I pull it out and see she’s calling me.
“Noe,” I answer just far away enough from her that she can’t hear me in the distance.
“Johnny,” her voice cracks on my name.
“What’s wrong Noely baby?”
“You were the first man in my life who loved me,” she says.
“Noe,” is all I can manage because I don’t know which love she’s talking about.
“Your dad was the second. Then Rich, and then Ryan, and then Jimmy.”
“Noely Baby.”
“My dad didn’t love me. He started a whole new family. He left me. He left me when I was eight. I remember the day he left like it was yesterday. It was before my mom got sick. I came home from school that day and he was standing in the foyer with his bags packed. My mom was on her knees crying, screaming, and pleading with him not to leave her.”
A sob breaks through, but from where I’m standing I can see her body tremble.
I did the same goddamn thing to her in California.
“I’m sorry I did that to you,” I say with tears in my own eyes. “I hate that he did that to you.”
“You didn’t leave a kid. I was just a little girl. He didn’t even say goodbye. He just patted me on the head like a dog and said ‘Take care of your mom, Noely.’ Then he left, and I never saw him again. Who leaves their kid like that?”
“An asshole.”
“When mom died, social services contacted him. Mom didn’t want me staying with my stepfather and she alerted the authorities before her death that my father was still alive. He must’ve told them he didn’t want me, because he never showed up. He didn’t even come to mom’s funeral. I mean I know they were divorced, but he had a child with her. He still had me. I was still here, and I needed him. He didn’t want me. He didn’t love me. I never understood why.”
I listen to her cry and give up trying to stay away. I walk down the street towards her. When she sees someone approaching, she looks up and then frowns down at her phone and back up at me. I sit down beside her and take her phone to end the call. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her into me. She cries for a while until she’s cried out.
She takes a pull from the tequila bottle and then passes it over to me. I light a cigarette.
“Can I have one?” she asks.
“You don’t smoke, Noe,” I say because I don’t want her to start the habit.
“I do tonight,” she replies.
I hand her the cigarette and she lights it and then inhales. She coughs for a minute, but then smokes the rest of it like she’s been smoking her entire life.
“Don’t start smoking,” I beg.
She shrugs her shoulders. She seems so lost and I know I’m partly to blame for that. I’d take all the blame, but the first man who was supposed to love her unconditionally is sitting across the street from us having dinner with his new family. The family he abandoned Noles to make. I never knew until now that he had a second chance to make it right and fucked her over again instead.
I want to walk across the street and punch the motherfucker in the throat and tell him how amazing his daughter is. I want to tell him how she saved me, and how we’ve accomplished our dreams because of her. I want to tell him that despite him, she’s full of love and light, and that I can’t breathe without her. He needs to know what her stepfather tried to do to her and that she lived on the streets for a fucking week, so the prick couldn’t find her and finish what he’d started. I want to tell him that she finished high school when all the odds were against her and then finished a college degree. She fought not to become another statistic, and he didn’t have a damn thing to do with it other than donating half of the DNA that made her the amazing person that she is.
I can’t imagine holding a baby Noe in my arms and watching her grow up and then walking away like she was nothing. Disposable. Replaceable. Because from the moment I met her, she was everything. She saved me, and then she made my dreams come true.
We pass the bottle back and forth in silence, but she stays tucked into my side, right where I want her.
“Why’d you call me?” I ask her.
“You were the first man who loved me. I thought maybe you could tell me why my dad doesn’t love me.”
“I can’t even begin to comprehend how someone couldn’t love you, Noe. I’m not the person who can answer that question for you. The only person who can answer that question is across the street. So, did you buy the tequila for courage, or so you could drown in it?”
“You followed me,” she skirts my question.
“Noe, I know you better than anyone else. I knew something wasn’t right when you left. I followed to make sure you were okay. I’m glad I did.”
“Me too,” she admits and it makes my chest hurt.
“Are you going to answer my question?”
“The tequila?”
“Yeah.”
She sighs, “I think maybe I needed it for both reasons.”
“Well, if this is the night you decide to ask him those questions, we can check it off your bucket list. Or, we can wait until you’re ready. But if it’s tonight, then you grab my hand when you’re ready, and I’ll walk across the street with you. You say what you need to say and I’ll stand beside you the whole time. If you fall apart, that’s okay too. I’ll be here to put you back together.”
“I miss you,” she says and my heart swells.
“I miss you too.”
“When you’re not around… when we’re apart and fighting… it’s hard to…” she searches for her words.
“Breathe,” I finish for her.
“Yeah.”
She wraps an arm around my neck and buries her face in the side of it. I hold her tightly so she knows I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I won’t walk away again. I won’t be another man that walks out on her.
“Thank you for being here,” she whispers.
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
She kisses my cheek, and then pulls her arms back to herself. She stands and looks across the street. I stand with her and then she grabs my hand, and we walk towards her father’s house.
We stand on the front stoop for a while. She stares at the doorbell for some time.
“You don’t have to do this,” I tell her.
“I do. For me.”
“It doesn’t have to be tonight.”
“Tequila is my friend,” she looks up and gives me a small, sad smile.
Then she turns back and rings the doorbell. I hear voices and shuffling inside and then an attractive woman answers the door. She looks like the typical soccer mom. From the pictures and my memories, she’s nowhere as beautiful as Noely’s mom. How could he desert his wife and daughter for her?
“Can I help you?” the woman asks in a snobbish tone.
“I…,” Noely stalls.
“She’s here to see her father,” I finish for her with a stern voice.
The snooty woman looks me up and down, no doubt taking in the piercings and tattoos.
“I think you have the wrong address,” the woman says and tries to shut the door in our faces.
I stick my foot in so she can’t.
“I don’t think you heard me. She’s here to see the father that abandoned her when she was eight. That would be your husband. The husband and father you stole from another woman and his daughter. The husband that left her in the care of a pervert when her mother died so he could keep playing house with you. Now, you can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either you get her father to the door and let Noe ask her questions, or I will open this door and find him myself.”
She opens her mouth in shock.
“You’re wasting time,” I glare at her.
“Roger!” she yells from the door.
A teenage boy appears and then another follows behind him.
“What’s the problem?” the biggest one asks no doubt protecting his
bitch of a mother.
“Your sister is requesting to speak to your father,” I tell the boy.
“My sister?” he asks.
“Nick, go get your father and take Ant upstairs.”
“Is that our sister?” the younger one asks.
“Yes, I’m your sister,” Noely finally speaks up and I look down to see her looking at her brothers with love.
“What the fuck?” Nick, the oldest, asks.
Roger finally comes to the door, “What’s going on dear?”
He stops dead in his tracks when he sees his daughter.
“I guess we’re having a family fucking reunion,” his wife seethes.
“Mom!” Nick scolds her.
“I just… I…” Noe begins as she looks at her father. “I wanted to know why you left me.”
With a hard look he tells her, “I wanted sons. Your mother couldn’t have any more children.”
“And when she died? You had a chance to take care of me. You left me with a monster,” she says as tears roll down her cheeks.
“You left her mom because you wanted a son?” Nick asks him with a look of disgust.
“He left them both,” I answer.
“That’s fucked, dad,” Ant tells him
“Watch your mouth, boy,” Roger tells him.
“Fuck you. You’re a piece of shit,” Nick raises his voice at his father.
“You left me because you wanted a son?” Noely asks him with disbelief on her face.
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you take me in when my mom died? Why didn’t you come to her funeral?” Noely asks with emotion in her voice.
“You weren’t coming into my house,” the wife says.
“What the fuck is wrong with you two?” Nick asks.
I take a deep breath and exhale slowly before I murder them both, “Noely came here tonight to ask you why you left. I’m not sure if she has any more questions for you, but I’m going to fill you in on the nineteen years you’ve missed. You left her with a pervert who ignored her until he got drunk enough one night to come into her room and try to touch her. Your daughter is tough, she’s strong, and at twelve-years-old, she broke his nose and ran away. She lived on the streets for a week. She was fucking twelve. My father found her. He took off work to look for her for days. He brought her home, starving and dirty. Do you realize what could’ve happened to her during that week? Probably not, you don’t give a fuck. But I hope she sees now that she would’ve never been happy here. Your wife would’ve treated her like shit, and your sons may have been taught that treating women and people the way you two do is acceptable. I can see they’ve been spared from your hatefulness.”
Roger waves his hands up to cut me off, “That’s enough.”
“No. It’s not. Because you need to know that her mom may have died, and she may have had a piece of shit father, but she still had family who loved her. We don’t share the same blood, but she’s our family. She lived with me and my dad. He worked his ass off to get us a three-bedroom apartment so she could finally have a home. She was so scared to go into foster care that she tried to split her time between four houses. My dad, the only father figure she’s ever had, put a stop to that shit and gave her a home. I was the one who helped her when she got her period. I was the one kept the boys off. I was the one who helped her buy her first bra, and her prom dresses. She graduated high school with all the fucking odds stacked against her, and then she got a full academic ride at NYU. She graduated with a college degree, despite you abandoning her. You missed out on one of the most beautiful souls I’ve ever met. You missed out on her love. You threw away so many moments when she shined so brightly. You missed out on her beautiful smiles and her need to take care of the people she loves. You threw away a love that would have consumed you. You didn’t see her save me, and then help all of our dreams come true. You missed out on the best thing that ever happened to you.”
I look down to find Noely crying and watching me as I tell her father everything he gave away.
“You said your piece, now leave,” the wife orders.
“Bitch, I don’t answer to you,” I tell her.
Then I look down at Noely, “Whatever you want to ask, whatever you want to know, you get to ask it now, Noely baby.”
She never stops looking at me from the moment I laid into her father until now, “No. I got my answer, and I heard everything I needed to hear.”
She tugs at my hand for us to turn and leave.
“Wait,” Nick calls out and then steps onto the steps. “I’m sorry for what they did. I’m sorry. But you’re my sister, and I’d like to maybe call you or hang out or something. You’re my family, and I know they’re assholes, but me and Ant, we’re not them. Will you think about it?”
The poor guy seems nervous.
Noely nods her head and a small smile forms on her face.
I speak to Nick, “I’ll give you my number, and when she’s ready she’ll call.”
He looks at me with an appreciative expression, “Thank you.”
“I’m glad you’re not like them,” I tell him. “You’re going to be a good man.”
“Thank you for taking care of my sister,” he says with tears in his eyes.
“She saved me first,” I tell him and then look down at her to find her looking back at me.
Nick pulls Noely into a hug and I can’t tell who is holding whom the tightest. Ant joins them and wraps his arms around them both.
She breaks away and smiles up at her taller brothers, “I’ll talk to you both soon.”
We walk away hand-in-hand. I take her to my apartment since I’m not going to let her be alone tonight. Luckily, she doesn’t protest. When we enter, she sits on my couch and buries her face in her hands.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell her.
I walk into the bathroom and run her a warm bath, and then add a few candles around the tub. I turn on some Joshua Radin for her, and find a shirt for her to sleep in. Once, I set the shirt and a towel out, I go back to find her in the same place and position I found her in.
I kneel down in front of her and pull her hands from her face.
“You were so strong tonight,” I tell her as I push the hair from her face.
“I cried like a baby,” she scoffs.
“Crying doesn’t make you weak. I’m proud of you for facing him, and while you didn’t find a father or stepmother who give two shits about you, you did find two brothers who seem pretty fucking awesome. They want to know their sister, and that is a win in my book. They stood up to their loser parents, and that is poetic justice. You got a win tonight, Noe.”
She smiles, “Yeah. I guess I did.”
I touch her cheek and wipe tears from her face.
“What you said tonight,” she begins, but I stop her.
“No. Not tonight. Tomorrow maybe. Not tonight. Tonight is about you and mending your heart.”
I lean down and scoop her up from the couch and carry her into the bathroom.
“Johnny,” she whispers when she sees the candles.
“Get undressed and relax for a while. I’ll be here when you get out,” I say and place a kiss on her forehead before I turn to leave.
“You forgot something,” she says with a smile in her voice.
“Damn woman, don’t start being needy now,” I tease and smile at her over my shoulder.
“Tequila and my best friend,” she says and that damn pain hits me dead center in my chest again.
I turn towards her and bow, “Get undressed, and I’ll return with the tequila, Lady King.”
She chuckles and then shoos me out.
Chapter Forty-One
“You good?” I ask before I enter the bathroom.
“I will be when you get your ass and that tequila bottle in here,” she answers.
I slip in and sit down with my back against the tub, keeping my eyes averted from her beautiful body.
I turn my head slightly so I can see her face behind me and hand her the bottle. She takes a swig and hands it back to me. We both relax with the easy music playing in the background. I brought her here so her heart could have a break. I realized tonight how much hurt she’s carried around with her over the years, and it hurts me to know I only added to that. I could’ve manned up over a year ago and told her everything. Maybe I’d be in the tub with her, not sitting on the outside of it. Maybe she’d be between my legs while we soaked in the water and I could rub her shoulders to ease all the tension away.
“I slept in your hallway that night,” I say before I realize I spoke my thoughts out loud.
“Yeah.”
“I said a lot of shit through that door that night. I said shit you needed to hear, but you didn’t. I’d hurt you so you went to bed and shut me out. I don’t blame you. If I were you, I might have done the same thing. The thing is, I said shit that night I’ve held in since. Once I said it, I never really had the chance to say it again so you’d hear me. Fuck, that’s a lie. I never said it again because I’d fucked up so badly that I didn’t think you’d believe me.”
I pause and search for my words.
“Tell me now, Johnny,” she says softly.
I clear my throat and take another pull from the tequila bottle.
“I brought you here tonight and put you in that tub so you could start healing. Hearing what you heard from your father… I know that wasn’t easy for you to hear. Hell, I know it wasn’t easy for you to walk across the street. I guess… I guess I thought I’d help your heart ease up a bit more while we’re in here.”
Her wet hand touches the back of my neck and I realize not being able to see her face right now helps, but her touch reminds me she’s here. She’s finally listening to me. She wants to hear this.
“Johnny,” she whispers.
“I didn’t leave you that night. I’ve never left you. Fuck, my whole goddamn life I’ve been afraid you’d leave me. From the time we were kids, the panic attacks have been always because I was afraid I’d lose you. My mom left me with my dad when I was a kid. My dad did what parents do when I was small and asked if I had a mom. He told me a beautiful story about my mom, and it helped. Right before I met you, I’d grown old enough to realize the fantasy he gave me didn’t quite make sense, and then Reuben Haynes was the one who let the cat out of the bag. He gave me the truth in front of the entire class. You know the story about my mom, so you know I got the real story not long after Reuben told everyone my mom was a whore.”
Under the Cornerstone Page 30
