lot.”
“Right now I’d cut my own spinal cord if it meant not feeling this pain.”
Shane’s lips twitched, but she could have sworn he sped up, and that was good. Her husband did a great imitation of a stock-car driver when he screeched to a stop beneath the hospital’s portico. She would barely recall being helped out of Shane’s truck or sinking into a wheelchair. Her eyes were closed the whole time, mostly because she was wincing so much from pain.
“This is ridiculous,” she said as they helped her into a bed. “I mean, seriously. Ridiculous.”
“I know,” the nurse said as she hooked her up to a fetal monitor. “I’ve had two kids. I couldn’t imagine giving birth naturally.”
Kait gasped. Shane came forward, grabbed her hand. The nurse patted her. “It’s okay. Your doctor will be here any moment now. They’ll get you all hooked up.”
Rodeo Legends--Shane Page 17
