by Francis Ray
“If you’d like, you could get a handle on your mail. You have two boxes like the kind copying paper comes in that are crammed full. I had Kristen ship them to me last week. I went through it and discarded the junk mail, but you still have a lot of correspondence. Working together, Lilly and I could start going through it.” Arms folded, Eleanor leaned across the table. “Your accountant’s been taking care of most of your business, but you know your father always insisted that we know where our money was being spent.”
Adam nodded. “Lilly, if you’ll help me navigate to my study I’ll contact my accountant first; then I have a couple of calls to place and then we can go through the mail.”
Sitting behind the desk in his study, Adam listened to the phone ring in Kristen’s apartment. Aware that his sister wasn’t a morning person, he patiently waited for her to wake up enough to recognize the ringing of the phone and answer it. Her first class wasn’t until nine. It was barely seven on the Coast.
“Hello.”
Her soft, East Coast–accented voice sounded husky and gravelly from sleep. “Wake up, sleepyhead, and talk to your big brother.”
“Adam! Oh, Adam.” All sleepiness left Kristen’s voice, to be replaced by ringing excitement. “It’s so good to hear your voice. I was hoping you’d call so I could tell you how proud of you I am.”
He leaned back in the leather chair, the corners of his mouth tilted upward in a reluctant smile. “I guess Mother called you.”
“Last night. You know how she is.”
They both were aware that their mother had followed a predictable pattern, bragging on her children. Just as they were both aware that in the weeks following his accident his behavior had been appalling rather than heroic, but neither brought it up. “So how are the studies going?”
“They’re about to get better.”
He accepted her cryptic statement. She had worried and suffered right along with him. “Everything is going to be all right. Mother, Jonathan, and I will be there to see you graduate next month.”
“I’m counting on it. I’ve missed you, big brother.”
“The same goes here.”
“Then why don’t I come down for the weekend?”
“No way. I distinctly remember the last weeks of undergrad school. Papers coming out of the wazoo. Stay and study.”
“Spoilsport.”
He chuckled. “You’ll thank me when exam time comes.”
“It’s good hearing you laugh again.”
“It feels good. Now, go study.”
“Bye, Adam. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Bye.”
He hung up the phone, dreading the next call. But there was no way around it. Getting the operator on the line again, Adam placed a call to Nicole at her office in downtown San Francisco.
Despite it being early, he knew that unless she had a business appointment, she’d be there. She believed that good work ethics and responsibility started at the top.
“Nicole Ashe.” The tone was polished and smooth as silk. It fit perfectly the image that Nicole always wanted to project.
“Hello, Nicole.”
“Adam?” Surprise quickly gave way to unbridled delight. “Oh, Adam, honey. It’s wonderful hearing your voice. When are you coming back?”
His fingers drummed on the desk blotter. “Not for a while.”
“Why not?”
He never realized until then how much it annoyed him for Nicole to question him. Usually he ignored her. “I enjoy being here.”
“How can you say that? I’m here. Your friends are here.” Her tone became petulant.
“I made them as uncomfortable as they made me.” His fingers stopped their drumming motion and closed into a tight fist.
“What about me?” she asked, her voice deepening to a suggestive husky purr. “Don’t you miss me? Don’t you want to be with me?”
“Nicole,” he said and sat forward in his seat, dreading what was coming next. “I don’t want to hurt you, but you know it can never be as it was between us.”
“Yes, it can if you’ll only let it.”
He hated the plaintive note in her voice. “We both know better. Cut your losses and move on.”
“It’s her, isn’t it?”
His fingers touched a pen on his desk. He picked it up. “Her who?”
“That Lilly person.”
He drummed the pen on the desk, wondering how he could quickly end the call without hurting Nicole’s feelings. “Lilly has nothing to do with my decision.”
“Yes, she does.” Nicole’s voice cooled. “Since you didn’t want to speak with me, I called Kristen. She’s kept me informed about the woman your mother hired.”
“She helped me.”
“For a thousand dollars a week, I should hope so.”
His shoulders snapped back in shock. “What?”
“Didn’t you know?”
He clutched the pen. He felt betrayed, used, and it came through in his voice: “No. No, I didn’t.”
“I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but she did it for the money. If you’re staying for her, you have no reason to.”
“Yes, why else would she or anyone put up with a blind man?” Bitterness tinged each word.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” she hastened to reassure him.
“Good-bye, Nicole.”
“No, Adam, wait. Let me expl—”
Adam carefully placed the receiver in the cradle instead of slamming it as he wanted. Anger churned through him, at himself, at Lilly. She’d been paid an exorbitant amount to care for him. He recalled her pleading the first time she came to his room. She wanted to stay for the money, not because she felt anything for him. She’d been doing a job, nothing more.
The phone rang again and he ignored it. He didn’t want to speak to Nicole again, and he was positive it was her. He wasn’t sure why the amount of Lilly’s salary bothered him, but it did.
“Dr. Wakefield, Nicole Ashe is on the phone,” Lilly said as she entered the study.
Adam lifted his head and turned in the direction her voice had come from. “How much did my mother pay you, Lilly?”
“What?”
He rose and planted both hands on the desk. “How much did my mother pay you to care for a hopelessly depressed blind man?”
The words lashed out at her. Finally she understood. “That’s why Ms. Ashe sounded so upset on the phone. She told you.”
Adam’s lips thinned with anger. “No wonder you were so anxious to stay. No wonder no matter what I did or said you always came back. You would have taken care of the devil for that kind of money.”
There was no use denying his words. He had spoken the truth. “I was desperate, yes, but I also wanted to help you.”
“Spare me the humanitarianism. The longer you stayed, the more you earned. I was a meal ticket.” His laugh was bitter. “To think I thought ...” His voice trailed off, his head lowered.
“Dr. Wake—”
His head came up sharply. “You’re fired.”
“What?” Her eyes widened with shock.
“Get your things and get out. I want you gone within the hour. You hear me? Get out!”
She wouldn’t cry. Lilly told herself that, but it didn’t stop the silent tears flowing down her cheeks. Her fault again for believing, for letting her guard slip even a tiny bit. She had only herself to blame for the ache in her chest.
She shouldn’t have let herself care about him as a person. Men weren’t to be trusted. They played with your emotions. Shutting the suitcase, she dragged it from the bed and left her bedroom. She met an anxious-appearing Eleanor on the stairs.
“Lilly, Nicole called. She said Adam became upset when she mentioned your salary.”
“He fired me.”
Eleanor’s eyes widened and she came to Lilly and placed her hand on her trembling arm. “He’s upset. He’ll calm down once he’s had time to think this through.”
“He doesn’t want me here.” That adm
ission hurt. Hurt badly.
“Yes, he does. He’s just too upset now to realize it,” Eleanor said. “I had no idea he’d be so upset about your salary.”
Lilly worked her shoulders. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be going. Thank you for trusting me to take care of Dr. Wakefield.”
“Lilly—”
“I’m not staying. I won’t be treated like this again. Myron was enough.”
“Myron?”
There was no reason not to tell her. “I lied. I was married. I filed for divorce and left my abusive husband the day my car broke down. I left there with no firm job prospects, few clothes, and very little money. That’s why I didn’t want to have a reference check. I didn’t want him to find me.” She spoke past the stinging in her throat. “Mother Crawford wasn’t my mother; she was my mother-in-law. She and my stepson, Rafe, were the only good thing to come out of my marriage. When I left Myron, I promised myself that I’d never be subjected to that kind of treatment again. I deserve better.”
“Lilly, I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault. Good-bye, Eleanor. Please tell Dr. Delacroix good-bye for me.” The lump in her throat threatening to choke her, she stepped around Eleanor and quickly went down the stairs.
Eleanor went down the stairs behind Lilly, but her destination was the study. His shoulders bent, his head resting in the palms of his hands, Adam sat behind his desk. The sight tore through Eleanor, but she refused to let his dejected appearance dissuade her. “What did you say to her?”
“Not now, Mother.” His voice was tired.
“Yes, now. Lilly came here afraid of her own shadow and I just learned why, an abusive husband, but she stayed and stuck it out to help you. She almost didn’t take the job because Jonathan wanted a reference check. Even with the offer of a thousand dollars a week, she chose to sit in a broken-down car. That took fear and courage.”
“But she took the job, didn’t she? The money was too good to turn down.”
“It might have been initially for the money, but I saw the look on her face when she came from your room the first time. She cared and she’s shown me she cares time and time again. I stayed in the cottage to ensure that I wasn’t mistaken about her. Do you think for one instant that if I thought she was only here for the money I wouldn’t have hired someone else?”
Adam rocked back in his chair. “Just proves she’s a good actress. She annoyed me.”
“And by doing so she got you to forget that you were blind and act instead of react. After she got you to eat and get cleaned up, I would have let her stay in any case. In fact, I told her as much. She had a job, regardless. But she kept trying to think of ways to help you. Everything from the tapes to the clothes was her idea. Not mine. And you just kicked her in the teeth!”
Slowly his head came up. “I didn’t know.”
“And you didn’t ask. You just struck out the same way you’ve been doing since your blindness. I’ve been disappointed, even hurt, by your actions, but I’ve never been ashamed of you until this moment.”
He flinched at the cutting remark but knew it was deserved. “Mother, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Eleanor wasn’t in a forgiving frame of mind.
For an endless moment, Adam sat there; then he stood and hurried around the desk and straight into the Chippendale armchair.
“Damn!” He and the chair both toppled.
“Adam!” Eleanor rushed to him, then hesitated. In the past he had never wanted help.
“Mother, could you please help me up and show me to the garage?” He reached out his hand to her. “I think it’s time I became the man you raised me to be.”
Brushing tears from her eyes, Lilly opened the door of her car, tossed her suitcase on the front seat, and slid in beside it, chastising herself as she did so. She had no reason to cry. She had money in her pocket; her car was running. She had nothing to cry about. It had just been a job.
And she had come to care about Dr. Wakefield more than she should.
Tears fell harder. Clutching the steering wheel, she leaned her head against it and cried.
“I thought I told you not to waste tears on me.”
Stunned, she jerked her head up to see Adam standing beside the open door of the car she had forgotten to close. “How…“ she began, then saw the answer to how he had found his way to the garage. Eleanor stood a short distance away. “Go back inside, Dr. Wakefield.”
“Ordering me around again.” It was more of a statement than a question.
“I never ordered you around,” Lilly told him, wishing she didn’t recall when that had been a joke between them. “Please move so I can close the door.”
He moved closer. Reaching out, he touched her shoulder, then slid his hand down to grasp her hand and tug. “Come on; let’s go back into the house.”
“No, I’m leaving.”
“I’m sorry, Lilly. Sorrier than you’ll ever know.”
“Some hurts can’t be mended with words.”
His breath hissed in sharply. His mouth tightened. “I’d never abuse you like he did.”
“You hurt me,” she said softly, her voice thick with unshed tears. “Don’t you think I know how it feels to be used? How it feels not to be wanted for yourself? Myron did that to me for six years.”
Anger shot through Adam. “I’m not that slime of a husband.”
“Then you think I’m a user like he was?”
“Never. You’ve got to believe me.” Adam raked his hand over his head in growing frustration. “Oh, hel—heck, Lilly. Never that. Never that.”
“Do you have any idea how you made me feel?” she asked, her words so quiet he had to bend his head to hear them. Then he wished he hadn’t.
She sounded defeated, lost. Guilt ate at him. His only defense was the truth, a truth that would leave him as defenseless as she.
“Do you think I wasn’t hurt? No matter how much I pushed you away, you always came back. No one ever did that, except my family. Besides Jonathan, you’re the only person who never caved in or acted differently. You never treated me as if my blindness diminished my intelligence.” He paused and drew in a deep breath. “I thought it was more than a job. I thought you…hell, I thought you cared about me like I care about you.”
He cared.
His words rushed though her like a healing balm. He cared. He’d cursed, but it was out of frustration, not hatred or disrespect.
“Please stay,” he continued, his hand gripping hers tightly. “You haven’t finished reading The Third Degree. I doubt if Mother will read it to me, as upset as she is with me.”
The joy spiraling within Lilly took a nosedive. “That’s what you want me for, to read, cook, and clean?”
“No. I could hire someone to do that,” Adam told her. “I want you for what no amount of money can buy. As a true friend. Please stay.”
Lilly sniffed and brushed the last lingering tears from her eyes. A true friend. She’d only had one in her entire life. “On one condition?”
“Name it.”
“You teach me to really play the piano.”
“It’s a deal.”
Eleanor was waiting for them when they emerged from the garage arm in arm. “I’ll just go to the cottage and get the mail.”
“You can’t carry that much by yourself,” Adam protested. “I’ll go with you.”
Both women traded worried glances. Lilly spoke first. “The path is smooth, but I don’t think you should carry a big box.”
“I didn’t intend to. Mother probably has a handled shopping bag or two that we can use.”
Eleanor glanced at Lilly for guidance. Getting Adam out of the house and down the steps to the garage had been awkward for both of them. The winding path to the cottage was twice that distance.
Adam, his jaw clenched, spoke into the growing silence: “I’m not helpless.”
“We never thought you were,” Lilly said, praying she was making the right decision. The wors
t thing they could do was discourage Adam’s emerging confidence with their own fears. “While you two are getting the mail, I’ll take my things back upstairs.”
“Come on, Mother,” Adam said, reaching for his mother’s arm and feeling her tremble. He leaned over and whispered, “Think of this as helping me take my first baby steps. I might have fallen, but I got up and I learned.”
“You certainly did,” Eleanor said, her voice steadier. “Lilly, we’ll be back in a little bit.”
Lilly watched them trying to find a rhythm to their steps and knew they were going to be all right when Adam bumped into his mother and almost fell. Instead of reacting with embarrassment or anger, he had laughed. He wasn’t afraid of trying and failing. He’d come a long ways from the angry, frightened man she’d met when she arrived.
And she’d helped. No one could take that away from her. She was good at something.
Grabbing her suitcase, Lilly went inside. She was passing the telephone stand in the hallway when the phone rang. Pausing, she picked up the receiver. “Wakefield residence.” The line clicked dead.
Shrugging, she hung up the phone and continued upstairs to her room. Deciding unpacking could wait, she came back downstairs and went to the kitchen and started to finish cleaning up. She wanted all the household duties out of the way so she could help Adam if he needed her. She’d just finished when the phone rang again. “Wakefield residence.”
There was no answer, but she could tell there was someone on the line. Myron? Her stomach knotted in fear. “Who’s there?”
“I want to speak to Adam.”
Nicole. Lilly recognized the silky voice and the bad attitude immediately. “Why do you dislike me?”
“I asked to speak with Adam.”
Lilly’s fingers flexed on the phone. Nicole had the same demanding way about her that Myron had. “Unless you answer my question, you aren’t going to.”
Nicole’s quick intake of breath echoed through the phone. “Why, you. You’re just the hired help!”
“If I were just that, I wouldn’t bother you so much,” Lilly said, sure she was right.
“Don’t give yourself more importance than you have,” Nicole said tartly. “Adam admires sophisticated, beautiful women. Even blind, you can’t possibly think he’d want you.”
