by Amy Ruttan
She wasn’t used to working in the wilds of Alaska, where situations like this meant life or death.
The lights flickered again, but came back on.
Just stay on. Please.
This was what her father had done every day. There had been no specialists flying in. It had just been him.
She could do this because she had Derek by her side. Because this baby and Jennifer were family. She had to make sure she didn’t lose any more family members.
She’d ruined enough lives.
She took her spot and went to work. She washed Jennifer’s abdomen with betadine and then picked a scalpel off the tray. She drowned out the sounds of the storm, of the monitors, and of everything else.
The only sound she focused on was her heart. The only voice she heard in her head was her own, telling her what move to make.
She’d done countless C-sections before.
This was no different.
Evelyn looked up and saw Derek across from her, holding the retractor. He nodded and she reached in and pulled out a tiny thirty-three-week-old baby boy. He wasn’t breathing, but that was to be expected. She was prepared for that.
She quickly cut the cord and handed the baby over to Tim, who was holding out towels. Tim whisked him over to the warming table and there was a tiny cry, but it wasn’t strong.
Still, it was a cry, and tears stung her eyes as she thought of her little third cousin—alive.
Family.
“Keep him ventilated, Tim—and warm.”
“Yes, Dr. Saunders.”
Evelyn finished her work on Jennifer and made sure she was stable. She closed her up and injected antibiotics into her IV. Jennifer was going to make it.
Thank goodness.
She wanted to cry for joy, but she kept her emotions in check.
“Take her into the other exam room, Derek—and, Tim, bring her out of the anesthetic.”
Tim nodded, but Derek stayed by the incubator.
“Is something wrong, Derek?” Evelyn asked.
“Nothing. He’s breathing with the vent and his stats are good.”
Thank God.
“Good. That’s good. And Jennifer will survive.”
And that was the only answer she could give. It was a relief.
“The baby will need the services of a neonatal doctor. I hope this storm lets up soon. I’m going to stay here with him now.”
“Dr. Saunders!” Tim shouted. “There’s blood in the drainage tube of the IV line.”
Evelyn whipped back around.
Oh, God.
“I need to open her up again. I think her uterus has ruptured. Hang blood. Lots of blood.”
And she was glad the stock of blood she ordered, for this reason, had come in before the planes had all been grounded.
Evelyn quickly worked on getting back in there to try and fix the damage.
Derek was pale as he stepped back. “What’s happening?”
“She’s bleeding out. I need help, Derek!”
“Tell me what to do!” Derek said, jumping back into the fray with her.
Evelyn knew this was hard for him after what had happened to his wife, but she also knew he was strong. Stronger than he gave himself credit for. Stronger than her. He was there, by her side, ready to save a life. He was a doctor first and foremost, and a damn fine one that she could rely on.
The first man in a long time she could rely on.
Even though Mo was still out in that storm he didn’t fold under pressure. And she wouldn’t either. He gave her strength in this moment. Strength she hadn’t thought she had.
And she was glad he was here.
With him she couldn’t fail.
She wouldn’t fail.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
HURRICANE TINA LASTED for twelve hours before it moved over the mainland and lost steam. The tree on the road was cleared. Janet, Mo and Edna made it safely to the clinic. There was no way Edna could get home yet, but her family was safe and everyone was relieved that the three of them were okay. Derek had Mo resting in his office and Edna had taken one of the empty exam rooms.
Evelyn was exhausted. She’d managed to stop Jennifer’s bleeding, but Jennifer would need a hysterectomy. They had to get her into Sitka.
The baby was still alive and she’d given him some saline and packed cells to try and dilute the packed red blood cells. His lungs were wet and underdeveloped still, even though Jennifer had been given a shot of steroids in Juneau to help quicken lung development.
Little Baby Boy Yazzie still had a long way to go. He needed to be in a neonatal intensive care unit.
Jennifer was still under sedation because of her blood loss and the major surgery.
Evelyn and Janet traded on watching the baby in the incubator. Just so they could have a break to stretch or eat or have coffee.
Evelyn’s eyelids felt as if they were made of sandpaper now, as she sat next to the incubator, monitoring the tiny little infant.
Her third cousin was cute.
Evelyn smiled at him. She might have told herself she never wanted to have a family, or planned on it because she was too terrified, but she really did want one. A husband, kids, and to travel around the world.
That would be perfection.
Or you could just stay here.
“The planes are back up and running,” Tim announced as he came in from the staff room. “The hurricane is over, just a tropical storm now, and the air ambulance is ready to take Jennifer and Joe the Third to Sitka.”
Evelyn raised her eyebrows. “Joe the Third?”
Tim laughed and left the room.
She turned back to the baby. “Sorry, kid. I mean sorry about being Joe the Third.”
Evelyn stood up, her body aching from being hunched over. She grabbed the chart she’d been keeping and stuck it under the incubator. The paramedics were already wheeling Jennifer out and Joe Jr. looked beside himself.
“She’s not awake,” he said when he saw Evelyn.
“I’ve kept her out—she’s been through a lot. She’ll wake up soon. She’s stable, Joe. Remember? We talked about it? She’ll need you when she wakes up.”
Joe nodded and then looked at the incubator. Evelyn hadn’t let him get too close to Joe the Third because she didn’t want to put any strain on the baby.
Joe Jr. grinned and Joe Sr. came over.
“He’ll be fine too,” Evelyn said. “He needs to spend time in the neonatal intensive care unit, but he’s made it this long.”
“Thank you, Evie,” said Joe Jr., and followed the paramedics outside with Jennifer.
Joe Sr. lingered behind and looked at his grandson. “Your parents would be so proud, Evelyn. If it wasn’t for you I don’t think Jennifer or the baby would be here. Thank you.”
Evelyn nodded, but she didn’t know how to respond to that at all. She wheeled Joe the Third out to the ambulance and the incubator was loaded in beside Jennifer and Joe Jr.
She stood there watching as they secured them and then shut the doors. The ambulance fired up and headed toward the airport, where the air ambulance was waiting to take them to Sitka.
Evelyn walked slowly back into the clinic.
She was wiped out.
“Have you seen Derek, Tim?”
Tim stretched where he was sitting behind the reception desk. “No, not since the surgeries.”
Evelyn frowned. “I’m going to have a shower. Think you can man things here?”
Tim nodded. “I’m fine. I’ll clean up and then lock up.”
“Send Janet and Edna home too. It’s been a long day and night. I’m sure they want to get home to check on their families.”
Tim nodded. “Of course. Get some rest.”
“You too.”
Evelyn grabbed her
coat and headed outside. There were a few fallen branches and some garbage littering the street. The damage wasn’t bad. there was some flooding near the sea wall, and it might take some time to clear that, only she wouldn’t be here to see it.
She couldn’t stay here anymore.
Why not?
Evelyn cursed under her breath, annoyed at herself.
Being with Derek had been amazing, but what would he think of her if he knew the truth about her.
She’d ruined so many lives and now she was too hardened. Her grandmother had taught her well.
What if she ruined his life too? Or Mo’s?
Derek and Mo deserved more than her. It had been a mistake coming here. She should’ve just turned down her friend’s plea for help. Coming to Alaska had been a bad idea.
Had it, though?
* * *
Derek had dozed off with Mo. She’d been terrified of being separated from him, and when he’d got her settled down he hadn’t been able to help drifting off.
He didn’t sleep long before he woke with a start and remembered in crystal clarity everything that had happened. He reached over for Mo, worried that he’d lost her, but she was there.
Where was Evelyn?
And then he remembered Jennifer Yazzie.
He scrubbed his hands over his face, feeling emotionally drained because what had happened with Jennifer had reminded him of what he’d gone through with Vivian. Only for a moment, though. Jennifer was here still. The baby was stable. Strong. This was not a tragedy all because of Evelyn. She had brought light to the darkness.
Derek groaned and got up. He was angry at himself for sleeping with Evelyn, for giving in to the desire that he knew was wrong, but it had been worth it.
And, though he should feel worse than he did, he had loved being with Evelyn that way. He’d loved taking her in his arms. It had felt so natural to be with her and it had been so long since a woman had made him feel that way.
Evelyn made him feel again.
He wasn’t Dr. Taylor and he wasn’t Mo’s dad when he was in her arms.
He was a hot-blooded man again.
What about Vivian?
Derek was confused about his feelings. All he knew right now, in this moment, was that one night with Evelyn would never be enough.
Maybe, just maybe, he could give this a shot?
He’d never thought he’d find anyone again after Vivian had died. He’d never thought he’d see hope in hopeless situations. He’d never thought he’d feel alive again, but Evelyn had changed that.
He was in love with Evelyn. He’d fallen in love with her.
He just wasn’t sure if Evelyn reciprocated those feelings.
She was holding back. She was hiding something. And until she opened up he wasn’t sure she’d let him in. And he had to protect Mo from getting hurt.
He got himself and Mo up and dressed and then drove to drop Mo at Edna’s. As he walked back towards the front of the clinic he saw a person crossing the road. Before he could figure out who it was the person collapsed in a heap.
“Oh, my God!”
Derek ran over and saw it was Jocelyn Washington. She was unconscious.
“Hold on, Jocelyn!” He assessed her ABCs and saw there was a laceration to her head that was bleeding.
Tim ran out of the clinic, having been watching from the window. “What happened?”
“Jocelyn fainted. We need a backboard. Help Evelyn bring one out.”
Tim nodded and ran off. Evelyn came outside within a few minutes, carrying a backboard with Tim.
“Great,” Derek said.
“I saw the whole thing happen.” Evelyn looked down at Jocelyn and paused. “She just collapsed.”
“She’s okay. I don’t think she hit her head too hard. Now, why she fainted is another matter.”
“This street is where my father died,” she muttered as she helped Derek assess Jocelyn and then together they lifted her onto the backboard and carried her into the clinic.
“This is not your father, Evelyn. Jocelyn was not hit by a car.”
Evelyn nodded and they carried Jocelyn into an exam room.
Jocelyn was coming to, groaning in pain.
“Jocelyn—it’s Dr. Taylor. You fainted in the street and hit your head pretty bad.”
Jocelyn didn’t respond and Derek checked her pupils. They were reactive.
“She probably has a concussion,” Evelyn said.
Tim came in and Evelyn stepped back, because Tim had more training in emergency medicine than she did.
“Abdomen is soft.”
Jocelyn came around. “What happened?”
“You fainted in the street.”
“Oh, my God.” She tried to sit up.
“Don’t move, Jocelyn. You hit your head hard and probably have a concussion. Lie still. We’re going to get you taken care of.”
Jocelyn nodded. She was in shock.
“Evelyn?” Jocelyn whispered.
Evelyn nodded, but Jocelyn still appeared stunned.
“Evelyn!” Jocelyn shouted as she stared at her with a dazed expression.
“Yes?” Evelyn said.
“I loved your father.”
“I know,” she said.
“He loved you more. That night he was distracted because you were upset about us. He wanted to get back to you and he didn’t pay attention crossing the road. The ring he bought me—I had to sell it because I was alone and pregnant after he died. You were more important to him. It was your fault. All of it.”
“Hey, now,” Derek said to Jocelyn. “You need to stop talking.”
Evelyn’s cheeks were flushed with embarrassment as she left the exam room.
Jocelyn settled down and drifted off. Definitely a concussion.
“You got this, Tim?” Derek asked. “I’m going to call Jocelyn’s family and let them know where she is.”
Tim nodded. “Yep. I got this.”
Derek left the room and found Evelyn in the storeroom, pacing.
“Hey, what she said...she has a concussion.”
“I know, but it’s got a lot of truth to it,” Evelyn said. “I didn’t know he’d asked her to marry him. But I knew he wanted to, and I was upset that night he left. I’ve blamed myself for so long for his death. I didn’t realize she blamed me as well.”
“I’m sorry.”
Evelyn shrugged. “Well, it’s not going to bring my father back.”
“No.”
She sighed. “I called Juneau General and they’re going to send a replacement OB/GYN out here to finish off my rotation.”
Derek was stunned. “What?”
“I have to go,” Evelyn said quickly. “I can’t stay here.”
“You can finish out your rotation.”
“No, I can’t. I have to get out of here. I can’t live in the past. I have to move on. I have to forget about this place. I’ve done too much damage.”
“What’re you talking about?”
Evelyn sighed. “I told you that Martha Washington is my half sister. Because of me not wanting my dad to marry Jocelyn he was killed that night. It was always bad enough that I ruined two lives—but three? I have to leave before I hurt them further.”
“What?” Derek was in shock, blocking her escape from the storeroom. “You’re leaving?”
“I can’t stay.”
“Why? What about your family here?”
“What about them? They got along fine without me for twenty years.”
“That’s because your grandmother blocked them.”
“My grandmother was grieving for her son.”
“Evelyn, Wolf’s Harbor needs you. I—” Only he couldn’t finish that sentence. He couldn’t finish what he wanted to say.
What about me? W
hat about Mo?
“I can’t stay. I can’t deal with this. It’s twenty years too late to mourn. I’ve got a good life and I have to put this place behind me. I can’t...”
“You’re afraid. You couldn’t settle down with a man you’d been with for two years and you can’t take a chance with your heart now.”
“I’ll ruin your life if I stay. I’m too hardened. I don’t have the room or the capacity,” she said stonily.
“You improved my life. You lit up this town. You have to stay.”
“What’s two more months going to do? Nothing will change.”
The question caught him off guard and he realized that she’d never been going to stay. She’d never planned on staying.
“I knew it was a mistake. I knew it was a mistake getting close to you. I told myself that you weren’t going to stay. You temporary doctors create more problems than you fix, coming through here.”
“There was always a time limit on this, Derek. I can’t stay any longer. Besides, if Mo changed her mind about sharing her father... Don’t do what my father did to me. Don’t do that to Mo.”
Derek couldn’t look at her. His heart was breaking but he couldn’t figure out why. How could a heart love two people at once?
“Well,” he said calmly, “you better get packed up. I’ll check on your half sister.”
“She’s not my family, Derek. I lost my family a long time ago.”
“No, you didn’t lose them. They’re right here. You’re just too scared to find them again.”
Evelyn’s gaze narrowed. “I’m not the only one scared here, Derek. You’re just as afraid of forgiveness as I am. You can’t forgive yourself for Vivian, just like me and my father’s death.”
He stepped to the side and let her leave.
She slammed the door behind her and Derek kicked the wall.
* * *
Uncle Yazzie drove her to the airport. He’d been surprised when she called, but he’d come just the same.
He didn’t say anything to her as he drove her away from the clinic.
Always running.
As she looked back at the clinic through the window she realized that she was tired of running, but she’d ruined more lives here than she’d saved.
