“I think you’re just as blind as she is.”
“What does that mean?” I ask.
“It’s not my story to tell, Johnny. Get your head together. I can’t fix this for you when she wakes up, but I can help you figure out how to fix it when she does. But honestly, I’m not sure if anything needs to be fixed in the first place.”
I think about that as I walk with him back to him and Ryan’s apartment. He pours me a few shots of tequila to take the edge off. There’s a party still going strong into the wee hours of the morning. The people are milling around. Some ask to take pictures with me, but I just ignore them. The flashes go off anyway.
Hysteria threatens to creep up on me, so I wash it down with another shot of tequila until everything is hazy. I hold onto the memories of her. What we did hours ago flashes through my mind like a movie on repeat. My mind presses freeze several times, and then rewinds some of the scenes that I’ll never forget as long as I live.
I drink until it’s time to face Noely. I drink until I hope she takes pity on me. I drink until I’ve convinced myself she won’t leave me and there’s no reason to panic.
My body is jerked away and thrown against something hard.
“Fuck,” I mumble.
“You fucking do this shit to her?” Jimmy yells at me.
“What the fuck is going on?” Ryan mumbles somewhere nearby.
I shake my head to clear the fog and they finally both come into view.
Rich rushes into the living room and shouts, “Fuck! I forgot, Johnny!”
“You forgot what?” Jimmy asks him with anger in his voice.
“What?” Rich asks guilty as fuck.
“You do that shit to Noe, Johnny?” Jimmy asks and leans down with a picture of her on my cell phone.
Fuck. The pictures I took for proof last night.
“Give my fucking phone back,” I swipe at it but he’s quicker than me.
“Did you throw him against the wall?” Ryan asks and scratches his stomach with a yawn.
“You see this shit?” Jimmy asks and throws him my cell phone.
I stand up and lunge for it, but Jimmy holds me back.
“You can’t fucking see those!” I yell at Ryan.
Ryan swipes through my photo gallery and I see when his shock turns to anger, “Tell me you didn’t do this shit.”
“Of course, I didn’t do that shit. Give me my fucking phone back,” I say and Jimmy finally releases me.
I snatch my phone back from him and look at the time.
Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh God, no.
Nine p.m.
I didn’t get back to her in time.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” I shout and pull on my hair.
“Easy,” Rich says.
“No!” I scream.
“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Jimmy asks.
“What was in the pictures?” Rich asks him.
“Somebody beat Noely up. The pictures are on his phone,” he says.
The room fucking spins and my stomach churns. I feel the sweat pouring from my body.
“What were you doing with my phone?” I manage between pants.
“My shit was dead,” Jimmy shrugs.
I run to the closest bathroom just in time to puke my guts up.
I fucked up bad. She’s going to think I snuck out on her.
Tears run down my face as I continue to purge into the toilet. When I can’t puke anymore, I fall back against a wall and wipe the tears off my face.
My three friends crowd into the bathroom.
“You want to tell us what the fuck is going on?” Jimmy asks.
“No. I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone. I fucking promised her. You had no right to go through my phone!” I yell at him.
“So you want me to pretend I didn’t see that shit?” he asks and pounds a fist on his chest.
“That’s exactly what you’re going to do,” I tell him.
I wish I could tell him that I can’t afford to fuck up anymore. I don’t know if I’ll be able to climb myself out of the hole I’m already in with her.
I look at the Rich, whose face is full of understanding. Everything I told him last night makes sense now.
“I’m a piece of shit,” I tell him.
“That’s not what I think,” he replies.
“It’s what I think.”
“You think Noely is going to get fucked over us finding out?” Ryan asks clearly confused and sorely uninformed.
“There’s so much you don’t know,” I tell him. “I just need you to trust me. She can’t know you know. I fucking promised her.”
“You didn’t tell us,” Rich says.
“Doesn’t matter. It’s my fault you know.”
“No, it’s Jimmy’s fault,” Ryan says and Jimmy growls in response.
“Can I talk to Johnny alone for a minute?” Rich asks.
Ryan and Jimmy leave the room. Rich shuts the door and sits on the toilet seat.
“Jesus fucking Christ man. I’m so sorry,” he says.
“You’re sorry? For what?”
“I was supposed to get you back there after you calmed down. You drank more than I thought you would so I kept giving you more time for you to get it together so I could take you back over there. I must’ve passed out. I’m sorry.”
“Shit’s not on you, man. It’s my fuck up.” I run my hands through my hair and sigh. “Fuck!” I scream out of frustration.
A knock comes at the door.
“Yeah?” Rich calls out.
“You guys might want to get out here,” Ryan answers.
Please don’t let this fuck up anything else with Noely.
We exit the bathroom to find Jimmy on the phone trying to find out everything he can about who could’ve done this to Noely.
“Stop Jim!” Rich tells him.
Jimmy shoots him a glare and a middle finger as he continues talking into the phone, “You saw her with him when?”
“It’ll take all three of us,” Ryan says.
We all nod and then tackle Jimmy to the ground. Rich grabs his phone and runs off with it before Jimmy gets up. Once Jimmy gets to his feet, I prepare myself to get knocked out. The motherfucker is huge.
“Fuck you! You pussies are just going to let him get away with it?” he yells at us.
“Who?” Ryan asks.
“Tony fucking Danello. I’ve hated that douche since middle school. This isn’t the first woman he’s put his hands on, and everybody here saw what he did that night at Saul’s,” he answers.
“She’s still seeing him?” I ask while that fucking ache returns to my chest.
“According to my sources, she was. They were supposed to come to the party last night together. Julie said she left her apartment at six and Noely was alone getting ready. She also said she was waiting for Tony to pick her up before she came to the bar.”
“Why in the fuck would she get back with him?” Ryan asks.
Rich joins us again to look warily at Jimmy.
It finally dawns on me, “That’s why she didn’t want us to know.”
“She was embarrassed,” Rich adds.
“Yeah,” Jimmy says. “I’m going to rip his arms off and beat him to death with them.”
“You can’t do that!” I yell.
“Why the fuck not?”
“Do you know how upset Noely will be if she finds out you all know? She’s gonna put that shit on me. There’s so much shit you don’t know, but I can’t afford for her to put that shit on me too. You get me?” I ask.
Jimmy smirks at me, “No. I really don’t.”
“Please, man. Do not fuck with Tony. If you want to do that, you’re going to have to figure out how to get it out of Noely yourself and then get her permission. If you touch him, you’re signing my death certificate with her,” I plead with him.
It didn’t matter how much I begged, Jimmy wouldn’t ever
get it. He searched half of Brooklyn for Tony for days until he found him. Rich stuck close to him in hopes he could talk him out of doing something stupid.
When he called and told Ryan and I, Jimmy was staking out a bar Tony was in, I knew I had to stop him. I had to stop him for Noely. I had to stop him for me. When Ryan and I arrived, Jimmy had Tony pushed against a wall and was questioning him about Noely.
“Give me your phone, Johnny,” he demanded.
I handed it over without another word. I was hoping he’d get his answers, get one good punch in and walk away.
Jimmy showed Tony the pictures, and Tony instantly fucked up. That asshole smirked. Jimmy didn’t have time to hit him. I lunged at both of them and threw my fist into the side of Tony’s face.
“Fuck you!” I screamed until he fell on the ground and the next thing I knew we were all four being hauled off of the pussy.
I was thrown to the ground and handcuffed. Fuck, I didn’t even hear the cops show up. I was being read my Miranda Rights when they finally tackled Jimmy to the ground. He looked over at me and winked.
Fuck, I’m dead. Noe is going to kill me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
As I sit in the back of a patrol car with Jimmy, I realize how deeply I’m fucked.
“Don’t tell her how you found out,” I tell Jimmy as I stare straight ahead, hoping like hell he doesn’t see the tears in my eyes.
“What the fuck?” he asks.
I swallow hard, “I’m already in deep shit with Noe. You don’t need to be on that list too.”
“What’s going on with you two? You’ve been fucked up since the night of the party,” he observes.
“Nothing for you to worry about. She needs you Jimmy. Let me take the fall with her,” I beg.
“No. I’m not lying,” he grunts.
“Look, Jim she’s only ever had us. We’re her family. She doesn’t have anyone else. Are you willing to let her shut us both out? That doesn’t help her. That will devastate her. I’m begging you for Noely’s sake, let me take the fall.”
I feel his eyes boring a hole into the side of my head, but I refuse to look at him and show him how fucked up I really am.
“Shit. Please tell me you didn’t sleep with her,” he says with surprise.
Fuck.
I stare straight ahead, refusing to confirm or deny his suspicion. Luckily, the heat is taken off of me quickly as two cops enter the front of the car and start riling Jimmy up. He has such a special relationship with the NYPD.
I sit in a holding cell with my three friends saying absolutely nothing. Upon arrival, I shared my wishes with Rich and Ryan and then I shut my mouth. I should care whether or not
this is going to affect our contract with the record company or the upcoming tour, but in the grand scheme of things they aren’t really significant. I can’t stop thinking about her. My mind fills with images of her beneath me. I can still hear her moans, something I’ve never heard the likes of. My fingertips can still feel how soft her skin is, and I still remember what she looks like when I make her come. I can faintly taste her on my tongue.
Hours later, they release us. I find Noely in the waiting room with Leo, and my father. Leo is going on and on about the four of us being knights in shining armor and coming to the rescue of a damsel in distress. I see the fury in Noe’s eyes at his words.
I expected her to walk away from me. I even expected a “fuck you” before she did. What I didn’t expect was that she would deck me in the jaw. I never saw it coming. I also didn’t see her telling everyone in the vicinity that I fucked her. I did expect her to think I’d snuck out on her like a punk little bitch that morning. I wanted to tell her what really happened and that I’d left because I was scared that I’d fucked up and she’d leave me. I wanted to tell her that I’d spent the last few days trying to keep a leash on Jimmy so she wouldn’t have to deal with this, but I wasn’t going to let Jimmy lose her too. It would be more than she could handle… more than she deserved.
The looks on my friends' faces were filled with shock after Noe walked off with the detective.
“How’d he get the pictures of her?” I ask with a growl.
“I found them in your phone,” Leo answers with a smirk. “They’ll help you guys get out of this shit storm.”
She’s going to think I gave the photos to the cops.
“How’d you get into my phone?” I ask as I check my pockets.
“They released your possessions to me when I signed for your bail,” Leo answers.
If I didn’t think of Ryan and Rich as brothers, I would’ve decked that motherfucker right then. Anger and resentment towards Leo settled deep inside. I knew in that moment I hated him, and that he would never get past my wall of hatred. He could’ve fucked me over and the fire inside wouldn’t be nearly this hot, but he fucked with Noe. He fucked with the person I was supposed to keep safe, and then I listened to him talk about how the story he leaked regarding the fight was trending on Twitter.
Before I killed his sorry ass, I left. My dad calls after me and eventually catches up.
“Johnny, sit for a second,” he pleads and because he’s my father, I listen.
We sit on a nearby stoop where I bury my face in my hands.
“You’ve always loved her son,” he says.
“You knew?”
“Everybody knows, son. I’ve seen the way you looked at her since you were kids. You never looked at her like a sister. When you met her, I remember I saw a change in you. You went from being angry at the entire world to having a purpose. After I met her, I understood. She needed you and you needed her in your own ways. That’s never changed between the two of you over all these years. What you each needed from each other changed some, but you always wanted her to love you back.”
“She loves me,” I tell him.
“But not the way you want her to love you?” he asks.
“I don’t know.”
“If you love her, Johnny, don’t stop loving her. Don’t hurt her, and always show her you are true to her like you always have been. She’s a good woman.”
“I know.”
I spill my heart out to my dad, sparing him only the intimate details of Noely and I sleeping together.
“You did a good thing, son, but I think you’re hurting yourself by trying to protect her. That’s not fair to either of you. Eventually, it will all come out and it may be your only saving grace. She’s pissed at what she believes is the truth. The truth she knows would make me pretty damn mad too. Is it really fair to either of you for her to believe this lie?”
“She already believes it. She came to her own conclusions from how things appear. I wasn’t about to shift all the blame to Jimmy. Is it fair for my fucked up decision to fuck up what she and Jimmy have? I’m no martyr here, dad. I fucked up with her. That’s on me. Jimmy only did what he thought was right and justified. He wasn’t wrong, and the only reason I was ever against it was to protect a promise I made to her. I wanted to kill him the moment I saw the bruises and busted lip.”
“He did a number on her,” he says with anger in his voice.
“Yeah.
“I wish I’d known. I would’ve been with you four. No man should ever put his hands on a woman. Noe is ours to protect. Look, I know you think you’re protecting her now, but think about what I’ve said. I don’t want either of you to lose here.”
I walked my dad home and then wandered the streets until I ended up at Noe’s. I have to tell her everything. Dad was right. I can’t protect fifteen years of love and friendship by allowing her to believe something that isn’t true. I call Jimmy and tell him I’m going to tell her the truth, and he offers to come over and admit to everything but I decline his offer. There are things I need to say to her that I can’t say with Jimmy around.
I wait forever for my moment. I pace the hall in front of her apartment and think of all the words I should say, all the words I need to say. More hour
s pass and I can’t bring myself to knock on her door. I never in a million years would’ve thought we’d be here. How did we get to the point where I’m so afraid she’ll leave me that I can’t even knock on her door?
I spiral into a panic attack and hide out in her stairwell once again until it passes. I wait for my breathing to even out and the tingling in my hands and feet to disappear.
Shit, Noe, I’m so fucking sorry.
I sit against a brick wall in the stairwell and think about the last fifteen years I’ve spent with her. I was mad at the fucking world until the day someone put glue in her hair. For some reason, I had to have her from the moment I saw her. I’ve always had some higher calling to protect her. I can’t fucking breathe without her.
My relationship with Noe was platonic through the first years of our friendship. I’ve tried to recall when it changed, at least for me. I’ve tried to pinpoint exactly when I knew it was more. A memory from eleventh grade overwhelms my mind.
I’m hanging out on top of the school roof with my guitar in my lap when Noe, Rich, Ryan, and Jimmy loudly enter the space from the door at my back. I’m having a shit day. My biology teacher is a cunt and when I pointed out she made a mistake, she sent me to the principal’s office for being disrespectful. Luckily, Mr. Taylor and I understood each other. He sent me to the roof with my guitar in hand with instructions to stay out of sight for the rest of the day. He actually laughed when I told him how amateur my teacher’s mistake was, and agreed, as a previous science teacher, that I was correct.
Fuck her.
My four friends approach quickly.
“Fuck Mr. Peterson,” Jimmy says with an angry scowl on his face.
“Yeah, Peterson is going to fuck your grade,” Ryan laughs.
“He hates me. Noely wrote that fucking paper and he only gave me a ‘B’. We all know she writes ‘A’ papers. I’ve been telling you he’s got it out for me.”
Noely laughs and I turn around to see her in a long black cotton dress that slightly flows when she walks.
“Maybe it’s because he caught your dick in his daughter’s mouth last year,” Noe chuckles.
“That’s discrimination!” Jimmy yells.
Under the Cornerstone Page 22
