Sniffling, she said, “I won’t forget her. Ever. And I’ll never leave her there.”
She had to go back, right now. Jack’s words, his touch, and his kindness had reminded her of the things missing in her life. Just as she had shown him what was missing in his. But she had to bury any longings he brought out in her. She stood, thanked him, and began walking away.
“Adah,” he said, and she stilled at the sound of her name on his lips again. “You forgot something.”
Yes, she’d forgotten to take him in her arms, tuck her face into his neck, then look upward and find his mouth.
She turned and witnessed the aching pain on his face. He opened his hand.
It was the deck of tarot cards.
Chapter Eighteen
As summer settled over the land, Esther Heiser seemed to be settling in as a future member of the Branch clan. She visited every Sunday for church and then had supper at the house and often spent additional evenings sitting in the parlor with Jesse, Buck, and Mabel. Once in a while she and Jesse took a drive or a walk alone. Whenever they were together Adah observed them carefully—they now seemed to share some genuine affection, which shocked her. She hadn’t thought either of them capable of caring for another person. But maybe the needs and desires of the human heart were universal, even among the Esther Heisers of the world.
As Jesse and Esther’s relationship appeared to be budding, Esther’s relationship with Mabel was absolutely blossoming. Mabel allowed Esther to help her in the kitchen, where the two women could be heard laughing and gossiping over the sounds of the teakettle whistling, grease sizzling, and utensils clinking against pans as they prepared luscious summer meals. They baked a lattice-crusted apricot pie and soft white bread.
Ever since the conversation about Miss Socks, Mabel had put up even more of a wall between Adah and herself, rarely making eye contact and speaking only when it was absolutely necessary. Jesse and Buck acted much the same, choosing to ignore the subject of Miss Socks she had broached but making it ever so evident they hadn’t forgotten about it, either.
Jesse was obviously still trying to impress. He had shed some weight from his massive frame and now asked for his shirts to be smartly starched. He loosened his tie but stayed in his church clothes all Sunday, at least while Esther was around.
On several occasions the women invited Daisy to join them in the kitchen, and it soon became apparent they were preparing for the day when Adah would be gone and Esther could take over as a substitute mother. Adah squeezed her eyes shut at the mere thought of that happening. She tried to see any signs of affection from Esther aimed in Daisy’s direction, but there were none. In fact, Adah often saw a heartlessness in Esther’s small joyless eyes as she gazed at the little girl, and Adah had to battle the urge to place her body between Esther’s and Daisy’s, as a bear would protect her cub.
Once, after a windy day and a long church service, Esther led Daisy into the parlor by the hand and sat next to her on the sofa, complaining that the girl’s hair was “a mess” and pulling out a comb from her handbag. She then proceeded to rake the comb through Daisy’s hair a little too roughly. And Daisy had always been so tender headed. When the girl protested and whined, Esther unstiffened her touch a bit but told Daisy to stop complaining.
Adah observed the interaction with silent astonishment. How could someone who worked with children all day long be so coldhearted?
As Esther continued to rake the hair back and off Daisy’s face, she said, “You should always pull your hair up to your crown and hold it up with combs. You have big features, so you need to get the hair away from your face. You’ll look prettier that way.”
Daisy frowned and then hung her head and bit her lip. Already she had learned to keep silent, even in the face of the Branches’ hurtful treatment and now Esther’s backhanded compliment. Adah’s skin crawled as she realized that the Branches were succeeding in breaking Daisy. Could these effects ever be undone? Or was it already too late?
One thing, however, soon became all too clear: Esther didn’t like Daisy any more than Mabel, Buck, and Jesse did. Maybe she disliked all children. But she was committed to seeing her romance with Jesse through to its end, or so it appeared. Her attention to her appearance, regular visits, and growing camaraderie with Mabel made that richly clear.
Adah longed for a private conversation with Esther, although she didn’t know why. She was clueless as to what she hoped to accomplish but couldn’t help clinging to the hope that Esther could, even in some small way, help her. Opportunities for them to be alone, however, were almost nonexistent.
One day Adah decided to charge forward, so she asked Esther if she’d like to take a turn around the lawn. It was the hottest hour, or near to it, on a warm, sunny day, so they both donned straw hats following Esther’s hesitant agreement to the stroll. Today Esther wore a dress Adah could tell was factory made of green rayon crepe and featured padded shoulders, a belted waist, and large yoke. Perhaps Esther was building up her trousseau.
After Adah reluctantly left Daisy alone with Mabel, she and Esther headed out. Beyond earshot, Adah darted little looks at Esther, still trying to size her up.
“What is it you want?” Esther snapped after she had returned the darted glances.
Adah’s spine stiffened, but she made herself take quiet, solid steps. “Just to talk.”
Esther slipped her hands into the small front pockets on her dress. “About what?”
“Well . . . for one thing, I wanted to say this: you’re getting along here very well.”
Esther didn’t respond, instead simply fixed her gaze straight ahead.
Adah sighed. “I meant that as a compliment. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? To get along with everyone?”
Esther took one hand out of her pocket and fanned herself with it. “Frankly, yes. Not that it’s any business of yours.”
Adah pressed her lips together. “Obviously they’ve poisoned you against me,” she said flatly.
Esther faltered in her step, and her face became even more somber.
Adah continued. “With all due respect, I’m not your enemy.”
Esther shot her a guarded look, but her voice was steady, solemn, and strong. “I don’t see you as an enemy. There’s no threat. For you to be an enemy, you’d have to pose a threat.”
Adah grimaced. “Go ahead and shoot me now. What have they said about me?”
“Are you dull? You should know already.”
“I know they hate my past. I know they have some strange notion that I played a hand in Lester’s death.”
Esther said, “I know all that, too. Even the last part. Jesse let it slip one night, but Buck and Mabel haven’t said a word. For some reason Mabel wants me to believe you all are one big happy family.”
Adah walked a few more steps and then breathed out, “But you see through it, don’t you, Esther? They want me gone, don’t they?”
Esther shot a peek behind them as if she was afraid they were being followed. Her voice lowered as a line ran down the middle of her forehead. “So help me God, if you ever breathe a word of this, I’ll deny I ever spoke to you in this way. But I’ll say this much alright: they figure that given time, you’ll give up on getting your old place back and then move on.”
Adah could feel heat staining her cheeks, even though this was not unexpected news. They had to know that her only hope of salvaging anything from the marriage was winning some ownership of the farm, or at least getting some money from the farm. “Hmmm. That’s about what I figured. They want all of the farm. They’re waiting me out until they get it. But I won’t give up easily.”
Esther said nothing, again retreating into silence.
Not willing to give up on the conversation and her thin slice of hope, Adah asked, “So why did you tell me this? You certainly didn’t have to.”
Esther sighed. “Because I’m not so crazy about the idea of you leaving.”
Something tripped in Adah’s chest, but she s
imply waited for Esther to explain herself.
“I think it would be better if you stayed here.” Esther wrapped her arms around herself even though the day was hot. “You see, I’m not so keen on the idea of playing mother to an orphan.”
Adah almost gasped. “You mean Daisy.”
Esther nodded. “Between you and me, I’ve waited a long time to have my own child, and I’d prefer to focus on nothing else.”
Adah couldn’t quite conceal the surprise in her voice. “You want children?”
Esther stopped walking and turned to face Adah. “You think I’m too harsh, but it comes from having to deal with other people’s problem kids all the time. I want one shot, one baby, and one chance to do it right.”
Adah heaved in a gulp of hot air. Esther had revealed her secret. Would she, could she go further? “Esther, I have to ask you something. Have you ever heard anything . . . suspicious about how Betsy died?”
Esther’s eyes sprang open. “No.” Then a more determined stare, but one that held wariness inside it. “And I don’t want to know. I leave such things to the Lord.”
Adah had the feeling that Esther knew about the rumors but wasn’t breathing a word about it. Adah had already gone much further than she’d anticipated going during this conversation and pulled back now. “So Daisy doesn’t exactly fit into your plans, does she?”
“No,” Esther said through an exhaled breath. Her eyes were awash in resignation when she said, “But things rarely unfold perfectly. I guess I’ll have to get used to the idea of being a step-aunt who has to act the mother.”
Adah looked away for a moment and carefully considered her words. Turning back to Esther and placing a firm, open gaze on her, she said, “If Daisy wasn’t here, you could have Jesse all to yourself, your future child or children to yourself.”
Esther’s face paled, and every muscle appeared tense. “I can’t believe you said that. You must not be right in the head.” She wagged a finger in the direction of the house. “I could march back into that house and tell Mabel or Jesse what you’ve said, and they would turn you out in the very next moment. You have no claim on the girl. There’s nothing you can do about it.”
“I know that. Why do you think I’m still here?”
“Really? You just said you’re staying because of the farm.”
“The farm, yes, is part of it, but there are some things more important than land and money.”
“You’ve been staying because of the girl? They know you’re attached to her, but they think you’re staying on until Les’s estate goes to probate.”
“They’ll fight me tooth and nail?”
She nodded brusquely. “Jesse is thinking of building us a new house there, up on higher land, farther from the river.”
“But he’s going to inherit this farm, the much better farm.”
“Believe it or not, he wants to live on his own—I mean with me—away from his parents for a while. He can take care of your old place over there and help out here, too.”
“So he has proposed.”
“Yes.”
Adah’s temples throbbed with conflicting emotions. If Esther married Jesse and moved into the Branch house, at least Adah would gain the possibility of a faint friendship or a comrade, even a suspicious one. On the other hand, the situation practically shouted that Adah’s replacement was already in the works. “My best wishes,” she said dryly.
“Oh, cut it out. Lack of sincerity doesn’t suit you.”
“I was trying to be . . . polite.”
“You and I don’t have to be polite to one another.”
Adah saw a chance, but she nearly choked on her words. This could backfire, and yet she pushed on because desperation was in the driver’s seat now. She put a hand to her heart. “So . . . don’t you see? It’s so clear to me now. In many ways, you and I want the same thing . . .”
Esther bristled and then thrust out her chest. “Maybe . . . maybe we want the same thing in the end, but don’t go thinking that I’d do something about it. If you get nothing and have to stay, it works well for me, too. You’ll always be Daisy’s mother.”
“Unless they send me away. Then you’ll get the job. A job you don’t want.”
“I’d never help you leave with her, if that’s what you’re thinking. And you’re lucky I won’t say anything about your idea.”
“What idea, Esther? I’m simply pointing out that we might benefit from each other. You must sense this. Otherwise why would you protect me?”
“Like I said, as long as you’re here, Daisy thinks of you as her mother.”
Adah’s lungs emptied. “It lets you off the hook.”
“Maybe,” Esther said again slowly, her expression closing up. “But I have to grant you one thing: if they get sick of you and send you off, Daisy becomes my responsibility. Mabel says she’s too old to take care of her. But don’t go getting any ideas. Whatever happens, happens. I’m not a part of it. As far as I’m concerned, this conversation never took place.”
While the so-called family sat down for supper and dug into the pork chops, scalloped potatoes, and canned butter beans, a storm swept in—one that brought fierce wailing winds, a dark-green sky, and much cooler air, as if some soulless spirit had descended from a place frozen in ice and time.
Was it Lester’s spirit? Adah shivered as she ate in silence and listened to mundane comments about the storm and the food.
When thunder roared out of the blurry skies and joggled the house, Daisy whimpered, hopped down from her chair, and went to Adah. As Adah was lifting the girl onto her lap, Buck said, “Oh no, you don’t.” Today Buck’s eyes were rheumy and heavily lidded. Probably he’d been sampling his moonshine. His eyebrows fell down over his eyes like a pair of hairy worms, and his cheeks were russet.
Daisy stopped still. But she looked up at Adah with pleading eyes, and Adah’s confidence died. Fixed on them now, he said through one side of his mouth, the other side, as usual, full of partially chewed food, “You’re too big to be sitting in somebody’s lap. You go on and git yourself back in your own chair, young lady. We don’t have no crybabies ’round here.”
Daisy did as she was told, and Adah bit down so hard on her lip she thought she might draw blood. It hadn’t taken long for Daisy to submit almost entirely to the whims and wishes of the other adult Branches. Fear and recrimination would do that to a person, especially a child.
For the rest of the evening, the storm punished the land, and rain fell like so many hard little stones, then soaked into the earth, turning the ground into mush. Later it was decided that the roads would be too slick and maybe even impassable over creeks, and it was too risky for Jesse to drive Esther home. Mabel told Adah to make herself a pallet and give up her room and bed to Esther.
As the rain continued to hammer down and darkness encroached, Adah donned a sweater and helped Daisy into hers; then they took blankets and pillows out to the covered back porch. There, they watched the rain. The thunder and lightning seemed to have passed, and Daisy was no longer afraid. Adah reread The Cat Who Went to Heaven , and Daisy barely made it through. She fell asleep under Adah’s watchful eye, Adah’s hand placed on the girl’s back. But sleep eluded Adah. She gazed out into the rain and soon could see the pale glow of the moon as it fought its way up the sky through fog and clouds.
Esther was a confusing woman, not what Adah would consider to be a nice person, but for some reason she had confided in Adah. And the two women were in agreement on one thing: Adah was the right mother for Daisy.
How could the two of them, set up to be enemies, find a way to accomplish what both of them wanted? And how could they do it without the Branches knowing?
An hour or so later, the rain stopped, and the skies began to clear as if now some much kinder and gentler spirit in the heavens were breathing out fresh, warmer air. The moon appeared as a near-full silver disk in the sky, marred only by one hazy edge. One day away from being a full moon.
Adah’s thoughts dri
fted beyond the farm and to all the others who might be watching this moon emerge out of a storm like peace after war. Was Jack watching it, too? Adah closed her eyes and remembered his touch on her shoulder, then her neck.
Your neck is a slice of white cake.
The idea of escape came to her the next day as the ground began to dry, as she helped the men inspect the new tobacco plants for insects and worms, as she laundered a large load of clothes for the redheaded family and hung them on the line.
In the fields, the rows of plants transformed into roads that led away from here, and the sheets on the line became sails that floated vessels in the faraway seas. When Adah gazed at the truck, she saw only its wheels in imagined movement. In the silent sky she saw scudding clouds and observed how they could cross the sky and then disappear off the visible ether. When the full moon rose the next night, its face was a honed and bright map that could lead her away. The thought of leaving infused her lungs with morning-fresh air cleansed by the rains, her mind coming alive with images of bright, open spaces.
Lately she and Daisy had spent many nights on the back porch. After Daisy fell asleep, Adah sent her gaze into the yard, where the moths were beginning to come out, and fireflies blinked against the oncoming dusk. Freedom called during so many nights out there alone, the stars as her ceiling and the night air as her blanket.
Now, her hands reddened by the lye soap she regularly used for washing, her back aching from leaning over in the fields and carrying heavy laundry baskets, and her mind a tangle of troubled thoughts and new fears, one thing haunted any happy moments: Manfred Drucker was probably closing in, working to get Lester’s body exhumed. And what would be learned from an autopsy? It was too scary to stick around and find out. It wasn’t even worth getting her part of the farm if she was to be arrested. As she’d said to Esther, some things were more important than land and money. Perhaps she had been too hasty and naive when she’d thought Esther might help her; Esther might just as easily become an enemy, and there was no way to know.
Adah’s only option was to give up on the farm and the money it could provide. She had to give up on finding a legal way to keep Daisy, too. There wasn’t enough time.
The River Widow Page 17
