There was no possibility of escape – either whilst I was in Singapore or in the jungle. We were more strictly guarded in Singapore but in the jungle camps we could pretty much wander wherever we wanted. No one went far. We were surrounded by miles of jungle and the nearest allies were thousands of miles away. Escape was hopeless. The challenge was survival, pure and simple.
Towards the end of 1944, we returned to Singapore. The work on the railway was complete and word had it that the Japanese commander in Singapore was unhappy that the number of POWs he was in charge of had depleted so far that it was threatening his position – the Japanese officers were deemed to be more important the more POWs they had under their command. Only a fraction of the units that had left for work on the railway returned. We had all been split up and sent to different camps, moved around a lot in the jungle and it was impossible to keep track of the men you had served with and left Singapore with originally. The death toll was large but it wasn’t until those of us who survived returned to Singapore that we realised the extent of it. I suppose I should consider myself fortunate to be one of those that did make it. Now I just want to go home, finally.
The narrative ended. Suzie blinked hard to fight down the tears that were trying to force their way out. Sympathetic as Tom was, he was still her boss and she did not want to dissolve into tears in front of him. Tactfully, he took the microfiche record from the machine.
‘I’ll organise some copies,’ he said and headed off towards the helpful assistant. By the time he returned, Suzie had composed herself and collected their belongings ready to leave.
Tom and Suzie left the National Archives with a small bundle of copies of all the records they had found. Outside, the air was even closer than it had been in the morning; the sky was darkening and the threat of a thunderstorm was not far away. Suzie felt emotionally drained, as if she had been through an old-fashioned mangle, the like of which Elsie would probably have used. She switched her phone back on and it rang almost immediately – 901, the message service. She listened to the message, frowning slightly.
‘Suzie dear.’ It was Emily’s voice. ‘I don’t want to alarm you, but I tried to call your mum at work just now. I wasn’t happy that everything was okay and they told me they hadn’t seen her. They were very concerned about her and wondered when she would be well enough to return…’ Emily’s voice tailed off. ‘I can’t get hold of Marie either and I don’t know what to do. I hope you’re having a productive day. Please give me a call when you pick up this message.’
Suzie glanced at her watch. It was 3.00 p.m. She dialled her mum’s home number. Emily answered almost immediately, as if she had been waiting for the phone to ring.
‘Hi, Aunt Emily,’ said Suzie. ‘I got your message. Has she turned up?’
‘No,’ said Emily, the thumb and forefinger of her right hand twisting her wedding ring anxiously. ‘I don’t want to over-react and panic, but I’m worried about her. This morning she left, supposedly for work, but she looked terrible, as though she hadn’t slept at all, and wearing yesterday’s crumpled clothes. That is so not like your mum. She is always so particular about her appearance. But at the moment, she doesn’t seem to be aware of herself at all.’
‘I think you should stay at home in case she turns up. I’m going to call Dad and see if he can have a look for her. Tom and I are on our way home now. I will come straight to you but it will be a couple of hours. Let me know if she comes home.’
Aunt Emily agreed that she would and just before Suzie hung up, she could hear Marmaduke meowing loudly in the background.
*
Jack had been busy preparing some samples for a meeting with an important new client when his phone rang. He was behind schedule and he would have preferred to ignore its persistent tone, but caller ID announced it was Suzie on the other end and he never could refuse either of his daughters anything.
‘See, I told you she still needed someone to look out for her and you didn’t believe me,’ Jack exclaimed after Suzie calmly explained what the problem was. ‘I’ll go and look for her. Do you have any idea at all where she might have gone?’
‘No,’ admitted Suzie. ‘But I think she’s probably just passing the time of day somewhere, anywhere, just so she isn’t at home and we all think there’s nothing wrong with her because she’s gone to work.’
‘She’s as stubborn as ever then,’ Jack cursed. ‘I’ll see you at your mum’s house when you get back from London.’
‘Call me if you find her,’ said Suzie.
Jack hung up and reached for his raincoat and car keys as a distant rumble of thunder echoed through the valley. By the time he reached his car the rain was pounding down, bouncing off the pavements and slamming into the windscreen. He flung himself into the driver’s seat, rain dripping from his coat and his hair.
‘You always did know how to pick your moments,’ he muttered. ‘Only you could drag me out in a storm like this to find you when I have no idea where to even look.’
Jack drove through the villages of Lower and Upper Chaddington. He went into the only café and the public house where he knew Annie went for quiz nights, but no one had seen her in the last couple of days. He drove to Barminster and walked around the area where Annie’s offices were located, the rain continuing to pour down mercilessly, but there was still no sign of Annie. Finally, he drove back to Lower Chaddington, heading for Annie’s house to see if Emily had any news, the rain still coming down, but as he drove past the churchyard, he suddenly knew where Annie was.
Jack stopped the car and climbed out. The trees in the churchyard bowed under the weight of rainwater that was falling on them. The ground was sodden. Water poured from the gutters and down the path that led from the gate to the solid oak front door of the church. Jack pushed open the gate and headed for the part of the graveyard where, just three weeks before, they had gathered on a bright and sunny day to bury Frank. He saw her immediately; a small figure huddled on the ground in front of the mound underneath which her ‘father’ lay. The family had not yet erected a headstone for the grave, but of course Annie knew which it was. As Jack approached he could see the top of the grave was scattered with torn fragments of flower petals and leaves. He could also see she was shaking and soaked through.
‘Annie,’ he called gently to her.
Startled, she turned around to see him standing just behind her. There was a haunted, far-away look in her eyes. For Jack, the years just fell away and he was looking at the young Annie Barratt once again, the Annie who was actually very vulnerable although she would never admit it, the Annie his every instinct rose to protect, the Annie he fell in love with.
‘Come on, love,’ he said. ‘Let’s take you home.’
He bent down and put both arms around her to pull her to her feet. She clung to him, sobbing and shaking as he guided her back through the churchyard to the car. He then drove to Annie’s house, parked outside the front door and half-carried, half-dragged Annie into the hall where they were greeted by Emily.
‘She’s absolutely soaking and freezing,’ Jack stated.
‘Let’s get her into a hot bath,’ said Emily. ‘You run the water; I’ll find her some dry clothes.’
Jack put the seat down on the toilet for Annie to sit on while he ran the hot water. Emily returned with a dry nightdress, dressing gown and fresh towels and he left her to guide Annie into the bath while he made some tea and called Suzie to let her know they had found her mother and not to worry. Finally, he called the doctor.
Thirty minutes later, Annie was sitting in her favourite armchair with her second mug of steaming hot tea in front of her, Marmaduke squeezed into the chair by her side, purring and doing the perfect impression of a furry hot water bottle.
‘What were you thinking of?’ scolded Emily, as if she were talking to a naughty child, although the relief that Annie had been found was clear in her voice. ‘You had us all so worried. I told you there was no need to try to go back to work, that you needed to take y
our time.’
Silently, Jack shook his head. ‘Leave her,’ he mouthed to Emily and beckoned her to follow him to the kitchen. Reluctantly, Emily followed, tutting in annoyance as she realised the kitchen clock had stopped again; obviously the battery was not the problem. Jack pushed the kitchen door closed behind her.
‘I’ve called the doctor,’ he said. ‘I think Annie needs help. Time may be a great healer, but it’s not helping here. She needs a professional.’
Dr Scott was a typical old-style GP. He had been part of the medical practice serving Upper and Lower Chaddington for three decades and as such had been Annie’s GP for years. He had attended both Marie and Suzie over the years, seeing them through various childhood illnesses, including measles and mumps, both of which were inevitable for children before the days of mass inoculation. He had also treated both Frank and Elsie during their final illnesses.
Jack opened the door and let him in. ‘Before you see Annie, could I just have a quick word?’ he said and led the doctor into the kitchen where Emily was already sitting at the table. ‘Annie has had a big shock and she has not been coping very well.’
‘Is this to do with Frank’s death?’ asked Dr Scott.
‘It is, but it goes deeper than simply losing her father,’ acknowledged Jack. ‘I don’t know if I should really tell you all of this.’ He looked across at Emily who nodded. ‘But I think you need to know to help you to understand.’
Jack quickly outlined the situation and the discoveries Annie had made since the death of her father. Dr Scott nodded his understanding.
‘You know, things like this can be very disturbing for those who are most closely affected. I, probably better than anyone outside of your immediate family, know and understand how close Annie was to Frank and Elsie, how much she loved and cared for them and how much they loved her. It will take time. She isn’t going to come to terms with all of this overnight and it may be a difficult path for her to follow, but we can get her help as well.’
‘I don’t hold with shrinks and head doctors,’ said Jack, immediately on the defensive.
‘I don’t necessarily mean referring her to a psychiatrist,’ replied Dr Scott. ‘There are associations that specialise in working with people who find out they have been adopted, helping them to understand the reasons why, helping them to talk about it – often with others who have had similar experiences – and ultimately enabling them to accept their past, even if it’s not what they may have been led to believe. From what you have told me, although Annie wasn’t adopted she is almost certainly experiencing the emotions of someone who finds out suddenly and unexpectedly that she is.’
Jack nodded.
‘Can I see her now please?’
‘I’ll take you through,’ said Emily.
Annie looked up as Dr Scott entered the room and Emily closed the door behind him.
‘Hello doctor,’ she said. ‘What’s wrong? Who’s ill?’
‘No one,’ he replied firmly. ‘I’ve come to see you.’
‘I don’t need a doctor,’ she said. ‘What a waste of your time.’
Dr Scott sat down on the sofa. ‘I think we should let me be the judge of that. Why don’t you start by telling me what you were doing out in the rain?’
Annie frowned. ‘I don’t know,’ she whispered. ‘I didn’t even realise it was raining. I was just wandering. I knew I couldn’t go back to work. I only said it because they were all driving me mad, mothering me, talking about me behind my back and treating me as though I were a child. I didn’t think about where I was going. I just ended up there, by the side of his grave and then I started to feel so angry. I was shouting and shouting at him. He couldn’t hear me of course and that just made me even angrier. It’s like making a real mess of something at work on the day before you leave and not telling anyone, just moving on and letting someone else have the hassle of sorting out the problem. It’s not taking responsibility for your own actions and facing up to issues but rather sweeping them under the carpet and pretending they’re not there.’
‘Annie, he’s dead. He can’t answer your questions now even if he wanted to.’
‘He had nearly sixty years to tell me the truth and he chose not to,’ she snapped. ‘Instead, he let me believe a lie, all my life and he’s cost me the chance to know my real father.’
Dr Scott said nothing and Annie realised that he already knew her story, even though she hadn’t told him.
‘I don’t know how long I sat there for,’ she said eventually. ‘I remember staring at the flowers and they just seemed to be mocking me. They had been put there in love and honour of his memory, but that didn’t feel right any longer, so I tore them to pieces and scattered them. I felt as though it was him I was tearing to pieces and I felt better than I have done since I found out the truth. But I felt exhausted. I couldn’t seem to move at all. I was frozen to the spot and shaking and that’s when Jack found me.’
Dr Scott took a stethoscope from his bag. ‘I’m going to listen to your breathing, check your blood pressure and your temperature,’ he said. ‘Then I’m going to give you something to help you to sleep, because that, I think, is what you need more than anything. Hopefully you won’t have caught a chill from that drenching, but I will call round tomorrow to make sure.’
‘You don’t have to do that,’ said Annie. ‘I’m sure I’ll be fine.’
‘I have an ulterior motive,’ Dr Scott confessed. ‘I’m going to bring you some information about professional bodies that can help you.’ He raised his hand to stop her protest. ‘Annie, don’t let your pride get in the way. There are people that have experience of this sort of situation. Let them help you.’
Annie nodded. ‘Okay,’ she agreed.
‘Now get some rest and I will see you tomorrow,’ Dr Scott repeated firmly as he headed towards the door and quietly let himself out of the room.
Suzie arrived as the doctor was leaving. ‘She is going to be okay,’ he said to her reassuringly, ‘especially if she does as she’s told.’
Suzie laughed in relief. ‘Since when did my mother ever do what she was told?’
‘I can vouch for that,’ agreed Jack grimly.
‘I think she’s started to let go of the anger and that’s important,’ said Dr Scott. ‘Time and some professional help will do the rest.’
‘Thank you, Doctor,’ said Suzie, stepping to one side to let him out. ‘Don’t leave yet, Dad,’ she continued, closing the front door. ‘Let me just go and see Mum and then I have some stuff to show you both.’
Ten minutes later, Suzie, Emily and Jack were sitting at the kitchen table and Suzie pulled the photocopied sheets from her bag. ‘We had a productive day,’ she said as she handed a copy each to Emily and Jack.
They read in silence.
‘This is incredible, love,’ said Jack finally. ‘Even if he’s no longer alive at least we know a little bit more about what happened to him.’
‘But why didn’t he come back for Mum and Grandma?’ asked Suzie. ‘It doesn’t make sense.’
‘Perhaps he did,’ suggested Emily. ‘Annie would still have been young and she might not remember. I can’t recall there being any hint of him having returned, but then Elsie always looked on me as a child – comes from having brought me up, I suppose. She would not have confided in me as a friend or a sister.’
‘And once again there is no one we can ask,’ said Suzie, frustration showing in her voice. ‘Tom’s been a great help in all of this and we talked about what to do next on the train on the way home. I’m going to call at 16 Glossop Road in Barminster to see if we can trace the family that way and we could also try the electoral role and parish records, but Johnson is a fairly common surname so I’m not really very hopeful.’
She glanced at the kitchen clock and frowned, realising it had stopped, and consulted her watch instead. ‘Goodness, is that the time? I need to go. Promised David I wouldn’t be late. We’re taking Daniel to the zoo tomorrow so we’ll call in on our way to Barmi
nster to see how Mum is and I’ll probably go to Glossop Road on the way as well.’
Suzie arrived home to find Daniel already in his pyjamas, curled up on the sofa with David, both of them watching Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones on DVD. David looked up as he heard the door open. ‘You going to be a trainee Jedi by yourself for a while now so I can talk to Mummy?’ he said, as he gently eased himself off the sofa and positioned a large cushion for Daniel to snuggle up to instead. Without taking his eyes from the screen, Daniel nodded.
Suzie followed David into the kitchen and he handed her a glass of wine. On the kitchen work surfaces, a selection of takeout containers from the local supermarket deli counter told her that dinner was taken care of. She handed him the photocopied sheets and sipped her wine. ‘Here’s what we found,’ she said. ‘And Mum is okay. Dad found her in the churchyard at the grave, wet through and distraught but the doctor has seen her and says she’ll be fine. He’s going to put us in touch with some agencies that may be able to help her to come to terms with everything, but he believes she’s started to let the anger out, which is good apparently. I’ll let you read.’
David spread the photocopies out on the table. ‘Wow!’ he said finally. ‘I never thought you’d find him, but you have,’ he frowned. ‘But this is still a can of worms for your mother. How is she going to react to the news that her real father did survive the war but apparently still deserted her?’
‘We don’t know that he deserted her. He might not have made it back to the UK. Or he might have gone back and Elsie, or Frank, sent him packing. We may never know, of course, but I’m going to keep trying to trace the family, starting tomorrow on the way to the zoo. I’m sure they won’t still be there but I want to call at Glossop Road anyway as there’s just a chance that whoever is there may remember the family. Perhaps they’re still local.’
‘I think you’re clutching at those proverbial straws,’ replied David. ‘But of course we can go via there in the morning.’
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The Roots of the Tree Page 15
