I opened my eyes at that memory and – shit! Shampoo got in my eye. “Mother fu –” Wait. I know what I need to do now. I shoved my face under the water to wash the shampoo out of my eye and proceeded to get it out. I have to call Maggie. I have to talk to her. I’m not waiting another minute.
Maggie
“So, what do you think about this photo?” Sam asked, handing it across the table to me while shuffling through the other photographs. We usually consulted one another for advice. Both of us were employed as photographers at the same company, Hourglass Events. Sam had been hired to photograph a wedding last weekend and was showing me the pictures she had taken.
I picked up the photo and was mesmerized immediately. “You nailed it, Sam,” I said, still locked in on the candid image she had taken. The couple wasn’t looking at the camera, which made it even more special. It was a black and white photograph of the bride and groom smiling at each other; completely unaware of anything or anyone else. The look on their faces said I love you and I cherish you. Pictures tell their own story, and this picture told theirs. “I love it,” I said softly, thinking how it reminded me of Lily and Cooper. I handed the photo back to Sam. “This one will be their favorite when you show it to them.”
“It’s my favorite one too,” Sam said as she began gathering up the rest of the photographs. “Hey, you promised to show me the pictures of your friend’s wedding. Where are they?”
“Oh, right, sorry.” I stood up to retrieve the photos I had left on the kitchen counter. I opened the envelope I had them in and laid them out on the coffee table, spreading them out so we could see them all. Most were from the wedding, which I didn’t take. They hired a local photographer for that. Since I was in the wedding I wasn’t able to take any pictures at or after the ceremony. However, there were several I had taken while I was there visiting.
“Wow, Lily is stunning,” Sam said, as she held up one from the wedding. “And her husband is HOT. “
I walked back into the kitchen to pour us a glass of wine. “Yeah, no kidding. Did I tell you about the first time I met him?” I shook my head already feeling my face heat up at the memory.
“No. Your face is red though, so it must be an interesting story.”
“Lily and I were going to meet Cooper and a couple of his friends at a restaurant, and we arrived there a few minutes early. We went ahead and found a table, and at some point I looked up and saw the most gorgeous male specimen I had ever laid eyes on. He was standing near the door and I commented to Lily about how beautiful this man was as I continued to stare – brazenly. Her back was to him so she couldn’t see. Little did I know that the gorgeous male specimen was Lily’s fiancé.”
“Noooo,” Sam said giggling.
“Yes. And he had been staring too – at Lily from across the room.” I told Sam about how he came over to our table and pretended to be someone else flirting with Lily while I sat there tongue tied and pretended to read my menu. “When I saw him talking in her ear I closed my menu and proceeded to tell him how he needed to move along because my friend had a fiancé who would be there any minute. I’m sure I wasn’t very nice about it.”
“What did he say?” Sam asked.
“He reached across the table to shake my hand and said, ‘You must be Maggie.’ And I knew right then he was her fiancé. I was mortified,” I told her as I walked back into the living room and handed Sam her wine.
“Wow,” she said, amused at my embarrassment. “I wish I could have seen the look on your face.”
“It could have been a lot worse because right about then was when his friend Joe showed up wanting to know what we were all talking about. Cooper saved me from any more embarrassment over that little mistake. He told his friend that he was promising me that he would take care of Lily and that I had promised I wouldn’t remove his testicles with a butter knife.” Sam choked on the sip of wine she had just taken. “What?”
“Well, a few months ago, I might have at one point threatened to remove his testicles with a butter knife if he ever hurt Lily. I think it was his way of getting me back. After that, though, the rest of the night was so much fun, I forgot about how I had embarrassed myself earlier.”
I looked down at some of the pictures on the table, picking one up and looking at it. It was one of Cooper and Lily sitting beside each other holding hands and smiling at the camera. “They’re really perfect for each other.”
“Well, they are certainly beautiful together,” Sam said as she looked at the picture I was holding. Agreeing with her, I took a sip of my wine and then set my glass down.
“Hey, who’s this?” Sam asked.
“Who’s who?” I asked glancing once again at the picture still in my hand.
“That guy in the background,” she said over my shoulder.
I hadn’t noticed that before. I held the picture closer to my face. It was Joe. As I was taking the picture of Cooper and Lily, Joe had been standing off to the side behind them. He was looking directly at me. He had this look on his face, the same one I remembered seeing when he had asked me to dance, like he had a secret and was bursting to tell someone. Like he knew something no one else did. He was standing with his arms folded in front of him, his chin was down, his eyes were looking up, and a grin consumed his face.
“That’s Joe,” I said.
She took the picture from me and stared at it. “I think you’re wrong about something Maggie.”
“What’s that?” I asked, and then sipped my wine trying to swallow back an emotion I didn’t recognize or expect to have all of sudden.
She pointed at Joe. “He’s the most gorgeous male specimen to ever lay eyes on.”
I started to say something to counter her statement so she couldn’t tell that I was reeling inside at seeing his face again. Then my phone rang and I grabbed it without looking at who was calling.
Saved by the ring.
“Hello?” I said quickly.
“Maggie, I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.”
Joe.
My heart danced inside my chest just hearing his voice.
“Hey, what do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?”
I answered, “I don’t know.”
“A thesaurus. How did the hipster burn his tongue?”
“No idea.” I said, holding the phone to my ear like it was the only thing keeping me alive.
“Because he drank his coffee before it was cool. Come on, Maggie, these aren’t hard. You gotta at least try.”
“I can’t keep up with you,” I said, feeling like I wanted to leap right into the phone and into his arms. “I’ll never be able to keep up with you.” I sipped my wine and smiled at Sam, who was still trying to figure out who I was talking to.
“Sure you can. I’ll slow down. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere–”
I spewed wine all over poor Sam. “Oh my god,” I said. “I’m so sorry.” I stood up and walked into the kitchen to grab a towel to help Sam clean up.
“It’s okay,” she said as she held her top out to look at the splatters.
“You have company?” Joe asked. “Am I interrupting?”
“No,” I said switching the phone to my other ear. “I mean, yes, I have company, but you’re not interrupting. I spewed wine all over Sam because you caught me off guard with that one, really made me laugh.”
“Sam?”
“Yeah, my friend Sam came over to look at some pictures.” I walked back into the room, “Here, hon, use this towel. I have some club soda to get that out.”
“Listen, if you’re busy…”
“Hold on a second, Joe. I need to get the club soda before it stains her blouse.”
“Her,” I heard him breathe out. “Yeah, okay. Tell her I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”
I could almost see him smiling. Trying to sound stern I replied, “Yes. Yes it is your fault and I’ll be sure to tell her. Just hold on one minute. I’ll be
right back.” I set the phone down on the counter, grabbed the club soda and went to Sam.
“So, is that the same Joe that’s in the photo?” Sam asked as we both worked together to clean her blouse.
“Yes.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Huh.”
“What?”
“Oh nothing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this excited about a guy calling you, that’s all.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “He’s funny. By the way, he apologizes for the wine splatter.”
“He’s forgiven,” she said grinning. “I think you like more than just his sunny personality.”
“What do you mean?”
She glanced up at me and smiled. “This is good. We got most of it. I’m gonna go ahead and go.”
“No, you don’t have to leave.”
“Yes I really do; I’ve got some errands to run. Call me later, okay?”
“Sure, yeah, okay. I will.” She made quick work of gathering up her things and headed out. I went back to the kitchen and picked up my phone. “Hey, you still there?” I wondered how much of that he might have heard.
“Yep. Still here.”
“Sorry about that. I’m completely blaming you though.”
“I’ll take the blame.”
“Good, ‘cause you deserve it.”
“How have you been, Maggie?” Joe asked quietly, and for a second or two all I wanted to do was hear him breathe.
“Fine. I’ve been fine. You?”
“Honestly?” he sighed audibly. “I kinda miss having you around.”
I don’t really know how to describe the feeling that bubbled up inside of me, hearing him say those words, although the closest I could get to being accurate was relieved. I had wanted him to miss me. However, I didn’t know it would mean this much to me that he did.
“Really?” I asked a smidge above a whisper.
“Really,” he answered. “A lot, actually. I wanted to call you after our last phone conversation, I just didn’t know if you wanted me to. That last phone call didn’t exactly go as I had planned.”
“And how did you plan for it to go?”
“I don’t know, maybe something like…’Hey Maggie, how are you?’ and you would say, ‘Oh, Joe, I miss you soooo much.’ And then you would make kissy noises over the phone. Or something like that.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Is that so? First of all, I would never make kissy noises.”
“I bet I could get you to make kissy noises.”
“No, you couldn’t.” I even shook my head for conviction, although he couldn’t see me.
“We’ll see. What’s the second of all?”
“Huh?”
“You said first of all, which implies there’s a second of all, so what is it?
“Oh, umm,” I completely lost my train of thought. What were we talking about? I tumbled things over and over in my mind trying to regain my thought process. Well damn. I sighed. “I honestly can’t remember what I was going to say.”
“It’s because you were thinking about those kissy noises I’m going to get you to make.”
“It is not!”
“Hey it’s okay. I understand. I’m thinking about it too.”
“Joe Carlisle,” I said with feigned annoyance.
“Oh, yes, I like it when you say my name like that.”
I huffed into the phone.
“And a heavy breather too. Admit it, I’m turning you on.”
I bit my lip so hard trying not to breathe into the phone to give him any more ammunition that I think I made myself bleed. Then I heard him chuckle.
“God, I want to hit you and hug you all at the same time,” I relented.
“I know you do. I like making you madder than a dragon trying to blow out candles.”
“You’re mean.”
“I’m benevolent”
“You’re audacious.”
“I prefer adventurous.”
“Joe?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think we’ll ever have a normal conversation?”
“No,” he laughed. “Probably not.”
Even though the conversation was full of one-liners and comebacks, it was fun. I’d never had so much fun talking to someone on the phone in my entire life. He made me feel things I wasn’t used to feeling. No one had ever left me so flustered and so enamored at the same time. I wanted more. More of him. More of anything and everything that was about him. I think I needed it too, I just never knew how much.
“So, you think you’ll be coming to visit for Christmas?” Joe asked
Christmas was a few weeks away and I had no one special to spend it with here in Colorado.
“Yes. I was planning on coming down and spending a week,” I said.
I bit my bottom lip again in an attempt to keep myself from saying anything stupid, like, Can I stay at your house again? At this rate, I’m gonna have to start using medicated chapstick. My lip was starting to hurt.
“Do you know where you’ll be staying?”
“Most likely with Ms. Sophie, though I haven’t yet worked out the finer details.”
“You could always stay with me. I have plenty of room.”
“That…uh… that might not be such a good idea. Last time things got a little –”
“I know they did,” Joe cut in. “I promise this time won’t be like that. This time we’ll just make s’mores, sit by the fire, and I’ll tell a lot of knock knock jokes instead.”
“Well, that does sound tempting. Will you also dress like an elf and prance around the living room?”
“Not unless someone is pointing a gun at me. Wait, you don’t own a gun, do you?”
I laughed, and then we both got quiet. I was trapped inside my head again, tumbling the idea of him over and over and trying to come up with – something. A decision maybe? I don’t know really. All I knew was that he consumed my thoughts.
“Can we talk about that night, Maggie?”
We never had talked about what happened between us. It happened, and then early the next morning I had to leave to catch my flight. On the drive to the airport, neither one of us dared to bring it up. At the time, I was relieved; after I walked away from him before going through security I regretted not saying something. I was also worried that maybe he regretted it, and I couldn’t bear the thought of that, so I kept walking and said nothing, except goodbye.
“We probably should,” I said, so quietly that I wasn’t sure he even heard me.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m not sorry for what happened, but I am sorry that it has taken this long for us to talk about things. After what happened, I worried… about you. That next morning, on the way to the airport, I worried that you regretted that night with me, and I…” he paused, “I couldn’t handle knowing that. So, I didn’t want to bring it up then. I need you to know something Maggie.”
“What’s that?”
“I really like you, and I want to start over with you. Get to know you. I want us to be friends, like real friends. In fact, I’ve never wanted someone’s friendship as badly as I want yours. I know how completely weird that sounds since we’ve only really known each other for what…a couple of weeks? But it’s true. I need your friendship. I just do.”
I was quiet after he finished talking, letting it all soak in. I pondered over his words, realizing that he wasn’t alone in his thinking. I needed him in my life too. Shutting him out wasn’t an option. Jumping into a relationship, for obvious reasons, wasn’t an option either. But friends? I could do this.
“It’s not weird. I want this, your friendship. I think, maybe, I need it too,” I said.
I heard him breathe finally, as if he had been holding it in. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For…for letting me say what I needed to say. And for wanting my friendship. It’s important to me. You have no idea how much better I feel now. I’ve been tied up in knots since you left.”
“Me too. And, I’m
sorry about before, when you called. I was in a weird place and I hadn’t really settled my feelings about you and that night we spent together. I feel better though since we’ve talked, so thanks for calling me again.”
“I made the decision to call you again while taking a shower. I do all my best thinking there. In fact, most million dollar ideas are conceptualized in the shower. Did you know that?”
“No, I wasn’t aware of that fact, Joe. I appreciate you letting me in on the secret to overnight wealth.” I tried not to imagine him in the shower, failing miserably.
“Well, you’re welcome, Maggie. And, hey, really, if you do wind up needing a place to stay, you know my door is open.”
“I appreciate that, Joe. I still don’t know if staying at your house is a good idea. It’s probably best that I stay with Ms. Sophie.
“I understand. As long as you promise to spend some time with me when you’re here, I’m good either way. I just wanted to …needed to clear the air.”
“Okay,” I whispered, smiling as I said it.
“Okay,” he whispered back.
Later that night I lay flat on my back staring up at the ceiling, mulling over the conversation I had with Joe. When I first came back home I thought I couldn’t have him in my life because I felt so conflicted, about everything. I had never had a friendship with a man before. The only relationship I’d ever known with men was the kind that resulted in sex, and that seemed to work for me. However, I now knew on some level that I didn’t want a relationship built solely on sex anymore. I needed something else. Something more. For so many years I’d believed that I wasn’t capable of it. And now Joe was offering me something that surprisingly meant a lot to me. I love how he is around his friends, how they are so loyal to one another, how they can be themselves around each other and not worry what the others will think. I want that. Although there was still the smallest part of me that was filled with trepidation, somehow Joe had managed to help me lock that away.
Beginning to feel sleepy, I closed my eyes, drifting off to a memory of Joe, of him saying something in my ear. The funny thing was, I was lying here in my bed, nearly eleven hundred miles away from him, and it was like I could feel him close to me.
Shattered Page 5
