by June Tate
She got out of bed and put on a wrap. ‘No, Tom. I wanted you. I still love you, will always love you, but I can’t just let Fred down. Not now, when he needs me most.’
He pulled her to him roughly, his gaze burning into her. ‘I need you. Think about that.’ His kiss was not one of tenderness, it was brutal, and when he let her go, Lily held her fingers to her bruised lips.
At the bedroom door, he turned. ‘You think you can take me into your bed, let me touch you, kiss you, love you – then turn me away? Well, you picked the wrong man. This is not over yet, by a long chalk!’
That weekend, Lily made her debut as a professional singer at The Sailor’s Return. She was sensational. The bar was packed. Apart from the locals, there were many crew members in there off one of the liners that had docked that day. The men had had a good trip and were more than generous when Sandy made his collection. The local prostitutes with their clients were also appreciative. The music had put their punters in a good mood, and money was flowing over the counter.
Declan poured out a free port and lemon for Lily. ‘You can work here on a regular basis,’ he said with a grin.
‘You’ll have to talk with my manager about that,’ she said, with a look of delight in Sandy’s direction.
He hugged her. ‘I told you you were a natural, didn’t I? We’ll do well, you’ll see.’
She smiled when she saw Sandy hurry over to the bar and get into deep conversation with Declan later on that evening. She knew they were talking business. Arranging when she would be able to perform. She was elated.
Sandy was proved correct. As the weeks passed, Lily performed in various pubs around the dock area, and did well, but on Saturday nights, she was booked permanently at Declan’s.
Just as she was preparing to start her programme the following Saturday, who should walk into the bar of The Sailor’s Return but Amy and Tom.
As soon as the girls saw each other, they flung their arms around one another with cries of joy.
‘I couldn’t believe it when Tom told me you were all right.’ Amy stood back from Lily. ‘Look at you – you look marvellous! If only Rachel could see you now.’
Lily’s eyes clouded over. ‘How is Rachel?’
Amy shook her head. ‘She was really cut up about you running off. Blamed her Manny, but didn’t dare tell Tom. He’d have killed him. She kicked Manny out, you know.’
‘Oh no!’ Lily looked shaken. ‘I only ran away so as not to come between mother and son. I had better go and see her.’
With a worried expression, Amy said, ‘I wish you would, Lily. She hasn’t been the same since you left. The spark seems to have gone from her somehow. She wanted you back, you know. Made me hunt for you.’
‘I’m so sorry, Amy. I put you all through so much.’
‘Tom was the one who suffered the most. At one time I feared for his sanity. Are you back together?’
Lily shook her head. ‘You’ll have to come round to the house and I’ll tell you all about it.’
Sandy intervened at this point. ‘Are you working tonight, madam?’
‘Whoops! I’d better go, Amy. I’ll talk to you later.’
When it was time for Lily to sing ‘After You’ve Gone’, she looked over at Tom for the first time. His eyes were on her as she started the number. His expression didn’t change throughout, but his mouth got tighter, and his jawline firmer. Lily knew that she hadn’t shaken loose from him. In her heart she was glad, but she fretted about Fred. He was relying on her.
When she’d finished her routine, Amy beckoned her over. ‘You’re terrific!’ she exclaimed with admiration as Lily sat beside them. ‘Isn’t she, Tom?’
‘Oh yes,’ he replied, ‘Lily is quite a performer. She knows just how to get the heart of an audience and leave them wanting more.’
Lily gave him a sharp look.
When Amy went to the bar for some drinks, Tom caught hold of Lily’s wrist. ‘When are you going to come to your senses?’ he demanded.
‘Don’t start, Tom.’
‘Start! I haven’t even begun. You can’t throw away our future. We belong together. You know we do.’
‘Not any more. When will you accept the fact?’ She got up and left him sitting alone.
The following day, Lily made her way to The Ditches. It was like walking down Memory Lane. Various shopkeepers called out to her as she passed, and she waved back, returning a cheery remark. Ahead of her was Mrs Cohen’s shop. It was open, but Rachel was nowhere to be seen.
Lily paused outside. This was where she’d been most happy after leaving home. She looked at the dresses and suits, still hanging from the rusty struts of the blind. The boxes with the hats … and the shoes. How well she remembered the shoes. She touched them with the tips of her fingers, a smile on her lips. Then she walked into the shop.
Chapter Eleven
Peering into the dark recesses of the shop, Lily called, ‘Rachel! Anybody home?’
A figure shuffled towards her. ‘What is it? Can’t you wait a minute?’
‘Hello, Rachel.’
The Jewess suddenly stopped, looked over her horn-rimmed glasses and in a faltering voice, asked, ‘Lily? Is that really you?’
Tears welled up in Lily’s eyes and her words choked in her throat. She walked over to Rachel and taking her in her arms whispered, ‘Yes, it’s really me.’
The two women clung together without speaking, tears streaming down their cheeks. ‘Oh Rachel, I’m so sorry I ran off like that.’
‘My dearest Lily. I thought I’d never see you again. Let me look at you. Come to the light, I can’t see nothing here.’
Rachel Cohen held Lily at arm’s length, her eyes shining with tears, a happy smile on her lips. ‘How well you look, my dear. So how is life with you?’
Lily was shattered when she got a close look at Rachel. The older woman’s skin was sallow. She’d lost weight and looked ill.
‘Never mind me. How are you, my dear friend?’
Rachel shrugged. ‘What’s to tell? I’m still in business.’ She clutched hold of Lily’s hands. ‘I sent Manny away. It was his fault you ran off like that. I’ll never forgive myself.’
Leading Rachel to a chair, Lily sat close beside her, still holding her hand. ‘I’m sorry you felt you had to do that. I ran off because I didn’t want to come between mother and son.’
Rachel smoothed her cheek. ‘So thoughtful a girl. But tell me, Lily, I have to know. Did he touch you that night?’ She looked haggard with worry.
‘No,’ Lily assured her. ‘He didn’t get the chance. Anyway, he was very drunk.’
With a sly smile on her face Rachel said, ‘But you touched him. He was still in pain the next morning. I told him you should have cut his balls off.’
Both women collapsed with laughter. Rachel held her side. ‘Ay yi, I have the stitch. I ain’t laughed so much since you left. Oh Lily, it’s good to see you.’
‘Where is Manny now?’
‘In London – Golders Green, where he’s having to really work for his living.’ She grinned wickedly. ‘Do him good. I should have done it years ago. I don’t see him – I have no more a son.’
Lily was filled with sadness at such an outcome. ‘I’m so sorry. I feel it was all my fault.’
‘Look, my girl, it was no one’s fault but his. He’s no good. Never has been. Ach, he’s no great loss. Now, have you seen Tom?’
The laughter stilled as she said, ‘Oh yes, I’ve seen him.’
‘And? You still together?’
Shaking her head, Lily said, ‘No. I’m with another man and Tom’s engaged to some woman.’
‘Oy vey! Such a waste. Never have I seen two people more suited. Can’t you do nothing?’
Lily shook her head. ‘I’m afraid it’s too late for that.’
‘You listen to me, girl. Don’t you let your happiness slip away without a fight. He’ll want you back.’
With a sigh Lily said, ‘He does, but I’ve promised I’ll stand by Fr
ed. He was good to me, Rachel. He gave me a roof, kindness, love. I can’t dump him.’
‘Pity. Such a pity. Will you come and visit with me again?’
With a fond smile Lily said, ‘I certainly will.’ Then with a wide grin, she added, ‘I still owe you a quid out of my wages.’
Laughing, Rachel said, ‘The debt is cancelled.’
‘What? Rachel Cohen letting someone get away with a debt? My, I never thought I’d live to see the day.’
‘Don’t you go spreading the word. Anyway, who would believe it?’
Looking at Rachel intently, Lily asked, ‘And you, are you well? You look a bit pale to me.’
‘My life! I don’t see you in months and you start fussing. Me … I’m just fine. Getting old is all. So you – are you working?’
With a gleeful look on her face, Lily said, ‘I’m a singer round the pubs. I really like it and I’m making money.’
‘Mazel tov! Some night I’ll come and see you for myself.’ Hugging Lily to her, Rachel said, ‘Now don’t forget me, eh? Your old Yiddisher momma.’
Gazing fondly at the older woman, Lily said, ‘I could never do that. The happiest time of my whole life was here with you.’
‘Me too,’ said Rachel.
‘Why don’t you come to The Sailor’s Return?’ Lily suggested. ‘I sing there every Saturday night. We’ll have a party.’
Rachel beamed with happiness. ‘Yes, I’ll come. It’ll be a change.’ Shaking her head she said, ‘Lily, Lily. It does my eyes good to see you.’
The following Saturday night Lily was delighted when the bar door of The Sailor’s Return opened and Rachel walked in. She rushed over to her. ‘My dear, how smart you look.’
The Jewess was wearing a green coat and matching felt cloche hat, with a splendid pair of fox furs around her shoulders. She tossed her head somewhat arrogantly and said, ‘I’ve got some decent schmatte for special occasions and this is one, ain’t it?’
Lily hugged her and laughed. ‘Indeed it is. Come and meet my friends.’ She introduced Rachel to Declan, who shook her hand, then to Sandy, who bowed gracefully.
Rachel raised her eyebrows in Lily’s direction. ‘Such fine men you know.’ She gave a sly smile and said to Sandy, ‘But in your case …’
Sandy burst out laughing. ‘Now don’t get naughty, darling. Come and sit down. What’ll you have to drink?’
It was a great evening. Lily sang her heart out and Rachel, topped up with gin, danced a strange kind of Irish gig with Declan.
Amy arrived in the midst of the celebrations and after a few drinks, she and Sandy demonstrated their own hilarious version of the Tango, the new dance which was all the rage. The rest of the customers were soon carried away with the festive spirit that filled the bar, and sang at the top of their voices, as Sandy played all the popular songs of the day.
Lily was so happy, here with her dearest friends around her, and was thrilled to see Rachel having such good fun. When it was closing time, they all declared it had been a night to remember.
Fred Bates stood waiting patiently for the warder to release him from prison. With the heavy door finally unlocked, the warder stood back.
‘Don’t worry, Bates. We’ll keep your cell warm. By the time we’ve changed the bedding, you’ll be back.’
‘Piss off! You rotten screws are all the same.’ Fred stepped through the opening and wrapped his muffler around his scrawny neck, clutching his meagre belongings in a brown paper parcel, tied up with string. ‘This is the last time you’ll see me.’
‘They all say that, Bates. But most of them come back.’
Fred heard the door clang behind him. The sound always made him feel sick to his stomach. This time he meant what he said. He’d spent too many years banged up and it was getting harder to survive inside. His cough was no better either. It kept him and his cell-mates awake at night, which had caused even further trouble.
His thoughts were all of Lily and how badly he’d let her down. She’d written to him, telling how well she was doing. He’d worried that she would be forced back on the streets; he would never have been able to forgive himself if this had been so. He felt such a failure. Looking at the paper parcel he thought it just about summed up his life. But it seemed from Lily’s letters she was doing fine, and she had sent him the money for the train fare home. He couldn’t wait to see her.
Taking in a deep breath of air, he wondered wryly how it could smell so sweet from this side of the prison walls, when in the exercise yard it smelt quite different.
He took a packet of Woodbines from his pocket and lit one, inhaling deeply. It made him cough violently for a moment, but nevertheless the nicotine tasted good. All he needed now was a pint of beer. As soon as he got back to Southampton he would have one, before going home.
The lunch-time trade was busy. Declan looked at his watch, thankful he’d be able to call last orders soon. Tom was standing at the counter talking to him when the bar door opened. ‘He’s just made it,’ remarked Declan.
Tom looked round and frowned when he recognised Fred Bates. But he was shocked as Fred walked over to them. His build was naturally slim, but now he looked like a bag of bones, and his prison pallor didn’t help.
‘Hello, Fred. You look as if you could do with a pint,’ he said.
Before Fred could answer he had a fit of coughing. Tom, filled with concern said, ‘Here, best sit down. I’ll bring you a pint over.’
Wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead, Fred thanked him. ‘I need this before I go home. Lily will be waiting.’
The words were painful for Tom to hear. Looking at Fred, he knew that any plans for him and Lily to be together were now doomed. It was obvious that Fred was ill. Lily would certainly never leave him now.
‘You well, Tom? Got yourself married yet? The last time we met you’d just become engaged.’
Shaking his head Tom said, ‘No, not yet. There’s plenty of time. Drink up, we must celebrate your first day of freedom.’
‘No thanks, best not. I’m anxious to get home. I haven’t seen Lily since I was sent down. I wouldn’t let her visit me, you see, and I can’t wait to be with her. I’m sure you understand.’
Taking a deep breath, Tom tried to hide his despair. Oh yes, he could understand only too well how Fred felt. ‘Take care then.’ He watched Bates leave the bar, knowing that he was going to the woman he loved. He would be holding her, making love to her … His thoughts were tormenting him, driving him insane. Getting up from his seat, he called to Declan, ‘I’m off back to work.’
Lily looked up as the front door opened to see Fred standing there, an expression of uncertainty on his face. ‘Hello, Lily.’
She was shocked at how pale he was, the circles under his eyes, the new grey strands in his hair. He looked so ill. My God! She thought. He’s come home an old man. She saw his trembling fingers holding his paper parcel and her heart was filled with compassion.
‘Well, don’t just stand there, you daft bugger. Come and give me a kiss. I’ve waited long enough.’
Breathing a sigh of relief Fred stepped inside the room, shutting the door behind him. Putting the parcel on the table, he caught hold of Lily tightly, like a child needing comfort from its mother. He could smell the carbolic soap she’d washed with. To him it was as great an aphrodisiac as any expensive French perfume. He felt her warm flesh, her bosom like a soft pillow as he nestled his head against her. He was filled with a physical longing for her so strong, the pain was almost unbearable.
Feeling his arousal, Lily lifted his head and kissed him passionately. Softly she said, ‘I’m glad they haven’t knocked all the stuffing out of you.’
He started to tremble as he caressed her bosom. ‘Talking about stuffing, Lily – let’s go to bed.’
‘I was going to fill you a bath in front of the fire. I had it all planned.’
With a lopsided grin, he said, ‘Don’t be bloody silly, girl. I’ve been without a woman for six months. Do you think I’ve g
ot time for a bath?’
Kissing him on the forehead she whispered, ‘Come on upstairs then. I’ll give you the time of your life.’
As he preceded her up the stairs, he said, ‘I stopped off for a pint before I came home. Tom McCann bought it for me. He looked well.’
Lily’s heart lurched within her. The last time she’d climbed these stairs with a man, it had been Tom. She was filled with guilt. To have been unfaithful to Fred in his own house was unforgivable. Never again would she be tempted. Now her main task was to get Fred well.
The following weekend in The Sailor’s Return, Tom waited for a quiet word with Lily. ‘How’s Fred?’
She shook her head, her face etched with worry. ‘He’s not good. If he doesn’t improve, I’ll get the doctor in.’
Tom’s gaze searched hers. ‘Does this mean there is no chance of us ever having a future together, Lily?’
‘How many times do I have to tell you, Tom, before you believe me? Fred is my life.’
He stared at her, his face full of sadness. ‘I wish with all my heart it could be different, Lily. I’ll always love you, you know that?’
‘I know,’ she said with a sigh, ‘but the gods have decided differently. Get on with your life, Tom. Forget me.’
Tom’s heart was heavy as he watched her walk away. She was all he wanted in the world. But he understood that now she must look after Fred. She wouldn’t be his Lily if she left the man who so obviously needed her care. With a deep sigh, he finished his drink and left.
The following day, Tom and Mary made a date for their wedding.
On Friday evening, when Lily was performing at The Lord Roberts, Vittorio came into the bar accompanied by the big man Lily had seen outside the Club Valletta.
For a moment the buzz of the patrons died down, such was the reputation of the man, but as he sat quietly with his glass of whisky, the place returned to normal.
The Maltese looked with interest at Lily standing by the piano whilst she went through her whole programme. He applauded her performance enthusiastically, then beckoned her over.
