“Here, sit down I’ll find you something.”
She spotted the unopened bottle of fine wine on the bar and attempted to open it without the opener. Sofie could out drink me, I was the light weight. With that being said, she must have had several drinks tonight because she was wasted. Her prim and proper ways were nowhere to be found and apparently her blonde hair had been dyed red. It’s attractive, but anything is attractive on Sofie. She’s so beautiful, always. Even drunk off her ass she’s beautiful. It’s just who she is: The Beauty Queen.
“Give me that!” I took the bottle from her and replaced it with a cup of juice. She glared at me so I added, “I’m making coffee hang on.”
“I don’t wanna coffee.”
“Yea, well you need it, hang on.” I added a lot of cream and sugar and slid her a cup of pumpkin latte. It was all I had. I had bought the store out of their last clearance stock knowing it wouldn’t be back on the shelves till the fall, so that was her only choice. Sofie sipped staring into nowhere.
“You gonna tell me what happened?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” I said slowly waiting for her to speak. “Sofie,” I finally asked, “what happened to you?”
She looked at me through broken mascara stained eyes and said nothing. I knew it must have been Chris. Should I ask? What would I say? I suck at advice especially these days. My dumbass man-dar detector had been broke for quite some time and I was not good at figuring out men. And remember, I spent many days curled up on my hardwoods broken, so believe me when I say I suck at telling my best friend how best to live her life with her wonderful husband, three kids, and two dogs in the picket fence. Best thing I could do for her was offer her my fuzzy blue blanket and introduce her to my floor.
But before I could ask again, Sofie made a beeline to the bathroom. I trailed in after her offering to help. I grabbed a hair clip from the counter and pulled back her beautiful red locks. I made her a cold rag and draped it over the back of her neck. After she filled up the toilet with puke, I sat on the floor and cried with her. And in between her bouts of throw ups I rinsed her rag and patted her head. When she expelled her last, I helped remove her wet clothes replacing them with an oversized T-shirt, and offered her my bed. I tucked her in tight reassuring her tomorrow would be better. Then I made my way back to the couch with my blue fuzzy blanket. I was feeling one of those Linus moments, needing to feel safe and secure. I was also very happy it wasn’t me that was the one who was broken in there. It was selfish of me to feel that way, but I had been there so many times with Radley and then with Ed that the thought of it all was exhausting. I knew not what Chris did that made her act like this, but I knew it must have been something she couldn’t handle.
You see, Sofie was always the strong one. The brave one. The one who had it all together and everyone turned to her for help. She wasn’t one that was ever out of control. No, she always had her shit together. I admired her for that. I have always wished I could be that strong.
The woman who was in my bed tonight wasn’t the Sofie I knew. She was broken. My anger rose at the thought of someone breaking such a beautiful creature. Men have no clue how much they damage us. But then again why do we allow them to break us? We shouldn’t but we do. We allow them to destroy us to the core, to the point of no return, to the depths of our soul. Then we are usually left alone to rebuild ourselves. Luckily some of us come back stronger. But sometimes some of us don’t come back at all. Sometimes we are left right where they broke us afraid to love again. So when we are denied of that forever love, we are denied to be whole, to ever be one with anyone again and then sometimes we chose to forever live alone. It’s a tragedy. Such a tragedy to never fully heal.
“Men. Hmph.” My disgust with Chris was rising as so was the sun. The reminder that I was sent to bed without dinner was back and I was starving now. I slipped into my bedroom, being as quiet as a mouse, found some sweats and slippers, and vacated the area. I figured I’d run to the store and grab a few bagels and cheese, Sofie would need the carbs when she awoke, and some Gatorade to replenish what she lost in my toilet.
Around noon, Sofie emerged from my bedroom with a big oversized navy T-shirt and crumbled up red locks. She stopped short of the kitchen crossed her arms across her chest and glared. She had no words. Of course, I didn’t either. I wasn’t sure if she even remembered coming here last night. The look on her face told me she didn’t remember much. I scooted over to her and just hugged her. She hugged me back and I heard her sniffle. I guided her to the bar in silence and pulled a Gatorade out of the fridge for her to drink while I made her a bagel. After slapping it with some cream cheese, I passed it to her on a napkin. I stood behind my sink and watched her, sipping my cup of pumpkin latte while waiting for her to speak. I hadn’t had much sleep, my brain was in overload with concern, and I was on my second cup of coffee which was very rare for me. But functioning without the help of caffeine wasn’t an option either.
Quietly I watched her eat waiting for a moment when she would open up and talk about it. I stood there wondering was this what I was like when I was broken? Was I this bad? Then I figured I was probably worse. At least Sofie wants company; I for sure didn’t when I was broken. No, I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my own self-pity. Yea, pathetic I know, but at least I do know how she feels. Not sure I can help her, but I was determined to be there for her if she thought I could.
I watched Sofie drink all of her Gatorade and eat a couple bites of the bagel. She never made eye contact with me. She sat there in silence until she left the bar. I waited for her to return to the kitchen hoping she would be ready to talk, get it all out, cry again, or open up to me, but she never returned. After a bit, I scooted down the hallway with concern in search for her calling her name in hopes she was okay. I found her passed out in my bed again. I guess she wasn’t ready to face the day and I’m sure she figured going back to bed was the easiest option. I covered her up and closed the door behind me.
With my fuzzy blue blanket, I settled back down on the couch again. About the time I got comfortable it started to rain outside. From where I lay, I could see the rain beating down on the streets surprising those that were caught out in it. Funny, I had no idea it was to rain today either. The sound of the rain was soothing so I opened a window to let more of the sound in. I closed my eyes for a moment and was asleep for hours.
When I awoke, it was still raining and a familiar knock was on my door. I reluctantly left my couch to answer it. I really didn’t want to deal with anything else today. Having Sofie here was flooding my head with memories and it wasn’t helping that it was raining outside or the fact that Radley came by last night with that kiss. I could tell by the knock he was the one on the other side. I stood staring out the peephole trying to decide whether to open the door or not. I wondered if I just ignored him would he go away? I figured he would have to right? So I chose to ignore him and shuffled back to my couch. I flipped through the channels and turned the sound of the TV up louder to drown out the knocking. Yeah, he knew I was home, but Sofie was here. I just didn’t have the strength to deal with them both.
“Did you know someone’s knocking on the door?” Sofie scooted to the door and peeked through the peephole.
“Yea. He’s been here a while.”
“Wow! It’s Radley! Aren’t you gonna let him in?”
“Nope.”
“Really? Why not?”
“Don’t care to see him again.”
“I didn’t know you were seeing him again.”
“I’m not,” I said matter of fact still flipping channels.
“Then… what’s he doing here?”
Sofie stood staring at him through the peephole but she didn’t open the door either. She scooted to the kitchen making herself a glass of water, all the while asking me questions about Radley at my door, and then found her way to my couch to join me.
“He still looks good. Looks like he’s back to training again too.”
<
br /> “He always looks good.”
“So why is he here if you’re not seeing him?”
“I dunno, he showed up last night saying he missed me.”
“Wow. You know what?”
“What?” I knew what she was going to say and I agreed.
“You’re never gonna get rid of him. Never.”
“I know. Then get this… he showed up unannounced right before my blind date arrived. I thought it was the little man at the door so I opened it. I should have looked through my peephole first but for some reason, I didn’t. Ugh!”
“How long did he stay?”
“Not long, I made him leave.”
“Good.”
“Oh, but before he left he kissed me.”
“Kissed you? Did you kiss him back?”
“Hell, no!”
“You did, didn’t you?”
“Sorta, I guess, but no not really.”
“Uh huh, well that’s probably why he’s back today then.”
Radley has always been a persistent soul. He was still at my door knocking and I’m sure he heard us inside chatting or something. I doubt he knew it was Sofie I was chatting with but I know he could hear us. His knocking would stop for a minute like he was listening, then it would return when he’d hear us talk again.
“He’s very persistent!” Sofie smiled for the first time since she had arrived.
“I know right!” We giggled and laughed like two school girls on a playground then when he hollered my name, we busted out laughing harder. We laughed till tears were streaming down our cheeks. We needed that laugh and those crazy tears before her heart sunk deep into the story of what was unfolding before her. It was unimaginable and something I really couldn’t help her with.
I stared at her hopeless and at a loss for words as she counted out the last several weeks, months, and years of her life to me. I had no idea. What do I say? How was I supposed to respond with this kind of news? I had never been this close to someone that was living in this kind of horror. I was speechless. I was shocked. My heart was breaking for her at every word she spoke and I had no advice to give. None. Just prayers only prayers for her.
I managed to slide the rock in my throat out of the way and say something other than OMG, “How can I help you? What can I do for you?”
“You can’t. Nothing,” she said matter of fact. “Not sure anyone can. That’s why I’m here. I need to figure this all out myself. Make some decisions you know? The kids deserve better.”
“So do you, Sofie. So much better,” I cried.
I handed her the box of Kleenex sitting next to me and put my arms around her again. I was glad now that I hadn’t let Radley in. She needed me and this moment alone with me to share her story whether there was anything I could do or not, at least she knew she had somewhere to go, someone to run to, and I felt blessed she had chosen me. Even though I felt helpless sitting next to her.
Sister friends have a deep understanding. They are planted in your soul to live there forever. Whenever they are in need, they long to be near you to share their grief. You are their rock. Just as they are always yours.
Chapter Two
The Long Road Ahead
I found myself out the door and down the stairs before I realized I had forgotten my keys. I trekked back up the three flights of stairs and there they were in the door where I had left them the night before. I scolded myself then realized Radley could have come in if he had really wanted to. I praised him in my mind for not. He was doing the right thing by not barging in again. Surely he knows he’s not welcome back in my heart, but maybe he doesn’t. Maybe Sofie was right. I’ll never be rid of him. Okay, I admit there are times I wish I had the whole fairy tale, with him included. But then days like today, I just need some me time. No drama, no romance, no working, no sex… maybe some shopping, self-loathing, and something fattening. Yes, something drowned in chocolate and topped with whip cream was coming to mind.
Sofie had left to visit her family saying she would check back in with me in a day or so. She needed some alone time too. This I understood so I let her go with promises that I’d see her again while she was here visiting. I still had no answers for her. I was angry. My heart was broken for her. If only I had known, or seen it coming, I could have warned her or helped her escape before things got this bad. But I didn’t. She was too ashamed to even tell her best friend that was miles away. That alone broke my heart again. What do you do when you're hit with news like this? Again, I searched for answers and got nothing.
***
My name is Samantha Jade Nelson. I have days that I have no idea why. I go by the name of Sadie or at least everyone on earth calls me that except for my dear Mother. That’s okay, though, she insists that I’m Samantha, so Samantha I am! I learned long ago not to argue with the woman who named you.
I used to be this poor pathetic broken woman who couldn’t get off my floor. But it’s been a while since I’ve seen the view from that low. I am healed. I am strong. I am woman, sometimes you can hear me roar; other times I just sit over here like, “meow!” I live in Providence on the outskirts of Huntsville, Alabama. I love it here. There’s a lot to do within walking distance and since Huntsville has become the craft brew capital of Alabama, I am learning my way into the craft beer world. It’s a win-win for me. It means a different crowd to get to know and new yummy beers to try that are constantly being tapped. Plus, as I’ve learned since I’ve been on this quest to find a man and replace the last two losers that blew holes in my heart, there are some pretty hot guys that frequent the breweries. I’ve even signed up for the organization Free The Hops just to feel a little more connected to the world of craft brew. Have I attended a meeting? Well, no but I have every intention of attending, does that count?
I trailed down the street and stepped into a local coffee shop before heading out for the day. The pumpkin latte at home wasn’t appealing to me anymore and I had nothing else in my apartment. I was standing in line behind a lady in a business suit and standing behind me was a rather tall but coifed looking fellow. I noticed him outside before I walked in but I was careful not to stare. His cologne was intoxicating circling around my shoulders, a very nice sweet fresh soapy smell, and I could hear his voice chatting away to someone on the other end of his phone. Nice voice. I listened intently as the line moved forward trying to guess whom he was talking to, co-worker, friend, girlfriend?
“Excuse me.” The voice bumped my feet then returned to its conversation. Perfect opportunity I thought to turn around and make eye contact. Why? Why was I wanting to make eye contact with a handsome stranger on a day I was clearly warding off all men and crazy worried about my bestie? Opportunity! And besides he smelled nice.
“No worries,” I said turning around quick and locking eyes with him. He stopped talking briefly and smiled. It was a nice warm welcome smile. A smile you could wake up to every morning and go to bed every night craving. The kind of soft dimpled smile that spread easy across his face with pretty white teeth. I turned back around with an embarrassed grin hoping he didn’t catch a glimpse of my flushed red face and scooted forward.
“Caffè mocha Grande half shot of coffee,” I shouted. “Skinny, but add whip cream please.” The lady looked at me as if I couldn’t have both and I smiled as if I knew I could. She hesitated then shook her head and passed the info onto the cup with a marker. “Name please.”
“Sadie.” I pulled out a twenty and proceeded to pay.
“Let me get that for you. It’s the least I could do for stepping on your toes.” He was no longer on the phone and was now offering to pay for my latte. Should I refuse? I stood at a loss for words. I didn’t mind him tapping my toes, actually didn’t feel that he did but he was insisting on buying my coffee to make amends.
“No, it’s all right really.”
“I would really like to if you don’t mind. I feel terrible stepping on you with my big feet.” He made a motion to the floor and tapped his toes sideways. “I’
m David,” he added holding out his hand. “David Barnes.”
“Sadie. Sadie Cole. Nice to meet you, David.” OMG! I said Cole. My last name wasn’t Cole! It just snuck out of my head like a serpent. Darn, that Radley! I swear he has a permanent rental home in the crevices of my brain. He appears at the darndest times too. Crap! Crap! Crap! Now I can’t take it back! And he’s staring at me like I have the plague of the tongue. Geez! No, I’m not crazy. I just had this crazy memory of this good-for-nothing guy that won’t go away and he pops up when I don’t want him too. Like now. “I mean Sadie N…” I stuttered trying to cram my real last name out of my mouth.
“Five-sixty-two,” the barista said to both of us unsure which one was going to pay. We were holding up the line with our conversation. We both handed her money at the same time.
I surrendered laughing as our hands bumped with bills, “Well, okay if you insist. Thank you, David that’s very nice of you.” I scooted to the other end of the counter out of the way and watched him order his coffee as I waited for mine. From this point of view, I could get a clear look at him. He was dressed well in polished shoes, nice manicured hands, and nice build. Not a big muscle type like I like but not a skinny guy either. He looked fit like he ate his veggies and ran for fun. I couldn’t help but think something was wrong with him, though. I mean, it’s not often men are so nice they buy my lattes much less appear to have the whole beautiful man image on display for me to gawk over.
When the barista called my name, I took my latte and headed out the door. Should I have stayed? I wondered. If I did what would have happened? Would he turn out to be married? Maybe he had a crazy ex-girlfriend that stalked him and called him all hours of the night. He looked like a man that probably had ten kids with ten different women too. Okay, maybe not ten different women but you see where my mind was. My how-to-spot-a-decent guy-dar was broken and I had no control over my thoughts. So no, it was best that I go and begin my ‘me’ day without any distractions from a guy with big feet in a coffee shop. I had a full day planned with shopping and lingering in and out of stores alone. I seriously could not wait to walk the halls of the mall mindless. It was something I so seldom get the chance to do anymore. And today I needed mindless wandering to get my mind off my Bestie. My eyes began tearing at the thought of her again. How could she not know how beautiful she is? Doesn’t she know she’s worthy? She deserves to be someone’s forever Bride, not someone’s punching bag! How could someone hurt someone so beautiful? Not to mention when they promised to love, honor, and cherish them till death they do part. Hmm. I was beginning to not like the words of my own thoughts.
The Quest Page 2
