“He latched!” I cried, staring up with wide eyes at the lactation specialist the nurse had sent in to help. I'd been having trouble all night, trying to get my tiny bundle of joy to eat.
“Yep, there he goes,” she whispered, her voice low and calm and peaceful. “You’re doing so great, Daisy.”
“Thank you,” I said, tears filling my eyes.
Praise wasn’t something I was used to receiving and maybe it was my hormones going wild from giving birth, but I was an emotional wreck. I kept fluctuating from nervousness to fear to this immense joy that enveloped me in happiness every single time I looked at my beautiful son.
He was perfect.
The small tuft of red hair on top of his head felt softer than anything I’d ever touched. His ten little fingers and toes were the cutest things I’d ever seen and I’d counted them five times already. His fat little red lips kept puckering up and I couldn’t stop touching them. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him.
“I can’t believe this is finally working,” I thought, the relief flooding over me. I was still in a lot of pain, though. Each time I tried to move, I felt like a hot knife was slicing into my abdomen. My face was swollen and bruised and the stitches on the back of my head itched like crazy.
“Just takes a little practice, that’s all,” she said. “I’ll leave you two alone for now. Let him eat as long as he wants on that breast, don’t worry about switching him too soon. Right now, let’s just concentrate on keeping him attached.”
“You’re a life saver,” I said, smiling up at her.
“It’s my job,” she shrugged, flashing me a gentle smile before she walked out of the door.
I looked back down at my boy, my heart full of wonder.
I’d made this. I’d created this little human.
Never mind how I’d created him, none of that mattered now.
All that mattered was keeping him safe.
And that meant keeping him far away from my past life.
The door opened and another woman walked in. A tall blonde with bright red lips, she wore a plain black suit and had a file in her hand. My heart raced as she approached my bed.
“I’m not ready to talk to the police yet,” I blurted out, holding the baby close.
“I’m not the police,” she said, shaking her head and flashing me a reassuring smile. “I work for OHSU. I just need you to fill out your child’s birth forms.”
“Birth forms?”
“Yes. We need his full name and address and some other information about you.”
“I see,” I nodded slowly, as I tried to think fast.
What if they took the baby away once they figured out who I was?
“Do I have to do this now? I’m feeding my baby.”
“Not at all, ma’am. I’ll leave this all here with you and come back to pick it up in a few hours. Will that be okay?”
“Sure,” I nodded, grateful for a few minutes to figure out what to do on my own. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” she said, opening the file in front of me. “Here’s the most important part. You can put your baby’s name right here, and yours goes here.”
She left me the papers and walked out and I looked down at my son once more. He was still happily feeding, staring up at me and making the most adorable cooing sounds I’d ever heard. I held him close, knowing I was supposed to be the comforting one now, but I couldn’t help but draw deep comfort from his warmth.
I grabbed the pen, going over the names I’d been thinking about in my head.
I could name him anything.
Finally, I wrote the names down and looked at them, trying them on for size as I said them out loud.
“Alexander Jason Morgan and Daisy Mae Morgan.”
Alexander had always been my favorite boy’s name and it only seemed natural to name my son that.
His middle name was taken from the only man who’d ever really been kind to me. I had no intention of telling him, and I hoped like hell he never had to see the birth certificate, because explaining that would be a little embarrassing.
Even so, I couldn’t resist taking a little piece of Jason home with me. If he hadn’t saved my life, and Alex’s, then we’d be dead in a ditch, right where we’d been tossed.
I pushed those memories away, focusing on the future from now on.
That girl that lived in my body before now didn’t exist anymore, as far as I was concerned.
Now, I was Daisy Morgan again, just a normal girl with a normal baby and no past to speak of.
It didn’t matter where I came from.
It didn’t matter what I’d been through.
All that mattered now was this baby and keeping him safe, even if that required me to go back to my real name.
I never really liked who I was before anyway.
But I was certain I’d like being Daisy, mother of Alex, the most beautiful baby boy that had ever been born.
Bones
“Hey Daisy,” I said, as I walked into her room. She was feeding her baby, and if it weren’t for the swollen and bruised face and arms, she would have looked like any other normal mother nursing her newborn.
But I could see she wasn’t like any other mother. Not from the bruises and swelling, but by the haunted look in her eyes. By the way she jumped every single time the door opened, her eyes darting over at the door with fear.
“Hi, Jason,” she murmured, smiling up at me.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Still in a lot of pain every time I move, but I’m handling it.”
Handling it. Something told me she knew how to handle pain, too. I felt the urge to scoop her up and hug her, to somehow comfort the two of them. But I had to stay professional. Hugs weren’t part of the equation.
“We’re going to be moving you out of critical care and into your own room for a few days so you can have a little peace and quiet before you go home.”
“Oh,” she said, her eyes filling with sadness. “When will that be?”
“You’ll be moved in the next hour or so,” I replied.
“No, I mean when will I be released? To go…,” she paused, looking away from me before continuing, “…home.”
“Well, lets not worry about that too soon. I’m transferring your care over to one of our primary physicians and they’ll decide when you’re ready to be discharged.”
“Another doctor?” She asked, with a frown. “Why can’t you be my doctor?”
“I work in the trauma department, the emergency room.”
“Oh,” she replied, her voice low and sad. “So I won’t see you again?”
“I’ll make sure to stop in and check on you, okay?” My heart dropped at her sadness. This young lady should be full of joy and glowing with good health. Instead, she was obviously afraid and worried.
“Thank you,” she said, looking away. I pretended not to notice the tears in her eyes. A knock sounded at the door and a police officer I knew poked his head in.
“Is this a good time?” Officer Reynolds asked me.
I looked down at Daisy and she shook her head frantically.
“I think our patient needs a little more time,” I said, nodding firmly. I looked over at Daisy and flashed her a reassuring smile. “Be right back.”
I walked out and asked the officer if he could return later.
“Sure, Jason, but the Chief is really getting on my ass about this. Wants a statement at least. Looks like she was beaten up pretty badly. We don’t even have her name or address or anything. Did you establish next-of-kin yet?”
“I haven’t pried very deeply. She says her name is Daisy. That’s all I know.”
“Well, maybe you can convince her to talk to us sooner than later?” he asked.
“I’ll do my best,” I said.
“You always do,” he smiled.
“Thanks, Officer. I’ll be in touch.”
“Have a great day,” he said, walking away. I walked back into Daisy’s room and pulled a chair up besid
e her bed.
“I postponed their questions for a bit,” I said.
“Thank you so much,” she replied, flashing me a grateful look.
“Can we talk, Daisy?” I asked.
“Sure,” she said.
“Would you like to tell me what happened to you? Who did this to you?”
Her eyes grew wide with fear and my heart broke. Rage filled my veins as I thought about someone beating a pregnant woman, any woman, for that matter.
“I don’t know,” she muttered, looking away.
“You don’t know?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head.
“Okay. Is there someone we can call? A husband? A boyfriend? Your mother?”
She scoffed and shook her head.
“No.”
“No…” I said, shaking my head. “Not anyone? A friend?”
“No.”
I nodded, thinking what else to ask.
“So, the cops are going to want to know a lot more, Daisy. They’ll want to know who you were with and where you were before you were attacked. They’ll want to know where you work, where you live, all of that.”
She looked over at me again, her eyes filled with panic.
“Can’t you just tell them I don’t know anything and ask them to leave me alone?”
“I wish I could, but they’ll want to speak to you directly.”
“Fine,” she said, shaking her head. “But I don’t remember anything.”
“You knew your name, though, right? You know where you live and all that, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, well that’s a start, isn’t it? They can piece together what happened to you, starting backwards.”
“Whatever,” she muttered, clearly becoming frustrated. She pulled her son in close to her chest.
“What’s his name?”
“Who?”
“Your son.”
“Oh,” she said, smiling down at him. “Alex. Alexander.”
“That’s a nice name,” I said. “He’s doing really well. It’s a miracle, really. Whoever hurt you could have easily hurt the baby, too. But somehow, he survived just fine. He’s a lucky boy.”
She nodded quietly, staring down at him, as I watched them.
Another knock sounded at the door and Jenn peeked her head in.
“Doctor Boone? Can I talk to you a moment?”
“I’ll be right back,” I said to Daisy as I walked outside.
“There’s a woman here named Ruby who wants to see Daisy. Says she’s her mother.”
“There is?”
“Well, she called her by another name - Scarlet - but she insists on seeing the pregnant woman brought in the other day.”
“That’s weird,” I said. “Let me go talk to Daisy, see what she says.”
I walked back in the room.
“Daisy, do you know a woman named Ruby? She says she’s here to see you.”
Her mouth fell open and she promptly slammed it shut. She looked away from me and shook her head.
“I don’t know anyone named Ruby.”
“Really? She says she’s your mother.”
“My mother is dead.”
She still wouldn’t look at me. Her mouth was pressed into a firm line, and I knew she wouldn’t talk. Whatever happened to this woman, whoever did this to her, she was still afraid of them.
“Okay, then. Must be a mistake. I’ll take care of it.”
I walked to the door, pausing to look back at her, trying to control the urges washing over me. There was nothing I could do for her, other than making sure she had the best care while she was in the hospital, but did I wish there was more I could do?
You bet your ass I did.
“Tell the woman to leave,” I told Jenn. “She’s got the wrong girl.”
“Will do, Doctor,” she said, walking away.
I watched her walk away, her curvy ass swaying temptingly. But I didn’t see it, not really.
I was distracted.
Haunted by Daisy’s frightened green eyes…
Daisy
Of course, Ruby found me.
I knew she would. She left me to die in that fucking ditch, after having her goons ‘take care of me’, as she called it.
Then, she pushed me out of the moving car herself, so as far as I was concerned, my blood was on her hands.
She didn’t care about me. She certainly didn’t care about my baby. She’d tried to get me to have an abortion, but by the time she figured out I was pregnant, it was too late, I was too far along.
I’d ruined her plans. Taken money out of her hands. Put her entire livelihood at risk. She blamed me, of course. She’d never blame him, not for anything. All the times he got too rough and I complained, he just paid her a little more to shut her up.
To both of them, I was just a commodity. A piece of meat to be used for pleasure and cash.
I was barely conscious when she pushed me into that ditch and left me there to die.
Why come back now?
Because the job wasn’t finished, that’s why. She had to have been so pissed when she found out I’d survived.
She was afraid I’d talk, that’s it. She was afraid I’d turn her in to the cops and her precious life would be over, and maybe I would.
But mostly, I knew she was afraid of him, just the way I used to be.
But no more.
No more fear, no more cowering, no more waiting for him, wondering when he’d show up again…
I was past all that.
His sperm might have helped create this baby, but this baby was mine.
And I’d die before I let him get within ten feet of this precious soul. I pulled him close, holding him tighter, ignoring the sharp, shooting pain every time I moved. I hated that I was so vulnerable right now, that just the mere act of walking to the bathroom was something I couldn’t manage yet.
Thank God for Jason, I thought. He’d saved me. He’s saved us both.
And now, he’d saved me from having to face Ruby, at least for now.
Bones
“Well, that was weird,” Jenn said, as we watched the woman walk away. She’d been pissed, but she’d tried to hide it. I saw the flash of anger in her eyes when Jenn told her Daisy wouldn’t see her, didn’t know her, she must have the wrong woman.
As I watched the doors close after her, I had a feeling that I couldn’t shake. It was possible Daisy had been lying. I’d seen the fear in her eyes, even if she looked away quickly.
“Hey, Jenn, can you get Elaine, the social worker, to stop by my office?”
“Of course,” she said, nodding and flashing me a smile, and lowering her voice. “You in a hurry for that, or do you have a few minutes to spend alone?”
I paused, smiling at her, trying to take stock of my feelings. Something was stirring in me, something strange and uncomfortable.
“Raincheck?” I asked, smiling at Jenn. She nodded gracefully and walked away. I sighed in relief, walking back to my office as I thought about Daisy.
Someone had hurt her badly.
Left her and that baby to die on the side of the road. The old woman didn’t look strong enough to hurt a fly, but that darkness in her eyes told me a different story.
Something wasn’t right.
Whoever Daisy was, wherever she came from, I was certain she wasn’t safe, and it was my job, before I released her from my care and she was moved to recovery, that I address the situation the best way I knew how.
I thought about calling Grace and Solid Ground. But as far as I could tell, Daisy didn’t need rescuing anymore. Physically, she was safe now. She needed guidance.
When Elaine walked into my office a few moments later, I smiled at her gratefully and asked her to sit down. Elaine was a no-nonsense, matronly woman who wore flowing floral dresses and let her grey hair grow long and wild. She had the kindest eyes I’d ever seen and her voice was soft and confident.
“How can I help you, Doctor Boone?”
&
nbsp; “I’ve got this patient,” I began…
Daisy
ONE YEAR LATER
“Go to sleep, baby,” I whispered, pulling him close to my chest. The shelter was quiet tonight, the usual flurry of footsteps and voices having died down a while ago.
I ran my hand over Alex’s head, his hair so soft, already as curly and bright red as mine was.
And just like me as a child, he had a hard time getting to sleep.
I couldn’t blame him. He was a bundle of energy and ever since he began walking two months ago, he was constantly on the move. It was absolutely adorable and I was so proud of him, but it was exhausting.
It was the good kind of exhausting, though, you know?
The kind where your head hits the pillow and you can sleep soundly, knowing you did something productive that day. The kind where you woke up still exhausted, but you couldn’t help but smile while you did it all over again the next day.
Having Alex changed my life.
Everything was different now.
Life was hard, but it was good. I didn’t care that we lived in the shelter. I didn’t care that I wasn’t making a lot of money.
For now, we had enough.
Slowly, I’ve started to even allow myself to dream a little. About a time when we might be able to get our own place. Or, have a little extra money to go somewhere fun, something different than just going to the park or walking along the river. Or, maybe even going to school.
Someday, I kept telling myself.
But I didn’t dwell on it, not too much. I didn’t let it get me down that we weren’t there yet.
I did my best to live with gratitude every day, never letting the memories of the past get too far away. Remembering how it used to be was the thing that kept me going. And the further away I got from all of that, as the days, weeks, and months passed, the more valuable those memories became.
I didn’t want to forget.
My will to never go back to that life remained strong when the memories were strong. Anytime I found myself slipping, those moments late at night, when Alex was sleeping next to me, and I could hear the footsteps of others all around us in the other rooms, and I longed for the luxury of privacy or peace — I remembered the horror of my life before.
BONES: GODS OF CHAOS MC Page 3
