“Dammit, I have to check in at the station. And talk to Clayton.” He swung his feet to the floor and ruffled his hair before he stood and reached for his pants, his butt on display. Meanwhile, she had the sheet to her chin in a death clutch.
Once his muscled legs were covered, she sprang into action. All she had within reach was a tank top she usually slept in and the lace panties from the night before, but at least she was mostly covered by the time he’d pulled on his black work-style boots.
The morning-after tension was palpable. He clomped down the stairs directly to the front door. The chilly morning air had her chafing her arms and tugging the neck of her tank top up. She rolled her eyes to stem the sting of tears that threatened. This is what she got for her lack of self-control.
He turned back to her on the threshold. “Listen, I— Hey, what’s this?”
The warmth of his hand around her neck sent a shiver through her body. He loomed over her, his squinting eyes examining her like a crime scene, and like a criminal with something to hide, she gave a half-shouldered shrug and stared at the top button of his shirt, which happened to be eye level.
“Will you look at me?” His voice was soft and nothing like an interrogating officer.
“I’ll get a crick in my neck. You’re too dang tall.”
Moving quickly for such a big man, he lifted and pressed her against the foyer wall, her feet dangling, their faces level. Her soft yelp came after the fact. Although it was the same position that had driven her wild with need the night before, now she only felt his heat beating back the morning chill, the strength of his protection, and the gentle regret lining his face with a frown.
“Are you sorry we had sex last night?” he asked.
His forthright question burned a path through her body. If she believed her mother, she should be sorry. But up against his body, the memories of the night before washed away all the shame. She’d wanted him, and he’d made her feel amazing. What was wrong with that?
Still, she couldn’t possibly say that with his eyes boring into her. Brushing her lips across his stubbled jaw, she whispered, “No. Are you?”
“I’ll only be sorry if I can’t see you again.”
She pulled back and clutched his collar tighter. “You want to get together again?”
“Let me be perfectly clear, Professor Wren. I like you. I want to date you. But if last night was a one-time thing for you, then I’ll leave you alone. Tell me now.”
“Th-that sounds good.” A smile broke through her shock.
“Which part? The dating or the leaving alone?” Humor crinkled his eyes even as he asked.
“The dating part, of course. I like you too, Chief. Kind of a lot if you couldn’t tell last night.”
He gave a hum and trailed his hands up her thighs to the curve of her butt. “I have some things to take care of with work and my brother, but I’ll call you. Promise.”
He loosened his grip, and she slid down his body, her feet touching the floor. Then he was gone, his stride long and commanding and very police-chief-like, but he was a man of his word. He’d be back. She smiled, her body buzzing as if she’d already had a pot of coffee.
* * *
Thad shouldn’t have spent the night with Sadie, yet he couldn’t locate any of the regret he’d lived with for so long. The night had been amazing. Not only because it had been a long time but because of her. The way she’d responded to him, made him laugh, filled him with light even as she struggled against the darkness.
He pulled up to the cabin, but there was no sign of the old work truck he’d loaned to Clayton until he got back on his feet. Thad would have given it to him outright or even bought his brother a nicer, newer truck, but Clayton wouldn’t hear of it. He wanted to earn his way.
Thad went straight to the guest room, agitation edging close to alarm. His brother’s things were spread around, and Thad took his first deep breath. Clayton hadn’t deserted him. A deeply rooted fear of losing his brother eased.
Now what? Work beckoned, but his instincts led him toward downtown Cottonbloom. He pumped his brakes when he saw the old truck parked on the Louisiana side of the river. He took a spot behind it and wandered down the street, looking for Clayton.
The smell of smoked pork from Rufus’s Meat and Three was like a siren’s call. The old man catered to a large after-church crowd from both sides of the river. A few nonchurchgoers had gotten the jump and were at tables with heaping plates. Thad couldn’t say he blamed them. Rufus’s barbeque was a religious experience.
The crack of a baseball bat sounded, setting off internal tremors that sloughed away the years. When they were kids, they would head over to the school’s baseball fields every Sunday morning to pretend they were major leaguers. Those memories remained golden and unsullied amongst the ugliness.
Thad stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked down the river side of the street. The beds of wildflowers that lined the river were sparsely blooming. Another month and the bank would be awash in colorful chaos.
The Mississippi side of Cottonbloom had an austerity and order that appealed to Thad, with its redbrick storefronts, stately gazebo, and manicured lawn leading down to the river. Yet he often found himself peering over the river at the Louisiana side. The line of brightly painted storefronts and wildflowers spoke to something inside him he’d tried hard to repress. That same something that had taken control of him last night with Sadie.
Her guarded distance had scared him this morning. He’d been glad to see the hint of tears in her eyes. At least they meant the night had meant something to her. He hoped they had a chance to discover what. Now, though, he had a different relationship to tend to.
Clayton stood at home base and tossed a ball into the air before swinging. The motion held a dancer-like grace. As if he had developed heightened senses in prison, Clayton turned before Thad had even stepped onto the field.
“Are you here to arrest me for trespassing?” His tone was smirking even as his face stayed blank.
“Out of my jurisdiction, actually. Once you pass over the river, you’re in Louisiana and have Sheriff Wayne Berry to watch out for.” Thad grabbed the bucket of balls and continued on to the pitcher’s mound. “Which means I’d be happy to pitch for you.”
“You were a shitty pitcher as a kid.” Clayton smiled now as he took a hitter’s stance.
“Let’s see if I’ve improved.”
Each crack of the bat seemed to peel away another year, leaving Thad feeling closer to what they’d been so long ago.
After a dozen balls landed in various locations in the outfield, Clayton tapped the end of the bat on home plate. “Do you miss playing?”
Thad pitched another ball and watched it sail over the fence from Clayton’s hit. “I play in an intramural league.”
Clayton huffed a laugh. “You know what I mean. Do you regret giving it up? Who knows how far you could’ve made it.”
“After everything, baseball wasn’t fun anymore. Not without you there.” Thad tossed a ball from one hand to the other, refusing to add he felt undeserving of whatever good might have come his way through baseball.
Clayton looked toward left field, so Thad could only see his profile. When he turned back around and positioned the bat over his shoulder, the creases at his eyes seemed to have deepened. “Go on, give me another one.”
Thad sent the last ball over the plate. Clayton tipped the ball. His first miss. He could have been a great player too. He and Thad stared at each other across the distance.
“Why didn’t you call me as soon as you got out?” Thad asked.
“Had some stuff to take care of.”
“What stuff?”
Clayton tossed the bat aside and walked straight toward the pitcher’s mound, his shoulders scrunched up. Even though Thad was the bigger man now, Clayton was still his older brother, and his instinct was to take a step back. He didn’t. Clayton stopped in front of him and picked up the bucket, the flash of aggression gone as quick
ly as it came.
“Had some personal business. Nothing illegal. I dotted all my fucking i’s and checked in with the parole office. I’m never going back to jail.”
Thad believed every word. “I want to help you.”
“I know you do, bro.” Clayton clapped him once on the shoulder before meandering toward the outfield to retrieve balls.
Thad fell into step beside him. “So let me help you.”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“I can still be a pesky little brother.” Thad leaned over for a ball and took the opportunity to glance at Clayton. The emotions etched on his face brought Thad to standing, his heart accelerating, his voice roughened. “You can trust me.”
“See this tattoo?” Clayton pulled the collar of his T-shirt down to expose the top part of his left pec. The name Evie was scripted in black, the skin around the letters reddened. New ink. “My daughter.”
Thad’s gaze pinged between the name and his brother’s eyes. The sadness and regret tore at his heart, and he caught a curse in his hand. “When? Where?”
“You remember Jane? I got her pregnant before I was sent off.”
Thad paced, his mind whirling. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve been there for your little girl when you couldn’t.”
“I didn’t fucking know.” Clayton picked up a ball and threw it with so much force into the bucket it bounced back out. “I went to see Jane when I got out. To apologize, see if she needed money. I felt bad for how I used her back then.”
“How was she?”
“Married to a postman. Three-bedroom house, white fence, the whole shebang. Her daughter—our daughter—answered the door. Nine years old. Looks like you and me. Same brown eyes, same dark hair. Prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. Jane tried to deny it at first, but I recognized my blood as soon as I saw her.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Don’t know. Maybe she’s better off thinking some postman’s her dad. Not like I’ve done anything for her except knock her mom up. Can’t afford a lawyer to fight for visitation. Hell, right now I can’t even afford to send money for child support.”
“I can help you find a job. Vouch for you.”
A hint of humor snuck back into Clayton’s smile. “Already dropped your name and got a job.”
“Where?”
Clayton pointed back up the street. “Working at that barbeque place. The old man needs help, and I was always good in the kitchen.”
That much was true. Clayton was the one who had cooked for them. Their mother couldn’t be bothered with more than hitting the button on the microwave.
“I’ll need to crash at your place awhile longer though,” Clayton said.
“For as long as you need. Forever if you want.”
“Don’t know if your girl would like that much.”
“She’s not my girl.” The knee-jerk denial rang false.
Clayton chuckled. “Where were you last night then?”
They held gazes long enough for Clayton to peel the bullshit back to the truth. “At Sadie’s,” Thad said with gritted teeth.
Clayton’s “uh-huh” contained brotherly levels of tease and sarcasm. And it sounded good. So good that Thad found himself confiding more.
“We hung out at the tavern last night. She makes me laugh. I didn’t mean to sleep with her, but… she was so… and it’s been a long time.” Thad rolled his eyes toward his brother.
“I never asked you to take a vow of celibacy, you doofus.” Clayton walked away and stared toward where the river cut the town in half. “I wanted you to be free, Thaddeus. One thing that kept me going was knowing you were out here living your life. Instead, you’ve created your own personal little prison in this town. Seems to me, Sadie is the first person who’s managed to break in.”
Was his brother right? Thad lived in Cottonbloom, but was he really living? He’d worked hard to atone for the guilt and regrets of his past, yet unlike Clayton, there was no date to mark his debt being paid. Thad stood shoulder to shoulder with his brother and let another of his truths out from the dark place inside him. “Sometimes I wish I’d been sent to prison too. I deserved it.”
Clayton knuckle-punched his arm hard enough to send his self-pity to the curb. “No. You didn’t. You were a stupid kid who thought your older brother was the shit. I wasn’t. I was as dumb as a sack of bricks.”
“But if you hadn’t taken the blame for the car, they wouldn’t have searched your place and found the drugs.”
“That’s bull. I was already so mired in gang life that I would have ended up in prison sooner than later. And the longer I stayed out, the more likely I would’ve been put away for life. I never should have let you tag along with me.”
“You would have left me with Mama, huh? Don’t know if that would have been much better.”
“True. I guess we all did the best we could.” Clayton took a deep breath. “Left some flowers on her grave. You did good with the stone.”
Cancer had taken their mother two years into Clayton’s sentence. It had been quick and ugly. “Sounds like you’ve made peace with her.”
“The stories I heard in prison about some of those dudes’ moms and dads made me almost thankful for her. She wasn’t great, but life… life can be hard.” Clayton’s smile didn’t reach eyes that were looking in the past. “Which is why you should grab on to anything that makes life easier and happier. That’s my plan.”
“You think you can be happy in Cottonbloom?” Thad grabbed the bucket of balls, and they meandered back to home plate.
“Don’t see why not. Got a job, and I’m close enough to see my girl if I can work something out with Jane.” Clayton side-eyed him. “Unless I’m going to cause trouble with your job and all.”
“I don’t care about that. I want you to stay.” While the first half of the sentiment might not be strictly true, the second half definitely was. Everything would work out. It had to.
“Then I’ll stay.” Silence fell between them as they walked along the bank to their vehicles. “What are you going to do about Sadie?”
“Told her this morning I want to see her again unless she was only looking for a one-night thing. She seemed open to going out with me again. Any advice?”
“You’re asking me for advice about women? I’m the one who’s spent the past decade with all men.” Clayton’s soft laugh was reminiscent of lying in their bunk beds when they were kids, talking after they should have been asleep.
Thad’s heart seized and didn’t ease until he grabbed Clayton up into a tight bear hug. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered.
“Ditto.” Clayton clapped his back and pulled away. “I’m going to hang out at Rufus’s. Make myself useful.”
Thad watched his brother stroll across the street and disappear into the after-church crowd waiting for tables. His emotions knotted into a mass he wasn’t sure how to untangle. Although he didn’t feel completely absolved of his guilt, obviously Clayton didn’t blame him or regret taking the fall.
Thad made his way back to the station—his home away from home—his mind circling the bombshell his brother had dropped. Clayton had a daughter. Thad had a niece. The knot in his stomach grew more tangled. While Clayton, as an ex-con, didn’t have much sway with the legal system, Thad might be able to call in some favors. First thing Monday morning, he would consult a lawyer. It wouldn’t change the past, but it might go a long way to appeasing his guilt.
Swamped in paperwork for the rest of the afternoon, Thad picked up his phone, then put it back down a half dozen times to text Sadie. He didn’t want to seem pathetic or desperate although both would aptly describe his driving need to see her again.
Finally, as dusk fell, he broke down and sent a text. “Done with work. Any interest in a pizza?”
And sex, he wanted add but didn’t. In fact, maybe he should defer the physical until they got to know each other better. That would be the smart, logical thing to do. The more he conside
red it, the more sense it made. The only part of him not on board with the smart, sensible, logical plan was his dick. It threatened to throw a tantrum.
He made sure his phone was working and not muted. Five excruciating minutes passed before his phone dinged. “Sure. I like veggie pizza.”
The knot of emotions that had taken up residence in his chest loosened. Even though she added to his confusion, she also soothed him and made him happy. While he’d been content over the stretch of years he’d been in Cottonbloom, he hadn’t been truly happy in a long, long time. Thinking about her filled him with a tingly warmth he hoped didn’t signal a life-threatening condition.
He filed away another tidbit of information about her. Veggie pizza. He could live with that. Thirty minutes later, with the last of the sun’s orange rays streaking the horizon, he rang her doorbell.
She answered barefoot, in jeans, and a tight red T-shirt that was like a blowtorch on his throat. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, and he flashed to a memory of weaving his fingers through the curls, holding her while he entered her. Instead of trying to speak, he held out the pizza like an offering to the gods.
She took the box and propped it on her hip while she gestured him inside with her crooked smile. “You okay there, big guy? Rough day?”
Compared to the evenness of his last years, his day had been like going through a Category 5 hurricane in a dinghy. She was the eye of the storm. Calm. A bright spot before he had to face all the complexities again.
“Found out I’m an uncle.” He hadn’t meant to tell her at all, much less have the news be the first thing out of his mouth.
“My goodness. Why didn’t your brother tell you before now?”
As she herded him into her kitchen and set out plates, he laid out the facts as dry and unemotional as deadwood.
“You’re torn up about the fact you didn’t know and couldn’t help her.” Although it was a statement and not a question, she raised her eyebrows and took a bite of pizza, leaving him to elaborate.
“Yes.” The slice of pizza on his plate looked about as appetizing as a handful of river mud.
Light Up the Night: A Cottonbloom Novel Page 7
