For me, today marks the beginning. For him, it means goodbye.
“I’m glad you came.”
“I didn’t want to miss it.”
“I wanted to thank you.”
“For?”
I manage a smile. “For proving to me, that I’m just a regular girl.”
“You’re nothing like any other girl, Laney.”
“I very much am,” I laugh through watery eyes. “It’s a different world I’m living in now, Houseman. No going back.”
He draws his brows.
“Because now I understand all these random things I didn’t before, and it’s been utter hell and sheer bliss. Now I can feel Gran’s favorite song rather than just hear it. I can empathize with the poor sobbing idiot in the movie because I am her. In this new world, I’m capable. Capable of all of it. Capable of making big decisions that make or break me.” I look directly at him. “Of ghost pains.” He closes his eyes briefly, and I flick my gaze to the grass, willing myself to stay strong. “Even if I still suck at making the small decisions.”
“Laney—”
I snap my tear-filled eyes to his, my voice cracking in hurt and anger. “But you cut us off at the root before we even had a chance to figure out which way we were growing. So, don’t tell me you’re sorry for how you acted. Tell me you’re sorry that you didn’t try and help save us. That you let me cry in bed every damned night for weeks wondering if you meant a word you said to me. But I guess you’ve said it all by saying nothing. But don’t let me back you into a corner, Houseman. Because I can say plenty. I miss you. I miss your noise. I miss you all day, every day, and every second of every minute. So, until you’ve made your mind up about me, don’t say another word to me.”
And then I do the only thing I can, I let the rest of my fight go.
Lifting on my toes, I press a kiss to his cheek and hear the breath leave him before I bring my eyes to his. “I love you, Theo Houseman. I just wish you could’ve trusted me enough to let me.”
“Laney!” I hear Devin call out from behind me. “Where in the hell is she!?”
“You take care,” I choke out before leaving him there. I don’t look back, because if I do, I know I’ll never stop.
Grannism—The only one you should ever try and prove yourself to, is the person you were the year before.
Laney
“Max, you’re looking a little peaked,” I whisper as he sloths into the kitchen behind me. “Maybe you should up your naps to ten a day.”
“He’s fourteen,” my mother pipes in behind me as I start the coffee. “You know, we’re lucky to have had him this long. His sight is only going to get worse.”
Searing pain wracks through me as I stare down at him, and he seems to shrug. I’m nowhere near ready for another goodbye. It’s been two days since graduation, and I’m set to leave on my trip tomorrow night. My sperm donor had done me one final solid by funding my overseas trip; courtesy of his guilt. And due to my newly-flattened heart and up in the air status, I decided not to stand on principle, take the money and run. “Don’t Mom, don’t even think about it, or suggest it. Not now, not ever. He’s perfect.”
“Okay,” she says easily. “I just don’t want him to suffer. Lord knows, we’ve seen enough of that around here.”
Swallowing back my emotion, I nod.
“You’ve added six scoops, you plannin’ on needing all that jet fuel today?”
“Shit. Sorry,” I say scooping out the extra coffee. “Worst barista ever.”
“Language. And maybe we could get one of those Keurig thingies.”
“Gran hated the idea. Besides, we’ve never wasted a pot.” My voice is shaking, and I know she can hear it.
“But you won’t be sharing them with me anymore.”
Fear runs through me at the idea of leaving my mother alone. We’ve never really been apart. “I don’t think I should go.”
“Look at me when you talk to me.”
“I’m making coffee, Mom.”
“Elaine Renee.”
Turning to face her, I can see the worry etched on her face.
“What’s wrong? And don’t tell me it’s Max because he’s such a pain in the ass I threaten to put him down daily.”
Swallowing, I shake my head.
“Spill it.”
“I could postpone it for a little while. There’s so much to do around here.”
“No way,” she says. “I’ll be fine. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“You need me here.”
“I need no such thing, busybody. You’re going. Don’t forget I’m the one that raised you. But don’t age me so much.”
“Okay,” I say. “Okay.”
“That’s not all.”
“I don’t know what I want to do, Mom. I’m packed. I have a plan. I have the money. I’m ready. All signs point to go.”
“But there’s a man.”
“Doesn’t matter, he’s done with me. I just don’t think I can be done with him. I don’t think I ever will be. I feel ruined.”
“You’re not.”
“I couldn’t convince him…I just couldn’t convince him that was the truth.”
“His loss.”
“No, mine. I’ll never in my life find another guy like him. I don’t want to.”
“Oh, baby girl,” she whispers, pulling me into her arms. “I know how you love, Laney. And believe it or not, you’re so transparent when you do. There is no way in the world he’s clueless to that and no way in the world you would fall for any guy who couldn’t see your true heart. He knows. But you know the dumbest thing a woman can do, is wait for any man to come to his senses. If he’s worth a damn, and he knows you’re worth it, he’ll come for you. And you don’t have to make it easy on him.”
“No worries about that, I’ll be a continent away. And the scary part is I’m not even sure I want to go anymore. I’ve been dreaming about it for so long, but every time I think of my future now, it’s here.”
“Because of him?”
“I’d hoped. Is that so wrong?”
“No, baby. It’s just that you have a lot of ‘what ifs’ to sort. This is one of them.”
“What do I do?”
“You go, you explore your heart and mind. If he ever comes calling, then you know your place with him. Until then, you find your own place in the thick of things.”
I nod into her robe, inhaling her scent.
“Okay,” I say, letting out a breath. “Okay.”
“Come on, coffee’s ready. Let’s have it on the porch, and you can tell me all about your trip.”
Sniffing, I pull back and wipe my face. She nods in reassurance, her eyes crinkling at the sides. “She would be so proud of you.”
“Thank you.”
“I miss her.”
“Me too.”
I pour our coffee and begin to stir in the milk when I hear thunder in the distance.
“Sounds like rain,” I mumble, dumping in a spoon of sugar.
“Forecast read sunny today and tomorrow. Then again, you couldn’t pay me to be a Texas weatherman. Those poor souls are doomed from day one.”
We file onto the porch as the screen door slaps behind us. I’m going to miss that slap. I sip my coffee and study the scenery before me and imagine myself doing the same in a small café in Rome, which is my first stop. A slither of excitement races through me, and I consider that a good sign.
“Damn,” my mother remarks of the faraway noise. “That’s…what in the hell is that?”
Our eyes meet in confusion as we hit the edge of the steps peering down the driveway. The repetitive boom in the distance is growing closer. It’s then I hear the pattern of the thunder.
“Momma, I don’t think that’s thunder,” I whisper, just as a distant whistle blows and realization hits. “Oh my God.”
My coffee cup bounces off the porch and into a bush as I strain to see the source of the noise.
It’s only when I see the first line of Rangers ma
rch down the driveway that I screech, and turn to haul ass back inside. My retreat is cut short when the front door closes and locks. Another rapid succession of a whistle has me screaming and pounding on the door.
“Let me in! Momma! Let me in!”
“No way, you’re going to face this head on, Elaine Renee. This is as good as it gets. Do you hear me?”
“I hear you, Momma, loud and clear, and that’s all fine and dandy, but I’m still in my underwear!”
“Oh,” she snorts, “be right back!” I can hear a burst of excited laughter coming from her as she races down the hall. A few seconds later, the door opens, and only her hand shoots out with some sleep shorts that read ‘All sass no ass.’
“Really, Mom?”
“Hey, you bought them.”
Jerking them from her grip, I scramble to pull them on and turn back toward the wave of percussionists closing in by the second. It sounds like a thousand of them are marching in for battle. A solid lump forms in my throat as they tap out a building rhythm as if waiting for a cue. Anticipation races through me as I tug down my fitted cami while thanking God for the built-in bra. I’m a hot mess express as I stand idle on the porch frantically running fingers through my hair.
And then I see them, the Grand Band drumline emerging from the clearing along with fifteen or more fighting Rangers. Uncontrollably shaking where I stand, I feel the warmth of my tears pool where my hand cups my mouth.
Lines form on either side of the drive declaring their imminent arrival as the rhythmic thud pounds in time with the spastic beat of my heart. It’s all I can do to keep upright.
“Mom,” I cry shakily back toward the door when the adrenaline catches up with me.
It’s then she raises the blinds in the window directly to my right on the porch so she can get a clear view. She’s with me.
Breathing easier, I turn back to the drive, heart hammering, an awareness prickling up my spine, delivering goosebumps along my neck and scalp. My senses heighten unbearably, emotions running rampant as the drums reverberate through the trees. Another ten or fifteen Rangers come into view zigzagging across our lawn in perfect formation.
Heart soaring, I take in the sight before me, tears slipping easily down my cheeks just as the drumbeat takes background to a steady bass line. It’s then Theo appears in a long trailer behind a king cab along with Zach and the rest of his band. They circle the drive coming to a stop less than fifteen feet from my porch. Rangers line up on all sides of the trailer stretching down the driveway as far as the eye can see. The bass line morphs just as the screech of Theo’s guitar pierces the air.
Eyes glued to Theo; I drink him in. He’s dressed in a T-shirt that says “I’m with the band” underneath a black-tailed tuxedo coat that trails over plaid shorts. There’s a matching plaid bowtie fastened loosely around his Adam’s apple. He’s strapped with a black Stratus he’s wailing on, and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Hands over my chest, I’m doing my best to stay standing as Theo delivers the opening licks to “My Hero” by The Foo Fighters. A hysterical sob leaves me as I watch him lead the Grand Band into an epic rendition of the song while Zach begins to belt out the lyrics.
The sound reverberates through the wood beneath my feet along with the windows of my house as I stand there in awe. I’m doing everything I can not to fly to him when his eyes finally meet mine, and he winks before mouthing a, “Hi.”
“Hi,” I mouth back shakily as he leads them into an unbelievable crescendo shaking his head as he runs the length the guitar with precision like the rockstar he is. The star he’s always been. The star he let me discover by peeling back layer after layer to let his light shine through. As surreal as the whole scene is, I can’t keep my eyes off him.
His hair falls over his face as he plucks the strings rocking back and forth. Shaky sobs escape me as the song hits its peak and Zach shrieks out the lyrics. I feel every word strike me raw, bone-deep, soul deep. The band’s brass chimes in along with the five-man crew in front of me while I completely lose my shit, enamored, in awe, and desperately in love. Drowning in adrenaline, I rock out with them, dancing on shaky limbs.
The sound of the whistle has the Rangers switching their march as the song fades into a slower, melodic rhythm that knocks the rest of the breath out of me. It’s when Theo takes a seat at the waiting keyboard on the far side of the trailer and begins to play Lonestar’s “Amazed” that I lose all semblance of reality. When his eyes meet mine, I’m gone. So. Fucking. Gone.
I sway on my bare feet, feeling every note, every key, every word a direct line to my starving heart.
My mother is at my back then, wrapping her arms around my chest, pulling me to her as we freely cry together, swaying back and forth. In my peripheral, I spot Devin to the left of me at the foot of the porch, tears streaming down to her smile, her phone up recording every second of what’s happening.
It’s then I realize this whole thing was meticulously orchestrated by a musical architect. My architect. My music man and the only guy on Earth that could ever possibly hold me down.
I take it all in; the music, the words, the man pouring his soul out to me.
“I love you,” I mouth to him. Clearly, I can see the shine in his eyes as he keeps the melody, relief in his features while he mouths the words to me. It doesn’t matter that I can’t hear him, I know this song, this man, by heart.
“Okay, maybe you can marry him,” my mom says in a tear-soaked voice, before letting me go and ushering Devin to join her.
Unable to stay planted, I take the steps down the porch two at a time and rush toward him, keeping my place at his feet attending my own private concert. Standing there, I memorize the sweat on his brow, the serene look on his face, the heart with which he plays. When the song hits a crescendo, I sing with him, to him. I’m pouring my heart out right back, belting it out at the top of my lungs until every note is played. When he sees the longing on my face, he lets the band take over and jumps over the edge of the trailer before capturing me in his arms, my feet already dancing on air. Instruments go up around us along with endless cheers as he effortlessly lifts me in a hug, and I wrap around him, smiling through my tears.
He’s shaking as he holds me tightly to him, and I can feel the pound of his heart and count every precious beat.
And then he kisses me, deep, so deep my whole body erupts with the feel of it as thunderous applause rings out around us.
When he pulls away, we just stand and stare as the song ends and the bass line carries it to the next before the Grand Band begins to march off the way they came.
“Jesus, Houseman,” I say, gripping him tightly to me. I’m plastered to him, too swept up to say anything else as Theo turns with his arm locked around me and thanks Zach and the rest of the band, giving them daps. Resting my head against his chest, I wave to the guys in thanks before I catch a glimpse of Troy standing behind the cab of his truck as the guys hop off the trailer and climb in. There’s an apology in his expression, and all I can do is nod before burying my face into Theo’s chest. I have no idea how much time passes. I’m too emotional, clinging to Theo’s damp T-shirt, my head buried in the crook of his neck.
It’s only when the truck slowly pulls away, and I hear the sound of gravel that he tilts my chin up, his brown eyes filled with love as I fight to come up with words while he wipes my tears away with gentle thumbs.
“How’s that for making some noise for the girl I love?”
“I felt it everywhere,” I sniffle.
His smile is cut in half by his apology. “I’m so sorry, Laney. It wasn’t you I didn’t trust. I need you to forgive me. I’m losing my fucking mind without you. And I’ll never hurt you like that again. Ever.”
“I’ll forgive you anything. I’m so sorry I ever made you doubt how I felt about you. I love you, too, Theo, so much.”
“I know you do. I felt it every single day we were together.”
I nod, and he kisses the rest of my tears a
way.
“So, you forgave him?” I pop my chin toward Troy’s retreating truck.
“I misjudged him and he kind of owed me. He’s trying to get his shit together.” I nod, sensing there’s a lot more to that story, but I really don’t want to talk about Troy. Not now, not ever.
“That was…that was incredible. You sure set a high bar.”
His smile is perfection as he eyes me, seeming to memorize my reaction to him. “Well, I hope you don’t expect something that insane every time I screw up.”
“Of course, I do.”
He kisses my temple, my cheek, and pulls me tightly to him.
“I missed you so much.”
“Same.”
We stand there a mess, the new heat of the day bearing down on us as we cling to the other.
“Don’t shut me out like that ever again. I almost cut my hair and agreed to therapy.”
He chuckles. “I’m glad you spared your hair, but you could probably use the therapy.”
I slap his chest, and he pulls me tighter.
“You never told me you met Jim.”
He pulls back, his hands on my shoulders and frowns. “I didn’t want to upset you. How did you find out?”
“He popped up at my graduation right before I saw you.”
He weighs my expression. “Any hope there?”
“No,” I deflate a little with my sigh, “I don’t want to know him, and I told him as much. ‘Sides it doesn’t matter, I’ve got all the man I can handle right here.”
“I love you,” he whispers softly before claiming my mouth in a thirsty kiss. Wrapping my arms around him, I sink into the buzz, revel in the familiar zing in my chest, the warmth. When we pull away breathless, the excitement leaves me in a rush as I realize the clock is ticking.
“I’m supposed to leave tomorrow night.”
He swallows thickly, brushing the loose hair away from my face. “And I want you to go.”
“What?”
“It’s a few months, a summer, Laney. Go, come back. We’ll work it out. I’ll be here.”
“You’ll wait for me?”
“I waited for the wrong girl for years. I think I can handle waiting a few months for the right one.”
The Underdogs: The Complete Series Page 26
