Bad Rep

by A. Meredith Walters

  “I'm sorry,” I said simply, only able to say the basic truth. Eli's face was unreadable.

  “You don't have to apologize, Mays. I knew all along that you could do a lot better than townie trash. No hard feelings,” he said those words without an ounce of self-pity. He voiced them as stone cold fact. He believed them. Deeply.

  “Eli. You are not townie trash. You are one of the most down to earth, laid back guys I know. And you deserved a hell of a lot more than to be tugged around by some selfish college girl who doesn't know her ass from her elbow,” I told him truthfully.

  Eli and I stared at each other for the length of a heart beat and then he grinned. “Thanks, babe. But you don't need to blow smoke up my ass. But I appreciate it all the same.” And just like that our moment of seriousness was at an end. I was sort of glad because I didn't know what to make of this new Eli. It had thrown me for a loop.

  “So, where's your new man? I should probably head out if he's comin' by. I don't need him making good on all those threats he's thrown my way,” Eli said, stubbing out his cigarette. I followed suit and put my butt in the ashtray. I rested my hands on my knees and closed my eyes.

  “You don't have to worry about that. He won't be coming by. We broke up,” I said a little breathlessly. It was hard to get those words out. The gaping wound, wrenched wide open. Eli frowned.

  “You broke up? Why? I've got to say I'm surprised. With the way that dude threatened to rip my nut sack off, I know he's into you.” Guys were so black and white sometimes.

  “Yeah, well I broke up with him. There's been a bunch of stuff going on and, I don't know. I guess I let it get to me,” I said, surprised I was talking about this with Eli of all people. But after our little moment earlier, I felt like there was a chance he may understand.

  Or maybe not.

  “Well that's fucking stupid, Mays,” he said, short and to the point.

  “Gee, thanks, Eli,” I bit out sarcastically. He tapped his finger on the back of my hand to get me to look at him. So I turned my head and met his eyes.

  “Seriously, Maysie. That's dumb. When you're into someone. I mean, really into them, who gives a flying fuck if there's shit going on? You man up, or woman up, and deal with it. You deal with it and then move on. You put your shit behind you and you stick together,” he said emphatically. Wow, I had never seen Eli so passionate about something. And I knew he was speaking about something I didn't understand. Something that rang true for him, deep down.

  But I was obstinate. “You don't know what was going on,” I mumbled.

  Eli snorted. “I don't need to know what's going on to see you've got your head so far up your ass you can't see straight.” My mouth dropped open and I didn't know if I should laugh or be insulted.

  “You like the guy?” he asked me. I nodded.

  “I think I love him,” I said softly. How weird was this? Admitting I loved Jordan to my ex-boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend who as it turns out was way cooler than I thought.

  “Well, shit, Mays. Then you need to fight for him. Don't give up on something like that. It doesn't come along very often. And when you find it, you hold on tight. You lock that shit down with an iron fist and you never, ever let go. Even when life tries to take it from you, you smack life upside its head like a little bitch and you keep on fighting for it. You hear me?” I couldn't help but laugh. That was some supremely strange advice. But I got what he was saying. It made sense.

  “Thanks, Eli,” I said, smiling at him and happy when I saw him dimpling back at me. Eli Bray, truth teller. I liked it.

  “Sure thing, babe. You ever need a swift kick in the pants. Or need someone to take them off, then I'm your guy,” He smirked and I smacked his arm.

  “Why did we never talk like this when we were dating?” I had to ask him. Eli shrugged.

  “I was more interested in getting you naked. Didn't feel the need to talk about anything,” he said honestly. Okay, well there was that.

  “I've got to get going. There's a party I'm heading out to,” Eli said, ending our conversation. I followed him to my feet and we went inside. “Thanks for the smoke, Mays,” he said, as we made our way to the door.

  “Anytime, Eli. And thanks. For the talk,” I replied, reaching out to squeeze his hand. Eli leaned in and put his arms around me, hugging me tightly to his chest. I relaxed into him and felt more at peace than I had in days. I wrapped my arms around him.

  “Fight for it, babe,” he whispered in my ear before placing a soft kiss to my forehead.

  I should have known my feel good mood was short lived. And it was unfortunate that Jordan and Riley had to choose that exact moment to open the front door. But there you have it. Eli and I were hugging, saying our goodbyes and then the door swung open. Whatever Riley had been saying died on her lips as she looked from Eli and me to Jordan.

  “Oh shit,” she muttered.

  I stepped back from Eli as though I had been shocked and stared, open mouthed at Jordan. He looked like he hadn't slept in days and hadn't shaved in just as long. He looked tired but he also looked ready to kill or maim, whichever he could do first.

  “What the fuck?” Jordan growled, staring at Eli, the vein on the side of his neck starting to pop.

  “Oh shit,” Riley muttered again as she tried to back Jordan out of the apartment.

  “Jordan,” I whispered, scared by the look on his face. I peeked up at Eli and his jaw had tensed but he didn't move away from me. This looked bad. Really, really bad. Jordan clenched his jaw.

  “I told you to keep your townie fucking ass away from my girl,” Jordan told him in a scary voice.

  “We were just talking,” I said, but Jordan wasn't listening. Because he was too busy moving passed Riley and landing a punch straight on Eli's face.

  I heard a sickening crunch before Eli went to the floor. “Jordan!” I screamed, trying to pull his arm. Jordan wrenched his arm from my fingers and leaned down and punched Eli in the face again. Eli twisted to the right and came up onto his feet, blood flowing from his nose. It looked crooked and I worried Jordan had broken it.

  Eli's fist shot out and connected with Jordan's jaw, causing his head to whip around. “Stop it!” I screamed. Jordan launched at Eli again and all I could see was a flurry of fists and feet and blood.

  “Riley, help me stop them!” I cried out as I moved to try and grab one of them. But I couldn't get close to them. I heard the sound of fists against skin and blood sprayed across the carpet.

  “Stop it, or I'll call the cops!” Riley yelled. Eli and Jordan didn't stop. I started sobbing. What the hell were we going to do? They knocked over the coffee table, sent glasses shattering to the floor. Pictures were banged off the walls.

  Riley pulled her phone out and was getting ready to dial 911, when Eli's cousin and girlfriend appeared in the doorway. “What the hell is going on in here?” Cicely asked, taking in the sight of Eli and Jordan hammering it out to the death.

  “Is that fucking Eli?” Raymond demanded. I nodded.

  Then Raymond was in there, pulling Jordan off of his cousin. Raymond was a big guy. He out-weighed Jordan by at least thirty pounds. He yanked on Jordan's arms and hauled him up to his feet. “Fucking stop it!” Raymond roared. For such a chilled out stoner, he was kind of intimidating.

  Eli got to his feet, blood running down his face. I jumped in front of him and held my hands up. “Please, just stop,” I begged, my eyes pleading with him. I looked over my shoulder at Jordan, who was shaking in his fury. Jordan had busted his lip and there was a nasty cut above his eye. His cheek was swollen and he watched me calm Eli down with a look that made me tremble.

  “Get out of here, Eli,” Raymond ordered. Eli hesitated, looking at me.

  “I'm not sure I should leave Maysie with this fucking lunatic,” he said, shooting a murderous look in Jordan's direction.

  “Get the hell away from her, or I'll break your fucking arms!” Jordan yelled, struggling against Raymond's hold. Riley stood in the corner with Cic
ely, her face pale. Our eyes met and my friend mouthed “I'm sorry.”

  I shook my head and turned back to Eli. “Just get out of here. I'm fine. I'm so sorry this happened.” My shoulders slumped. Eli looked as though he wanted to put an arm around me but shooting a look at Jordan, he must have thought better of it.

  “Okay, but you know how to find me if you need me,” he told me.

  “Thanks,” I murmured. Eli started out the door and turned around before leaving.

  “And that fighting thing...uh, yeah, maybe we should re-think that.” He glared at Jordan and then with a final smile to me, he left.

  “Now, can I let you go? Are you done?” Raymond asked Jordan, giving him a little shake. Jordan's shoulders were tense but he nodded. Raymond loosened his grip and Jordan yanked free, breathing heavily.

  “We okay here?” Raymond asked me.

  “Yeah, we're fine. Thank you so much,” I whispered, my voice failing me. Raymond looked at me for a minute then he collected Cicely and left, closing the door on his way out.

  Jordan stood in the middle of my trashed living room, taking deep breaths. I was in absolute shock with what had just happened. Why the hell was he even here? But his lip was bleeding pretty badly, so I took a hesitant step toward him.

  “Jordan, let me clean you up,” I suggested softly, not sure what he would do. I could see the fine tremors going through his body.

  He wouldn't look at me. “I can do it,” he said shortly and turned toward the bathroom without another word.

  Once we heard the click of the bathroom door closing, I whipped around to look at Riley. “What is he doing here?” I hissed. Riley winced.

  “I'm so sorry, I should have called. But he was at Barton's. And he had been drinking since early afternoon. He was a freaking mess. I just thought if I could get you guys to talk, then you could figure your shit out.” Riley looked over her shoulder, to make sure the bathroom door was still closed.

  Then she looked back at me. “I had no idea Eli would be here,” she said in accusation.

  I glared at her. “Eli was up here bumming a smoke. Then we got to talking. NOTHING happened,” I said through gritted teeth. Riley sighed and pressed her fingers to her temples.

  “That was crazy, Mays. Remind me in the future that drunk Jordan isn't a happy Jordan.”

  I groaned. “Great, now I have to go deal with angry, drunk Jordan. Thanks. Next time, call, before you stick your nose into my business,” I said angrily. I knew Riley was just trying to help, but dear god, what a mess.

  “I should go talk to him.” I sighed. Riley nodded.

  “I'll try and get the blood out of the carpet,” she offered dryly. I left Riley to clean up the living room and I knocked softly on the bathroom door.

  “Jordan, can I come in?” I said through the wood. I didn't get a response. So I just went on in. Jordan was standing at the sink, wiping his lip and jaw with a wet washcloth. He didn't look my way when I came in. In fact he didn't acknowledge me at all.

  Not saying a word, I went to his side and gently took the cloth from his hand. I put my fingers on his face and carefully pulled him around to face me. Jordan's eyes went over my head, still not looking at me. I slowly put the cloth up to his lip and dabbed.

  We were completely silent. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would break out of my chest. My hand shook as I rinsed the dried blood from Jordan's skin. His upper lip was starting to puff out and his cheek was red and swollen. I put the washcloth back under the tap and wet it with the cold water. Then I folded it into a small square and held it to Jordan's cheek.

  We stood there for a while. Me holding the cloth to his face and Jordan refusing to look at me. “Jordan,” I said quietly. He closed his eyes and then slowly reached up and pulled my hand away from his skin.

  “Why, Maysie? Why the hell are you fucking with my head like this?” he asked in an agonized whisper. I opened my mouth to defend myself but he kept going, his eyes still closed, a frown marring his brow.

  “I've been miserable. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I've wanted to pound down your door a million times. But I kept telling myself you just needed your space. That you'd sort your shit out. So I give you space. Then Riley tells me you're as miserable as I am. So I agree to come here. I had it all worked out in my head, Mays. I was going to come in here and beg you to take me back. Hell, I was going to get on my knees if I had to. Because all I know is that I can't be without you.” I think I had stopped breathing.

  Jordan finally opened his eyes and he leaned in close to me. His eyes were glassy and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. We were so close, our lips almost touching. I ached for him to put his mouth to mine. I've longed to be this close to him for a week now. But Jordan was angry. And it was clear, kissing was the last thing on his mind.

  “And what do I find when I get here? My girl, with her fucking ex. And here I thought what we had was something special. When the first thing you do after kicking me to the curb is crawl back in bed with that douche bag.” He snarled and I backed away.

  “I AM NOT sleeping with Eli. He came up here to bum a cigarette. We started talking. He told me to stop being a stubborn ass and to win you back,” I yelled, my voice ringing in the tiny room. Jordan flinched but I wasn't through. “I know I fucked up. I pushed you away because I'm a coward. I know that. But you know what you did tonight?” I asked him. Jordan looked confused.

  “You made me feel like the slut everyone else has accused me of being. You came here and immediately assumed I was fucking Eli. You didn't ask me what was going on. Your mind went straight to that conclusion.” Jordan's eyes cleared a bit and he looked contrite.

  “Maysie...” He breathed out but I wouldn't let him finish his thought.

  “This thing we have is ridiculous. Why in the world did we think we could start a relationship built on lies? Trust, which is so fundamental, is something we never had a chance to really build with each other. And I think it might be too late.”

  The anger left Jordan's face entirely. I watched as two tears slid down his face. Oh god, I didn't know if I could handle Jordan crying. His hands were clenched at his side, as though he were fighting with himself to not touch me.

  “You're right, baby. We began out of something ugly. But what we became was something beautiful. I just wish I could make you see that.” His voice broke and he took a deep breath. My throat closed up and I had to rein in my own tears otherwise I'd be sobbing like a child.

  “But you only want to see the ugly, Maysie. And I can't change that. I wish just for once you would care more about what you think than what everyone else thinks. Why does the opinion of every other jackass on campus matter more than how you and I feel?” He reached up and wiped away his tears with the heel of his palm. Then he scrubbed his hand over his face. “This was a mistake. I've got to get out of here.” He stumbled backwards and wrenched open the bathroom door.

  I followed him out of the bathroom. “Wait, Jordan. Please,” I begged, hurrying after him. Jordan came up short and turned to face me again.

  “No, Maysie. You were right. We can't save this. This is broken and it can't be fixed. We've spent way too much time making each other feel like shit. This has to end now,” he said sadly.

  I saw Riley get up off of her knees, where she had been scrubbing the blood from the carpet. Damn it, the tears were streaming down my face now. “I'm so sorry, Jordan. I never meant to hurt you. I...”I trailed off, not sure what else I could say. Because this had become something so messed up that I didn't know what I could do to change it.

  Jordan's face crumpled and he reached for me, crushing me against his chest and burying his face in my neck. “My god, Maysie. I just wish I didn't love you damn much,” he cried brokenly, his face pressed against my skin. I had brought him to this. How could I have done this to someone I love? Here he was despairing over the fact that he loved me. That his love was in fact destroying him. My insecurities, my fears, were getting in the way of something w
onderful. I hated myself for it.

  He should have stayed with Olivia. He would have been better off.

  Then he pulled himself backwards, almost violently, and stumbled away from me. “Goodbye, Maysie,” he said softly, his eyes clinging to my face. Then he turned to Riley. “I'm sorry about the mess,” he said. Riley waved off his comment, clearly uncomfortable with what she had just witnessed.

  And then he turned and walked out the door and out of my life. For good this time. Because I knew without a doubt that Jordan Levitt was done. There would be no begging or pleading for me to come back to him. What we had was over.