by Francis Ray
“Send her away, Adam!” Kristen shouted, her hands gripped by her sides. Before Adam could comment, Eleanor, drenched, her eyes wide and frightened, came into the room. “Kristen, we have to talk.”
Kristen refused to look at her. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“What’s going on here?” Adam asked.
Kristen finally faced Eleanor. “Are you going to tell him what you’ve been doing or shall I, Mother?”
Tears mixed with rain ran down Eleanor’s cheeks. She reached out to her daughter, but the anger on her face had her lowering her hand. “Kristen, please, try—”
She spun toward her brother. “I just caught her and Jonathan going at it like rabbits,” she told him, her voice filled with pain and loathing.
“We were just kissing,” Eleanor said.
Kristen jerked around to her mother, her eyes filled with rage. “Would it have stopped at that, Mother? Would it?”
Eleanor hung her head in silent admission. But Kristen hadn’t finished.
“He had his hands all over you,” Kristen accused. “After all the talk about saving myself for marriage. You acted like a slut.”
Eleanor gasped.
“Kristen, that’s enough,” Adam told her.
But pain and anger ruled Kristen now, and she had no intention of stopping until she had inflicted as much pain on them as she felt they had inflicted on her. This time her anger was directed toward the brother she adored. “You’re only saying that because it’s obvious you were about to get it on with Lilly.”
Adam came around the table and unerringly stopped in front of his sister. “When did you get so foulmouthed and mean-spirited? If Mother was with Jonathan, I’m not going to condemn her. I’ve learned life is too short not to go after what you want.”
His words were like a slap in Kristen’s face. She had no one.
“I don’t know why I was silly enough to come to you. You always take her side. You two have always been closer. She always loved you best. Father loved me best, and he’s gone.”
Eleanor’s sharp intake of breath cut across the room. “Kristen!”
“Well, I won’t stand in the way of either of you. You all can go back to your sordid affairs. I’m leaving!” Whirling, she rushed from the room.
“Kristen.”
Eleanor started after her. Adam stopped her.
“Let her go, Mother,” Adam said.
“I can’t. This is my fault.” She tried to pull away, then finally gave up. “It’s my fault. What have I done?”
Adam helped her to a chair. Her body seemed to crumple. “Jonathan’s a good man.”
“I can’t lose Kristen.” Her hands covered her face. “She hates me.”
Adam felt for his mother and sister and for Jonathan. He hadn’t thought of the two of them together, but somehow he wasn’t surprised, annoyed, or shocked. They both deserved the best, and in his opinion that was exactly what they had found in each other. “She doesn’t hate you. She idolized Father. I’ll go up and talk to her.”
Eleanor’s hands came away from her face and reached in desperation for her son’s. “You’ll make her stay, won’t you?”
“I’ll try, but sometimes you just have to let go.” He turned his head in Lilly’s direction. He’d been distracted, but he didn’t think she had moved since Kristen began hurling accusations. “Stay with Mother.”
“Of course.”
Giving his mother a smile of encouragement, he went to Kristen’s room and knocked. “Kristen, I’d like to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you!” she yelled through the door.
He knocked again. He hadn’t thought it would be easy. “Come on, Sis; open the door.”
The door opened, but as he went to step in she brushed by him. “Where are you going?”
“What does it look like?”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Silence stretched for a long moment. “Dammit, Adam. Don’t you make me feel sorry for you!” she cried, her voice wavery.
“There’s been enough of that. All I want to know is how to make it better.” He held out his hand. “We could always talk.”
“You can’t this time. You don’t need me. No one needs me.” Her tone was one of absolute misery.
“Kristen, where did you get a crazy idea in your head like that?”
“You have Lilly. Mother has Jonathan,” she tossed back flippantly. “I’m superfluous.”
“That’s ridiculous. We all love you,” Adam told her, willing her to understand. “Someday you’ll fall in love and you’ll understand what I mean. Loving doesn’t diminish your capacity to love. It increases it.”
“Is that what Lilly has done for you?”
He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t think he heard sarcasm in her voice. “Yes. I’m not sure how it’s all going to work out, but I’m willing to hang in there and trust that it will. Can’t you be happy for me?”
“She makes you happy?”
“Very. I can’t explain it, except I don’t feel blind when I’m with her,” he said, feeling the rightness of his words. Lilly had been his salvation. “Perhaps you’ll find the same thing with Eric.”
He heard the suitcase drop to the floor. “No, I won’t. Last night he showed me he didn’t want me.”
Adam hurt for her and wished he could get his hands on Eric for five minutes. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Her voice hitched. “I was such a fool.”
Adam moved closer, the pain in her voice heart-wrenching. Kristen kept too much locked inside. “You’re a caring, intelligent, beautiful woman. It’s Eric’s loss that he couldn’t see that. It may sound cruel, but you’re better off finding out what kind of man he is now rather than later.”
“I really loved him, Adam.” Her voice hitched again.
“I wish I could take the pain away, but it will pass. I promise.”
“You’ve never broken a promise yet.”
“No, I haven’t, and I never will.”
Their arms closed around each other at the same time. Her body shook with the force of her tears. Adam held her, brushing her tears away.
“I want you to listen carefully to me. Mother and Father loved each other very much. Neither would have wanted the other to be alone. There’s not a better man on the planet than Jonathan. If Father hadn’t thought so, he wouldn’t have asked him to watch out for us.”
She twisted her head away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
They might call him stubborn, but he knew Kristen was just as stubborn. “Then just listen. Mother deserves to be loved. If that man is Jonathan, you have to be willing to let go.”
“He can’t take Father’s place,” she said tightly.
“He doesn’t want to. Jonathan has always been his own man.”
“You didn’t see what I saw,” Kristen said, then groaned, “I don’t seem able to keep from saying the wrong things. Maybe you should let me go.”
Adam leaned his head against hers. “We’re family and you’re staying. You don’t have to tiptoe around me any longer, Kristen. And even if I had seen them, I don’t think I would condemn them the way you have. You wouldn’t, either, if your relationship hadn’t ended badly.”
His sister was a caring woman. Misery and heartache had caused her to forget, but he knew better than most how much family meant during those times. “Now, come downstairs. You owe Mother and Lilly an apology.”
Kristen pulled away. He could imagine her shaking her head of straight black hair. “I don’t want to see anyone.”
“You’re coming,” he said firmly. “This family has been through enough. I’ve caused my share of problems, but whatever happened, we always were assured of each other’s love. That hasn’t changed.”
“I’ll come, but I’m not changing my mind about Mother and Jonathan.”
Adam squeezed her hand. “One hurdle at a time.”
Her head downcast, Eleanor sat huddled on the sofa, her arms
wrapped around her. She hadn’t reacted at all when Lilly placed a cashmere afghan around her shoulders or dried her hair with a towel from the downstairs bathroom.
“Mother,” Adam said from beside his sister.
Eleanor’s head came up; her shoulders straightened. The afghan slid unnoticed from her shoulders as she came to her feet. “Kristen, I’m sorry. Please. I won’t see Jonathan again.”
“Mo—”
“I promise,” she said, cutting Adam off. “I love you. I won’t let anything come between us.”
Kristen blinked back the tears in her eyes. Her chest felt as if it had a tight band around it. “I don’t want to see Unc—him for a while.”
“You won’t.” Eleanor closed her heart to the misery sweeping through her. Her children had always come first, but it had never hurt before. “You won’t.”
“Why don’t you both get out of those wet clothes?” Lilly suggested. “Eleanor, I’ll get the bedroom across the hall from Kristen’s ready for you.”
Uncertain, Eleanor looked at Kristen. “Is that all right with you?”
The tears that had welled in her daughter’s eyes spilled over. “Mother, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean those things I said. I didn’t. It’s just—”
Eleanor pulled her daughter into her arms. “It’s all right. It’s all right, Kristen.”
Kristen lifted her head from her mother’s shoulder and stared at Lilly. “Please, forgive me, but I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Lilly smiled although her heart was breaking at the misery and heartache in Eleanor’s and Kristen’s faces. Jonathan had to be hurting, too. All because they were in love. Love shouldn’t hurt, but Lilly was coming to realize that it did. She had waited most of her life, and her waiting would continue. Adam could never be hers no matter how much she wished otherwise.
Kristen sniffed. “Thank you.”
Adam curved his arms around his mother and sister. “I’d planned to tell you in the morning, but I think now is as good a time as any. My vitrectomy is scheduled for the day after tomorrow.”
Shock quickly replaced by apprehension rippled across the women’s faces. “Are you sure, Adam?” Eleanor asked.
“I’m tired of my life being in limbo.” His mouth firmed. “One way or the other, I want to know. I’ve already called and chartered the plane.”
“If you hadn’t stopped me from leaving, I never would have forgiven myself!” Kristen cried.
Eleanor switched her attention to her younger child. “There’s no reason for you to leave.”
“If you’re lying, I’ll leave and I’ll never come back. I swear,” Kristen warned, her gaze steady.
“I’ve never lied to you.” Seeing her daughter begin to tremble, Eleanor took charge. “Come on; let’s get out of these wet clothes. Maybe you can let me have a gown and Lilly can bring some hot tea.”
“I’ll bring it right up,” Lilly said, escaping to the kitchen. Love was supposed to heal, not tear families apart.
“You’re all right?”
Startled, Lilly jerked around. Adam moved toward her with all the surety of a sighted person and just as silently. Contrary to popular belief, people who were blind didn’t tap their canes on the floor unless they were using the echo of the sound to locate solid objects. “You shouldn’t worry about me. It’s your family and Jonathan who are miserable.”
He stopped in front of her and brushed his knuckles down her cheek. “I worry about all the people I care about.”
For a few heavenly seconds she closed her eyes and savored his brief touch, which left her legs weak and shaky. “You’re a good man, Adam.”
His smile was slow and easy and caused her heart to pound wildly in her chest. “I know a lot of people who might not agree with you.”
“I know a lot who would.” Because she wanted to reach out and touch him and yield to the sweet melting need she felt for him, she picked up the teapot instead and placed it on the tray. She wouldn’t make the lies Myron said about her true. “I’d better take this upstairs.”
“All right.” He started from the room. “I’ll be waiting in my room.”
“Kristen might not approve.”
“I’m not giving you up.” He disappeared around the corner.
Lilly’s hands shook as she lifted the tray. If only…she thought and shook her head. She had a lot to be thankful for. Wishing for more was greedy, but when she was with Adam she felt like being greedy and grabbing with both hands. Readying the tea, she took it upstairs and knocked.
“Come in!” Kristen called.
Lilly opened the door to see Eleanor sitting behind Kristen on the white iron queen-size bed brushing her daughter’s hair. Mounds of colorful throw pillows were on the bed behind them. Both women wore white bathrobes.
Lilly set the tray on the top of the turned-back-down bedspread. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“We won’t,” Kristen said, staring at Lilly intently. “Adam came in to say good night. I imagine he’s waiting for you.”
“Yes.” Lilly felt a blush heat her cheeks.
“Good night, Lilly.” Despite Eleanor’s drawn features and red-rimmed eyes, she managed to smile.
“Good night.”
Lilly went to Adam’s room and knocked. She had years of loneliness ahead of her; she was grabbing every bit of pleasure she could.
“Come in.”
He was sitting in his chair, the book in his lap. “I was beginning to wonder if you were coming.”
Crossing the room, she took the book from his lap and sat facing him on the leather footstool by the side of his chair. “I’m here. Now where did we leave off?”
Long after Lilly had returned to her room and gone to bed, she lay awake. The Wakefields were a close-knit family, perhaps too close to allow anyone else in. She didn’t have any illusions about Adam’s feelings for her. He depended on her, but he didn’t love her. She wasn’t sophisticated, beautiful, wealthy, or cultured. She’d never traveled farther than 300 miles from her birthplace until she’d gone to California. He’d settled for her because she was comfortable. He was at ease around her. He might tell himself it went deeper than that, but she knew better. And once his sight returned, he’d leave.
Still, she wanted him to see again, prayed nightly that God would grant that miracle. She’d lose him, but the world would regain a great surgeon and he’d stand at the helm of his speedboat again, plan his garden, and perhaps think of her sometimes.
She knew she’d never forget him.
A little after ten the next morning Lilly pulled her car into the parking space across from the medical center in downtown Shreveport and switched off the key. By the time she had gotten out of the car and gone around to the passenger door, Adam was already out of the car.
“You’re sure you want to do this? Kristen won’t like it,” she warned, allowing Adam to take her arm.
“Jonathan deserved better than he’s getting. He took enough crap from me not to have to take it from Kristen as well.”
“Curb.” Lilly waited until Adam stepped on the sidewalk, then continued down the sidewalk. “You had reason.”
“I had an excuse. So does she.” He squinted at the bright reflection of light. The medical center was thirteen stories of golden glass. “Jonathan’s office building is dead ahead,” he said, pleased with himself.
“In the center is the revolving door. We better take the outer one.” She pulled open the heavy glass door. “I almost lost one of my pies that way.”
“You sure you’re not saying that to spare my feelings?” he questioned lightly, but she heard the disquiet beneath his words.
“What I’m sparing you is me tripping all over you while trying to get out of the thing.” Crossing the lobby, she jabbed the button for the elevator. “The people behind or in front of me always go too fast. I bet you’re the same way.”
“Guilty.” He heard the ping announcing the arrival of the elevator, the do
ors opening. Lilly stepped on first. He followed closely.
The elevator stopped on the third and fifth floors. People piled on and they were crowded like sardines. It annoyed him as it always did until he felt the pressure of Lilly’s soft breasts pressed against his back. He’d bet her head was downcast, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He probably should be ashamed of himself for enjoying the sensation. He smiled. He wasn’t in the least.
The elevator door opened and they stepped off. “That was interesting.”
“I…I…guess so.” Her hand trembling, she opened the door to Jonathan’s office. Pale pastels and light greeted them.
“There’s a small couch in the corner.” Lilly led Adam to a light blue seat, then went to the receptionist, trying to forget the tingling sensation in her breasts and how she had wantonly wanted to press her body closer to Adam’s.
“Hi, Sandy.”
The pretty brunette glanced up from behind the partial glass enclosure. The welcoming smile on her heart-shaped face widened. “Hello, Lilly. Who ordered a pie this time?”
“No one,” Lilly answered. “Could you please let Dr. Delacroix know that Dr. Wakefield would like to see him?”
The receptionist’s hazel eyes widened perceptibly, then searched the waiting area before stopping on Adam in the far corner of the room. “Right away.”
Lilly went back and sat on the love seat beside Adam. “Sandy, the receptionist, went to tell Jonathan.”
He nodded, then leaned over. “I hope I’m not the only man in here.”
“You aren’t,” she whispered, then glanced at the other two men. One wore a business suit; the other wore jeans and a T-shirt. They were probably husbands of the pregnant women they were seated beside. Instead of looking at the numerous fashion and parenting magazines on the table and in the racks, the couples were talking softly to each other.
A baby represented the completion and the beginning of a circle of a couple’s love. Lilly had regretted that she hadn’t gotten pregnant after she married Myron; she’d foolishly thought a baby might change him and prayed to get pregnant. Thankfully, God knew better.
The wooden door beside the glass-enclosed reception area opened and Jonathan came out. He spoke to his patients but never slacked his long stride toward Adam. Jonathan wore a starched, pristine white lab coat over a white shirt and silk tie. Tasseled loafers peeked from beneath tailored gray pants. He looked as tired and as miserable as Eleanor had this morning when she thought no one was looking, Lilly thought.
