After deciding that I at least wanted to see were these crazy ass feelings were heading, I had gone for a run to keep from rushing over to see her. I didn’t want to spook her.
But with her whispered words echoing through my head like she had screamed them, I was finding it hard to breathe. Her first kiss. First kiss. First. Kiss.
I had suspected that she wasn’t very experienced. Lana had hinted at it, and Harper had shown plenty of signs of it. But she had just basically admitted to being a virgin. Sure, I had deflowered my share of virgins as a stupid ass kid. I had no respect for girls then; I barely respected myself at the time. Fuck, that was still the case!
But not with Harper, dammit!
No matter how badly I wanted her—and it was almost to the point of pain—I was not going to take her virginity. I didn’t deserve something that special, not when I was so fucked up. I would taint her.
Devastated, I took a step back. Still breathing hard, my body still aching to have her, I pulled away from her. Violet eyes looked up at me with desire until she saw my clenched jaw. “I’m sorry, Harper.” I told her and watched her eyes go blank. “I…I can’t… This won’t work…”
She just nodded and I practically ran from the apartment before I changed my mind. I couldn’t destroy her sweetness with my sickness!
As soon as my feet hit the sidewalk outside, I started running. It didn’t matter that I was in jeans. All I wanted to do was burn off the frustration making my entire body hurt. My heart felt like someone had stabbed it right in the center. Finally, I had found someone that I wanted for more than a quick fuck, and I couldn’t have her!
One of Emmie’s gods must really hate me, probably laughing at me right at that moment. I had found paradise and lost it all in the blink of an eye. It wasn’t lost on me that the one girl in the world I felt something deep for turned out to be my complete opposite.
I had been screwing every girl that looked interested since I was fourteen, and saying that I had fucked thousands of girls was not an understatement. When Demon’s Wings had hit it big, women were lining up for quickies. There were nights when I would start out with one and end the night with two, sometimes three.
Those nights had been fun, but now I just felt sick thinking about them. I felt dirty, unclean, and undeserving of Harper. Sweet, innocent Harper, who had experienced her first kiss with me…
My heart was screaming for me to go back, to take what it now considered as mine, while my brain was shouting at me to keep running. I was only going to cause her pain. All the reasons I shouldn’t get close to her or let her love me as I so desperately wanted her to, kept flashing through my mind.
The images had me stopping, my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath after the long, demanding run I had just put my lungs through. I was on the verge of puking and tried to get my gag reflux under control.
When the nausea passed I straightened my body out and started running again, needing the physical pain to numb the emotions.
It was more than an hour later before I finally stopped torturing my lungs and legs. Sweat soaked my shirt, and my jeans were beyond uncomfortable to wear. I was somewhere in Central Park, the unrelenting sun beating down on me. Panting, I sat down under a big tree and pulled my cellphone out of my pocket.
Emmie picked up on the third ring. “What’s up?” She sounded distracted and I could hear Mia jabbering something in the background.
“Just needed to hear your voice,” I told her honestly. I was so homesick for her, especially when I was hurting.
“Everything okay out there?” she asked, her tone concerned now. “You don’t sound like yourself.”
I didn’t want to worry her. She already took care of us and our everyday shit without complaining…much. I was a grown ass man. I could handle my love life on my own. Besides, she probably wouldn’t have believed me if I did tell her the truth. “Just finished a run,” I told her instead. “How are my girls doing?”
“Mia has a new tooth,” Emmie informed me, and I smiled despite the pain still lingering in my chest. “That makes seven now. And she’s walking more. I can’t keep up with her! Oh, and she said Shay. I’m pretty sure she was saying Shane, so I think she misses you.”
“I miss her too. And you.” Especially you.
Chapter 6
Harper
“I hate guys.”
I heard her words but didn’t raise my head as I continued to edit the batch of pictures I had taken earlier that day for my freelance job that morning. When Dallas started complaining about guys I knew to just nod and agree with her anyway.
“Fucking rock stars.”
“Really don’t care, Dallas.” I didn’t mean to snap at her, but if she was going to suddenly tell me that she was sleeping with a rock star, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.
Almost two weeks after my embarrassing kiss with a certain rock star and I was still hurting. I hadn’t heard from or seen Shane since that Sunday when he had kissed me and ran. I knew that I wasn’t what he went for and he had more than proven that to me.
Of course Dallas went on as if I hadn’t even said a word. “Do you know he had the nerve to ask me to be in his new music video? Like I would ever give him the time of day, let alone prance around like one of his ho-bags in a stupid video!”
I rolled my eyes at her. “If you say so.” She was still talking about it, which told me that she secretly wanted to. That was just the way Dallas was. The lady doth protest too much and all that bullshit.
“I don’t even like his music.” Dallas stretched out on the couch beside me, her feet pressed against my thigh as she flipped through the channels without really seeing them. “Demon’s Wings are so much better if you ask me.”
The mention of that particular band had me grimacing, and I closed my laptop. “So who is it?” I asked. “Some boy band metro sexual guy piss you off?”
“Axton Cage.” She said his name with a disgusted twist of her lips, but I wasn’t blind to the interested light in her baby blues. “He is such a douche.”
I raised a brow at that. “You met Axton Cage?”
“Yup. When I went with Lana this mornin’. Shane called to invite her to watch the auditions. She already leave for her date with the Demon?”
“Shane?”
“Drake,” Dallas corrected, a smirk on her face. “Bettcha ten bucks she doesn’t come home tonight.”
I rolled my eyes and pushed my glasses up on my nose. “No deal. We both know that she isn’t coming home.” It wasn’t that Lana was easy. She was just so in love with the guy that she wouldn’t be able to turn him down if that was what he had in mind. And if he was smart, he would definitely have that in mind.
“How did your shoot go this morning?” she asked, apparently done with her rock star rant for the moment. “You never said who the job was for.”
I couldn’t help but grin. My personal life might not be the greatest at the moment, but I was thriving in my career. “It was Rock America. They needed someone to cover a story and take some pictures. I sent them my portfolio before graduation and didn’t think I would ever hear back from them. I already emailed them my article and the pictures I thought worked best and the editor was in love with my work!”
“Harp, that’s amazeballs!” Dallas nudged my leg with her foot. “We need to celebrate.”
Any other Friday night and I would have turned her down. I knew from experience that her idea of celebrating was going out to a club. Clubs just weren’t my scene, but tonight I needed to go out and drink away the depression I had been feeling.
I surprised Dallas by saying, “Okay, make me beautiful.”
Blue eyes narrowed on me. “That doesn’t take much effort, babe. But if you want me to, I can do your makeup.”
Two hours later we were in the middle of Club 101 and I was halfway into my third margarita. I started to feel the effects of the tequila in a good way and danced with Dallas in ways I never would have done if I were completel
y sober. Laughing, I tossed back the last of my drink and hugged my friend close.
“You are such a light weight.” Dallas teased as she took my glass from me. “You need water before you get another round.”
With a pout, I followed her to the bar and downed half a glass of ice water before she would let me have a shooter. Of course she was on her fourth beer—and who knows what number of shooters—and wasn’t even feeling the effects yet. Dallas had been drinking since she was twelve as a way of coping with her mother.
When our pink lemonade shooter was set in front of us, Dallas picked hers up and lifted it in a toast. “To deserved new beginnings. If that editor for Rock America has any sense, they will snatch you up.”
“I’ll drink to that!” I tossed the shooter back, licking my lips as a drop clung to the corner of my mouth.
“It’s about time he got here.” Dallas pointed toward the entrance, and I followed her gaze to find Linc coming in. “Who’s that with him?”
I frowned, not having noticed that Linc wasn’t alone until she had pointed it out. The club was so crowded it was hard to make out who was with whom. Of course it was hard to miss Linc as tall and broad as he was. With the guy behind him just a few inches shorter and a good twenty pounds leaner, I didn’t see him until it was too late.
Dressed in designer jeans that looked like they had been made specifically for him, a shirt that had some MMA fighter’s logo on it, and his hair styled in a I-don’t-care-and-I-still-look-sexy-as-hell kind of mess, Shane made my mind go blank for a second.
And then the kiss came back to haunt me.
I closed my eyes as the remembered embarrassment washed over me. I turned away, not ready—really would I ever be?—to come face to face with the man that had given me my first knee weakening kiss before running off like the hounds of Hell were right behind him.
Of course I couldn’t just ignore him. Linc, and especially Dallas, would know something was up, and I didn’t want to tell them how stupid I’d been in thinking for all of five minutes that I had a chance with someone like Shane. So when the two men reached us, I gulped down the last of my water and pasted on a smile before turning around.
“Hey, stranger,” I greeted him. “It’s been a while since we saw you.”
Shane smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Was it so hard to be around me now? It wasn’t like I was going to claw his eyes out or anything. He couldn’t help that he didn’t want me. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Poor bastard was waiting in the lobby when I got home,” Linc said, turning from the bar with two beers. Handing a Corona over to Shane, he laughed. “His brother kicked his ass out.”
Dallas snickered. “Told y’all she wasn’t comin’ home tonight.”
“I’m not going to complain. They should never have been apart in the first place.” He took a long pull off his beer. His eyes kept drifting to me, and of course he caught me staring each time.
Grimacing, I turned around to order another shooter…
“Shane!”
We all turned when a girl screamed his name. “Shane Stevenson!” she squealed, running up and throwing her arms around his neck. Her lips covered his before I could even figure out what was going on.
He didn’t struggle, but he wasn’t exactly holding on or kissing her back. I figured she was some drunk college girl that had spotted the rock star and thought she would say hello…or whatever!
“Yo, bitch!” Dallas grabbed the drunk girl by the hair and pulled her back. “My friend isn’t interested. Go suck face with someone else.”
The drunk girl took Dallas in, sizing her up. If she was smart she would walk away. Dallas was not someone to get into a catfight with. I have seen her pull a girl near bald and scratch up her pretty face firsthand. She fought dirty and didn’t care who knew it. The other girl only glared at Dallas for a moment, noticing her tattoos and piercings and determined that she wasn’t sober enough to mess with my friend.
Shrugging, the drunk girl walked away without a backwards glance.
“Another round!” Linc called to the bartender with a laugh.
Shane
The past couple of weeks had been anything but easy for me.
I tried everything possible to forget about Harper Jones and the kiss that nearly brought me to my knees. And I mean everything!
After calling and talking to Emmie, I had felt more grounded. Emmie always had that effect on us all, but for me especially. Once I had gotten my shit together, I had took Axton up on his offer of hitting one of the many clubs that every major city hosted.
Two hours into a foursome and I was feeling more sick and nauseated more than anything else. There I was with two blistering hot chicks, ready and openly begging me to fuck them hard, and all I had felt was dirty and ready to vomit. Axton had laughed it off, telling them that I had some bad sushi. I took the excuse and ran… Literally. I grabbed my shit and got out of there fast.
One kiss. That was all it had taken for Harper to leave her mark on me. I wasn’t fit for anyone else. The thought of some other female with her hands on me made my stomach roll and I broke out in a cold sweat.
Still, I hadn’t been ready to give in. I still thought I was going to taint Harper with the things from my past.
Unable to do what I normally did, which was fuck everything in sight with a vagina, I started running more and more. Sometimes I would even go to Fit for Life in the middle of the night and just run on the treadmill for hours. When that didn’t work, I would hit a bar or club and drink until I couldn’t remember my name.
The second morning I woke with a hangover to rival any that I could remember my brother having, I realized that I couldn’t let myself go down that road. Not only was it not where I wanted my life to end up, but I had to respect Drake enough not to do that shit when he had come so far after his own battle with the bottle.
Yesterday I had finally faced the truth. No matter how scared I was of my past and sullying Harper with it, I wasn’t strong enough to give her up.
When Drake had called earlier tonight and told me to stay out of the apartment for the night, I had gone to the one place I wanted to be more than anywhere else—to Harper’s. Of course she hadn’t been home and I’d been a chickenshit, scared that if I called or texted her she wouldn’t answer.
Not that I could blame her. I kissed her and ran. She probably thought I wasn’t worth her time, and she would be so right.
Linc had saved my ass, getting home just when I was ready to give up and go to the gym for a few hours. When he invited me to come with him to the club, where Dallas and Harper were waiting for him, I had rushed to accept.
Now, with the taste of some other girl's lip gloss and smoke from whatever she had been smoking filling my mouth, I was ready to grab Harper and rush her out the door. Linc handed me another beer as Dallas moved in front of me as if guarding me from other drunken girls ready to attack.
Swallowing half of the Corona to get the bitter taste of the girl out of my mouth, I took the time to look Harper over. Her makeup was meticulous, highlighting her eyes and making her lips look so damn kissable and plump. With her short skirt and a top that barely covered her tits, she looked smoking hot.
I didn’t like it. I wanted my Harper standing in front of me. The unspoiled beauty that didn’t need thick makeup or club clothes to make my dick hard. I wanted to drag her to the nearest bathroom, wash that shit off her face, and then kiss her until neither one of us could think straight.
The guarded look in her violet eyes told me that wasn’t going to happen.
“Have that happen to you often?” Linc asked with a grin as he handed the girls their drinks, something pink and girly.
I shrugged, not wanting to admit that it happened more often than not. A month ago I probably would have been deep between that girl’s legs in some dark corner of this club. “Let’s dance.” I looked right at Harper as I suggested it.
“Yes!” Dallas pushed Harper at me and grabbed Linc’s
arm, already pulling him toward the dance floor. “Come on, Harp. I love this song!”
Harper didn’t even look up as she turned to follow her friend. Sighing, I followed, knowing that I had a lot to make up for.
The dance floor was pretty crowded. For once I was glad for it. It meant that Harper had no choice but to dance close. I grinned as I pressed into her back. She shot me a frown over her shoulder before turning back to Dallas who was grinding against Linc as the music quickened in tempo. Whomever the DJ was, he knew his stuff because the music was freaking awesome.
When Harper relaxed a little against me, I didn’t waste time taking advantage and twisting her around to face me. “We need to talk.” I had to lower my head to speak loudly into her ear. This close, I could smell her perfume. Had a girl ever smelled as good as Harper?
Her brows rose. “What about?”
“Us.”
She laughed. “Sorry, I thought you said us.”
“I did.” I gripped her hips and pulled her closer when two girls cut between us, and Dallas and Linc. When they were gone I didn’t release her, liking her against me far too much. “I want to be with you, beautiful.”
“What?” She looked confused.
I shook my head. It was too loud in the club to have this conversation here. “Just dance with me!”
Laughing, she rolled her violet eyes at me. “Whatever you say!”
For the next two hours we had a good time. It was fun watching Dallas and Harper—and yeah, even Linc—as they danced around me. A few girls tried to come up to our group, each with their drunken gaze on me. I was the notorious one of Demon’s Wings now that Nik was out of commission as a soon to be married man. Of course I was the more notorious one to begin with. Even before he had gotten his head out of his ass and admitted to Emmie that he was in love with her, he hadn’t cared as much about getting laid as I had.
Now that I wasn’t interested in that whole scene, I realized how annoying those girls could be.
The Rocker That Loves Me tr-4 Page 5
