each slowly in a box, with scattered thoughts.
"What do you have, daughter?" She asked worriedly.
- I? Anything.
Wow! I gave a banner so big that even my mother, who was the most distracted person in the world,
noticed
"Have you fed properly?" I think you're thinner, dejected ... "He narrowed his eyes,
analyzing me.
"I'm just tired of the trip." I stood up abruptly, annoyed by the remark.
"What's that on your wrist?"
"Um ... I fell on a rainy day two weeks ago and I twisted. Nothing more. It is already until the time of
splint. "I did not want to worry you."
"You did not make friends in Sao Paulo?"
"Of course I did, why?"
She came closer, seeking a clue to something she suspected and continued:
"I do not know ... I always call you at night, and I do not see you leaving even on your days off, or
on weekends...
"The shifts have been so exhausting that I end up feeling unwilling. - It was the first excuse
which came to my mind.
- Unwilling? At your age? She shook her head, rejecting him. "Stephanie, I understand you're
carrying a great responsibility in the back, but I do not think it's fair that it is annulling itself
to help me, "he complained.
"I'm not canceling myself, Mother, I-"
"Yes," he said. - You have no social life, do not go out with friends, do not date ... After all, the
What are you doing to distract yourself? At your age, I had even married your father.
- And? In his day it was different, "I said, without even thinking straight about what he said.
My mother dragged me by the arm so I could sit next to her.
- It could be different in many things: customs, fashion, work, education ... But the
Girls your age never changed, my daughter. Everyone is looking for a way to be happy. All –
he repeated. - Regardless of race, color, sexual choice or religion. And that worries me because I do not
I see you at least demonstrate that you dream of this happiness, as if it did not exist.
And does it exist? Why dream of the impossible? I asked myself in my thoughts. Dream about that
that one can not have is synonymous with suffering and that was out, tired. Better be realistic and have the
feet on the ground than to fly high and crash on the first cliff that lay ahead.
"For your government, there is happiness." It may not be eternal, but it exists - it guaranteed,
grimace that I had involuntarily made. "No one can be happy alone," he amended. - I'm not
specifically speaking about having a partner, but anyone who divides or adds something in their
life. Since your teenage years, you've only opened up a little with Anne, and yet I have the impression
who even runs from it. Act like you have a shield, always trying to defend yourself. Than you
afraid?
Maybe she was right about my way of being, however, being coldly evaluated by her own
Mother made me a little agonized. I started to get restless in the chair, although I was sure that
I could not get away from her, since she was still holding me tightly by the arm.
"I do not know," I confessed, defeated in a whisper, lowering my head. I do not know what I have
fear, I do not know why I am like this. I wanted to be different, someone else, but I can not.
"No one is asking you to change your way of being, only to disarm." I'm sure
that at any moment you will blossom as long as you allow this to happen. Why do not you start
trying to get better, treating herself well? To enjoy what you see in the mirror is good for
our ego, you know?
"As long as you talked about it, I really needed a favor from you ..."
Though he was happy to end his torturous chat, he really needed his help.
I took the trip home to borrow a more social dress, I knew that
within a week there would be a commemorative party for the ten years of the hospital's foundation; would happen
in a chic nightclub that they would close with exclusivity in Pacaembu. So I did not want to
appear in the badly arranged event. Besides, I had to have fun, or maybe even know
someone interesting.
Hope is the last one to die, is not it?
My mother found a black dress just that it would fall that was perfect. Just had to do some
small adjustments, because she was more corpulent. It enhanced the bust and had a side crack. Was not
accustomed to wearing sexy dresses, but I thought the occasion and the place asked. I also separated a couple
of discrete earrings to match and a lined wallet. The heeled sandal I already had - all
I have only had to look for her in my room.
I also tried to rescue some pieces that were left in my closet. The temperature had already gone down, and
as I could not afford to buy new things, at least a change of clothes from cold would have to
be taken.
I also did not forget to add another wristwatch to the list. To complete the package,
I added a few CDs and three DVD movies, whose titles I had not yet watched. Mommy, even though
unaware of what was going on with me, was right about my need for distraction.
Any entertainment that would divert his image from my thoughts would be welcome.
For most of the time, I made a point of knowing everything that had happened while
I was absent, mainly on Juninho's advances, in the matter of his orthopedic treatment and in the
of my mother at work, who financially walked a few steps to manage
all alone. She was not worried, let alone demanding an attitude from her, but
could deny that only the fact that it is no longer, from that moment on, is totally responsible for the
maintenance of the family, I was relieved. Who knows, after some time, could not join forces
to get back to work in Rio and stay closer to home?
And, mainly, far from it.
It was too early to dream, however, a thread of hope was lit.
There were so many things to be resolved and discussed among us that Sunday came too fast.
I barely had time to kill the homesickness a little. I could not even give a
pass by on the beach to see the sea. How I missed the sound emitted by the waves when they
they broke in the sand! The last time I had any contact with him was in Miami, and from that day on,
my life turned upside down.
Before returning to Sao Paulo, I went to Anne's house to talk a little with her. If you came to Rio
and did not look for the figure, would surely burst the Third World War.
I was glad to see that she changed her forms physically. He reduced almost two mannequins and his
hair grew considerably, now showing copper-colored wicks, which combined
perfectly with your greenish eyes. Lucky for her to be able to treat them often. My
hair was so long that I lost my patience and arrested them in every way
possible and imaginable.
"So, any news?" Anne asked curiously.
- About? I forwarded the question.
"Your life, your work, I do not know.
"No," I said unwillingly.
"You're sad," she said, fishing for my expression.
- I try to adapt, but it's difficult.
"Did not you like Sao Paulo?"
"It's not the city." It's me.
"You're feeling lonely," she finished.
- Great news. Since when am I accompanied?
- You're alone because you want to. He refuses everyone ... "He poisoned.
I sighed and decided that I would not respond to that provocation. I just lowere
d my head and grabbed a
she had offered me and that she was inside a colored bowl above her.
bedside table
Anne was not intimidated and spoke again:
"And Iris, do not you go out with her every now and then?"
"I suppose she has something better to do," I replied, still staring at the biscuit I
had just proved.
"I do not like your way." She looks depressed.
"I do not know how long I can handle it."
"You've been down the shaft." The trend now is to improve - encouraged.
- IT IS. Maybe I'm right, "I said, remembering the conversation I'd had with my mother the day before.
"Do you miss anything in particular?"
"I miss having a life," I confessed.
"The one you were hiding so you would not live?" Or, who knows, the one you pretended to live?
He mocked.
"It was still better than this one I live now," I sighed again.
- Tell the truth. You're liking him, are not you?
I made a point of first swallowing the biscuit before it choked, having to answer that one more.
"Like who, Anne?" I pretended not to know what it was.
"Of that doctor, who else?"
"I do not know what you're talking about." "I tried once more to hide what I really
Anne instantly caught my thoughts.
"You want to fool whom, Stephanie?"
The streak of patience I had was gone. I got up from his bed and simply exploded:
"Anne, you thought about it!" Stop tormenting me! I miss my family, my
my father, my friends and even my bed ... Is it so difficult to understand? I fired,
angry "Are you and Mommy going to spend all the time looking for reasons why I'm like this?" I
I'm like this, "I said. - Accept who you want and that's the end of it!
I turned around for a few moments, trying to regain self-control, and she also got up,
worried about calming me down.
"Okay, if you do not want to open up, I will not force you." I'll pretend to believe because I'm realizing
that you suffer from it. But if you want a friend's advice, here's one: stop hiding, from
to think that he is not someone important. Why do you keep people from liking you? Because if
Close this way? Holy shit, Stephanie! Look in the mirror! Can not you see right? You
is beautiful, intelligent, responsible ...
"Peraí ... Have you two been conspiring behind my back?" - The similarities in
arguments seemed too obvious.
"The two of you?"
"You and Mom, eh, Anne?" You think I'm some jerk? Twice this same subject from me
look in the mirror, close myself ... "I gestured with my hands quickly.
"So did Rachel finally wake up?" Hallelujah! She shook her arms over her head in
debauchery.
"Are you going to fool me that you did not talk about it?"
"Of course not!" I have not seen your mother in a long time, Stephanie. If she said the same thing as
I, it is because she realized what blinds her there, she does not want to see.
I crossed my arms, my face tied, waiting for her to tell me what I could not
to see.
- Fight for what you want to be happy! Sometimes happiness has to be forcibly looped! - Has arrived
closer to hear better.
"Oh, of course!" It seems like you're the right person to tell me this ... "I moaned.
"At least I fight to get up and not pretend like you," he accused me.
"I'm not pretending, just going through a difficult time," I said.
"Okay, she's not here," she said, sounding hurt. - If you prefer this ...
I closed my eyes briefly and considered how intimately I felt fragile and needed
of someone who gave me support, even in the dark, in an involuntary way. And who else
could I offer the comfort I needed, besides my mother or my best friend?
- Come and give me a hug, come ... I missed you too. I asked for your lap.
- Blackmailer! But you have not convinced me yet ... "She smiled, opening her arms to comfort me.
Being home made me a little better. It gave me strength to return and face whatever came
from there on. At least that's what he believed in.
Chapter 12
Twelve
The Monday just after the weekend was exhausting and went very fast. I barely had time to
talk to someone in my industry because of the exaggerated number of patients being treated. I arrived at
to think that there was some lack of control in the hospital because of that. Not that I did not like it very much
contrary, it was even an efficient way to occupy the head.
I had planned to go to a bookstore near the boarding house as soon as I finished the
to acquire a book he had longed for and which had just come on sale.
You know how it is ... Anything that could dilute, even for a short time, the restlessness,
it would be worth it.
Then, as soon as I had time, I immediately removed my coat and straightened my hair into a long tail.
horse, dashing off into the corridor. I pressed the elevator button, and when I thought
Iris intercepted me.
- Hey, where do you think you're going? Did you forget the lecture? She said, standing in front of me.
- Lecture? What lecture? I was surprised. I did not remember seeing any notice on our wall
last Friday.
"Come on, Stephanie, did not anyone tell you?" This is the most talked about subject in the hospital today. Almost
all the employees available from our sector and from others have already gone there. And we're late -
Iris spoke, forcing me practically to the auditorium.
"Wait-the lectures, in general, are not usually always marked on Fridays?"
"Yeah, but not this time." When I got here earlier today, the notice was posted on the wall.
"I must be too distracted then. I do not remember seeing that warning. Also, the way
I worked today ... "I answered, as she opened the door to the auditorium, which was not so large, but remained
crowded.
"I asked Dora to reserve those two places up front for the two of us," she said.
inducing to the marked place.
I sat in my chair still a little stunned. Although I had attended other lectures lately
- a great way to kill time and to learn something useful - I never saw that
room so crowded. Doctors, nurses, psychologists, social workers, nutritionists, physiotherapists,
professionals in various areas ... The lecturer certainly should be good, or he would not attract so many people.
Incidentally, something caught my attention: the fact that the first ranks were occupied almost
exclusively by women, which tossed a small flea behind my ear.
- What will be the subject addressed in today's lecture? I asked.
- Biosafety and the change of rules to avoid some failures that have been occurring
often here in the hospital - who answered was Dora, who was sitting on my right side.
- He even brought some cases photographed to demonstrate on the projector.
- He who? I asked, although the defibrillator had already turned on the red light, indicating
alert.
"You're really floating, are not you, Stephanie?" Dora spoke again. - The Doctor.
ichard. Who else would flock the auditorium in this way?
I got up immediately. He would not be in there for another minute. Even more in the gargle line,
next to all those mad women, hoping to get the celebrated doctor
miraculously change his behavior and be more affable.
- Where do you think you're going? Iris tried to restrain myself.
- I'm l
eaving. Biosafety was one of the topics most discussed in the last course I
U.S. I do not think he's going to teach me anything new.
"It may be, but that was a demand of the hospital director. If you leave, go get
evil, "she advised.
- Iris, be serious! I complained. "Dr. Jorge will not miss me in the midst of so many people.
"Deceiving you," Dora interjected. "He even came to ask me the reason for your
and I had to roll up, saying that you were performing a more time-consuming procedure. After all, the
shift was pulled today ...
"Did Dr. George ask about me?" You must be kidding! I just remember talking to
he was three times in his life, and yet it was a simple compliment! I expressed
surprise.
It was just what was missing ...
Now even the top echelon of the hospital was aware of the presence of a sickly nurse
knew What was that, my God? Some kind of conspiracy against me? It could not
believe in such a thing!
An inner rage filled my insides. I was feeling trapped.
"After all, it's a mandatory lecture," I said, slightly disgusted. - Because the
will of your majesty. I'll just sit back there if you do not mind. The director will not
Want to control the position of my chair too, or will it? - Pin.
I did not wait to hear their response. I saw a seat in the back of the auditorium next to the
nurse Maurício. He was one of the few men in the
worked in another sector. Aline introduced us a few weeks ago, during lunch. She if
interested until he discovered that the guy, although so young, was already the father of a beautiful little girl and that
her mate was pregnant again.
Azar military - would be what I would tell her. Better to aim your rifle at the other side.
"May I sit beside you?" I asked, still from the central corridor.
"Of course," replied Maurice.
I hung the bag first in the chair and then I asked the nurse who was sitting in the
to pass through it. Then I heard a female voice calling out my name.
- Stephanie! The voice seemed to be Aline's.
I would instinctively turn my head in such a hurry to respond and what happened, really, I did not
I waited: my ponytail simply hit Dr. Richard and hit his face in full, like
if he was slapping him as he passed with a laptop and other materials in his hands,
Only Two Of Us Page 11
