by Francis Ray
“I have a date.” Standing, she picked up her cap and gown from beside her. “A group of us are celebrating.”
“Who’s the designated driver?” Jonathan asked.
Kristen walked over and kissed him on his furrowed brow before answering, “A chauffeur in a limousine, courtesy of Mother.”
“I thought that would be best.” Eleanor stood by the mantel, a glass of untouched white wine in her hand, her expression troubled.
“Is Eric going with you?” Adam asked.
“He’s the third stop,” Kristen reported with a grin. “We plan to make a night of it and then eat breakfast together, so don’t wait up for me.” With that she bounded up the stairs.
“I guess I better be going myself.” Nicole stood. “I’ll be back around eight to pick you up, Adam.”
“Thanks.”
Kissing him lightly on the cheek, she straightened and smiled triumphantly at Lilly. Carl reached the door just before a jubilant Nicole sashayed through it.
Chapter Eighteen
Nicole picked Adam up at exactly eight. Eleanor walked out with them to Nicole’s silver Jaguar. Although Eleanor told herself he needed to get out and visit friends, she worried that something might happen and he’d withdraw again. She had a disquieting feeling that Nicole expected too much of Adam.
“He’ll be fine, Eleanor,” Jonathan said from by her side.
Eleanor bit her lip and watched the taillights of Nicole’s sports car disappear. “Perhaps I should have gone with him.”
“No.” Jonathan’s expression remained unchanged when Eleanor glared at him. “Adam has finally stopped viewing his blindness as a handicap. You have to do the same.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “It’s difficult.”
“Letting go is never easy, but then neither is loving,” he said quietly.
In the dim light Eleanor was unable to clearly see Jonathan’s expression and for some reason was glad she couldn’t. “Let’s go back inside.”
Jonathan lightly took her elbow, and they returned inside. Lilly met them at the door, her expression as worried as Eleanor’s had been. “She’ll take care of him, won’t she?”
“He’ll be fine,” Jonathan said, taking Lilly’s elbow in his free hand and leading both women to the sofa in the living room. “Nicole is too competitive not to.”
“What has that to do with anything?” Lilly asked, perched on the edge of the sofa.
Jonathan poured two glasses of white wine and gave them to the women before answering, “Because she wants to show Adam she can meet his needs as well as you can.”
Lilly’s cheeks flushed. “I–I—”
Jonathan held up his hands. “I meant professionally, of course.”
The words had the opposite effect. “Of course. What possible interest could Adam have in me other than professionally?”
The words were filled with such loneliness that Eleanor said, “Adam is a very astute man. I’d say by now he’s aware of how much your friendship has meant.”
Lilly stared into her glass of wine. “I suppose. I’m sorry, Jonathan. I’m just worried.”
“I wonder if they’ve arrived yet,” Eleanor mused. “I’ll just call—”
“You’ll do no such thing,” Jonathan interrupted and moved the phone on the end table out of Eleanor’s reach. “I can see right now that the two of you are going to worry until Adam walks back through that door. He wouldn’t want that and neither do I. So it’s up to me to see that you don’t.”
Jonathan took the untouched wine from their unresisting fingers and set the glasses on the table in front of them. “I hear there’s a new restaurant on the wharf with lobster that will make you want to slap your mama. What do you say we go check it out?”
Lilly and Eleanor shook their heads. Lilly spoke first. “Adam might call.”
“That’s right,” Eleanor agreed.
Jonathan folded his arms and peered down at them. “Call for what?”
Both women traded blank stares.
“Exactly. There is no possible reason for him to call. Nicole isn’t about to abandon him or leave him to fend for himself. Neither is the couple giving the party. They’re mutual friends of Adam and Nicole,” Jonathan reasoned.
“Still I want to stay.” Too restless to sit, Lilly stood. “I think I’ll go up and study. There’s an exam next week. Good night.”
“Good night,” Jonathan said, then brought his gaze back to Eleanor. “It’s you and me again.”
“I—”
“Please,” he said, cutting her off before she could make an excuse. “We’re leaving tomorrow afternoon and I won’t get a chance to go to the restaurant.”
There was a twinkle in his eyes so much like the old Jonathan, she was tempted. “If it’s such a great place, we may not be able to get a table.”
He slid his hands into the pockets of his expertly tailored dove gray slacks. They went beautifully with his black shirt and sports coat. “On the off chance we might go, I made reservations a month ago.”
Eleanor’s brow arched. “For how many?”
“Five. I thought it would be a great way to cap off the weekend for Adam and Kristen.” He shrugged and withdrew his hands from his pockets. “Lilly, too. Make up for my not trusting her at first.”
She relaxed. She should have known. Jonathan always thought of others. That was the type of man he was.
“It will be fun, Eleanor. What do you say?”
Yes, it would be. And wasn’t she woman enough, disciplined enough, to keep herself under control? “What time is the reservation?”
“Nine.”
She came to her feet. “I’ll let Lilly know we’re leaving and get the keys to the car.”
“We won’t need the car.” He glanced at his Rolex. “A limo should be arriving in ten minutes.” At her puzzled frown he continued, “Parking is always a hassle that time of night near the wharf.”
“And you didn’t want Adam trying to navigate the crowded streets,” Eleanor added.
“I was so proud of him today. Both of them.” He paused, then added, “Randolph would have been, too.”
“Yes, he would have been.” She smiled openly. “You helped. You’re a good friend, Jonathan.”
His expression stilled. “You better hurry.”
Eleanor left the room wondering why she had gotten the impression that she had upset Jonathan with her last statement.
Lilly couldn’t study or do much of anything except pace the living room. What if she was wrong? What if Adam needed her and she wasn’t there? That thought tormented her. She raked her fingers through her hair, then went to the picture window and moved the sheer curtains aside. Nothing.
Her hand fell and she turned away to continue pacing. He’d only been gone a little over an hour. He wouldn’t be back so soon.
Then she heard the key in the door and was caught between wanting to know if it was Adam and worried that if it was him, he was not all right. Her dilemma was solved when the door opened and Nicole entered followed by Adam.
Lilly’s worried gaze went from Nicole’s tightly compressed lips to Adam using his cane. Concern won over discretion. “You’re back early.”
Adam paused, his head lifting. He was smiling. “I remember Robert’s parties as being more fun.”
“You didn’t enjoy yourself?” she asked, holding her breath as he skirted the footstool and coffee table to take a seat in the armchair.
“Not particularly, so I decided to leave and go to my place and make sure it’s still standing.” He relaxed in the chair. “I need you to orientate me, if you don’t mind.”
“No,” she quickly assured him. “Eleanor and Jonathan have gone out to dinner. I’ll just leave them a note.”
“Tell them to pick us up at my place tomorrow!” Adam called after her.
Lilly stopped her headlong flight out of the room and stared at the silent Nicole. From her angry expression, Nicole was aware of Adam’s plans for them to spen
d the night at his house. “Of course. It won’t take me long to pack.”
“Don’t worry about my things except my toiletries and clock,” he told her. “There’s luggage and clothes at my place.”
“I’ll hurry.” Racing up the stairs, Lilly felt a secret thrill of pleasure that he wanted to be with her.
In her room, she quickly put the small Gucci suitcase Eleanor had lent her on the bed and began dragging clothes from drawers and the closet. She never paused when she heard the knock. There was only one person it could be. “Yes, what is it?”
“Adam and I were involved before his blindness.”
Lilly continued folding her slacks. “Yes, I’d figured as much.”
Nicole in a form-fitting red dress came farther into the room. For once the outspoken woman appeared subdued. “He was so different then. So much in control.”
Lilly finally understood. “He is different, but he’s the same man.”
“I’m too busy to have to watch out for anyone, or for anyone to depend on.” Nicole shook her head of perfectly styled hair. “Tonight at the party, I didn’t know how to act or what to do with him.”
Lilly whirled sharply. Her voice lashed out in anger and accusation. “You’re ashamed of him?”
“No,” Nicole denied quickly. “It’s just that I’m used to socializing at a party, dancing, not standing around watching to see that Adam doesn’t bump into anything and hurt himself.”
Her obvious uncertainty diffused some of Lilly’s anger toward the other woman. “You just have to acclimate him to his surroundings. Next time—”
“There won’t be a next time. It’s over between us.” Nicole wrapped her slim arms around herself. “Things have been going badly since he lost his sight. Don’t think it was because of you.”
“I won’t.” Lilly snapped the suitcase shut and picked it up. “Excuse me; I need to go pack Adam’s things.”
Nicole stared at Lilly a long time, then unfolded her arms. “I’m glad he has you.”
Lilly’s eyes widened in shocked amazement.
Nicole shrugged elegant shoulders. “I can be a bitch, but I’m a loyal bitch.” She walked to the door. “Finish packing and I’ll drop you off. Adam’s house is about a mile from mine.”
“You weren’t planning on returning to the party?”
“The only reason I went there was because of Adam,” she admitted, her voice strained.
Lilly studied the polished, beautiful woman a long time. She was hurting. “You really care about him.”
“I do, but not enough to care for him the way you do.”
Lilly went to Adam’s room thinking of what Nicole had said. Despite caring for Adam, she obviously saw him as a burden, a liability. Lilly saw him as a man.
Nicole studied Adam as he sat in the chair. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was just lounging with his Gucci wire-rimmed sunglasses on. Tall and athletic, handsome and charming, rich and successful, he had been the epitome of everything she had wanted. His blindness had changed all that.
“Shouldn’t be long,” she said, coming farther into the room. “It didn’t look as if she had much to pack.”
“Clothes are not high on her list of priorities,” he said.
“I guess it’s finally sinking in that it’s over between us.”
“Nicole—”
She sat on the arm of the sofa across from him. “Don’t give me that line about finding someone better.”
The corner of his mouth lifted upward. “You never did mince words. I wasn’t, but you will.”
“Dammit, Adam. We were good together.”
“We were safe and superficial,” he told her without censure. “There wasn’t enough to hold it together after my blindness.”
She stared at him. “That’s the first time you’ve said the word.”
He shook his dark head. “I must have been a pain in the posterior.”
Rising, she went to kneel in front of him and took his hands. “No matter. I wouldn’t have left.”
“I know.” He briefly squeezed her hands. “You’re demanding and exacting, but loyal.”
“Home training,” she quipped, then straightened. “Dad drank, so he was never able to hold down a job for long. Mom liked the nightlife. When they were both home, they fought. I can’t remember either of my parents ever coming to school for even one conference, one PTA meeting, one play I was in.” She shrugged, wishing the memory still didn’t have the power to make her feel as if the fault lay in her, as her parents had shouted every chance they got.
Her hand smoothed the sides of her perfectly styled hair. She was perfect now and they’d never know. She’d made it to the top and that was all that mattered. “I joined every extracurricular activity the school had to stay away from home. Fortunately, it paid off with a scholarship.”
Adam knew the story and admired Nicole’s perseverance and determination that had garnered her success. But it had not been without a price. She hadn’t been back to see her parents since she left home after graduating from high school. Strange how he never noticed before his blindness how lonely and insecure she sounded. “You had a rough time growing up, but you survived.”
She retook her seat and crossed long, silky legs. “I learned early to fight for what I wanted.”
“This time it wouldn’t do any good,” he pointed out quietly.
“I know. I’ve somehow always known I couldn’t keep you. Just like I’ve never been able to keep anyone I cared about. It’s easier not caring.” Bitterness tinged each word.
“Nicole—”
“No. Don’t. I might cry and ruin my image and my makeup.”
“Perish the thought,” he said, trying to match her mood. “The day you don’t look absolutely beautiful is the day the sun falls out of the sky.”
“And don’t you forget it,” Nicole said, her voice steadier and more in control. “Just remember, you didn’t dump me. We called it quits together. Right?”
“Right.”
“I’m ready.” Lilly came into the room with her suitcase in her hands, her eyes for Adam only.
Adam stood and extended his hand. Lilly went to him quickly, a smile on her lips, adoration in her eyes. Nicole turned away and walked to the front door ahead of them. One day she’d find someone who wouldn’t leave.
Eleanor quickly read the note that Lilly had left on the table in the living room: “Adam wanted to go to his house. Lilly went to orientate him. Nicole took them.”
Jonathan peered down at the sheet of paper in her hands. “I don’t think that’s the only reason Adam wanted Lilly with him.”
“You noticed it, too.” Eleanor shook her head. “I don’t know if it’s dependence, gratitude, or something much more that he feels for her.”
“Are you worried?”
She sighed. “Yes. I don’t want either of them hurt. Both in their own way have gone through so much misery in the past.”
“My Eleanor.” He gently pulled her into his arms. “I think they’re each exactly what the other needs.”
For a brief moment, she stiffened, then relaxed. “I hope so. Love, even when it’s real, can hurt.”
“I know,” he said, despair clear in his deep voice.
She started to pull away and his arms tightened. “Jonathan?”
He set her away from him, but he still held her firmly in his grasp. His eyes were dark and hot.
“Jonathan, what is it?”
“You really want to know?”
There was something in his voice that frightened and delighted her and chased shivers up and down her spine. “Yes.”
“I’ve held this back for more years than I care to remember. I tried to keep this from you, but I can’t any longer. My heart won’t let me. My soul won’t let me.” His hand touched her cheek with the lightness of a butterfly’s wing. “I love you, Eleanor. Not as a friend, but as a man loves a woman. I’ve loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you and I’ll love you until the da
y I die.”
Her eyes widened as she stared at him in absolute shock.
“I wanted to tell you so many times, tried to tell you in so many ways.” His hand tightened. “I loved Randolph like a brother. I respected the love you two shared because it made you happy, made him happy, even though it tore me up inside. I mourned his death and mourned the loss of you even though I’d never had you because I never thought I would.
“I love you, Eleanor. Every time I’ve walked away from you has been like tearing a part of me away. I want to hold you, love you, cherish you. I named Lady Lost after you because I never thought you’d be mine. And if you don’t say something, I may run screaming into the streets.”
Her voice trembled as she said, “I thought it was just me. The day at the cottage when Lilly came up unexpectedly. I’d never felt so aware of a man, so needy.”
He closed his eyes. “Thank goodness.”
Her trembling hands brushed across his lips. She wasn’t going to fall off the cliff; she was jumping straight into Jonathan’s arms. “Loving you is so easy, it’s frightening.”
His head turned and he kissed the tips of her fingertips. “Eleanor. Eleanor.” He chanted, “I hoped, I prayed, I dreamed of this moment, but nothing in my dreams compares to how I feel now, how the touch of your hand excites me, humbles me.”
Tenderly his mouth settled over hers. The kiss was a promise, a prelude. “I want to make love to you.”
“Yes.” Eleanor moaned; her heart hammered against her ribs.
Picking her up in his arms, he carried her up the stairs and placed her on the bed in his room. “You are so beautiful.”
“You make me feel beautiful. I feel all new,” she confessed.
He kissed her again, starting at her forehead, then working down to her cheek, the curve of her lips. All the while his fingers were busy with the gold buttons on her suit jacket.
Spreading the jacket, he saw the creamy swell of her breasts above the lacy white froth of her bra. Unable to help himself, he placed his lips there.
Fire shot through Eleanor, but it was quickly followed by unease. Unsteady fingers drew the jacket back together.
