The amusement faded when I stepped back to the bed for a last look. He’d drifted off shortly after we’d stopped fooling around, one arm around me, the other behind his head as he lay on his back. In truth, I’d been somewhat relieved.
Alex awake demanded all of my energy, my attention, just by being who he was. Asleep, he was still gorgeous, but the animation that made him so enticing while awake slept with him, allowing me a chance to breathe.
I reached out a hand and stroked it over his arm, frowning when my fingers found the texture of his scars. Biting my lip, I bent and switched on the small lamp that sat on his bedside table.
He grumbled a bit, still asleep, and flung an arm over his eyes as the buttery golden light warmed the room. Then he relaxed back into sleep, allowing me a chance to look at him.
His sweatpants were still on—they’d never come off, though they hung a little lower now than they had earlier. The sheen of sweat from our encounter was drying on his skin, leaving behind a musky smell that even now was driving me wild.
But what I really wanted to do right now, while he was asleep and his eyes weren’t on me, was to look at his scars.
Kneeling beside the bed so that I was at eye level with the arm not draped over his eyes, I bent until I was only an inch away from his skin.
Up and down the sides of his waist, and on the parts of his arm that would have been fleshy if they weren’t so toned, I saw dozens of tiny red dots, each about the size of the head of a needle. I was pretty sure these were from his insulin injections, the shots he had to give himself at least three times a day.
The scars I’d noticed the other night were bigger than that. I had to look closely to find them, since they were so skillfully covered by his ink.
But there they were. One, two... eleven, twelve. I counted a dozen on his right arm, and I imagined there were more on his left, and his back.
What had made those? A cigarette? A laser? Large sparks? No way had his injections or his finger pricks caused these.
I wouldn’t tell him about my past, and so I certainly couldn’t ask him about his. But the fact that he had them...
That the ink was over top told me that he’d deliberately chosen to conceal them. He too had secrets that he didn’t want the world to know. In the end that may not help us, but for now...
For now it made me feel like I wasn’t alone.
***
“You left.” Alex said when I answered the call, my phone ringing just as I entered my room. Kaylee was still out, so I didn’t bother to keep my voice down.
“I did.” My voice trembled as I slipped out of my sneakers, my jeans, and into my pajama pants.
My skin felt swollen, sensitive, in all of the places that he’d kissed and touched.
“Hmm.” He didn’t sound surprised, and I frowned as I pulled back my covers and slid into my bed.
“Well. I’m back at my dorm. I got back fine.” I assumed that that was why he was calling.
“You left before I could ask you something.”
With the lights turned out, and my cheek on the pillow, I could almost pretend that he was here, in my bed, with me.
“What’s that?” I didn’t have to whisper, but I did anyway.
“I need a date.”
I stiffened; though we’d hung out several times, this was the first time that either of us had used the d word. “I think we just had one.”
He snorted out a laugh, and I couldn’t help but giggle along with him. “Not that kind of date... though anytime you want that kind of date, you just let me know.”
My smile faded a bit even as heat suffused me from his words. No matter how much I’d enjoyed what we’d done, the argument with Felicity had been the catalyst, which brought that bitterness back inside of my mouth.
I shook my head irritably. No. No way was I going to let her ruin this for me.
“What kind of date, then?” My mind ran through the classics—dinner, a movie, a drive.
“It’s for a fundraiser.”
“Oh.” I cocked my head, considering. “Is it for the shelter?” I had a mental image of long banquet tables, with furry dogs and drooling tongues lining each side.
“No. It’s for the Foster Parent Association of New Haven.”
Not what I’d expected. I sat up in bed, twisting my quilt between my fingers. “Why are you going?” By now I knew Alex well enough to know that this wouldn’t be a random reason. “And what are they raising money for?”
“The money is spent on things that kids in the foster system need and wouldn’t have otherwise. A week at camp in the summer, or a bicycle. Sometimes, if the kid is still seventeen when they start college, their first semester’s books.” I thought I caught a trace of wistfulness, and knew, without a doubt, that Alex had been one of these kids.
“You were a foster kid? Here?” Every time I thought I’d figured him out, he revealed something new that I never would have guessed. “I didn’t know you were from New Haven.”
“You didn’t ask.” There was no judgment in his tone, but I heard what he didn’t say—I kept the sharing of information about our pasts to a minimum.
That was my fault, I did it on purpose. The sudden guilt was heavy, pushing me down into my bed.
“Do you volunteer there?” I was curious. He worked at an animal shelter, and it seemed too good to be true that he would be a volunteer as well.
“No.” He heaved a large sigh, and I could all but picture him running his hands through those spikes of his hair. “No, for most of the year I try to forget that I was a foster kid at all. But I go to this benefit with a couple of others who used to be foster kids too. To pay our dues, I guess.”
I was silent. He’d just shared more with me in one sentence that I could ever hope to share with him.
“Just think about it, okay?” He asked. I nodded, though he wasn’t there to see. “It’s next Friday.”
“All right.” I wasn’t sure what to make of his request. If we went to this fundraiser together, it would look like we were a real couple.
Were we?
The idea both terrified me and thrilled me.
“Night, Serena.” There was that huskiness in his voice again, making me shiver and reminding me of how his mouth had felt between my legs. I’d never let any boy do that before—ever. I’d never thought I’d want to.
As we hung up, I thought about how Alex was managing to smash through every barrier that I had. I couldn’t believe I was contemplating sex, like a normal girl. It was liberating.
But there was one barrier that would have to hold. It was just the way it was going to have to be.
Chapter Seven
“This is the one.” Pulling one of the last remaining dresses in her closet from its hanger, Kaylee threw it across the room in my general direction, then dropped to her knees to hunt for matching shoes. “It’s perfect for you.”
I rolled my eyes in her direction before examining the garment that had landed in my lap. Navy blue and silky, it was knee length with a demure neckline. Very plain, and very much my style.
“This isn’t your usual style.” I pondered the dress, slightly miffed that Kaylee thought something so plain was ‘perfect’ for me.
“Turn it around.” She popped out of the closet long enough to grin at me, then went back to rummaging. She squealed when an avalanche of handbags fell from the top shelf.
I did she requested. My mouth fell open when I saw that the back of the demure dress was nonexistent.
“Holy hell.” There weren’t even any straps to break up the nakedness. There was just... nothing. “No way.”
“Yes way.” Emerging from the closet with a pair of silver pumps and a matching evening bag in her hands, Kaylee blew her bangs out of her face. “He’s going to eat you up in that dress.”
He’s already eaten me up, I thought, and felt the resultant blush. I hid it behind an in depth examination of the dress, not wanting Kaylee to see and question the cause.
We were almost back to normal, the two of us, but weren’t quite there, not yet. If I mentioned my reservations about a relationship to her again, it would throw everything back off balance.
“It’s a... maybe.” I set the dress aside, then looked at the other pile of dresses that I hadn’t outright rejected. Sadly, this navy number was probably the most conservative.
“You don’t have time for anymore maybes.” Kaylee unzipped her makeup case and upended an enormous pile of shiny tubes and bottles onto her bed. “Two hours until you have to go. That’s just barely enough time to beautify you.”
“Gee, thanks.” I knew what she meant, but made a face at her regardless as she sorted through more wands of mascara than one girl could use in a year. In fact, it looked like she’d been collecting it for more than that, like since the start of freshman year, when we’d first met.
We were now sophomores. That was a lot of makeup.
“This one.” Tossing a tube labeled Supreme Extend on top of the silver pumps, Kaylee nodded with satisfaction. “By the way, I got you a present.”
By now occupied with lipstick, she nodded in the direction of a bag that sat on her bedside table. The pink and white stripes and familiar logo of a major lingerie chain made me raise my eyebrows.
I bought my cotton panties there whenever they happened to be on sale. I was pretty sure that whatever was in this bag was going to be so far out of my comfort zone, that it was right in Kaylee’s.
“Good God.” I took the tissue paper parcel from the bag, opened it and recoiled. Pulling out the scrap of electric blue lace, I hooked it off one of my fingers and shook it at Kaylee.
“What the hell is this?” I had a pretty good idea.
“It’s a thong. Duh.” Having pulled out the items she wanted to use, Kaylee left the rest behind in a giant metallic mountain. A large handful fell when she rose to plug in her curling iron, and I winced as they hit the floor and scattered.
“I don’t need a thong. I’m not wearing that.” If anyone else but Kaylee had given this to me, I would have been mortified. As if was, I simply squirmed with discomfort. “Not all of us like flossing our asses, thanks very much.”
“If you don’t wear it you’re going to have panty lines in that dress.” This was tossed over her shoulder at me as she opened up yet another bag, this time full of jewelry.
I frowned at the scrap of fabric that was masquerading as underpants. Panty lines weren’t something that I thought about with the blue jeans that I wore every day.
“I don’t even know if I’m going.” I gingerly laid the scrap of lace on top of the backless dress, then scowled at Kaylee.
“You’re dating the guy. Of course you’re going.” Though she couldn’t have known the importance behind her words, I felt the weight of them.
“I’m not dating him.” I said carefully, reaching for my hairbrush just to have something to do with my hands. “He just needed a date.”
“Serena.” Kaylee turned and, though her tone was light, her face was serious. “You know what he looks like, right?”
“Yeah, I’ve looked at him a time or two.” I furrowed my brow. I had no idea what she was getting at.
“He’s gorgeous. He’s athletic. He’s nice. Right?” Kaylee crossed the room and perched on the edge of her bed. Setting her hands on her knees, she looked me in the eye.
“Yes.” I stretched the word out. “He’s hot. We’ve established this. I’m assuming there’s a point in here somewhere.”
“He’s hot, and he wants you.” She spoke quietly, as if to make sure that I listened. “So stop running, and do something about it.”
***
I fidgeted as I stood outside the hall where the fundraiser was taking place. Well dressed people passed me in pairs and in groups, and they all seemed to know one another.
I was the only one alone, and in my borrowed dress and shoes I felt incredibly self-conscious.
I had given in to Kaylee’s nagging about the thong, too, and that just added to my discomfort.
I resisted the urge to pull my phone from my bag and check the time. It had been my own stubbornness that had me insisting on meeting Alex here rather than letting him pick me up.
I had acquiesced to the date, but I wasn’t going to make it easy on myself.
“Serena.” By this point I would have recognized that husky voice anywhere. I whirled, a breeze catching the edges of my skirt. There he was, looking like something straight out of a movie.
My pulse stalled, then began to beat double time. My pink painted mouth fell open.
He was dressed up, like I was, and... wow. Just wow.
He was wearing the hell out of that black suit.
“Wow.” He said the word I was thinking as he climbed the last of the stairs and took my hand. Lifting it above my head, he whistled as he twirled me around. The sound cut off abruptly when he got a glimpse of my naked back.
Mouth dry, I licked my lips and looked back over my shoulder shyly. When his eyes met mine they told me that he wanted nothing more than to get me the hell out of this dress and back into his bed.
“Are you trying to drive me crazy?” He pressed a finger to the base of my neck, then trailed it down my back, tracing my spine. I moved restlessly beneath the touch, my skin heating in a path that followed his hand.
Just that simple touch made my nipples tighten, had heat surging between my legs.
It was going to be a long night.
“It’s Kaylee’s dress. My roommate.” My voice didn’t even sound like my own, it was so tight with longing. “Believe it or not, it was the most conservative thing she owns.”
Alex’s finger paused at the very base of my spine, the silky skin where my back ended. His touch lingered there for a long moment before he wrapped an arm around me, squeezing once.
“Thank heavens for Kaylee.” His voice was full of worship, and I couldn’t help but laugh, the anxiety of the last few hours easing.
As always, he made all of the bad things go away.
“Would you like a drink?” Alex gave our tickets to the woman who sat at a table just inside the main entryway. Though she looked to be in at least her early thirties, her eyes looked him up and down slowly, then flicked to me with just the barest hint of derision.
I ignored it. His arm was around me, after all.
“Um. Sure.” He nipped a flute of sparkling wine off of a tray that was held by a waiter circling the room, and presented it to me with a flourish.
“None for you?” My mouth was still dry from his touch, and I sipped at the wine to ease the discomfort.
He shook his head, his gaze fixed on my lips as I sipped.
“If I drink, my liver gets preoccupied with getting the booze out of my system, instead of regulating my blood sugar.” He shrugged, as if it was no big deal to him, and I was surprised all over again that he took his diabetes in stride so well. “I can get really low blood sugar that way, can pass out from it. Since people who drink pass out too, it’s really easy to confuse the two and not get the right treatment. That’s always scared me, so I just don’t.”
“There’s something that scares you?” I tried to make my tone teasing, but I was in awe of the way he just... I didn’t even know the word to use. He just handled all of the shit that life threw at him, bulldozing his way through it as if there was no other option.
It blew me away.
“On the other hand...” Alex splayed a hand flat on my back and pulled me in close to him, twining his fingers with mine around the glass flute. “I wouldn’t mind just a taste.”
My breath stopped when he urged the glass up to my lips for another sip. Before I could swallow, he pressed his mouth to mine, his tongue sliding between my lips, tasting the wine.
I was breathless and aroused when he pulled back, a smirk on his lips.
“Best wine I’ve ever had.”
I had no response for that, so I simply shook my head and looked down at my feet in their silvery shoes.
&
nbsp; I frowned when a pair of bright red high heels came running into my view, accompanied by long, shapely legs and a squealing voice.
“Alex!” The voice squealed. I looked up in time to see an insanely gorgeous girl dressed in a fire engine red excuse for a dress, fling herself into my date’s arms. To my amazement, he grinned and hugged her back, not seeming to notice when her breasts—her very large breasts—brushed his forearm.
“Hey, Georgeanne.” They grinned at each other for a long moment while I dealt with my first feelings of jealousy.
Who the hell was this raven haired vixen and, more importantly, why were she and Alex all over one another?
For the first time, I understood the urge to pour a drink over another person’s head.
Alex turned, caught my expression, and hastily began extricating himself from the brunette’s limbs.
“Georgie, this is Serena King. My date.” The brunette turned and, seeing me with my red cheeks and scowl, grimaced.
“Sorry, bro.” Smoothing down the dress that she’d rumpled in their embrace, she extended her hand for me to shake. “Awesome to meet you, Serena. Wow. Alex never brings anyone—”
“Georgeanne was my foster sister when I was sixteen.” Alex glared at the other woman with—now that I knew I could see it—an expression that siblings usually reserved for one another. It was clear that he didn’t want her spilling any details about him to me. “And she still likes to play the role of big sister, even now that she’s reached the ripe old age of twenty-four.”
Georgeanne rolled her eyes at Alex, then rose up on her tiptoes to scan the crowd. She waved enthusiastically at someone, gesturing them over, before turning back to Alex.
“Who are you waving at?” Alex scowled as if he didn’t like what he’d seen.
“No one. Just Tripp.” Georgeanne became very interested in the sparkly polish on her nails as Alex observed her blush, then glowered.
“Tripp? Like, Tripp Tripp?” Alex asked.
I was painfully aware that I’d stumbled into some kind of family dynamic. I had no idea how to play my part in it, since my own family was so very screwed up, so I stood there silent, letting the scene before me unfold.
Love Me For Me Page 8
