by Emma Davies
‘Thea Bradley,’ he’d said. ‘I shall never marry you if you’re going to turn into an enormous green-eyed monster. Have you forgotten who I am, or do you need a reminder?’ And with that he had crunched across the gravel and kissed me hard on the lips. I had been so mad but, seconds later, I was helpless with love and admiration for this luminous being. In one fell swoop, Drew had reminded me of what I’d always known; that I could trust him because he only ever did things for the right reasons. Even at such a tender age I’d known that. So how come I’d forgotten it now? Or maybe I’ve remembered it, just in time.
I glance across at Drew but his attention is focused on Rob. In fact, the whole room has fallen silent.
‘So I guess by now you’ve all realised that today’s supper has been a little different than in previous years, but judging by all the clean plates and bowls coming back to the kitchen you’ve all enjoyed it.’ I’m happy to hear murmurs of appreciation.
‘It’s been different in other ways too,’ he continues. ‘And because the Harvest Festival has always been such a strong community event, I’d like to remind everyone of how strong our community actually is. You see, you almost didn’t have a celebration of any kind today…’
Somewhere in the audience a throat is cleared, loudly and with purpose. He ignores it. ‘And I could say that it’s no one’s fault, just one of those times when a series of unfortunate events unfold…’ He pauses for a moment, smiling out across the room. ‘So today nearly didn’t happen at all because one or two of the organising committee became ill, I think one had to make an emergency visit to a sick relative, another’s husband was really poorly and she couldn’t leave him, and… oh, yes, a burst pipe to contend with, I think. Except that none of these things are the truth. They’re excuses made up by people who don’t care about their community at all. People who are quite content to live in one where lies and gossip are the currency rather than honesty and empathy.’
A collective breath is held and I risk a look around me. Judging by the looks on people’s faces, they’re not used to Rob making comments like this. Anna looks shocked. She’s standing right beside him and it’s clear from her face that this wasn’t what she was expecting.
Rob breaks into a big grin as if to soften his words. ‘But, as you might expect, I’m a firm believer in clouds having silver linings and it’s made me realise that I’d forgotten what I should be doing here, as your curate. And that instead of doing what I ought to, I’ve settled for being what I thought people wanted – the kind of vicar who steers a middle course, who doesn’t rock the boat, who performs his duties with a smile, doesn’t make his sermons too long, and is at the beck and call of anyone who needs him. But what price is popularity and security when you have to sell your soul to achieve it?’
He shakes his head. ‘My family and friends have been on the receiving end of some very nasty comments over recent days. Hurtful comments that strike at the very heart of who we are as people. It doesn’t matter that they aren’t true, what matters is that folk felt it was okay to make these accusations. That they could condemn so quickly, judge so falsely, instead of seeking the truth.’
There is a collection of murmurs from somewhere and I see Anna turn and smile at Rob with an expression on her face that would melt even the hardest of hearts.
And all the while Rob has managed to look like he’s about to award first prize for the largest marrow at the village fair. But his face darkens now. ‘What’s going on in this village is wrong and it needs challenging. I’m sorry if you wanted the kind of vicar who was prepared to look the other way and not stand up for the things he believes in, but that’s not me, and now seems a good a time as any to tell you that I intend for things to change.’
He casts his eyes around the hall, looking expectantly at the faces that surround him before looking directly at me. I can feel myself beginning to blush under his intense scrutiny.
‘And in a way maybe they already have… You see, today shouldn’t have happened. It would have been cancelled were it not for some exceptional people. People who have also been on the receiving end of some appalling gossip, but who have risen above it, and put others before themselves. And everything that has happened here today has been down to them. And I do mean everything.
‘So, I’d like you to put your hands together to say a massive thank you to my wife, Anna, our good friends, Thea, her husband, Drew, and their friends, Rachel and Gerry. In fact, it’s Rachel who’s been responsible for the amazing meal you’ve all enjoyed today, a meal borne out of determination, ingenuity and the goodness of her own heart.’
He lets the tumultuous applause speak for itself, joining in himself for a few minutes until he judges that the noise is dying down a little. He holds up his hand to gain everyone’s attention. ‘Anyway…’
The applause dies a little more and he waves his hand.
‘Anyway,’ he shouts, and the last of the clapping peters out. ‘I also want to thank all of you – for coming, for being so generous with your donations as you always are, and for remembering what the Harvest Festival is all about: celebrating the bounty and richness of our community. In fact, sharing a meal here today is a good reminder that this wouldn’t even be possible were it not for the efforts of Thea’s father. A man who, as many of our older villagers will remember, was instrumental in saving this building from demolition so that we could continue to come together as a community for many years to come. Today could have seen the end of that, but I hope that this reminder of what we’re really all about will see us all safely through the coming months. Together.’
‘Hear, hear!’ The loud shout comes from someone to my right, but I can’t for the life of me see who it is. Someone close to Anna, for she turns and beams at them, smiling down at Chloe who has gravitated awards her. A little embarrassed perhaps to have her parents made the centre of attention. And then Drew’s hand slips into mine and nothing else really matters anymore.
An expectant hush falls as the seconds tick by, as if people are waiting for Rob to say more, but he’s nodding and smiling at those around him and gradually normal sound begins to creep back into the room. Out of the corner of my eye I can see a few heads swivelling, perhaps as the import of his words sink in and they begin to seek out those committee members who have just been called to shame. But I can see them, I’m looking straight at them; Stacey and Jackie, sitting motionless, faces like thunder.
Rachel comes to join us. ‘I think they got away lightly, don’t you?’
Drew smiles. ‘Perhaps, but I think Rob said all he needed to. They’ve got the message and by saying what he has here, in front of everyone, he’s managed to bag a great deal of support at the same time. I think he played it very well. Look!’
He directs our attention back to where Rob is standing, a crowd of people around him, congratulating him on the day and saying their thank yous before taking their leave. In fact, I can see a few people around the room putting coats on, and gathering their children to them. Just like Anna said, it looks as if everything is going to wrap up, and a surge of relief washes over me. I think we might just have got through it.
‘I can’t thank you enough though, Rach,’ I say. ‘We could never have done this without you.’
She beams. ‘Would you believe I actually enjoyed it? It felt good to be doing something that mattered and I’ve stretched myself today.’
‘Well, I’m proud of you,’ I say. ‘You didn’t have to help out. Actually, I’m proud of all of us,’ I add. ‘And I’m so happy for Anna and Rob; they’ve been such lovely neighbours and friends from the minute we moved in. They didn’t deserve to be treated the way they have.’
I just want to get home now, to be back at Pevensey, relaxed and among friends, but I know that there is still plenty of work to do before we finally get to shut the doors of the village hall behind us. Most people seem to be on their feet now and I try to search out Anna among them. But I can’t see her anywhere, nor Chloe. My eyes scan the tables
for them, but they’re not sitting down, nor have they moved to stand beside someone else. There’s a bunch of children from school tidying away some board games they were playing with and, crouched beside one of them, is the head teacher. But there’s something about her pose that strikes me as odd and, without even really knowing why, everything else that’s going on in the room falls away.
I’m now not just scanning the room, I’m interrogating it, my eyes moving from one person to the next, systematically and thoroughly. My eyeline is suddenly blocked as Gerry homes into view, placing a hand on my arm.
‘Well, wasn’t that bloody brilliant! I really thought—’
‘Sorry, Gerry,’ I say, leaning out so I can see past his shoulder. ‘It’s just that…’ I’m distracted but he’s standing right in front of me. I drag a smile back on my face. ‘It was, wasn’t it. All in all, I’d say it was a roaring success. Mostly down to your wife’s culinary talents of course…’
I can see a few children still running around, others being made to put coats on and gather together their things in readiness for leaving but…
‘Had it been left to me to do the cooking, things would have turned out very differently indeed,’ I add.
Rachel grins. ‘And with any luck, even though today was something of a baptism of fire, I might even persuade one or two people to pay for my skills once we move up here. I know it wasn’t planned, but all this may turn out to have been a blessing.’
I wave at Rob as he walks towards us, feeling Drew’s fingers entwine with mine. And I want to drink in this moment and everything it means for us. But I can’t.
I look between the faces of my husband and friends, relaxed and happy. ‘When was the last time you saw Lauren?’ I ask.
Twenty-Five
Drew spins around. ‘Well she was… just…’ His eyes find mine, and then Rob’s. ‘Where’s Tilly?’
My heart begins to clamour as I try desperately not to jump to conclusions, but my alarm is infectious and I’m beginning to panic.
‘I saw Anna with Chloe a few moments ago… Oh, Christ, Drew…’ I break off, remembering Chloe’s question to me from a while ago. I’d completely forgotten about it. I’d dismissed it.
‘Chloe couldn’t find them either, I…’ I’m trying to remember when it was. Before the speeches, but how long before?
‘When, Thea? When was this?’ Drew’s face looms in front of me.
I shake my head. ‘Don’t, I’m trying to think… I was on my way to the kitchen…’
Anna is hurtling towards us with Chloe in tow. ‘Thea, I can’t find the girls. I’ve looked everywhere and no one knows where they are.’
My eyes fly to the doors at the back of the hall. Someone has opened them as a few people begin to leave. ‘No! We mustn’t let them. We need to ask.’
Rob senses my thoughts in a second. He throws up his arms, striding into the centre of the room. ‘Everyone,’ he shouts. ‘Please! Can everyone just wait a moment!’
There’s a startled hush after the camaraderie of the minutes before.
‘Please!’ shouts Rob, a little less loud. ‘Hang on a minute…’ He gestures to the door where a young family are making their way out, only to find their path suddenly blocked by Gerry. I look around and I can already see Rachel crouching and talking to people. ‘This is really important please, before any of you go. Has anyone seen Lauren? Or Tilly? They’re always together, they…’ He breaks off, anguish catching at his throat.
Everyone is looking at someone else. And any minute now there’ll be a call, or a cry to let us know where they are. Or Lauren will pop her head up from somewhere wondering what all the fuss is about. Any. Minute. Now.
But the call never comes. And heads are shaking. Expressions are worried. A child coughs and it’s as if a gunshot has gone off. I can’t hold my breath any longer.
It’s only seconds, but each one feels like a thousand. I pull Chloe towards me. ‘It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay. We’ll find them.’ I drop to her height. ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t listen before.’ She’s properly crying now, frightened, and I have to bite back a sob of my own. Lauren’s only eight…
And suddenly a shout echoes across the hall. It’s Beth’s mum, holding tight to her visibly shaken daughter. ‘They were outside,’ she says, looking at Beth for confirmation. ‘Not that long ago. A crowd of them from Tilly’s class.’
Beth’s looking at a friend beside her and even from here I can see the pleading in her eyes. Go on, she’s saying, tell them, and slowly a hand is raised in the air. ‘We were just playing…’ comes a voice.
‘No one’s in trouble,’ says Rob. ‘It’s okay to be playing, but we just need to know where the girls are. Did you see them come back inside?’
The girl shakes her head. ‘We were playing tig, and then we came back inside to play hide and seek.’ Her eyes fly to the window. ‘Because it was getting dark… But I didn’t see where they went.’
Rob smiles. ‘Thank you, Ellie, that’s really helpful.’ He looks back around the room. ‘So was anyone else playing hide and seek? It’s okay to say,’ he reminds them. ‘No one’s in trouble.’
But there is silence. Furtive looks and nothing more.
Everything is taking so long. And I want to scream, but I know I can’t because the only thing that matters right now is where Lauren and Tilly are. Whatever I feel isn’t going to help. I grip Anna’s hand.
‘We’ll find them,’ I say. ‘I promise. They won’t be far. And you know what they’re like, they’ll be together…’ Because I can’t begin to think how it would be if they were on their own. How they would be feeling. I choke off the thought.
Gerry is coming back towards us. ‘Right, I reckon they’re still outside somewhere and, although I don’t like the thought of all these people here, having them leave will be a nightmare. They’re going to have to stay until we’ve checked.
‘Rachel, do you think there’s any way you can go around and explain this to all the parents. Let’s keep everyone occupied – there are too many children here and I don’t want them getting upset. Rob, and Drew, we need to get folks together who can help us look outside. As soon as we can.’
He doesn’t need to say any more. And I’m suddenly immensely grateful for Gerry’s paramedic training. My ability to think has just deserted me. Drew’s body is solid and reassuring, and his fingers wind ceaselessly around mine, but he’s pulling away and I have to let him go.
He drops to his haunches in front of our eldest daughter. ‘You go with Mummy, Chlo, and help look after everyone, okay? I’ll be back in just a minute.’ She nods and I lead her away, following Rachel, and still holding tight of Anna’s hand. Her face is ashen. She’s hardly said a word, but she doesn’t need to. Guilt has silenced my tongue too.
Someone has made way for us at one of the tables, but I can’t sit down. I should be doing something. I want to be out there, but I need to be in here. And the pain of feeling torn is unbearable. Anna suddenly pulls away, muttering something about torches, and I watch as she runs towards the kitchen. And all I can see is the dark outside the windows.
Chloe is shivering by my side and I wrap my arms around her, holding her as close as I can. My thoughts are skittering from one thing to the next but I can’t concentrate, every fibre of my being is waiting, my senses strung tight, alert for any vibration of change. Just at the moment when I realise that Anna hasn’t returned to the table, I hear a shout from the other side of the hall.
‘How can you even sit there?’ It’s Anna, leaning over Stacey, her face twisted with rage.
‘While all this is going on, pretending like it doesn’t have anything to do with you. I don’t even want you breathing the same air as me. With your lies and gossip, making out like we’re to blame, when all the time it’s your son who’s been making Tilly’s life a misery. My daughter’s out there somewhere, and it’s all your fault!’
‘Oh, shit.’ It’s Rachel, getting to her feet.
But, as I
stare between her anguished look and Anna’s tear-stained face, it’s as if everything else is pushed to one side and I’m left with a vision, right smack bang in the centre of my brain. And it’s of Leo. And he’s sitting right by his mum’s side, his eyes resolutely glued to the table.
I release my grip on Chloe. ‘Wait here, sweetheart.’
But I’m too late, Stacey has sensed the danger she’s in and there’s no way she’s going to back down without a fight.
‘You sure about that, are you?’ she snarls at Anna. ‘You want to think carefully about that before you go around accusing people, especially when you’ve got no proof. So what if your husband’s the vicar, think he’s better than the rest of us, do you? When everyone knows that vicars are the worst… touching up kiddies all the time, it’s sick. So don’t you go round saying my Leo’s to blame for your precious daughter’s bruises when you need to start asking questions a lot closer to home.’
I throw Rachel a horrified look. Oh dear God. How can Stacey even say those things? Not after everything that Rob said. And not here, not in front of everyone.
Anna looks like she’s about to throw up.
‘You really are an evil cow,’ I say, rounding on Stacey. ‘It’s bad enough that your son’s an utter thug, without you trying to pin the blame on other people just so you don’t have to face the truth. It’s about time you woke up to yourself, Stacey, because before too long people are going to find out the truth, and where will that leave you? Alone in the gutter, that’s where.’
‘Well, that’s rich coming from you,’ she spits back. ‘The daughter of a known child molester.’
Every sound in the room stops dead.
And for a moment I feel as if I might pass out. My vision is blurring, and the tether that’s holding me here is becoming gossamer-thin. I can feel every eye in the room on me, but I’ve come too far to let them win, to influence what I believe. I pull myself straighter.
‘You’ll have to do better than that, Stacey. Because I have nothing to fear from the truth. And do you really think I’d be stupid enough to come back here if my dad was guilty of such a crime? He was made a victim too, and one day they’ll find out who really attacked Georgia when we were kids, and why you’re so bloody obsessed with something that happened over twenty years ago…’ I break off. I’ve held her gaze the entire time I’ve been speaking, her eyes alive with scorn. But there’s a change now, some other emotion, and I’m shocked to recognise it as fear. Something ripples through me but it’s gone so fast I can’t catch it. But it’s important and…
