Kayden.
Pushing the green talk button that will connect me to the soothing sound of his voice, I say hello.
“You’ve got two minutes before the world ends and can only take two things with you. These two things will remain safe. What do you take?”
“A book and you.” I answer easily, in awe of how easily my heart seems to still at the sound of his voice.
“The book comes first? Really Belle?” he laughs and I imagine the way his eyes are lighting up as he does it.
“I need something to do when I get bored with you.”
He laughs again and my heart beats faster, the way it always seems to whenever I’m even remotely close to him. Even with the two hour distance between us right now, it feels like he’s close.
“That hurts, Belle.”
“Thank you.” I whisper, needing to get it out even though I know it’s not something he’s going to expect.
“For what, baby?”
“Calling.”
“How bad is it?” he asks, the concern, worry and fear he has for me evident in the way his voice lowers.
“It’s—okay.” I admit, my voice hitching and giving away my lame attempt at a lie. He’s always been able to see through me before and this time is going to be no different.
“No, it’s not.” He sighs. “I’m coming home. You shouldn’t be doing this alone.”
I can’t let him do that. It’s half the reason we had our first real fight before he left to go to Toronto. His concern over how I would adapt to this change, it almost made him turn down the scholarship and stay. It’s something I couldn’t let him do then and definitely not now that he’s already left.
“Kay—”
“No, Belle. I know you said I needed to do this and I eventually agreed, but I didn’t really agree. I just didn’t want to fight. My place is where you are. It always has been.”
Kayden Walker has changed a lot over the last year. When we started high school, we ignored each other. Unless you count the times he would go out of his way to call me names in the hall. It was business as usual for us, at least it was until he rescued me from Dillon and the others in the parking lot.
Everything changed for us after that, but Kayden more than me. It’s because of what happened that day that we’re together now. The reason he’s so protective is because he loves me.
“I’ll be fine. I just need to settle in. Remember that this isn’t high school.”
I hear voices on the other end of the line, faint but distinctly male and I instantly feel bad for taking him away from whatever it is he has going on over there.
Kayden isn’t like me. He can handle change and make friends easily. Something that even with all the changes I’ve made, I can’t do because of my issues. My diagnosis.
“You should probably go. I’m sure you’ve got things to do.”
He sighs and the sound of it, after not hearing it for so long just makes my already upset stomach worse.
“I do have things to do, Belle. Like sit here and talk to my girlfriend before she starts her first class. Keep her calm and remind her that even though I’m two hours away, I’m right there with her and she can do this.”
Sweet was never a word I would use for Kayden before. He was never the type. He was closed off, mean and angry, but definitely not sweet. All of that changed last fall and now sweet doesn’t even seem like the right word for what he is. Another change he’s made flawlessly.
“I’m scared, Kay.”
“I know you are, which is why I don’t wanna be here right now. Let me come home, Belle.”
“No. Your place is there and you’ll be home on the weekend anyway.”
This was the one area I caved in on. He wanted to make the drive home every weekend so that we could be together. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and honestly, I didn’t want to say no anyway because I already feel the distance and it’s only been a couple of weeks since he left.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Kay.”
“Not as much as me though.”
“I doubt that.”
“You chose a book over me. You are my first and only choice. I win. Accept defeat.”
I hear the noise before I realize I’ve done it. He’s made me laugh, turning my fear around on me.
Kayden Walker, my protector.
“Not going to happen.” I say as a giggle escapes, my free hand instantly coming up over my mouth the minute it’s out.
Since when do I giggle?
“There she is.”
“Who?”
“My girl. My air.” He whispers making my heart melt. “Do me a favor?”
“Sure, if I can.”
“Next time you giggle, don’t try and hide it.”
He knows me way too well.
“How did you know?”
“I just do.” He pauses and I hear him say something away from the phone, but it’s too muffled to completely make out. “Can you do something else for me? It’s something that only you can do and it’s super important.”
“Okay…”
“Smile, take a picture and send it to me. It’s been too long since I’ve seen it and the guys, they’re starting to think the beautiful girl’s voice they’ve been hearing for three days isn’t real.”
He says the last part with a laugh and again I hear the voices in the background, one in particular and it settles me, allowing me to laugh with him. Dillon. Before I can mention it though, he beats me to it.
“Dillon says hey.”
“Hey back and um, I guess I can send you a picture.”
“You guess?”
Smiling as brightly as I can, the first smile I’ve been able to do since I got here, I snap the picture and send it to him. After a few seconds of absolute silence, I hear the beep on his phone and smile again knowing he’s got it.
“I love you.” He says, his voice choked, my little surprise obviously hitting its mark. “You are so beautiful. Thank you.”
“Now I’m not imaginary.” I say, looking down at my watch and seeing the big bright cat eyes staring back at me. As much as I love the distraction he’s given me, I need to get inside. It’s time to face what comes next.
“I gotta go.”
“Figured that. Do me one more favor okay?”
“Sure.”
“If it’s too much, I want you to call me or if talking is too much, text. You’re not alone. Not anymore.”
“I will. I love you, Kay. I’ll message you after class.”
“You better and Belle, I love you more.”
Ending the call and turning off my phone before putting it back in my pocket, I start taking the first tentative steps forward.
It’s time to get this over with.
I only hope that Kayden’s right and I can get through this.
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Copyright © 2014 Pamela Sparkman
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