Add in a pool of blood, some police and his furious girlfriend…yeah, this wouldn’t be adding to his bank of happy memories.
“No. It is our belief that your mother stabbed herself. Once we have the fingerprints analyzed, that will be confirmed.”
The cop kneeling near the blood asked, “Is she capable of something like that, sir? Of stabbing herself?”
Alex huffed, relieved that the police truly didn’t think Devvy had anything to do with the farce only his mother could have fabricated, and mocking the idea that his mother couldn’t manage something like this. “Very.”
The gendarme frowned. “She is ill?”
Alex shrugged. “She has never been diagnosed with any kind of disorder. My mother distrusts doctors, so even if something was wrong, we’d never know.
“On top of that, she is a very jealous woman. Manically so. I brought Devvy here yesterday to meet her. The rendezvous did not go well.”
“Have you any idea why she was here?”
When Bastien stiffened against him, Alex ignored the minute gesture and shook his head. “No. No idea. This morning, she was with me. Then, this afternoon, when I woke up, she’d gone.”
The look the cops shared once again told Alex they were well aware of this morning’s gossip.
“This conversation, gentlemen, is in complete confidence,” Bastien gritted out, obviously spotting that shared, amused glance. “If anything, anything at all, makes its way into the papers, I will sue your département. Do you understand me?”
The two stiffened, but nodded. Their faces turned to stone as the first one replied, “Of course.”
“Good.” Bastien moved away from Alex, making him feel like he’d been stranded in an ocean, and his lifeboat had decided to sink. “This is also completely confidential. I am being blackmailed. This morning’s headlines were my punishment for failing to deal with the payoff.”
“Did you report this to the police, sir?” The second officer started to look interested.
Alex just knew this would be a fascinating topic of discussion over his dinner table.
Confidential or not.
Bastien shot him an impatient glance. “No, of course not. I had my security team deal with it. I believe Devvy came here to speak with Alex’s mother about the blackmail. We spoke, earlier on today. She inferred that she’d like to smooth over troubled waters with Antoinette.
“As Alex has already said, she is a very jealous woman. She didn’t take to Devvy at all yesterday, and with the news this morning…well, we didn’t want to upset Alex’s mother any more than necessary. Apparently, it was poor timing for Devvy to visit. None of us realized just how unbalanced Antoinette Ivanov actually is.”
The first officer scrubbed a hand over his jaw as he took in the scene for the last time. As he did, he shook his head and muttered, “I think we have all we need, sirs. Thank you for your honesty.
“The department will be in touch regarding the blackmail attempt. We will need you to come down and make statements.”
Bastien shrugged. “Honesty causes less hassle and embarrassment in the long run. I’ll have my attorneys contact the precinct. They will liaise on our behalf.”
As the cops started to turn away, Alex asked, “Devvy is free to go?”
The first one huffed out a laugh. “Yes. She didn’t do anything. Like I said, the prints on the knife will only confirm what the lack of blood on her clothing did.
“It is not my place, but I would recommend, sir, that you make your mother see a psychiatrist. At the moment, we’re still investigating the allegations your wife has made, but if she’s telling the truth, well…the medics said the level of force to make something as blunt as a paperknife slip through flesh…it took a lot of effort.” He hesitated. “Your…” He settled on, “…Madame Jacques implied that your mother actually stabbed herself, while she was talking to us at the door. She did not cry out. We did not hear anything.
“Once we confirm the story, the hospital will arrange for psychiatric treatment. She’s obviously a danger to herself and the public, but after that, unless she truly is ill and this wasn’t just an aberration caused by difficult circumstances, it will be up to you to arrange for some kind of treatment.”
“My mother is a very strange woman, capable of anything. I will see to her care,” was all he said.
He stepped away from them and headed over to the balcony. He didn’t stop until he stood beside Devvy and wrapped an arm about her tense shoulder.
“I didn’t hurt her. I swear.”
The tension in her voice and frame had him frowning. “I know you didn’t. But I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had.”
“How do you know I didn’t?” she asked, still a little frosty.
He frowned. “The evidence says so.”
“So you don’t believe I didn’t hurt her because I said so?”
Alex sighed. “Please, Devvy, let’s not get into this. It was hard enough getting here. I don’t want to argue with one of the two people stopping me from throwing up.”
At his candor, her lips softened out of their tight clench. “You made it, didn’t you, though?”
He grunted. “With a statement like, ‘I have faith in you,’ how could I have let you down?”
She stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you.”
“You and Bastien keep on thanking me for something so pathetic. I don’t deserve your thanks.”
“We all have our issues, Alex. No matter how small, large, petty, or serious. Overcoming them deserves a reward. Even if it’s just a kiss and a ‘thank you.’”
He sighed. “You are too good for me. Both of you.”
Tears made her eyes sparkle in the golden glow of the early evening sun. She soothed her fingers over his cheek, ran them up over his jaw, and combed at the hair curling over his ears. “I know,” she retorted, deadpan.
It took a second to absorb her meaning and he glared down at her, the tears having disappeared only to be replaced by mischief.
“Are you teasing him, chérie?” Bastien’s voice broke into their conversation. He crossed over the terrace and stood beside Devvy. As he passed her, he tapped her on the butt and said, “That’s naughty.”
She grinned. “I wouldn’t have, but he was getting all serious on me. We’re too good for him, apparently. Shall we dance off into the sunset together?” She spun around, grabbed Bastien’s hands, and in a totally un-Devvy-like move, began to waltz on the terrace.
Even though Bastien moved with her, he stared down at her as though an alien had just taken his wife’s place.
She finally came to a stop, when she forced Bastien’s arm up into the air, and did a little twirl. “I don’t care how inappropriate that was. I don’t care that your mother’s blood is staining the carpet. I had to do that. Twenty minutes ago, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be arrested!” She laughed, but her face held the earlier echoes of her panic. “She’s a nutcase. A total and utter psycho. And I thought my mom was bad making me take dance class.”
“It came in handy for something,” Alex remarked, brow cocked.
She moved over to him, pressed herself against his chest and whispered, “If you’re not careful, I’ll make you dance, too.”
Alex snorted. “I’ve got two left feet.”
“I’ll make a dancer out of you, yet,” was all she said before burrowing her arms between his and embracing him. Tightly. “I don’t ever, ever want to hear you say that you don’t deserve us. Do you understand me?”
At her fierce command, what could he do but smile at Bastien and retort, “I do.”
Chapter Nineteen
As Bastien worked at his desk, Alex looked out onto the garden where Devvy stood watering her herbs. She’d been out there for the last two hours, straw hat on her head protecting her from the sun as well as shielding what he expected were tears from him and Bastien.
This morning had started off with the shittiest of bangs. A call from Devvy’s mother
. At five a.m.
Miranda’s shrieks of outrage had burst down the line, her fury and shame at the news spreading about her daughter almost tangible as they sat there, half-dazed and sleepy.
When Devvy had just taken the abuse, motionless aside from the tears rolling down her cheeks, making no move to cut the call, in the end, Bastien had taken the phone out of Devvy’s hand and disconnected the line on her behalf.
He’d held her against his chest, pressed a kiss to her temple and said, “The next time she calls, I’ll handle her.”
She’d refused breakfast, and he’d grabbed a coffee and a croissant, taken a seat on the sofa in Bastien’s study, and had been watching over her for the last two or so hours. Her earlier bravado had disappeared in the face of her parents’ vitriol, and it hurt him to see her so down.
It was a few days since his mother’s attack and subsequent arrest. After they had left her apartment building, they had headed home to Les Fenêtres, and he’d been there ever since. He’d had no desire to return to his lab, no desire to be anywhere else but here, with the people who mattered most to him.
They had been odd these last few days. A time where they had come together, but also a time where he’d had the chance to think. Had a chance to take stock of his life and realize he had amends to make.
He’d hurt Bastien so many times over the years. Been a bastard and been totally undeserving of the stalwart love Bastien had given him.
It was time, he’d realized, to stop being selfish, to focus on Bastien. Devvy, too, but Bastien was the one who had suffered through the decades of their relationship. He could only imagine how often he’d caused him pain.
He’d come to a decision last night, when the two of them lay in bed beside him, snoring away. The silence in the room, the circle of trust he’d been in, the meaning behind being under Bastien’s roof and in his bed…all of it, the security, trust and the love, had made him see it was time to cut ties with his mother. It was time to stop hedging his bets and to liberate himself from her.
He’d do what he could, when he could, to help her out of the mess she’d created when she’d decided to blackmail them. He’d been hard-pressed to believe her obsession had risen to such heights, that she’d intended to blackmail him to make him visit her more often.
When Devvy had told him that, had repeated verbatim the words his mother had screamed at her as she’d attacked, he’d known enough was enough. It had taken a few days of processing to realize what had to be done, though.
He was ready. Ready to tell the truth.
After what happened at his mother’s apartment, things had changed. He’d changed. It was time to make amends.
“I’m sorry, Bastien.” The minute the words popped out, he regretted them. They weren’t what he’d wanted to say. He’d wanted to tell him he loved him. Instead his subconscious had made the decision for him.
He watched as his lover’s head shot up. A glare aiming his way, Sebastien spat, “What for?”
There was a stillness about the other man that told him he was expecting to hear bad news. Alex supposed he deserved such a reaction. He’d hardly been as steadfast as Bastien. His anger told him he expected another rejection, only this time, Devvy was involved, hence the anger. In the past, Bastien had always closed in on himself.
The times Alex had said he needed a break, Bastien had always nodded quietly, listened to his reasoning, and then left. Not a word spoken.
For Devvy, he was attacking.
The notion pleased Alex. The three of them were really tying together. The connections knotting and taking a firm hold. A forever kind of hold.
“For having to put up with me through the years. For dealing with my selfish bullshit.”
Bastien’s glare lessened a little, but there was still tension in his shoulders. “I love you. You were worth it.”
“Were?” Alex asked, a teasing smile on his lips.
“Are,” he corrected. “What’s wrong? You’re looking at me strangely.”
“I need to tell you something, something about me. I was going to tell Devvy, but I’m not ready for her to know. And this…” Alex sucked in a breath, terrified at what he was about to reveal. Horrified at what Bastien’s reaction would be. “I need you to know, because I need you to understand why I’ve been the way I’ve been. All these years, you’ve loved me. You’ve supported me, and I’ve been a shit. I’ve treated you terribly, and even the fact that I love you and have loved you almost from those first months together, doesn’t excuse the way I’ve behaved.”
Bastien frowned. His chair screeched as he stood up and strode over to Alex. He knelt in front of him, reached forward and cupped Alex’s trembling chin. “No tears, mon cher.”
Alex’s mouth still quivered, but he braved a smile. “Please, Bastien, don’t pull away from me once I tell you this.”
A strange look appeared in Bastien’s eyes. Alex couldn’t describe it, and it disappeared before he even had a chance to name the emotion hidden within the amber depths. “You need never fear I will stop loving you, Alex. You had me that first day and you’ll have me until my last.”
“You say that now, but you don’t know what made me me, Bastien.”
“I know the man sitting here today. I don’t necessarily understand him, but I know, deep down, I know.”
“I was raped. As a child.” The words blurted free and Alex’s eyes clenched down, blocking out Bastien’s reaction. “Not a week passed where he didn’t come for me. Where he didn’t touch me. For years, Sebastien,” he breathed out the word, his eyes fluttering open. He saw his lover’s face through a blur of tears. “Years.”
He gulped. “I’d just lie there. Every night. Waiting. Mother always used to leave the hallway light on. I can remember her always doing it. Even when I was really young. But the light would shine under the door, and I’d wait to see his feet making shadows on the floor. I’d wait for the little creak on the floorboard outside my bedroom.
“The door would always open without a sound. Not even a whisper. His socks would slide against the floor, then he’d be standing there. Over my bed. Every part of me would freeze, praying tonight would be different. But it never was.” His voice was hoarse when he continued. “That is what turned me into the man you see before you. A man scared of his own shadow. Terrified to leave his own home, too cowardly to be with the man he loves. I don’t deserve you. And I certainly don’t deserve, Devvy.”
His eyes closed again, but he felt the warm brush of Bastien’s breath on his lips, before he was kissed. Gently.
“Are you going to move into Les Fenêtres, Alex?”
The question, after his confession, stunned him. He was silent, unsure of how to answer.
“Are you going to let Devvy and I love you, free you from the past?”
The soft words had a sob building in his chest. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be free. I can’t stop thinking about it. Every day, it’s with me. No amount of therapy, nothing, takes it away. I’m in a prison up here!” he yelled, banging his temple with a fist. The dull thudding ache he caused was nothing to the agony deep inside. “I’m broken, Bastien. Nothing will fix me. Nothing.”
“You’ve shared the truth with me, Alex. That’s the first step. Do you think it doesn’t kill me to know that someone abused you? Do you think I’m okay with it?” Alex looked at the fierceness on Bastien’s face and shook his head. “Do you think I don’t want to kill the fucker who touched you? Avenge the little boy who would become the man I love?”
“He’s dead. He died a long time ago.”
Bastien sucked in a breath. “I never believed in heaven or hell, but I do now. Simply so that bastard can rot in hell.” His top lip curled in a sneer. “I would kill for you, Alex. That’s how much I love you.
“Bruised, battered, broken, I need you, and Devvy does, too. We can’t fix the past, we can’t change the present, but we can work on the future.
“Be with us, Alex. Not tomorrow, maybe not in six month
s’ time, but get used to the idea. You can’t heal, darling, until you accept what happened to you, and know that I love you more for telling me something so painful to you.”
Alex swallowed. “I don’t deserve you.”
“You do. And you deserve Devvy.”
His chin wobbled again. “Are you my reward, Bastien?”
Bastien smiled. “We’re whatever you need us to be.”
The word “salvation” whispered through Alex’s head, but he didn’t repeat it. He leaned forward and whispered, “I need you to love me. I need you both to love me.”
“We do. We always will. Don’t pull away from us, Alex. Don’t push us away because you’re frightened. When you’re ready for Devvy to know, tell her. It won’t change a thing, except make her understand you better.”
“I—I will. I swear. I don’t know when, but I will. I just needed to tell you. It was the only way, the only real way I could apologize to you. You’re right. I have pulled away from you, and I’ve pushed. I won’t do it, ever again. I swear.”
Bastien’s eyes grew moist with tears, and Alex realized that was one of the first times he’d ever seen him cry. Molding their mouths together, they kissed for endless, timeless moments. They sat there, awkwardly holding each other, imbuing the kiss with regrets soon to be forgiven, and the need that was always there.
When Devvy’s amused voice broke them apart, their eyes were dry, but the connection still held fast. “You two starting without me?”
Alex’s lips twitched into a wide, cocky grin. For the moment, he would hide behind his mask, until he was ready to share that side of himself with her. It would come, and it wouldn’t take the two decades it had taken him to reveal the truth to Bastien. But not yet, not yet. He couldn’t stand for the love and trust, the lust and the need he saw in her eyes, to turn to pity. Or horror.
In time, he told himself, in time. “Want in on the action?” he teased and laughed as she strode over to them both, a pout on her lips.
“Am I invited? Or a gatecrasher?”
Bastien shook his head. “What the hell is a gatecrasher?”
Ménage Material [La Belle sans la Bete Ménages] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 30
