My chest heaves and my breathing is ragged as I try to hold it all in. My heart hurts so much I feel it might explode. I reach out and tap the next message, needing to get it all over with.
“Charlie, please call me back. You can yell at me. Call me names. But I need to know you are okay. I still care about you.”
And then the last one.
“Okay, I get that you don’t want to talk to me. But can you at least text me to let me know you’re alright? Please, Charlie. God, I’m so, so sorry. You’ll never know just how much.”
I tap the screen a few times, deleting all three of the messages while my best friend pours us shots of tequila.
I throw back the shot. Then I break down in her arms. She holds me tightly against her as we both let the tears fall. And it takes me a while to realize this is the first time we’ve ever done this. We’ve spent countless nights together. Talking, commiserating, supporting. But we’ve never cried together. Piper never cried. After what happened on her seventeenth birthday, she vowed to never cry again.
Yet, here we sit, crying and snotting all over each other. She has changed. Mason has changed her. And the thought makes my chest heave even harder. My friend found a man she could trust enough with her heart, with her tears, with her horrible past.
But even though my heart is breaking, I know it was all an illusion. What was I thinking? I can’t be anyone’s girlfriend, fiancée, or wife. It was all a fantasy. Because deep down, I know I could never tell him—never tell anyone—what happened to me. How could a man even look at a woman the way Ethan looked at me today after knowing the things she’d done. Knowing the vile things that were done to her.
No. It’s better this way. I’ve always known that. I just forgot for a little while.
Chapter Twenty-five
True to his word, Ethan didn’t show up at the gym on Tuesday.
Or Wednesday.
Or Thursday.
Or Friday.
Well, he did show up, as I heard through the grapevine, just not when I was there.
And all week at work, even though I tried to keep myself from doing it, every time the door to Mitchell’s opened, I’d look over to see if it was Ethan walking through it.
On Saturday, during a bathroom break, I find myself wondering where he’s going for lunch if not here. Did another client walk into his office and take her shirt off? Did he decide to get back with Gretchen? They obviously have some kind of history.
I push up my shirt sleeves to wash my hands and it hits me. He saw my scars. Was he repulsed by them? I think back to the day that seems forever ago even though not a week has passed. No, even after he saw the scars, he still seemed interested.
Of course he did, his dick was inside you and you were making him come.
I shake off the thought. After all, now I don’t have to try and explain the scars away. It’s better this way, I remind myself.
Walking back out into the dining room, my heart takes a tumble when I see who’s sitting at one of my tables. I quickly look at the front door of the restaurant to see if anyone else is coming. Then I make my way over to the table hoping no one notices my shaky legs.
“Hi, Kyle. Levi. How are you?”
The way they both look at me lets me know that, in fact, no one else will be joining them.
“Hey, Charlie,” Kyle says. “You okay?”
I nod, pulling my order pad from my apron so I don’t have to look at the man who shares a resemblance with the one who broke my heart. “What can I get you?”
Levi reaches out a hand and places it on mine. “We’re not here for the food, Charlie. We wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I look at him. “So, you’re not ordering?” I snap at them. Then I realize I sound like a complete bitch. “Sorry. I’m not mad at you.”
“It’s okay,” Levi says. “You have every right to be pissed. Ethan told us what he did and it was a real dick move.”
“Yeah, um, seriously, are you eating? Because I have tables I need to get back to.”
He nods. “Yeah. Bring us a couple of burgers and fries please.”
“Water with that?” I ask.
“Please,” he says.
“Coming right up.” I stick my pad back into my apron and walk away.
I turn the corner and lean my back against the wall, breathing deeply. Seeing them is like seeing an extension of him. They see him every day. They talk to him. Maybe they even get to touch him. I don’t want them here. I don’t want any reminders of what I’m missing. And even though I’ve promised myself that there is no way in hell I’d give him another chance, part of me still wants him to try. But he had his second chance. And his third. Hell, no wonder he played me like a damn fiddle; I was a doormat.
I drop off their order in the kitchen, take care of a few tables and then return with their drinks.
“He’s a damn fool, Charlie,” Kyle tells me. “I’m not going to deny that, but there are things about him you don’t know. Things nobody knows.”
“We all have secrets,” I say. “But that’s still not a pass to be an asshole.” I deposit their drinks on the table and then hand a check to a customer in the booth next to them.
I ignore Kyle and Levi until I have to take them their food. I know they love the guy, and of course they are going to try and defend his actions, but I really don’t need to hear his excuses. “Enjoy your meal, guys,” I say placing their plates in front of them, then turning for a quick getaway.
But Kyle grabs my arm, pulling me down into the booth beside him. “Just give me one minute, Charlie. Hear me out. I swear it’s nothing you did. My brother has issues. Issues that keep him from having a relationship.”
Before I can stop myself, my curiosity gets the better of me. “Does this have anything to do with Gretchen?”
“Gretchen?” he says incredulously. “No. Hell no.”
“We would have warned you off sooner,” Levi adds. “But we really thought you were the one.”
“The one?”
Kyle nods. “Yeah. The way he talked about you. Looked at you. We really thought you were it for him. But we were wrong. He can’t be with you. He can’t be with anyone. He’s broken, Charlie. We realize now that there isn’t anything we or you or anyone can do about it. And I’m sorry as hell.”
I motion to their food. “It’s getting cold. You should eat.” I scoot out of the booth, leaving their check on the table. “It was nice seeing you again. Good luck in med school, Kyle. Bye Levi.” I make it sound final. Because it is. I know that now. They made good and well sure that I did.
He can’t be with you. He can’t be with anyone.
I hide out in the back until they leave, asking Mindy to cover a few of my tables. While I wait, I text Piper.
Me: I need a night out. You up for it?
Piper: Just tell me when and where. I’ll always be here for you.
I smile. Who needs a man when I have my best friend?
~ ~ ~
Walking into the nightclub, everything feels familiar. Piper is on my arm and we’re both dressed to kill. Kill what, I’m not sure, but we are.
Within minutes, we’re given drinks compliments of some guys at the end of the bar. I lift my glass to them and toss it back quickly, knowing it won’t be long before they come over and hit on us. This isn’t anything new. I’ve done this dance before. In fact, it was pretty commonplace for the five years I was traveling abroad. When we were running low on cash, usually at the end of the month, Piper and I would head to a club. Men would buy us drinks. I’d feel them out to determine which one was more likely to let us crash for a few days. Piper hated those nights. She always stayed sober, hating the fact I was selling myself for a warm bed for the two of us. I never looked at it that way. It was only sex. A means to an end. Giving it away meant nothing to me. It would have been much harder to part with what material things I had of value. Like the platinum bracelet my only living grandmother gave me when I was seven, right before she passed aw
ay. Or the pearl necklace Piper’s parents gave me for high school graduation. Those things meant something to me.
More drinks arrive, this time from a group of men sitting at a nearby table. Piper is still drinking her bottle of water. She never accepts drinks from anyone. And she’s determined to be the ‘designated driver,’ even though we came here in a cab. I know it’s her way of taking care of me. Making sure I don’t do anything stupid. I’m not shy about taking up the slack, so I pull her new drink over to me and dump it into mine. I raise the empty glass to the men at the table. One of them whistles at me.
Piper eyes me skeptically. “We’re here for us, right? Two girls having fun on a night out. We’re not over there anymore. Right, Charlie?”
I take a slow swallow of my large drink. “Right, Pipes. No worries.”
When one of the groups of guys comes over, we thank them for the drinks and politely decline their invitation to dance.
“So, is Mason pissed that I’m monopolizing so much of your time lately?” I ask her.
“What? No. Of course not. You are not monopolizing my time. He understands that best friends need to hang. He has nights he spends with the guys. Plus he—”
“Knows how fucked up I am so he feels sorry for me?” I say.
“That’s not what I was going to say, Charlie. What I was going to say was that he looks forward to the nights he gets to spend with just him and Hailey. Don’t get me wrong, we love hanging out as a family. But before I came along, he developed a really special bond with her. He just doesn’t want to lose that. So it’s good for them to have this time.” She pulls me in for a hug. “And it’s good for us to have this time. I’ve really missed you, Charlie.”
“Well, don’t get too attached,” I say.
She pushes me away, holding me at arm’s length as she scowls at me. “Charlie Anthony Tate, you are not leaving New York. I absolutely forbid it.”
“You forbid it?” I ask, with a challenging rise of my brow.
While Piper goes into a tirade on how she just got me back and I can’t possibly leave again, I can only think of one thing. CAT. What the hell does it mean and why did he seem so upset when I asked him about it? Is that why he can’t be with me? Maybe he’s still pining away over some other woman who wronged him.
I start thinking of the night in the pool when I saw the tattoo. It was the second time we were together. It was the first time I thought of him as more than just another screw. The first time my heart hurt over a man.
Shit. I have to get him out of my head.
More drinks are delivered by a waitress. This time, the men follow directly behind her, introducing themselves as soon as she puts the glasses on our table.
“I’m Zach and this is Kevin,” the tall one says. “The drinks are from me. Kevin’s married and he wants to make it perfectly clear that he had no part in this whatsoever other than being my wingman.”
We laugh. You gotta admire the guy’s sincerity. “Nice to meet you, Zach and Kevin. I’m Charlie.” I motion to Piper. “And this is Piper. She wants me to make it perfectly clear that she’s engaged and is only here as my wingman.”
“Well, now that we have all that out of the way, would you ladies like to dance?” Zach asks, holding his hand out to me.
I’m about to blow him off like the rest of the guys who’ve bought us drinks, but then I would probably just sit here and think of the P.I. all night long. And this night is all about not thinking about him.
Plus, Zach is funny.
I shrug and then raise my eyebrows at Piper, letting her decide for us. “Okay. It sounds fun,” she says.
I quickly finish off drink number four and take Zach’s hand as we get up to walk to the dance floor.
“So, how long have you been married, Kevin?” Piper asks.
“Four years,” he says. “Married my high school sweetheart right after graduation.”
“Aw, that’s sweet,” Piper says.
The closer we get to the dance floor, the less I hear of their conversation. Which is fine. Because it was already getting boring.
We work our way into the center of the floor. There are several circles of girls all dancing together, and some other co-ed groups like ours, with a few men and women hanging out on the floor doing what seems more like socializing than anything else. Then there are the couples who are doing more dirty than dancing.
We dance to a few songs as a group, and I’m all too aware of how Zach keeps inching closer to me. Before long, he has his hands on my hips, still standing a respectable distance away, but making it known he’d like to remedy that.
He leans in closer to speak in my ear. “So, Charlie, is that short for Charlene?”
Really? He’s so original. “Nope, it’s just Charlie.”
“I like it. It’s different. Your last name isn’t Brown, is it?” He laughs at his own joke.
Yeah. Never heard that one either. “No. Not Brown.”
“Well, what is it then?”
I stop moving and pull back to look him in the eye. “It’s just Charlie. And I should tell you right now that I’ve no intention of seeing you after tonight, so last names really don’t matter all that much, do they?”
He smiles. “Well, Charlie, with no last name, I like your style. Does that mean you’re interested in seeing more of me tonight?”
I guffaw. “Hardly. Dancing is the only thing you’re getting out of that drink.”
He pulls me closer. “Well then, I’d better make the most of it.” He smiles. It’s mildly charming. I let him hold our bodies together and sway me to the music.
“Let’s slow it down a bit,” the D.J. says. “Let you crazy kids cool down for a minute, shall we?”
Piper motions to me that she’s heading back to the table. I nod my head in understanding. Kevin shakes her hand and walks back over to another table. I can’t imagine what that must be like. The two of them, being so secure in a relationship that they can dance with another person without it meaning anything.
The song starts and I freeze. Chills run up and down my sweaty back as Zach crushes his body to mine. I’m transported back in time, to the concert I attended last weekend. To when Adam Stuart dedicated this song to me. To when I was in the arms of another man.
I turn around to escape Zach’s arms, but he pulls me back to him, caging me to him in the same way Ethan caged me against him that night. I get pulled into the song. Adam’s voice caresses me with his words of love and longing. Emotion floods through me like a tsunami. I stop pulling away. I let his hips roll against mine. I let his body control our movements. I let his erection press against me. I let my mind pretend it’s still that night and the man behind me is the only man I’ve ever let myself need.
“You feel so good,” I hear a strange voice say behind me. My eyes fly open. Those aren’t Ethan’s words. It’s not Ethan’s voice.
My head is clouded with alcohol. My eyes are clouded with tears. I rip myself away from him and run towards the bathroom, passing by our vacant table, and noticing Piper vying for position at the bar.
I make my way down the hallway only to find a long line of women waiting to enter the bathroom before me. I turn the corner and see another door, hoping it leads to the outside because I need to escape this place so desperately I can’t even breathe. I open it and find myself in a storage room, surrounded by cartons of toilet paper and straws. I shouldn’t be in here. I spin around to leave only to find that Zach has followed me in.
He shuts the door behind him. Then he grabs me, pulling me towards him. He tries to kiss me, but I turn my head away and his lips meet my neck instead. He sucks and laves and licks the tender flesh beneath my ear. His hot breath flows over me as the ministrations of his mouth hypnotize me. His hands come up to grab my breasts. When I don’t push him away, he moans excitedly and lowers a hand to raise the hem of my short skirt.
In seconds, his fingers are inside my panties, working my clit, entering my body. He rips my underwear in his haste to
remove them. Then he unbuttons his jeans and pulls himself out, rubbing his erection along my slit.
“Hold on,” he says, his raspy voice causing my eyes to snap open to catch him reaching down to his fallen jeans to get a condom. “Give me a sec.” His voice grates in my head like fingernails on a chalkboard.
I look down to see a head of dark hair. I don’t want to hear that voice. I don’t want to see this hair. I don’t want to be with this man.
Then, as I feel him push himself inside me, I close my eyes again and wish it all away. I conjure up a picture in my head. The mural on the wall I used to stare at when I was young. The painted unicorn that I begged to protect me for all those years.
But this time is different. I led him on. I let him touch me. I didn’t ask him to stop. Unicorns don’t protect those who bring it on themselves.
“Uhhhhhhh,” he cries into my chest, achieving precisely what he came for.
As soon as he pulls out of me, I pull down my skirt and plow through the door, not even caring that my panties are in a shredded ball on the storeroom floor. I race down the hall to the bathroom, pushing several women aside to get in. A lady is exiting the handicap stall and I jump ahead of the line and lock myself in to the yells of a dozen inebriated girls.
I collapse on the floor and heave all of tonight’s drinks into the toilet. Then I wet a paper towel and run it over my face as I look at myself in the old, cracked mirror. I stare at the woman’s distorted reflection. Her hair is mussed up, her eyeliner smeared, her spirit broken.
And I’m totally sure of the person who is staring back at me.
Hello again.
Chapter Twenty-six
It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen his face. Three weeks of daily phone calls from Piper, talking me into staying in New York for one more day. Three weeks of forcing myself not to throw my clothes into a suitcase and leave everything behind.
Stone Rules (A Mitchell Sisters/Stone Brothers Novel) Page 16
