“O-kay.” She sobs again, and my heart plummets as I speed toward her house.
Racing down the road, I wrack my brain for anything that could have happened, the panic inside me building. She keeps apologizing, but I can’t imagine what for, and it’s killing me inside. After an agonizing drive, I rush to her front door, feeling Theo’s eyes on my back as I knock sharply and then let myself inside. I find Clarissa at her kitchen table, a piece of paper in her hand. She looks over to me, her face soaked with tears before she sets the letter down on the table and turns to me, twisting her hands in front of her.
“Where’s Dante?”
“With your mother. They’ll be back in an hour or so.”
I reach her in two strides and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I just…Troy, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for locking you out of his life. I’ve been admitting it to myself for months, but it’s time I admit it to you.” I keep her close, encircling her in my arms as she looks up at me with tears streaming down her cheeks. “I was wrong, so wrong to keep you away from him. I was so angry and terrified, but that’s no excuse. It was a huge mistake, and I’ll never be able to make it up to you.”
I shake my head. “No more apologies. I understand why you did it. I’m not saying it was right, but maybe it wasn’t wrong either. We’ve been back and forth over this. Why are you so upset?”
She turns back to the table and lifts the paper. “I was going through his folder, and I found this and…here.”
Hesitantly, I let her go and take the letter, my eyes burning when I see Dante’s handwriting and the first sentence.
I don have a daddy. But I have my naybor Troy. And he better than having a daddy. Because he my very best frend. He watches my videos. He plays XBox with me. He weres my merch. He give me choclates Mommy says I cant have. If I could have a Daddy I would pick Troy. But I don need one no more.
“This is,” I look up to Clarissa, whose eyes search mine as she nods and nods.
“He chose you.” A tear I can’t help slides down my face as she palms my cheeks. “He chose you no matter what his DNA is. He chooses you.”
“This is…thank you.”
“Keep it. It’s yours. He’s yours, no matter how much I’ve screwed it up. He’ll always be yours.” She sniffles again, and I pull her to me and wipe her tears away with my thumbs. “It’s okay, Clarissa. I’m not mad anymore. I’m not anything anymore. I just want us to be good.”
“Troy, it’s time.”
“Time?” My heart begins to pound.
“Past time to tell him. Just another thing to be sorry for.” She worries her lip. “I hope he forgives me.”
“He won’t even hold a grudge.”
“He’s half mine,” she grimaces through fear-filled eyes. “There’s a good chance he’s good at holding a grudge.”
I’m smiling like an idiot. “We really doing this?”
“Yes,” she wraps her arms around me and leans in and whispers in my ear. “I’m so glad it was you, Troy. I know I’ve led you to believe otherwise in the past, but I’m so glad it was you. You’re an amazing father.”
I pull her to me, the scent of her shampoo making breathing harder, but I ignore it and let the feel of her in. It’s been so long since I’ve had her this close. I ignore the bells going off and simply hold her, leaning in. “And I couldn’t want a better mother for my son.” When we separate, she’s smiling. “Can I be there when you tell him?”
“Yeah, of course. We should do this together.”
“This is special. I want this to be about the two of you.”
“I want you there. I’m nervous.”
“There’s no reason to be. He’s going to be over the moon.”
“Do you trust me to say the right thing?”
“Yeah, yeah, I do. I trust you, Troy. I really do.”
I sigh a breath of relief. “Thank you. What do you think I should say?”
She wipes beneath her eyes. “Whatever is in your heart.”
“Dante, can you put that down for a minute so I can talk to you?”
“Man to man?” He asks, and I can’t help my grin.
“Of course.”
“Let’s go to my office.” He heads toward the porch eyeing his mother. He knows something’s up. My son is no dummy.
“Why is Mommy crying?”
“She’s happy.”
“I don’t cry when I’m happy.”
“You will one day.”
“Have you?”
I have a feeling I’m close.
“Sure, I have. Come on, bud.” Dante steps outside just as the breeze picks up. He turns to me expectantly, and I kneel down in front of him where he stands. “So, I know you’ve been wondering about your daddy.”
“Uh huh.”
“I wanted to be the one to tell you…I’m your daddy.”
“Funny,” he says with a nervous giggle. “You’re not my daddy.”
“I am your daddy. I promise. That’s why I moved next door, so I could be closer to you.”
“You’re playing.”
“No, I’m not. I’m your daddy.” I tell him in a serious tone, and from the look on his face, he believes me. His smile disappears as he glances past my shoulder at Clarissa and then back to me. I can feel his confusion, the nervous rattle coming from his frame as his world tilts on its axis.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” His lip quivers as he looks through the screen where his mother stands. “Mommy?”
“It’s true,” she says tearfully. “Troy is your daddy.”
“You didn’t tell me till now?”
“I wanted you to know me first before I told you. We both did.”
Dante looks lost and again looks to his mother as fat tears spill down his cheeks. He’s so incredibly raw, so vulnerable, my heart drops when his tone turns accusatory. “Mommy, did you know before?”
“Yes, baby.”
“How long?”
“As long as you’ve been alive.”
He draws his brows. “How?”
“That’s another talk we’ll have one day,” I say, unable to help the upward tilt to my lips, which disappears the minute I hear Dante’s voice crack.
“You both didn’t tell me!”
“Look at me, Dante,” I say, shooting Clarissa a reassuring look before facing him. Dante finally gives me his undivided attention, and I see the hurt, along with a little wonder that sparks some hope inside me. “There’s a play in football called fourth and inches. And what that means is that it’s your last chance to reach the goal line. You have to make your very best play to reach it, or the chance is gone. When you get to this point, you’re so close that you can taste it, touch it, feel it, but you have a way to get to the goal. You have to work really, really hard to get there. Do your absolute best. And that’s what I’ve been doing since the day you were born.”
His voice shakes with his question. “I’m the goal?”
“You’re the goal.”
His face crumbles, and relief washes over me as he collides with my chest and cries into my shirt. I run a soothing hand down his back as his little body shakes. Surprised by his response, a little sob erupts out of Clarissa from where she stands. “It’s okay, buddy, I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m your daddy from today on, okay?”
He nods into my shirt, his unexpected emotion causing my eyes to well. Clarissa wipes her eyes as ours connect over his shoulder, and she gives me a teary smile. Dante cries for a few minutes as I continue to tell him how I love him, of how bad I want to be his daddy. Of how I’ve always loved him. Of how I couldn’t wait to tell him. “You’re the best thing I’ve ever done. And if you’ll let me have this job, I’ll be so happy.”
“You make me happy,” he sniffs as he pulls away and looks at his mom. “That’s okay, right, Mommy?”
“Of course,” she says, clearing her face with her palms.
&
nbsp; Dante looks back to me with apprehension on his features.
“You can still be the man of the house.”
“I know.”
Clarissa and I chuckle as his face crumbles again. I’ve never seen him so emotional, and I wonder if Clarissa has either.
“So, what’s wrong then? Whatcha thinking?”
“It’s just…” He puts a consoling hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Troy.”
“For what? You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“You must be really bad at football.”
I draw my brows. “Why do you say that?”
“I’m six!” His eyes widen. “You took a long, looong time to get to the goal. That’s not good. You are really, really, bad at football.”
I throw my head back and laugh, and Clarissa joins us both on the porch, laughter bursting out of her. “I’m serious. This is serious,” Dante squeaks as we collectively gather him into our arms.
Cindy’s Chocolate Ice Box Cake
Administrative Assistant, Boston, MA
Makes 8 servings
1 hour
2 Packages German Chocolate
4 Tbsp. Water
4 Eggs – Separated
1 Tsp. Vanilla
1 Dozen Lady Fingers – Plain
1/2 Pint Whipping Cream
3/4 Cup Sugar
Dissolve chocolate in double broiler. Add water and stir well. Fold in slightly beaten egg yolks. Add vanilla. Cool Mixture. Beat egg whites until stiff. Fold cooled chocolate mixture into egg whites. Line narrow bowl or mold with Lady Fingers, brown side out. Pour 1/2 chocolate mixture over Lady Fingers. Add another layer of Lady Fingers. Add the rest of the chocolate mixture. Chill in the refrigerator until set (about 2 hours). Whip whipped cream and sugar until stiff. Top chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.
Clarissa
It’s been the longest week of my life. With finals out of the way, the school days drag by. I’m merely going through the motions at this point. Passing my real estate exam brought me little joy, and for the last few nights, I’ve been updating my résumé to send to realtors, in hopes of finding the right fit. With the end of the school year just around the corner, I’m thankful for the distraction of working this summer. With the job comes flexible hours, which I’ll need to get to spend my time with Dante. I’m hoping with the extra income, I’ll be able to afford our first real vacation.
Troy graduates soon, and I have every intention of watching him walk the stage with or without an invite, but I’ve been holding my breath in hopes for one. Whether he thinks so or not, he’s still punishing me. Keeping me at arm’s length. We’re back to the place of doing things together as a family, and while I’m all smiles while we’re together, inside my heart withers with every goodbye. Soon he’ll be gone for weeks at a time.
It’s taken all my strength not to ask any questions about us, but as far as I can tell, he meant what he said. Dante may be our only tie.
Laptop open, I sit in my chair, staring up at the ceiling berating myself for what I had, and the chance I lost. Men like Troy don’t come around often. I’m furious with myself for ever thinking differently. For taking advantage of his patience. For not waking up sooner. I just keep remembering the inhuman amount of patience he displayed when it came to me, and that’s all that keeps me going.
A part of me wonders if he hasn’t started the process of moving on. The thought of him touching another woman eats me alive.
I don’t think I’ll be able to bear it when another claims his heart.
Gathering myself from my recliner, I begin to turn out the lights when a light knock sounds at the door. My heart leaps into a gallop when I see Troy on the other side. His hands stuffed in his jeans.
“Hey,” he says softly, peeking past my shoulder. “Sorry, I know it’s late.”
“He’s asleep,” I say, opening the door and ushering him inside.
“I know. I just want to check in on him.”
I glance past to see a new King Cab in the driveway. “You got your truck back?”
“This one’s new. Well, it’s an older model but new to me.”
“It’s really nice.”
“Thanks. So, can I see him?”
“Sure, okay.” I gesture toward Dante’s room.
“Thank you.” He pads through the house and twists the knob, peeking in where Dante lays asleep on his side, hair still damp from his shower. Troy studies him for a long minute, exhaling fully when he sees he’s safe and asleep.
“I’ve never felt a love like this,” he says softly. “And I know I never will. Kids aren’t harmless, they’re terrifying. I love him so much,” he says with an ache in his voice that gives me a sinking feeling. “I can’t imagine any harm coming to him. I can’t imagine how that would feel.” I touch his arm and lean in on a whisper of my own.
“Troy, is everything okay?”
He looks over at me, the picture of beauty, the love in his eyes hypnotic. I know the look. I’ve seen it dozens of times, for myself, and it never fails to take my breath away. This man, the way he loves, everything about him moves me.
I’m too wrapped up in all I feel to speak and thankful when Troy is the first to break the silence. “You know, I was his age when my parents split up. When Dad left, I played okay with it because I knew they made each other miserable. But it killed me. I suffered in silence. I understood why he left her, but I couldn’t understand why he left me too. After a while, I came around, and I was okay with it. She was tough, fair, but so loving. But she worked her fingers to the bone. That’s what I hold against my dad now. Not the fact that he left me, but that he left her alone in the struggle. I couldn’t have been easy. Hell, I know I wasn’t. But she loved me, cared for me so well, I never suffered.” He turns to me and palms my cheek. “I don’t want you to suffer. I don’t want him to ever see you suffer. I don’t want him to want for anything. I’ll spend my whole life making sure he’s cared for, both of you. This, I swear, Clarissa.”
The sincerity in his eyes, his voice, is my unraveling. “And maybe if I would have told you how important that was to me before, you would have understood just how badly I wanted to be the one you leaned on.”
“I’m so sorry that I made you feel like I didn’t trust you to do that.”
He slowly shakes his head before his lips upturn. “Are we going to spend the rest of our lives apologizing to each other?”
I shrug, returning his smile. “It’s a step up from fighting?”
“You know, I loved some of those fights.”
I nod. “Me too.” Apprehension covers his features. “Is everything okay?”
“It is now.” He softly shuts the door. “He’s my strength, Clarissa. He’s my reserve. All I have to do is lay eyes on him, and I’m whole.”
“You know, Dante means strength,” I say softly. “Well technically, it means endurance. The minute I found out he was coming, I knew I was going to need it in abundance. I’m not trying to guilt you,” I say, placing my hands on his jaw. “I’m saying you’re exactly right. As much as he needs us to guide him, we need him too. He’s got a quiet strength, a kid’s resilience we need to see, need to be reminded of. He’s got a lot of it because he’s your son.”
He pulls away from my hands and lets out a breath before looking back at me. “Thank you.”
Ignoring the pain from his rejection, I focus on him. I’ve been selfish enough. His phone rattles in his hand and he glances down and frowns.
“Troy, what’s wrong.”
“It’s Theo, says he needs me to come over, says he needs my help.”
“Are you two doing okay?”
“This is the first I’ve heard from him.”
“Are you gonna go?”
“Yeah, I owe him an apology.”
“Hopefully you two can work it out?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“So, what’s wrong then? Are you nervous about the draft?”
“Yes and no. I�
�m pretty sure I know where I’m going.”
“Where?”
“The Giants.”
“New York?”
“Yeah.”
“Congratulations,” I say, hiding my devastation. New York. He’s leaving us. And it’s not a short drive. I suck up my own feelings and try to put on a brave face. “That’s amazing.”
I can sense the tension building in him as he fists his hands at his sides. “Yeah.”
“Why don’t I get the feeling you’re excited?”
“I don’t want to leave him.”
“You won’t.”
He scans my pajamas with a smirk. “Grand girls—”
“Stay Grand, and don’t you forget it,” I finish, returning his smile.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he says softly.
“We’ll be here cheering you on. We’ll make it work. I promise.”
“From here,” he says, his tone somber. “That’s what’s killing me.”
“Troy, it’s pro ball. It’s a dream come true. It’s what you’ve been working your ass off for. You know, since your teaching career didn’t work out.”
We share a smile.
“Finally,” I laugh. “I can make a joke.”
His expression again turns sullen.
“We’ll come up,” I offer, “you can come down, and we’ll—”
His next words strike me right in the chest. “I want you to come with me.”
“What?” I damn near stumble into the wall as he takes my hand and leads me into the living room. He sits me down on the couch and begins to pace.
“Hear me out, okay?”
I nod and watch him as he runs a pattern on my rug, cupping his neck.
“I’ll set you up. We can get him in a private school if it makes you feel safer. You can teach anywhere, right?”
“Yes, but Troy, New York?”
“Yeah. There’s a ton of places outside the city that are more ideal for raising a family. I sent you an email when I pulled up tonight. There’s a house and—”
“That’s a lot to ask.”
He blows out a breath and hangs his head. “I know.” He lifts his eyes meeting mine. “But I’m asking. If there were something keeping you here, I wouldn’t. But you aren’t buying this place, right? You hate the owner.”
The Underdogs: The Complete Series Page 56
