Love Me Not

by Reese Ryan

  Love Me Not

  By Reese Ryan

  Abandoned by a mother who chose drugs over her, Jamie Charles barely got out of her own addiction alive. Now, she pours her pain into her art while pouring drinks at a local bar. To Jamie, love is a four-letter word—until she meets Miles, a charming ad exec with piercing blue eyes who makes no secret about his desire for her.

  Miles Copeland has family demons of his own, but his unhappy upbringing drove him toward hard work and success. He’s determined to win Jamie over, and when he finally does, it’s worth every moment he spent waiting. But when he confesses that he’s falling for her, she panics. Sex is one thing, but love requires more than she can give.

  Jamie can’t deny her feelings, but she’s haunted by her past. Miles knows his heart, but Jamie’s lingering doubts have him questioning their future. It might take the threat of losing him forever for her to realize that refusing to let love in is the worst mistake of all.

  95,000 words

  Dear Reader,

  It’s unbelievable to me that the holiday season is here already. I feel as though I was just stuffing myself full of holiday cookies, spiced wine and all of the wonderful chocolates sent to me during the holidays. But here we are again in what some call the season of joy, while others call it “the season where I avoid all shopping malls for at least two months.” If you’re one of those avoiding all of the seemingly endless holiday tasks, preparations and shopping, let us help you procrastinate with another fantastic lineup of books. If you’re one who revels in the season of joy, not to worry, these books will only add to your enjoyment of the season.

  This month, we have so many returning authors who are fan favorites, I’m not sure where to start. So instead, I’ll start with those who are new, either to readers, to Carina Press, or both. Beginning with debut author Michele Mannon, whose book first came to my attention two years ago during a cold-reads session at a meeting of New Jersey Romance Writers. During that session, I gave Michele some suggestions for strengthening her opening and she worked on it for several months before going on to win a few contests and eventually pitching it to me, at which point I acquired it with great enthusiasm. I hope you’ll check out her fantastic love story of a former ballerina turned ring girl and a brooding, sexy fighter in Knock Out, book one of the Worth the Fight trilogy. And don’t mind me while I claim partial credit for the opening line...

  Joining Michele with a debut book is Timothy S. Johnston and his science-fiction thriller. It’s Agatha Christie meets Michael Crichton in The Furnace as homicide investigator Kyle Tanner travels to a remote space station to solve a mysterious death that may have enormous consequences for the human race.

  Our third debut author makes her appearance in one of my annual holiday collections. These have become a tradition at Carina Press, and one that I love, since I get a chance to work with a new variety of authors every year. This year, we have four collections. Last month saw the release of two of them: Gift of Honor, a military holiday collection, and Season of Seduction, an erotic holiday collection.

  This month we release the two contemporary holiday collections, and it’s in For My Own that Shari Mikels makes her writing debut with her novella Christmas Curveball. Joining her in this contemporary romance collection are new-to-Carina author Kinley Cade with her novella Kissing Her Scrooge, and fan-favorite Alison Packard with A Christmas for Carrie.

  In the second contemporary romance holiday collection, returning authors Christi Barth, Brighton Walsh and Kat Latham join together to offer some holiday love and forgiveness in All I’m Asking For with their novellas Tinsel My Heart, Season of Second Chances and Mine Under the Mistletoe.

  Also new to Carina Press this month are authors Keri Ford, Ann DeFee, T.C. Mill and Daryl Anderson, each offering up something different for reader entertainment. Keri Ford brings us a fun contemporary romance in Never Stopped Loving You, in which the heroine has to remind herself: don’t date your friends—and definitely don’t ever date your friend’s brother. Ann DeFee’s Beyond Texas is a fast-paced contemporary romance of mystical lights that dance across the desert as the hero and heroine, Cole Claiborne and Twinkie Sue Carmichael, discover love while thwarting an evil cult, giving new meaning to the old saying “Don’t Mess with a Texan.”

  In T.C. Mill’s male/male fantasy novella, Gardens Where No One Will See, Nemaran’s gentle attentions inspire Renad to go beyond the boundaries he’s set for himself for so long—but can they help him break free of even crueler bondage?

  And last in the new-to-Carina category, Daryl Anderson is on the scene in Murder in Mystic Cove. In this new mystery, a former Baltimore homicide detective thought she’d put murder cases behind her—until she discovered a resident in her father’s retirement community shot dead in his golf cart.

  Returning to Carina Press with contemporary romance Love Me Not, Reese Ryan introduces us to struggling artist Jamie Charles, who finds refuge from the painful secrets of her past in her art and prefers living on the edge—without the complications of love—until she encounters charming ad exec Miles Copeland, who is harboring his own dark past and is determined to have her heart.

  Fantasy romance author Shawna Thomas has the third installment in her Triune Stones series, Journey of Wisdom. It’s not too late to catch up before the series wraps up with the last book, Journey of the Wanderer, in February 2014.

  If you’re looking to spice up your holidays with a BDSM erotic romance, The Dom Project by Heloise Belleau and Solace Ames will keep you warm, even when it’s cold outside. When buttoned-up university archivist Robin Lessing agrees to spend one month submitting to a sexy, tattooed colleague, she presents her new Dom with a firm set of rules. But once they begin their stimulating sessions, it’s not long before she’s ready to beg him for more—much more.

  Also this month, we have three powerhouse fan favorites with new books. Shannon Stacey returns to the Kowalskis with the much-anticipated Love a Little Sideways. When Drew Miller had a casual rebound fling with his best friend’s sister, he thought she’d go back to New Mexico and stay there, but now Liz Kowalski has come home to stay, and Drew’s feelings for her might not be as casual as he thought.

  After a two-year wait, Lauren Dane is back with Blade to the Keep, the follow-up to Goddess with a Blade. Rowan Summerwaite is no ordinary woman. With the power of an ancient goddess in her belly, she’s the perfect candidate to re-negotiate the fragile Treaty keeping the peace between the Vampire Nation and the last line of defense for humanity, The Hunter Corporation. And she’s got to do it as she attempts to manage a politically awkward romance during a trip back to a place she escaped nearly fifteen years before. No pressure.

  Wrapping up this month is The Principle of Desire, the final book in the Science of Temptation trilogy from Delphine Dryden. 1 Sexy Switch + 1 Nerdy Newbie = A Master Class in Seduction.

  Last, no matter what your religion, or what you celebrate, books are a common bond, so from all of us at Carina Press, we wish you a wonderful season of reading. May there be incredible books, stories and characters on your ereaders all year long!

  We love to hear from readers, and you can email us your thoughts, comments and questions to generalinquiries@carinapress.com. You can also interact with Carina Press staff and authors on our blog, Twitter stream and Facebook fan page.

  Happy reading!

  ~Angela James

  Executive Editor, Carina Press

  www.carinapress.com

  www.twitter.com/carinapress

  www.facebook.com/carinapress

  Dedication

  For anyone who has ever doubted his or her self-worth or felt broken inside. Your life is your choice. Choose happiness. You deserve it.

  Acknowledgments

  No woman is an i
sland. Not even one who undertakes the seemingly solitary profession of novelist. Each experience we have, each person we meet, each song we hear has the potential to impact our lives and the stories we tell. I am constantly motivated by fellow storytellers. Authors, playwrights, screenwriters and songwriters. Published or not. Keep telling your brilliant stories and inspiring others.

  Thank you to Romance Writers of America and particularly the Heart of Carolina, Contemporary Romance and Women’s Fiction chapters. To the members of those groups who have generously shared your stories, advice and experiences, celebrated my triumphs and fortified me in the face of disappointment...thank you. I am so honored to be among you.

  Thank you to my grandmother, Leila Lewis, for showing me the beauty of a strong, self-reliant woman. Thank you to my parents for encouraging my love of reading. Thank you to my husband and son for your love and support.

  Thank you to my critique partners, Jack & John, for inspiring me with your great stories and for making me step up my game.

  Thank you to Deb Smouse, Melissa Bartell, Elizabeth Rago, Lorissa Shepstone and all of the women behind All Things Girl. You’ve inspired me with your courageous, authentic stories and nurtured my growth as a writer and as a person.

  Thank you to Julie Luek, Alexandra Caselle, Demetria Gray, M.L. Swift and all of the amazing writers I’ve befriended through blogging and social media. Your constant support and reassurance moves me to tears. Thank you for your generosity.

  To Tonie Jones, Michelle Smith and Lani Bennett, thank you for being both my biggest cheerleaders and my most honest critics. Love you for that. Don’t ever change.

  To my Ya-Ya sisters, the Coffee Club and my favorite Diet Coke addict, love you guys!

  To my editor, Rhonda Helms, thank you for believing in this story before I’d ever written a single word of it. Thank you for loving this story, yet recognizing the many opportunities to improve it. Most of all, thank you for always asking the precise questions needed to guide me onto the right track and for valuing my work and my opinions.

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  About the Author

  Copyright

  Chapter One

  Jamie Charles squinted against the harsh sunlight streaming through the sheet hanging from the window. She raised her hand to shield her eyes. Mouth dry as a desert canyon, her head pounded like an old speaker rocking too much bass, and it felt like a small boulder had settled in the pit of her stomach. What time was it anyway?

  She rolled over and snuggled under the covers to get comfortable again when her eyelids flew open. Was that a sheet on the window?

  Jamie bolted up in the bed, her head throbbing in protest to the sudden, jerky movement. She surveyed the room. Plaid sheets, clothing tossed on plastic, green lawn chairs, a faded blue sheet hanging haphazardly to cover the window.

  “Fuck!” She slapped her forehead then recoiled in pain. Lying back, she squeezed her eyes shut. This was not supposed to happen.

  She and Ex had been friends with benefits in the past, but when he’d gotten too clingy she’d ended it, insisting it would be better if they just remained friends—without benefits. But a few too many drinks while reminiscing over old times, and she’d ended up in his bed. Again.

  The worst part was she couldn’t remember anything about last night. What was the point if she couldn’t remember?

  Jamie sighed. Maybe Ex was gone. She could get dressed, get out of there and they could pretend like this never happened.

  “Hey, babe. I made you breakfast.” Xavier Hunt stood in the doorway, his messy crop of dark hair standing all over his head. The sunlight danced off seemingly iridescent flecks in his dark eyes. A worn, unbuttoned denim shirt hung off his frame. He’d been working out since the last time she’d seen those abs. A pair of lived-in, brown cargo khakis hung low on his hips leaving no doubt that he was going commando this morning. Probably because he hadn’t done his laundry in God knows when. He thrust one of his chipped, thrift-store-special dishes toward her. She couldn’t see what was on the plate, but the smell made her queasy.

  “That’s sweet of you.” She shifted against the wall that served as his headboard. “But we need to talk. I thought we agreed that this wasn’t going to happen again.”

  “Oh, no. Nothing happened last night.” He set the plate on the wobbly table beside the bed. Her stomach rumbled in protest to the aroma of Ex’s culinary attempt. “We were just... I mean, you were in no shape to drive, so I brought you back here to crash.”

  Jamie raised an eyebrow and narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m in my panties and bra.”

  “I didn’t do that. You did.” He plopped down on the foot of the bed, hands raised. “Besides, it’s not like I haven’t seen the goods before, ya know.” He smiled sheepishly.

  “You swear that’s what happened?”

  “Of course. C’mon, you know me better than that.” His feelings seemed genuinely hurt.

  That was the trouble. She did know him. He was funny, sweet, sexy and he’d do anything for her. But he also represented her drugged-out past, a life she no longer wanted for herself. She’d promised Ellie—the closest thing she had to a real mother—that she was done with that shit. That meant leaving behind everyone she’d been hanging out with for the past few years, since her best friend, Melanie, had up and moved to San Francisco without warning.

  The truth was, Mel didn’t owe her a damn thing. She had every right to raise stakes and relocate. But that didn’t stop her from feeling like she’d been abandoned all over again. Mel’s leaving had taken her back to that morning nearly twenty years ago when she awoke to discover that her dad had gone missing in the middle of the night.

  “I’m not accusing you of anything. I thought maybe we did, you know...voluntarily, and I was too drunk to remember.” She drew her knees to her chest.

  “How many times we been together?” Ex smirked. “Has it ever not been memorable?”

  Jamie laughed and shook her head. “You’re a fucking jerk, you know that?”

  “But you love it, baby. Now eat your breakfast and I’ll drive you back to your car.” He tapped her foot and flashed her a playful grin before climbing to his feet and heading for the door.

  Jamie eyed the barely toasted frozen waffle and what she hoped were eggs swimming on the plate. Her stomach lurched, but she nodded. “Ex?”

  “Yeah.” He glanced back over one shoulder.

  “You’re a good guy. Thanks.”

  “But not quite good enough, huh?” Before she could answer, he’d closed the door behind him.

  Great. His feelings were hurt. Normally she’d have stalked after him and given him a piece of her mind, but neither her head nor her stomach was prepared for a fight. Besides, what could she say? That she’d never said that? That was true, but hadn’t that been the implication of her explanation why they’d never be together? His wasn’t the kind of life she wanted.

  She rested her head against the wall, hoping the nausea would subside soon so she could go home and crash in her own bed.

  * * *

  “You don’t look so good. You feeling okay?” Eleanor Gord
on pulled her into a deep, long hug.

  Jamie settled into the hug and wrapped her arms around the woman. She wasn’t the affectionate type, but there was something about Ellie Gordon’s hugs that made her feel safe, happy...wanted. Ellie was the one person she never refused a hug from. Ever. Not since they’d first met when she was just eight years old.

  “I’m fine, Mom.” Jamie forced a smile, glad she’d gone home to shower and take a nap first. Ellie would’ve smelled the vodka she’d been chucking back all night in a second. The woman had a nose slightly less sensitive than a drug-sniffing dog. “Just a little tired. Had a late night last night.”

  Ellie held her at arm’s length, concern pinching the delicate features of her face. In her late fifties, Ellie was as gorgeous as she’d been the day Jamie met her, though she had a few more laugh lines and a bit more padding underneath her firm, hazelnut skin. She easily looked at least ten years younger. Of course, her preferred hair color—a deep black with a shimmering blue overcast—helped. “I can tell. How late were you out drinking?”

  “How’d you know—”

  “Vodka, right? I can smell it coming out of your pores. Even after a shower.”

  Jamie sighed. “‘til four, maybe.”

  “You didn’t drive home, did you?” Ellie’s expression registered alarm, and with good reason. Jamie had dodged a bullet when she’d gotten arrested for a DUI a little more than a year ago. She’d nearly taken out a family in a minivan coming back from Cedar Point.

  Folding her arms across her body, Jamie shook her head, her eyes shut against the image of that night. The blood on her hands and face. The sound of children—frightened but not hurt—crying. The way the mother had screamed at her over and over that she’d nearly killed them. Shuddering, she pressed her palm to the burning sensation in her cheek and focused her gaze on Ellie’s brown eyes, swimming with concern. “Of course not. I promised you I’d never do anything like that again, and I meant it. I know what I almost did, what could’ve happened. Every time I think about it I—”

  “Then let’s not think about it.” Ellie put her hand on Jamie’s slumped shoulder. “But let’s not ever forget it either.”