by Q. Zayne
Or was I only trying to expiate my guilt? If she was from some fantasy world, then I hadn’t broken my oath or any laws. I hadn’t, perhaps, done anything wrong when I mounted her without a word. Perhaps, being like me, a shapeshifter, she came here for this. For me.
She wriggled. I still pinned her with my hand and my much larger body. I released her. She kissed my hand.
I kissed her lips. A soft, slow possessive kiss. It took great discipline to disengage and get off of her sweet, soft body.
“You are so good, love.” I kissed her again, stood up. Her body looked pink from my friction.
“You, too,” she whispered and glanced away, shy again.
I allowed her some privacy to clean up and dress.
She didn’t answer when I knocked a few minutes later. I opened the door. The table stood empty, late sunlight making the stirrups shine. The window stood open. Lida was gone. Only the scent of our mating assured me she’d been there.
In the washroom I scrubbed up, eradicating out scents all evidence of our wild life encroaching on my real one. My hair looked thinner, and the lines around my eyes, deeper. I was getting older. I didn’t recognize myself at all. None of this could be real, could it? It was like a tapestry unraveling. You find out the characters in it are real and crying out to you to save them. What could I save? I couldn’t even save myself.
I dried my hands and cock, the rough towel an expiation.
Who was she really? Where was she from? How could I have more of her?
I envisioned waking to her hair spread across the pillow, lifting her thigh and sliding up her in spoon style, using her drowsy body with the languor of the night still on her while she moaned, ‘Yes, yes, Doctor, yes.’ My cock twitched, though I’d just spent. It had been years since I’d wanted release again so soon. I wanted the touch and taste and smell of her with me always. That’s what I wanted, nothing less.
I pulled her file again and stared at the meaningless marks. I had no way to reach her.
Alone in the building after hours, my mind kept turning over the potential consequences of what I’d done. I had sex with a patient. In my office. Again. What if it was a setup?
I did an online search from a masked ISP and discovered a doctor who was set up and caught via a hidden cam. I searched my office for cameras. Even as I searched lampshades, grills and every possible place, I couldn’t imagine Lida as part of a scam. What enemies did I have? Well, there were always possible ones. The man whose wife I couldn’t save from the cancer that was too far advanced because their faith didn’t allow medical intervention. By the time the pain was so severe they overcame their horror of breaking their beliefs, there was nothing I could do but give her prescriptions for pain meds that I doubted she would take. He might blame me for not doing more, his eyes had violence in them.
A husband who imagined I had an affair with his wife? Professional jealousy? Some rival who wanted to take me down paid a woman to ruin my reputation. No. This was Lida, beautiful, wounded Lida, not some desperate girl selling sex for money whose scruples could likewise be bought.
Lida struck me as being as free from avarice as she was from modesty. Just as she lay in crisp leaves or on my exam table exposing everything, she was wide open to the world and lacked for nothing. Ludicrous to imagine her as part of any plot against me.
Yet I was disturbed, disturbed in my heart by this young woman and her mysterious arrival in my life, her potent and dark desires that matched so well with my own secret urges. Those passions I barely admitted to myself were stronger than I ever experienced before.
I’d go down into the dark with her, and unlike so many men, I wouldn’t blame her for it or disrespect her. She was as pure and as feral as all nature. It was I who brought my twisted humanity to our matings, who longed to be the nasty doctor who dominated her and took her harder and more painfully than she might think she could go. I was the mad scientist who longed to see how far I could take her, how much she’d endure for me. How much she’d endure. I longed to see her swollen scarlet, arching to feel the erotic pain only I could give her, her entire body vibrating like a tuning fork as I tormented her most tender places and made her climax on her pain.
I was and always had been a sadist. It was my secret, and she found me out.
She had the mark of the wounded who needed more, needed to be taken into the dark again and again to cry and bleed.
I wanted to master her fully. Take her too much, but not damage her. To lift her up, make her pour out all the old things, empty herself of the old wounds so her blood and tears ran free and she was clean, clean forever, exalted, loved, possessed by her true mate.
Lida’s past, present and future belonged to me.
I had to find her.
Special Treatment
All day I’d been behind. One patient blurring into the next as I rushed through the day chugging coffee to try to make up for lack of sleep. I kept coming back to the hold the mysterious patient had on my life. Lida, beautiful Lida. She could ruin me.
I kept thinking about her, but every thought of how to find her came to a dead end. As I went over our conversations, it became clear I knew more about her body than her life. I had no idea where she lived, or where she was staying. I didn’t know how well she read English or if she had friends in the area. My most desperate thought was to hire a private investigator, but that risked hastening the exposure I hoped to avoid. With only a difficult to decipher name to go one, I didn’t have much hope that anyone could find her.Why did she leave? If I’d stayed with her, held her longer. I sighed. The thoughts led the same places, like rats in a maze.
I tapped at the exam room door and barely waited for a sound before I entered. I hadn’t checked the name or record. I was on autopilot.
Pale thighs spread, small feet in the stirrups, pink treasure in view, no drape, no gown over the generous breasts rising and falling as though she’d run through the woods to get to me.
Her tawny hair spilled off the table. Her lips curved in a shy yet wanton smile.
Lida. I was going crazy. How could she have come back?
My mind worked, but my thoughts were slow, all my blood flow going to my swelling cock. I had to have her.
I composed myself, put the patient file over my crotch the way I’d concealed myself with a binder in school, and went out and told Jan she was free to go.
She stared at me but nodded and gathered her things. Blake was off para-gliding or surfing or something. Maybe both. The man never stopped. I had the place to myself. Good thing there were no nearby neighbors. The parking lot was empty. No one would hear anything.
As soon as I heard the outer door close and Jan’s van pull away, I rushed to my office and closed the door. I unzipped before I reached the exam table.
“More, Doctor, please. I need another treatment.” Her half-closed eyes and parted lips, her flushed chest, spoke her need.
“Yes, you do, Lida.” I didn’t hesitate, even though I’d promised myself I’d never cross the line again.
I unlocked the bottom drawer and took out restraints, strong leather ones. I cuffed her ankles and wrists making her helpless on the gynecological exam table. I smiled and stepped between her thighs. I had more in mind for her than rutting for this exam, and we had plenty of time.
I took out a scalpel and waved it over her voluptuous body, enjoying the sound of the blade cutting through the air. I switched on the examination light and turned the blade in her view, the cruel shine running on the blade like mercury. I ran it between her tits, the slightest touch. Goosebumps stood out on her. Luscious.
No words. I ran it down her belly, around her navel and pressed the tip to her mound. She stopped breathing and tried not to move. I held still, letting her think about what I could do to her. I drew the tip down the inside of her leg, pressing just enough to open a tiny line of blood. So precise, it didn’t even drip. It was enough to sting, enough to make her think of me afterward, when she dressed, when she pissed, wh
en she looked at herself.
I set it on my tray and unlocked my secret drawer. I pulled out a small whip with short rawhide tails. I flailed her breasts and between her legs, making her flinch. I stopped, trailed he lashes over her nipples and took it away from her body. She arched, offering herself for more. Yes, she needed it.
“You want to be punished, don’t you?”
“Yes, yes, Doctor, yes.”
I worked her, creating a rhythm of punishment down her torso, lashing her hard between the legs. I wanted to hurt her. I needed to feel her pain.
I pushed my finger into her, to gauge her wetness. So hot, gripping me. She was drenched. If she’d been wearing panties, they’d be soaked. She squeezed on me, hot and tight and needy.
Getting closer between her legs I leaned over and kissed her lips. She turned her head away.
I took her hair and wrapped it around my fist, raised her face to my mouth, making her give it up and take my kiss. I took her mouth with my tongue, feeling her resistance. She didn’t want to feel me, didn’t want to open for me, but she did. Yes, she opened her mouth for her doctor. She’d learn to give me what I wanted, to obey my touch, my gestures.
I moved to the head of the table and rubbed my cock across her face, my pre-cum drooling on her. I covered her lips in it then pushed the head between her lips to fuck her face. She barely got to breathe as I used her mouth. A good, wet fuck-hole, but not as sweet as she felt between the legs. She had the oral awkwardness of an inexperienced girl. It seemed genuine, not faked, though she didn’t mind having my cock in her mouth.
Back between her splayed thighs, I pinched her nipples. I twisted them to make her scream. The sound quickened my spine. I couldn’t stand it any longer. I freed my cock. Watching her face, I plunged into her, spearing her deep, driving in all the way. Her needy tightness and her wincing inflamed me. Hot, intense sound she made as my cock stretched and filled her. I bottomed out, making her flinch, my cock bumping her cervix. I punch-fucked her, pulling out all the way through her tight, tender ring. Shoving back in, making her feel me. She felt too small on me, a wicked pleasure.
I looked into her face as I punched her, giving her a cruel fuck, a punishment fuck to make her cry. I shuddered as the tears spilled down her face. It made me so hot I reared back, slammed all the way in and shot deep inside her, flooding her womb with my special medicine.
“Good girl. Take your medicine for your doctor.” I scooped her into my arms.
“Yes, Doctor. You will come back with me won’t you? You’ll help us?”
“Shh. None of that talk. Stay right here with me. I want you to learn to obey me.” I stroked her back, felt her breathing slow. “There. That’s better. When you start having fantasies of another place, think of me. Think of my cock. You’re safe now. I’ll help you stay safe, Lida. She nodded against me. “Good girl.”
My cock twitched inside her. I held her, kissed her wet, unresisting face. I’d broken her.
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“My pleasure, love.” I looked into her eyes, clear as windows into an ancient forest. “Come back an hour later tomorrow.” Fire. I wasn’t playing with matches, I was wallowing in the flames. I released the cuffs, keeping my cock inside her creamed tightness. I handed her my tablet. “Type in your number.”
“I don’t have one.” She sounded sincere.
I still couldn’t place her accent. The girl didn’t have a phone. What girl didn’t have a phone?
“Where do you live?” Ferocity came through my voice. I wasn’t going to lose her again.
“I can’t tell you.” The panic in her eyes seemed genuine. Was she married? Did she live with a family member who wouldn’t approve of a guy more than twice her age?
“You’ll come back tomorrow, Doctor’s orders.” I commanded her with my voice, growling in bear tones. It was the only tool I had. She was a natural submissive.
“Yes, Doctor.”
That would have to do. I pulled out slowly, savoring the way she clung to me, savoring the way she winced from how much I made her feel me.
“You needed that, didn’t you?”
“Yes, Doctor.” Color rose in her face.
Algolognia, taking pleasure in pain. My kind of girl. I gave her some wipes even though I would have preferred to think of her walking away with my seed dripping down her leg.
“You’re a good patient, Lida. And so beautiful.” I stroked her face, my hand shaking. I’d known it was wrong from the first time, and now I’d gone even farther, letting out the sadist that had been quiet and hidden in me for years. I made my voice casual. “Sweetheart, Lida, keep this a secret between the two of us. Don’t tell anyone about these special treatments, all right?”
“All right, Doctor.”
“I want to give you more of my medicine. I can only do these things to you if no one ever finds out.”
“Yes, Doctor. I promise. I won’t tell.”
I considered inviting her to call me Ian, but I enjoyed the power trip, got turned on hearing her call me Doctor in her soft, silky voice. I’d crossed the line so far into the forbidden there didn’t seem to be much point in making it less nasty and bad than it was. The doctor-patient taboo made it hotter. I couldn’t help that. I fucked her right on my exam table with my bare cock and injected her deep. She enjoyed it and wanted more. So did I.
The way she moved real careful getting off the gyno table, I could see I made her sore inside. Exciting to know she’d feel my cock every time she changed position for days. I watched every move, every gesture, memorizing her face and body to make the memories last until I saw her again. The dip of her spine, the dimples at her hips, the freckles across her shoulder, the lovely wings where my fingertips fit just right while I slam-fucked her.
She slipped into her clothes, face averted, back to her shy side.
“Thank you, Doctor,” she whispered, and slipped out of my office.
I wanted to grab her and make her stay, but I didn’t. I let her go.
I felt dirty, and I felt like a junkie, already shaking for another shot at her, addicted, the way I’d gotten when I was taking speed and coke in med school to stay alert with so little sleep. Except this, wanting more of Lida, made me different deep inside. This wasn’t something I’d be able to quit. I was already slipping down the long slide. I’d never be able to turn back time and forget losing control of the beast I truly was inside. The only thing that saved me from self-contempt was the sense that she she came here for this, for me, and for the way I treated her. She was in this as deep as I was. I had to believe that.
I watched her from the window. She walked through the parking lot into the trees. Sunlight played on her gold and black hair until the colors marked all over her. My eyes had to be playing tricks. She seemed to elongate and spring. She disappeared.
She can’t tell me where she lives. Back to she’s crazy, or she’s my kind, only not a bear.
The next day flowed by unmarked. Her secret appointment time approached slow as Christmas in my boyhood. How far back did my memories of Christmas extend? Not all the way back. Things got hazy, but there’d been another place, a different childhood, with different sounds and scents and more people like my parents and me. Like me and Lida. I strained not to think of her, to focus on other patients, the rest of my life. Impossible.
I let Jan go early, not wanting her to get another look at the mystery patient coming at the end of the day.
Hunched over my desk, I pushed away my tablet and the endless notes I had to complete and rested my face in my hands. My last sight of Lida kept replaying behind my eyelids. I’d seen her eyes and dismissed it, cat eyes.
She wasn’t crazy and she came here for me.
My senses alerted me. I opened the door to my exam room.
“Lida.” The blinds made dark stripes across her gold skin. My beauty. A pang of conscience went through me. She was young enough to be my daughter. I’d become a dirty old man. But my protests had no effect. It was t
oo late to turn back. I’d bitten the apple. Interesting how in the Bible and in stories of the Underworld, taking a bite is the decisive action, consuming what you desire is the act that brings on your doom. Eating of the knowledge of good and evil, or taking that bite that traps you down in the dark underworld—the stories made it seem like a choice. It wasn’t. I once was caught by an undertow while body surfing. It slammed me so hard into the packed sand beneath the waves, spots of light erupted in my eyes. Encountering Lida was like that, being dragged into the deep, unable to resist.
“Doctor.” She opened her arms and her legs. A stripe of sunlight made the wetness on her pink treasure glisten. No question she wanted me. Could there be a more powerful aphrodisiac than a woman’s desire?
I rushed to her on my soundless shoes and took her face in both hands. I kissed her with all the desire I felt. Breathing hard, I made myself slow down, caress her like the precious gift she was to me.
“No tenderness. I couldn’t stand it if you were tender with me.” Her tears welled and spilled.
I prodded her to get up on all fours. She obeyed as gracefully as though born to it, arching her back and presenting herself to be entered. Entrancing. The man in me slid into the dark, giving way to the beast even though I resisted the urge to shift into bear. My aggression came to the fore and I had to give her what she needed. Not the gentleness I’d intended, born of the guilt instilled from those Christian teachings of my early years that made everything below the waist seem sinful. No, I’d maul her, molest her, violate her, claim her like the brutal animal I was inside.
I gripped her shoulders, mounted her from behind, entered her hard. I ravaged her. I couldn’t stand those kind of tears, tears from a past I couldn’t shield her from. I cursed that I hadn’t been there to protect her, but I was here now, and I could make the past go away for these heartbeats between us. She wanted fresh pain, new pain, the release that only that intensity could give her. I wanted her. I wanted to erase the man or men who hurt her in ways she didn’t want, let her become new under me. Make her mine. All mine, pounded till no imprint of any other male was left.
