'Oh God, I'm dead! I'm really, really dead! I'm in big, big trouble-'
'Shay-'
'Oh God, I am dead. Like really dead! Like I'm in such bad trouble, I'm gonna kill myself! I'm - Don't touch me!' Silence.
Again, the girl started crying, but softer this time. Through tears, she said, 'I'm sorry, Yonkie, I didn't mean it. I really didn't mean it. I'm just so scared! I am so dead-' 'Listen-'
'You don't know my father, Yonkie. I mean, you don't know him like I know him. He's going to kill me.' She began to imitate him. 'We've got to take a meeting on this! A meeting! Let's take a meeting! A family meeting! It's time for a family meeting to discuss our feelings! He's gonna level me. I'm dead! This time, he's going to kill me!'
'My stepfather won't tell him,' Jacob said quietly. 'He's going to kill-'
'Did you hear what I said?' Jacob repeated in a louder voice. He seemed more irked than scared. 'My stepfather won't tell him.' Abruptly, the girl quieted.
Decker looked around the room. The voices had been coming from the baby's intercom. Often, Rina left it on to hear Hannah when she was in the room by herself. Obviously, she had forgotten to turn it off. Generally, he was a big one on respecting privacy. But he felt justified because a) his son had cut school b) had sneaked into the house and c) decided to play doctor with some anonymous girl in his friggin' bed.
The girl said, 'How do you know he won't tell?' Yeah, Decker thought, how the fuck do you know I won't tell? Jacob said, 'I just know.' 'What does that mean-'
'It means I just know, all right!' Jacob's voice had turned harsh. 'I'm not saying it's going to be gravy. But I'll handle it. Shayna, my stepdad grew up in a goyish family in southern Florida. He got in fistfights. He played football. He was in Vietnam. He's a cop. I'm sure he had more than his fair share of backseat humping-' 'Don't talk like that!' Again no one spoke.
Then Jacob said, 'My dad goes postal on religious issues because he doesn't understand them. But stuff like this... he understands.' Silence. 'Just like... like climb out the window. I'll... I'll handle it.'
'What are you going to do?'
'I'm going to go out there and keep my mouth shut. Let him do all the talking until he talks himself out.' A beat. 'Something my brother hasn't learned to do. Because Sammy's the honest one. Contentious you'd better believe it, but deep down, he's that way because he's so sensitive. He just needs extra attention because he's the only person in the world who ever suffered. Not like me. I'm the easy one in the family. So easy that it's like I'm not even there... just a grinning, village idiot.'
More silence.
Then the girl said, 'What are you talking about? You're the smartest person I know. I'm sure they don't think that way at all.'
'On some cosmic level, I'm sure you're right.' His voice sounded bitter. 'Look, Shayna, call your sister and tell her to pick you up. I'll deal with my dad. No reason for both of us to get detention.'
Another stretched silence.
Then Decker heard the slide of a window being opened, and being slammed shut. At this point, he turned off the intercom, waiting for Jacob in the kitchen. When the teen did enter, he broke Decker's heart. Toting an oversized backpack like a donkey with a load. Jake was clearly upset, but attempting to hide it with apathy. His smooth face was flushed - wet and red - his black hair askew and falling over his eyes. His white shirt was untucked, resting over blue slacks, the fringes of his tallit katan hanging from under his shirt like four, thin tails. He dropped his backpack in the corner, ran his fingers through his locks, then secured his yarmulke on the crown of his hair with a bobby pin. His blue eyes were focused on some imaginary spot on the floor.
Jake still had some room to grow, but he was on his way to manhood. Around five ten with a lean body and the kind of matinee-idol looks that made girls swoon. Not hard to understand where his beauty came from; he looked just like Rina. Likening him and his wife to Joseph and Rachel. Another beautiful man whose astonishing face caused him problems.
But Decker had never perceived his son as a heartthrob because to him, Jacob was simply Jacob - a social, frum kid with lots of friends, an easygoing personality, a winning smile. Not a grinning idiot - Jacob was very bright - but someone whom Decker didn't think about because he was so easy. Now with that myth destroyed, Decker regarded his stepson through newly opened eyes. Definitely, Jake was a girl-magnet. If they didn't talk soon, there'd be real trouble.
Wearily, Decker pointed to a kitchen chair and Jacob sat. Decker turned the other seat around so his stomach was resting against the chair's back. 'Next time you do this, you might want to turn off Hannah's intercom.'
The boy reddened, eyes darting around the kitchen. When he spied the contraption, he let his eyes rest on it for just a moment, then looked down. 'So you heard everything. Then I don't have to repeat myself.'
Decker said, 'Anything you want to add?'
Jacob didn't say anything.
'Nothing?' Decker asked.
The teen cleared his throat. 'I guess I would really appreciate... if you didn't... if you kept this between us. I'll take whatever punishment you give me. But I'd like to keep it between us.'
'Noble of you.'
'Why should both of us go down?'
'She was there, same as you. One might even say I have a parental obligation to let her folks know.'
Jacob was silent.
'Is her father that bad?'
The boy glanced up, sensing a reprieve. 'He's a pompous jerk. Some real rich entertainment lawyer who has an opinion on everything. And it's usually wrong. He's a ba'al tshuva.'
'And that's why he's a jerk? Because he's a born again?'
'No, of course not. It's... admirable to be a ba'al tshuva. But he's like... forcing it on the family. Shayna... the girl I was with... she came to the school about a year ago. Her father made her change her name from Shane to Shayna because it sounded more Jewish. She's trying hard, but it's... you know, new to her. She can barely read Hebrew. She misses her old friends from public school.' A pause. 'You should understand.'
Decker did understand, but damn if he was going to give Yonkie any points. He said, 'Anything else?'
He tried to look at Decker, but his eyes didn't quite make it to the face. Trying to get a grip on it, but his leg was shaking. 'Well... if you wouldn't tell Eema, I'd appreciate that also.'
'No go, Jacob. You're her son. She has a right to know.'
The boy shrugged. 'Okay.'
'Can I ask you a question?'
'Sure.'
'Why my bedroom?'
The teen's eyes stared about an inch over Decker's shoulder. 'The bed's bigger.'
Decker forced the boy to make eye contact. 'You violated my privacy, you violated your mother's privacy. That was a rotten thing to do.'
'I'm sorry.' Water welled up in Jacob's eyes. 'It won't happen again. I promise.'
Decker stood and pulled the kid toward him. The kid melted in the embrace. 'Jacob, I don't know where you've come up with this grinning idiot thing. Your mother and I have untold love and respect for you. But obviously, after today, we need to do some talking.'
He broke away, almost pushing Decker aside. 'We weren't doing anything.'
'Well, you were doing something-'
'It's nothing compared to other kids I know.' He sank into his seat. Staring at the ceiling, he was quiet. Decker had no choice but to wait him out.
Finally, Jacob whispered, 'There's something wrong with me. I'm... I'm just... like... wired all the time.'
'Wired?'
'You know what I mean.'
'Aroused?'
He nodded, his eyes still upward. 'I think about it constantly. I'm obsessed with it.' 'Sex?'
Jacob didn't answer. 'It's called being fifteen and male.'
'I don't know...' Jacob shook his head. 'Sammy's not like that.'
'You're not Sammy.'
The teen spoke haltingly, his eyes staring off in space. 'One of the guys in my class got hold of some porno films ab
out six months ago. We've been watching them every motzo shabbos... after his parents go out.'
The room fell silent.
Jacob went on, 'I feel real sleazy doing it - some of them are really ¦.. disgusting - but I can't stop.'
'You can't? Or you don't want to?'
He shrugged. 'The thing is... all of the guys at school who are into girls... are also into booze and dope. They're real jerks.' A beat. 'They're... idiots.'
'Who? Like Dovid? Steve?'
'Dovid, Steve, Ronnie, Joey... all of 'em.'
Decker waited.
Jacob again spoke slowly. 'But the guys who are good students are... are like shomer negiyah - that means they don't touch girls. Not that that's bad. Sammy's shomer negiyah.' A sigh. 'It's just in my class the religious guys are dorky... and real self-righteous. I can't talk to them without feeling... dirty. So I hang around the jerks. I know it's dumb. Because how long can you hang around jerks without turning into one.'
'They drink and take drugs?'
The boy nodded.
'What about you, Yonkie? Do you drink and take drugs?'
The boy looked away. 'A few times. No big deal.' But as soon as he said it, he cringed.
Decker kept his face flat. He wasn't all that surprised. It was always the quiet ones... 'What do you do?'
'Nothing much. They pass it around while we watch... you know...'
'No, I don't know.'
'I've taken a couple of hits-' He stopped himself. 'Maybe more than a couple. But just pot. No big deal.'
Decker was quiet.
'I mean I've never even gotten like really buzzed. I mean maybe a little buzzed, but... just... you know-'
'No, I don't know.'
Again, the boy looked up - anywhere but at Decker. 'Funny thing is if I pass it up, nobody cares. I don't have to use to be accepted. But I just feel like I should.'
'Why?'
'To belong. Except I don't fit in anywhere. I'm too... too academic to be a head, and too... wired to be one of the little rabbis. I can pass through both groups without a problem. I've got lots of friends. I don't know why I do stupid things. But I do them and... and later, I hate myself.'
He rubbed his face, made a swipe at his eyes.
'I keep thinking, like what if Eema saw me. It would hurt her so much.' He looked at Decker with plaintive eyes. 'I know you have to tell her about this. But I really wish you wouldn't.' His eyes widened as anxiety gripped his heart. 'You're not going to tell her about the pot. I told you that in confidence.'
Decker said, 'What do you think I should do?'
'Oh God!' He tilted his chair back and regarded the ceiling, a defeated look stamped across his face. 'What if I promise that I won't do it again? Smoke dope, I mean.'
'Should I believe you?'
No one spoke. The kid seemed to be thinking about it, or at least, faking it out.
'I think you can,' Jacob answered. 'I hope you can. Anyway, feel free to check up on me - go through my things... listen to my phone conversations. I know I'll have to earn back my privacy.'
He was on the right track. Decker said, 'What about drinking, Yonkie? Do you drink, too?'
The boy became more animated. 'Seriously, I don't drink. I got drunk once when I slept over Steve's house. I got so sick, I swore never again. I don't drink. I mean I'll drink wine on shabbos. But I never drink just to drink.'
'That's good.'
'So are you going to tell her? About the dope?'
Again, Decker forced the boy to make eye contact. 'Well, Jacob, that's up to you. If you prove yourself to be trustworthy, why should I distress your mother. But if I see an inkling of erratic behavior... son, I'm a cop. If you mess up, you'll see just what a cop I can be.'
The boy nodded gravely. 'Fair enough. That's one of the good things about Shayna. If I'm around her, I'm not around them.'
'Are you two an item?'
'We're... good for each other. Something to hold onto -literally.'
'Have you two had sex?'
Jacob shook his head no.
Decker peered into his eyes. 'Are you lying to me, Yonkie?'
'No.' He sighed. 'She made me promise to keep our underpants on. Actually, that's okay with me. I couldn't handle it... not yet.' 'Not that I haven't had opportunities. It's a really... different world outside of the yeshiva. I guess I don't have to tell you that.'
'Go on.'
'Just that there're tons of girls out there who are really aggressive. You wouldn't believe what they've said to me. Well, I guess you know. But Eema would be shocked out of her mind. In the last two months alone, I've had like five or six invitations to go over houses when the parents aren't home.'
'Girls from your high school?'
'No. Secular private or public school girls.'
'Shayna's old friends?'
'Yeah, some of them are.'
'Are they Jewish?'
'Some yes, some no. Some are older than me. They're real messed up. Divorces and affairs and all sorts of stuff. It's sad. All I'm saying is compared to them, I'm a monk.'
'So you haven't had sex, Yonkie? What about oral sex?'
'No... just...' He fidgeted. 'How much detail are you going
to ask me?'
'Enough to make sure you're not going to contract something that
could kill you.'
Jacob looked away. 'You can't get AIDS if you're a virgin.' 'That's not true. If you don't believe me, I'll let you talk to a
thirteen-year-old girl that Juvey pulled in last night. She's wasting
away from consumption and AIDS, and she swore up and down that
she only did it to guys orally.' Jacob was stunned. 'Thirteen?'
'Yep.'
'Is she like... from a poor family or something?'
'Middle class. To quote from her mother, "She fell in with the
wrong crowd."'
Jacob was silent. Then: 'Is the girl HIV positive or does she have
AIDS?'
'She has AIDS. But that really doesn't matter. Her lungs are going to crash before her immune system.' Decker leaned over and put his hand on Jacob's shoulder. The boy bristled, but didn't pull away. 'Don't have sex. You're way too young emotionally and physically. First times are often disasters. But if you're older, you can handle it better.'
Jacob was quiet.
'Do you hear me, Yonkie?'
'Yes, I hear you.'
'But if you mess up, don't be stupid. Wear a condom.'
'It's against Jewish law.'
'Yonkie, I don't know that law, but I do know it's against Jewish law to endanger your health, let alone kill yourself. Don't have sex. But if you do something impulsive, I don't want you to die, or knock up some girl. You understand?'
Jacob nodded.
Decker said, 'If you're too embarrassed to buy condoms, I'll do it for you. This does not mean I approve of the behavior. I don't approve. All it means is I don't want you to die.'
'I'm not going to need them.'
'But you'll come to me if you do?'
The teen nodded. Then he appeared to really give Decker's words some thought. 'If something does...I'll let you know. I promise.' For the first time, the boy initiated eye contact. 'I'm really sorry.'
Decker stroked the boy's cheek, then withdrew his hand. 'Jacob, I want you to stop watching porno films. They only increase your arousal, and you have no outlet to bleed off your libido except masturbation. Now, I know that's also against Jewish law. But I have no problem with it. It's clean, it's easy and it'll keep you from going off the deep end. Even so, there's no sense in feeding your sexual appetite. When your friends put on the flicks, walk out. Also, if you stop watching films, it'll get you away from that crowd and force you to do healthier things.'
'Like hanging out at Nate's Pizza Shop,' Jacob said drolly. 'There's a real riot.'
'After sex and drugs, I'm sure it seems mundane. But it's what you should be doing. Or take Shayna out to the movies. Or go bowling-'
The
kid rolled his eyes.
'Bowling's fun,' Decker insisted.
'If you're fat and forty and like to guzzle beer.' He rolled his eyes. 'Anyway, if you saw what hung out at bowling alleys, you wouldn't recommend it as an alternative behavior. You know, I used to do regular stuff. You used to take me riding every Sunday. Then you got rid of the horses-'
Faye Kellerman - Decker 11 - Jupiter's Bones Page 12
