by Tina Beckett
She blanked out the thought. She didn’t want to think about the past at this moment. Maybe she was burying her head in the sand but she didn’t want any bad memories to taint what was about to happen. When the water stopped and Sean appeared in the bedroom doorway with a towel wrapped around his hips, she smiled. This was what mattered—what happened right now. The past and the future were unimportant.
‘Feel better?’ she asked as he came over to the bed.
‘Much. It’s good to get all that muck out of my hair.’ He ran his hand over his wet hair, accidentally showering her with water, and she squealed.
‘Hey! I’ve already had a shower this morning. I don’t need another one, thank you very much.’
‘Sure?’ He grinned wickedly as he bent and licked a stray drop of water off her shoulder.
‘Uh-huh,’ Molly muttered, trying to sound convincing. However, the feel of Sean’s tongue licking her skin seemed to have robbed her of even the most basic ability to string several words together.
‘Hmm, you don’t sound that sure to me.’
He deliberately spattered another few drops of water onto her skin, his eyes holding hers as his tongue followed the path they made as they trickled from her shoulder to the edge of the sheet that covered her body. Molly held her breath when he paused then let it out in a whoosh when he pushed aside the sheet, his tongue gliding over her breast until it reached her nipple. Sensations flooded through her when he drew her nipple into his mouth and suckled it.
‘Sean!’
His name was an explosion of both sound and feelings as it rushed from her lips and she felt him shudder, felt the hard pressure of his arousal against her hip. When he pushed the sheet completely off her so that his tongue could continue its journey, she didn’t protest. Why would she when it was what she wanted, what she needed? She wanted Sean to explore her body and get to know all the dips and hollows again, as she would soon know him.
His tongue had reached her navel now and slowly began to circle it, dipping in and out of the tiny indentation. Molly’s hands clenched because each gentle stroke of his tongue against her flesh was merely heightening her desire for an even greater intimacy. When he dragged off his towel and took her hand to wrap it around him, she gloried in the feel of him, so strong and vital beneath her fingers.
‘I love you, Molly.’ He whispered the words in her ear as he lay down beside her and took her in his arms. ‘No matter what happens, I want you to know that this isn’t just sex for me.’ He kissed her tenderly. ‘I love you so very much, my darling.’
‘I love you too, Sean,’ she told him simply, her heart breaking.
It was unbearably poignant to know that he loved her and still be so unsure about the future. It lent an added urgency to the way they came together. When Sean entered her with one powerful thrust, Molly clung to him, needing to savour every precious second. She had no idea what was going to happen in the future but she refused to allow it to spoil what was happening now. At this moment they had each other. They had everything.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THE SOUND OF church bells ringing woke him. Sean lay in bed, feeling strangely at peace with himself. He and Molly had made love not once but twice before they had fallen asleep and he knew that he would store the memory of what had happened in his heart for ever. There had been passion, yes, but as well as that there had been such tenderness that he felt different. Making love with Molly, knowing that there was love in his heart as well as in hers, had been a life-changing experience. Now he knew what he had to do. Knew what he wanted to do. And it was a relief to be so sure when he had felt so ambivalent these past weeks. Rolling over, he stroked her cheek, wanting to tell her his decision. Molly had a right to know as this was going to affect her life as much as his.
‘Mmm, that feels nice,’ she murmured, snuggling against him. ‘Has anyone told you that you have magic fingers, Dr Fitzgerald?’
‘Nobody who matters,’ he replied, replacing his hand with his lips. He trailed a line of butterfly-soft kisses from her ear to her jaw and back again then laughed. ‘Come on, sleepy-head, wake up. It’s Christmas Day and it’s time to rise and shine.’
‘Why? Has Santa been?’ she retorted, wriggling even closer to him. She chuckled wickedly when she felt his very predictable response to her nearness. ‘Maybe that’s him knocking at the door right now. I wonder if he has a present for me.’
After a comment like that it was inevitable what would happen. Sean didn’t need a second invitation as he gathered her into his arms and kissed her soundly. Their lovemaking was just as fulfilling and as magical this time too and he sighed as he rolled onto his side and looked at her with wonderment.
‘How do you make me feel like this, Molly? Have you developed some kind of special powers that I never knew about before?’
‘Yes.’ She kissed him on the lips, her eyes gentle as she stared at him. ‘It’s the power of love. It makes everything magical.’
‘Oh, sweetheart!’ He kissed her this time, feeling desire roaring through him once more. It shouldn’t have been possible after what had just happened but they made love again. They were both exhausted when they broke apart. Sean flopped onto his back and groaned.
‘My heaven, woman, you’re insatiable. You’ve worn me out!’
‘Are you complaining?’ she asked cheekily, laughing at him.
‘Certainly not!’ He grinned back at her. ‘Although I may need a breather before you have your wicked way with me yet again.’
‘Hmph. Some folk are never happy. It’s a good job it’s Christmas and the season of goodwill is all I can say.’ She tossed back the quilt and got out of bed. ‘I shall leave you to recover your strength while I make us some breakfast.’
‘I could give it a miss,’ Sean offered, grabbing hold of her hand as she went to walk past him. He chuckled because the sight of her naked body seemed to be doing wonders for his flagging libido. ‘I may not be quite as exhausted as I thought.’
‘Too late, stud.’ She wriggled out of his grasp and picked up her dressing gown from the back of the chair. ‘The only thing you’re getting at this precise moment is coffee!’
‘Spoilsport,’ Sean declared as she swished out of the door with her nose in the air.
He smiled to himself as he sank back against the pillows. It felt marvellous to indulge in this kind of banter and feel so at ease. He had always felt a bit tense when they had been together before, aware that he shouldn’t be encouraging any real sense of closeness, but it was different now. He and Molly could relax and enjoy being together without him constantly worrying that he was leading her on. It made it all the more imperative that he carried out that decision he had made.
Sean took a deep breath as he tossed back the quilt, knowing how hard it was going to be, not only for him but for Claire’s parents as well. However, although he hated the thought of upsetting them, the fact was that he couldn’t have Molly in his life until he had drawn a line under the past.
* * *
Molly put the finishing touches to the breakfast tray and nodded in satisfaction. Freshly squeezed orange juice, eggs Benedict and coffee. There was a platter of fresh fruit as well, although she wasn’t sure if it would get eaten or not. As she recalled, breakfast in bed with Sean didn’t necessarily involve eating.
Heat rushed through her as she picked up the tray and carried it along the hall. Making love with Sean had been everything she could have wished for. He was both a tender and a passionate lover and she loved how he made her feel. That he enjoyed making love to her wasn’t in any doubt but was it enough to tip the scales her way? Maybe he had told her that he loved her but could he leave the past behind? Molly hoped so with every fibre of her being but, as she made her way upstairs, she could feel a sense of dread gathering in the pit of her stomach. A happy-ever-after wasn’t guaranteed.
The bed was empty when she reached the bedroom. Molly put the tray on the bedside t
able, feeling her unease mounting when she heard the shower running again. Why was Sean taking another shower if they were planning to spend the day in bed? When he appeared, fully dressed, she knew that she was right to feel concerned. He was leaving and that didn’t bode well, did it?
‘Help yourself.’ She gestured towards the tray, hoping that he couldn’t tell how anxious she felt. It had to be his decision to stay or to go, although it was hard to take such a balanced view.
‘It all looks delicious but just coffee for me. Thank you.’ He picked up the pot and poured himself a mug of coffee although he made no attempt to drink it.
‘Not hungry?’ she said lightly, spooning some fruit into a bowl purely for something to do as she doubted if she would be able to eat it when her stomach was churning with nerves.
‘Not really.’ He took a deep breath and Molly’s heart seemed to scrunch up inside her as she waited to hear what he had to say, although she already suspected that it wasn’t going to be good news.
‘I can’t stay, Molly. I’m sorry but there’s something I need to do.’
‘I see,’ she said flatly, leaving it up to him to tell her what was so important that it couldn’t wait.
‘Yes.’ He put his cup back on the tray and reached for her hands. ‘I need to speak to Claire’s parents, and to my parents, as well, come to that. It’s time I told them what really happened the night Claire died.’ He squeezed her fingers. ‘Then I can put it all behind me.’
‘If that’s what you want, Sean,’ she said, her heart racing with a mixture of fear and excitement. Maybe she was presuming too much but the only reason she could think of why Sean would do such a thing was because of her. Because of them.
‘It is.’ He bent and kissed her gently on the lips. ‘It’s what I want more than anything, although I am not looking forward to telling everyone the truth. I know how upset they’re going to be.’
The sadness in his eyes was so painful to see. Molly wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. ‘Are you sure you want to do it today?’ she asked quietly. ‘I mean, it’s Christmas Day and it might make it all the harder for them.’
‘Do you think so?’ He shook his head. ‘I certainly don’t want to make it any worse than it has to be for Claire’s parents, so do you think I should leave it until tomorrow to go and see them?’
‘It’s up to you, of course, but it might be easier.’ Molly bit her lip, wondering if she was wrong to interfere. It was Sean’s decision, after all, but she couldn’t bear to think of him piling stress onto stress unnecessarily.
‘I think you’re right. Christmas Day will be tough enough for them without me showing up and telling them this.’ He made a deliberate attempt to lighten the mood, smiling as he glanced at the breakfast tray. ‘In which case, I can sample the delights on offer.’
‘Food delights, do you mean? Or some other kind?’ Molly said, determined to play her part. Maybe it was only putting off the moment until he left her but it would be so good to have this day together, something to remember if things didn’t work out as she hoped and prayed they would. She put that dispiriting thought out of her mind as Sean reached for her.
‘Both. Although maybe we should start with the other delights and carry on from there.’
His mouth was hungry as he kissed her—hungry for her, not for the food that was on offer. Molly kissed him back, showing him through actions rather than words how she felt, how much she loved and needed him. They made love all over again and there was such intensity to their lovemaking that they both cried. Molly kissed away his tears and then he kissed away hers too before they settled down to eat their breakfast. The eggs Benedict were cold and the coffee lukewarm but it didn’t matter; it still tasted like manna from heaven because they ate it together, sitting side by side on her bed. Molly prayed with all her heart that there would be other occasions like this in the future but she knew nothing was guaranteed. Until Sean had spoken to everyone then she couldn’t be certain that they even had a future.
* * *
It was the one black spot in an otherwise wonderful day. After breakfast they went for a long walk down by the river, holding hands and simply enjoying being together. There were quite a lot of people about—parents helping their offspring to ride their brand new bikes, other couples walking hand in hand like they were doing. Everyone was making the most of Christmas Day, it seemed, and it felt good to be a part of it.
When they got back to her house, Molly started to prepare lunch and Sean helped her, although his idea of helping tended to hold up proceedings. Molly chuckled as she wriggled out of his arms after about the tenth time he had kissed her.
‘If you hope to eat today then you have to show some restraint. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. But it’s rather difficult to peel sprouts when you’re kissing me like that—it’s very distracting!’
‘Sorry, Chef!’ Sean held up his hands in apology. ‘I shall behave myself from now on. Promise.’
‘Good,’ Molly said firmly, although he could tell from the smile that twitched the corners of her gorgeous mouth that she had been enjoying his attentions every bit as much as he had enjoyed lavishing them on her. The thought made him groan and he saw her look at him in surprise.
‘What do you want me to do?’ he said hurriedly before he managed to break his promise to behave himself. ‘I’m a dab hand at peeling sprouts, if you’d like me to do them.’
‘All right. If your hands are otherwise occupied then maybe we can eat Christmas dinner actually on Christmas Day.’ She handed him the bag of sprouts along with a knife. ‘Don’t forget to put a cross on the bottom of each one, will you? It helps them cook faster.’
‘Yes, Chef!’
Sean saluted smartly, laughing when she rolled her eyes in response. He set to with a will, nevertheless, amazed that something as boring as sprout peeling should be so enjoyable. But there again, why should he be surprised? he thought. Everything he did with Molly took on a whole different light and became much more fun. The thought simply strengthened his determination to sort out his life. No matter how difficult it turned out to be, he had to do it. For him and for Molly.
Especially for Molly.
* * *
It was the most wonderful Christmas Day Molly could remember since she was a child. Although they had done nothing more taxing than playing board games after they had finally eaten their dinner, it had been perfect. They had both been on night duty so they had driven into work together in Sean’s car. Thankfully, it had been fairly quiet for once so both she and Sean had been able to file their reports about what had happened the previous night. She had even had time to pop up to the Maternity unit to visit Karen and baby Nicholas. Karen’s husband was there as well and Molly brushed aside the couple’s thanks for what she had done. As she told them truthfully, she had been only too pleased to help.
By the time she finished work, Molly was feeling far more confident about the future. Once again Sean stayed over at her house and they made love again. Although it didn’t seem possible, each time they did so, it felt even more wonderful than the time before. She fell asleep, snuggled up against him, feeling happy and sated, and she was still smiling when she woke up in the early afternoon. Being here with Sean was the most perfect experience ever.
Rolling over, Molly went to tell him how she felt but the bed was empty and the sheet on his side was cold when she ran her hand across it. A frisson of alarm scudded through her as she hurriedly got up and dragged on her dressing gown. Surely Sean hadn’t left without saying goodbye? Maybe it was silly but she wanted to hold him, kiss him, send him off to do what he had to do knowing how much she loved him.
She ran down the stairs and came to an abrupt halt when she found him in the kitchen, hunched over a cooling mug of coffee. He looked up when he heard her footsteps and smiled but she could see how tense he looked.
‘Hi! I hope I didn’t wake you up. I tried not to make too much noise.’
‘No. It’s time I g
ot up,’ she said quietly, pulling out a chair. She took a quick breath but the words had to be said. ‘Are you going over to see Claire’s parents?’
‘Yes. I’ve already phoned my parents and told them I’m coming.’ He shrugged. ‘It shouldn’t take that long. They live just outside Leeds so it’s a pretty straightforward drive along the motorway.’
‘It shouldn’t be that busy today either,’ Molly murmured. ‘With it being Boxing Day, there won’t be as much traffic on the roads.’
‘Probably not.’ He pushed back his chair and stood up. ‘I suppose I’d better get going. I’m in work tonight so I shall need to get back in time for my shift.’
‘Of course.’
Molly bit her lip. She wanted to beg him not to go and stay with her but she knew that it would be wrong to do that. Sean had to deal with this in his own way and she mustn’t try and stop him because she was afraid of the outcome. When he came around the table and pulled her into his arms, Molly hugged him tightly against her, willing him to feel how much she needed him even though she knew it wouldn’t be fair to tell him so at this moment. She mustn’t try to influence him in any way.
He didn’t say a word as he let her go. Molly sank down onto a chair as he walked along the hall and let himself out of the house, fighting against the urge to run after him. She had to trust him to see this through to the end, no matter how hard it proved to be. Screwing up her eyes, she made a wish that everything would turn out the way she hoped it would. It was Christmas, after all—only good things should happen at this time of the year. But, no matter how hard she tried to cling to that thought, she couldn’t stave off the feeling of dread that swept through her. If Sean didn’t find the closure he needed then this might be the end for them.
* * *
There was no sign of Sean when Molly went into work that night. She had spent the remainder of the afternoon hoping he would phone her but there had been no word from him. She could only assume that he had done what he had intended to do, but it was impossible not to fear the worst. When he appeared some ten minutes after his shift should have started, he looked drawn and grey.
