by K. G. Reuss
I lifted my hand, letting go for a moment before I realized what I’d been about to do. Feeling mortified, I dropped my hand to my side. He let out a soft breath, his eyes wavering.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, his voice shaking.
Why couldn’t I admit how I felt?
I nodded, tongue-tied. He gave me a final sad smile then stepped away, leaving me alone with my scared thoughts.
We both had our demons. I knew it was true. His might just be stronger than mine though.
Chapter 11
I lay in bed later that night waiting for Alan to enter my room. By two in the morning, he hadn’t come home. I closed my eyes, hoping for a night away from him. But even in my dreams, he haunted me.
I was alone in the house. It was quiet. I felt at ease as I looked around. Pictures of me and my dad were on the walls. We were smiling in them. I stepped forward and reached out to touch my favorite one—me and him at the lake, fishing. I’d just caught a fish, and he was grinning down at me as I struggled to hold the flopping fish up to show my mom who was snapping photos.
Before my fingers made contact with it, the photo ignited, melting. In a flurry of smoke and ash, it disappeared.
“Daddy?” I called out, tears stinging my eyes. “Daddy!”
“I’m right here,” a deep, menacing voice answered. I turned around and came face to face with Alan. “I like it when you call me Daddy, Maggie.”
He reached out, a wicked glint in his eyes.
I sat up, gasping for air, confused for a moment. I sucked in as much air as I could, tears streaming down my face.
“Please, God. Please help me! If you’re listening, send me help! I can’t-I can’t…” The prayer had barely fallen from my lips when I felt warm arms encircle me. I wasn’t afraid. Maybe a little crazy, but not afraid.
The arms pulled me back beneath my covers and held me. I should’ve been terrified. But I knew fear, and there was nothing to fear in the arms of the angel God had sent me. Even if it was something my mind made up as a way to comfort myself, I didn’t care. It was the best I had. Something inside me told me it had to be more than my imagination, though.
I snuggled deeper into the neck of my angel, my tears making a perfect mess. Fingers skimmed over my cheek. My arm. My neck.
There was a slight pressure in my head. I was tired of fighting. I let down my defenses just a bit, wanting someone, anyone, to take me away from my living nightmare.
I want out! God, help me. Send me a sign. Send me hope! I’m losing faith. O Lord, I’m begging you! Save me. Please. Save me.
In a surge of color and wonderment, I was thrown into a field of the most beautiful flowers. There was my lake. And puppies. And a swing set. My heart raced as excitement and happiness overtook me. It was heaven. My heaven.
I relaxed, feeling like maybe I could sleep. Feeling like maybe there would be no more nightmares that night.
I ran through the field of flowers with the puppy chasing me. A giggle erupted as he growled happily and nipped at my feet. When I got to the hill, I paused, waiting for what my heart truly wanted to see.
Show me my angel. The thought was quick. It flew through my mind.
I ran into Brax’s arms as he crested the hill. Without hesitation, he swept me up, leaving me breathless.
“It’s going to be all right. I promise,” Brax whispered to me as he held me. I believed him. After all, it was just a dream. And anything was possible in them.
Chapter 12
I felt incredibly awkward as I stood in my blue and white cheerleading uniform. It was shorter than anything I’d ever worn before. It wasn’t until nearly halfway through the game that I started to loosen up.
I’d watched Brax play. He was amazing. He and Lance ran the team with ease and precision—every throw, catch, play ran to perfection. Regardless of their dislike for one another, it was apparent that together they were unstoppable. They came together for the common good of the team, and I admired that.
I cheered for both of them as loudly as I could, my throat hurting by the end of the night.
“I’m going to grab a seat in the back. I want Brax to sit with me,” Jess giggled as we walked out to the bus.
“Girl, that boy gives me a toothache. He is so damn sweet!” Chelsea proclaimed.
“Well, back off, because I have dibs,” Jess shot out.
“You can’t call dibs on someone!”
“I just did!”
I rolled my eyes, listening as I walked in front of them.
“Besides, I think we could have some fun in the back tonight. I’d be willing to give him anything he wants,” Jess continued.
“You are so bad!” Chelsea laughed loudly. I ground my teeth. Of course that was her end game. She was like that with all the guys. I just hoped Brax wasn’t stupid enough to fall for her wicked ways.
“Maggie!” Jess called out from behind me as I stepped onto the bus.
“Yeah?” I paused and cast her a quick look over my shoulder.
“Be careful on the bus tonight. Someone might want to get frisky! Sit near the middle. We all know how prim and proper you are.” She cast a look over at Chelsea, who snorted in laughter. I gave them both a tight smile without saying a word.
But I heeded them and chose a seat in the center, far from them. I didn’t feel like being the butt of their jokes. I was tired and stressed out. And they were right—I was too prim and proper for back of the bus activities. I’d fought long and hard to keep what I had. I wasn’t about to lose it in the back of the bus to some jerk only looking to get his fingers wet.
I winced at the angry thought.
Pushing the thought out of mind, I sank down onto my seat. I was sitting there, assuming maybe Lance would sit with me, when Brax plopped down next to me.
“Hi,” he said, sounding breathless.
“Hi, yourself,” I answered, self-consciously tugging the hem of my skirt down. I shot a quick look at Jess and saw her glaring at me.
“You looked like you were having fun out there tonight.”
“Surprisingly, I was,” I answered, bringing my attention back to him. “I never imagined myself as a cheerleader. Don’t tell anyone,” I lowered my voice, “but I only tried out to shut Jess up.”
“Your secret’s safe with me. Consider any secrets you want to share with me safe.” Brax mimicked locking his lips and tossing the key. It was a cute move, one that sent butterflies fluttering in my stomach. He seemed happier and more talkative than before. He acted like we were good friends. Not that I was complaining. I was thoroughly enjoying his company, all while fighting the urge to reach out and just touch him. He was just so damn beautiful.
“You were pretty awesome on the field.” I felt awkward giving him the compliment. I was sure he’d heard it all before.
“Thanks,” he answered easily, not missing a beat, or acting cocky. He was modest and forthcoming. And sweet. “I was showing off for this beautiful girl who took a chance on trying out to become a cheerleader.” He tossed me an easy, flirty wink.
My skin heated with the compliment. I was just about to attempt a comeback when Lance boarded the bus. Before I could greet him, but his eyes slid over me and landed on Brax. Lance scowled at him.
“I think Brittany saved you a seat back there, Lance.” Brax smirked.
I immediately turned away. I’d almost forgotten about that bus adventure. Deciding it was best to just keep to myself, I didn’t bother to acknowledge him further. I was still upset he’d lied to me. I knew my face gave away my feelings because that’s just how I was. While I tried to keep everything under wraps, sometimes it was hard, especially with things that mattered to me the most, and Lance mattered to me. A lot.
I was lost in thought, wringing my hands nervously in my lap, my gaze still focused out the window when I felt Brax’s hands cover mine. I looked at him, my heart thudding unevenly in my chest. He gently untwisted my fingers.
“What’s this?” he asked, tracing
the ring on my finger.
I was still stunned by him touching me like that. I was working hard to compose myself, biting my lip nervously, and trying to find the words to explain to him what the ring was.
“It’s OK. You don’t have to tell me.” He started to move his hand away but something within me reacted, knowing the loss of his touch would leave me wounded. I reached forward and laced my fingers with his.
“No. It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. It’s more that I’ve never told anyone before. Whenever people have asked, I always just tell them it was a birthday gift.” I struggled finding the right words.
“And it wasn’t?” Brax studied me, his eyes sweeping over my face.
“No, I mean, it was given to me on my twelfth birthday by my parents.” I felt so nervous. How was he able to have that effect on me? He left me breathless with barely a sentence. Maybe it was his stare. His nearness. The way he inched closer to me.
“OK, but there’s more to the story?” he pressed hungrily, his intrigue clear. It made me feel special. Important.
“Yeah. It’s from a time in my life when things were mostly happy,” I started to explain, somehow wanting to tell him everything. “Back before my dad left. Before my mom’s drinking got out of control. Before Alan came.”
“So, it makes you sad to talk about it?” He gave me a sympathetic look.
“Before it was mine, the ring belonged to my mom. My dad gave it to her while they were dating. Mom said it was to remind her that nobody is all light or all dark. And love has the power to equalize the darkness the heart can carry. And love is the only thing that’s forever,” I said the words softly, silently begging them to be true. I couldn’t bear it if they were a lie.
“So, your mom has a drinking problem? That must be tough,” he said thickly.
“It is. I wish I could do something to help her get better. To save her. She’s not a bad person.”
“I’m sure she’s not. She had you, so she has to be good.”
I didn’t say anything. His words were kind. Sweet. And maybe too good to be true. We both just looked at each other as the moments passed by, locked on one another’s eyes. I traced a pattern on his palm, enjoying how his skin felt. It was hot. Almost too hot. But the fire that burned beneath his skin only spurred me on, drawing me to his passion and flame. He was a dangerous flame, and I was a lost moth, looking for something to keep me warm as I struggled to survive. I only hoped he wouldn’t burn me too badly. Because that boy had the face of an angel and the sweet words to go with it. All he was missing was his halo.
“Want to listen to some music?” I asked weakly, unable to bear the tension any longer.
“Sure.”
“My iPod’s in my bag under my feet.”
In an act that would’ve been funny from the outside, we both leaned forward and smacked our heads off one another. Any tension left dissolved instantly. Our hands fell away from one another as we rubbed our foreheads.
“I’ll get it,” Brax said, shaking his head. He bent down, and I felt his hot breath on my legs. Goosebumps surged through me. I was grateful when he came up and handed me my bag.
I rifled through it quickly and produced my iPod and earbuds. I handed him one of the earbuds and placed the other in my own ear. I hit play on the first song on my list. It was one of my favorites. My dad used to listen to it with my mom. It was both a bittersweet and happy moment. Sometimes when I listened to the song, I could see them together, my dad holding my mom and whispering what I assumed were sweet things into her ear. She’d smile and nuzzle his neck.
I leaned my head close to Brax, so the cord wouldn’t get stretched.
“What?” I asked, surprised when his mouth opened in surprise.
“You like GNR?”
“Yes. Why are you surprised that I like Guns ‘n Roses?” I let out a soft chuckle as I took in the incredulous look on his handsome face.
“For one, this song is like twenty-five years old. For two, you don’t strike me as the type of girl who’d like rock music.”
“I’ll have you know, Brax Shepherd, there’s more to me than meets the eye.”
“I’m beginning to see that, Maggie. And I must admit, I want to see more.”
I blushed at his words. And then he started singing softly to me, taking me by surprise. His voice was perfect. Beautiful. Almost. . . inhuman. But I loved the way he sounded. A smile cut across my face, and I quietly started singing the chorus with him. I was surprised at how good we sounded. I wondered how we’d sound if we were actually able to be louder.
With my bravery still having the upper hand, I reached out and grasped his hand again and rested my head against his shoulder. I felt so content and safe. I closed my eyes, reveling in his nearness. Before I realized what was happening, I was being swept into the air, Brax’s strong arms around me.
He carried me to his car and placed me safely inside without breaking a sweat. A chill ran across my skin, and he was back at my side immediately, tugging his sweater over my head. Then he was back in the car and pulling my seatbelt over me before I realized he’d left my side.
“Safety first,” his voice was sweet with his teasing.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“You sure aren’t much of a talker when you’re awakened from a dead sleep,” Brax mused as we drove.
“Honestly, I haven’t slept that well in years,” I admitted softly. It was the truth. I hadn’t slept that deeply in a long time.
“But you were sitting up and on a moving bus,” Brax said, surprised.
“But I was safe and content. Makes for good sleeping conditions.” I shrugged. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. It felt like I’d only blinked, then we were pulling up to my house. My chest was heavy with anxiety. I’d barely been awake for five seconds, and I was already feeling restless.
“Thanks for keeping me company for like five minutes of our ride home,” Brax chuckled, referring to our bus ride.
I gave him a playful slap on his shoulder, “It was more like thirty minutes, at least.”
“Best thirty minutes of my life,” he admitted, taking me by surprise as he pressed his hot lips to the spot just above my ring on my finger.
Without thinking it through, and totally drawn to him, I cupped his cheek. The rough stubble against my skin reminded me that he was real. I searched his eyes for a several seconds, wondering if I was putting my feelings into someone who wouldn’t be able to return them.
Deciding it didn’t matter, I spoke to him the words I felt in my heart. “Remember, Brax, we all carry light and dark inside.” I opened the door and got out, not wanting to linger any longer. “Thanks for everything. Don’t worry about walking me to the door. Just pop the trunk.”
“OK. So, will I see you at Andrew’s party tomorrow night?” his voice sounded rushed. Strained.
“Probably not. My parents aren’t really big on me being out late. They made an exception tonight. Night, Brax. See you Monday.” I had to get away. Not that I wanted to, but I knew if I stayed, I’d end up doing something stupid, like wrapping my arms around him and telling him I thought he was my angel in disguise. And I wasn’t even sure where or why that thought was with me. But I felt it deep within my soul.
“Goodnight, Maggie.”
I didn’t look back. I made it into my house and locked the door behind me. When I got to my room, I hurriedly dressed for bed, making sure to tuck my uniform safely away in my closet.
Closing my eyes, I drifted off to sleep with all my thoughts on Brax.
Chapter 13
Brax became scarce over the following weeks. I figured after our night on the bus, he’d been scared off by what I assumed must have been my odd behavior. He hardly spoke to me in class, and he didn’t go out of his way to speak to me any other time. Feeling like it was over before it started, I tried to get my mind straight. Thoughts of Homecoming filled my head. It was a big event for the school. I’d had this desire to go for ages and was hoping that
someone would ask me because God knew I didn’t have the guts to ask anyone.
“Hey, beautiful,” Lance greeted me with a warm smile as I stood in front of my locker. He’d been texting and checking in on me a lot. I supposed I’d been a bit more withdrawn than I usually was. I’d been doing a lot of thinking. I wanted a change. I craved it. And Lance had asked me again to be his girlfriend two nights prior as he sat in my bedroom at one in the morning. I’d been shy, nervous, uncertain. I’d given him the answer I always gave—I’d think about it. And I had. A lot.
“Hey,” I answered, returning his smile.
“You look happy,” he commented. “Did you have a good night?”
“It was OK,” I admitted.
“I’m glad.” He pushed a stray piece of hair away from my face. His fingers brushed gently against my cheek in the act. I closed my eyes and focused on his touch. He wasn’t going to hurt me. He was my best friend. He could be more if I let it happen. And I wanted change.
Just say yes to him! He’ll make the pain go away!
I opened my eyes and stared up at him.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he murmured, our bodies close.
“You don’t want to know,” I replied, stepping closer to him.
Please make the hurting stop.
“I do. You have no idea how much,” he said softly. I caught sight of Brax coming around the corner, looking beautiful as always. His eyes were downcast, his mouth twisted into a frown. He seemed preoccupied. And he didn’t pay me one bit of attention.
It was over before it started. I’m not the girl for him.
The thought crashed into me painfully. I couldn’t compete with Jess or the hundreds of other girls that flocked to him. Lance was safe. He wouldn’t hurt me. Brax would leave me devastated. I knew he would.
“I have to tell you something,” I said, tearing my gaze away from Brax as he turned and disappeared around a corner. I’d made my mind up. I couldn’t pine away for someone who wasn’t interested. I’d rather be his friend than nothing at all.
