I shrugged, searching Jason’s eyes, wondering what he though of me now.
“That’s a heavy story,” he said.
“I guess it is,” I said, smiling a sad smile.
“So, that’s obviously not the end of the story. You escaped. You had Alex.”
“I did,” I nodded, a darkness washing over me. I desperately wished my story involving Alex was better. I’d spent many sleepless nights wondering how I’d explain when he was old enough to start asking about how he was born, or who his father was. I dreaded those questions, because the truth was ugly, and I couldn’t imagine telling him all of this.
“The clients are supposed to use protection. Mine was not fond of that. I became pregnant and I didn’t tell anyone. The client was long gone, training overseas. I hid it from Ruby, thinking I could just escape, disappear. I was making plans to do just that. I started socking away the small allowance that Ruby passed down to me. I’d already bought a train ticket to Seattle. But I didn’t want to be pregnant and homeless once I got there, so I waited too long to leave the comfort of my apartment. Unfortunately, Ruby came to visit, and by then I was almost due to give birth. She was furious. Furious that I’d allowed it to happen, as if I had any say in the matter, and furious I hadn’t told her about it, of course.”
“She’s the one who beat you,” he whispered, anger flashing in his eyes.
“No, she had one of her sketchy bodyguards do it for her. I could tell his heart wasn’t in it. I was clearly pregnant and Ruby usually found other ways to keep us in line. Beatings were rare at that point. Maybe that’s why he didn’t finish the job, I’ll never really know. But Ruby’s the one who pushed me out of the car. I ended up at the hospital with you and I’ve never seen Ruby or any of them ever again. Something snapped in me when Alex was born. I turned my back on that life for good.”
“I’ve seen motherhood have a profound impact on women,” he said, nodding. “I’m glad you found strength in it. You’re story is heartbreaking, Daisy.”
“It is what it is,” I shrugged. Alex came over and plopped himself in my lap, falling into it like a limp doll. “I have other things to focus on now.”
“You’re stronger than I imagined.”
“I have to be, I don’t have a choice, really,” I replied, shrugging again. I searched his eyes for any hint of regret, any hint of judgement, but I came up empty.
Nothing but kindness and gentleness, which seemed to enjoy a permanent residence there.
He leaned forward, leaning over Alex and softly brushing a kiss across my lips. I stiffened in surprise as his lips met mine. He pulled away and squeezed my hand. He’d not let go of it the whole time I was telling my story, his grip warm and steady.
“I’m glad we’re getting to know each other,” he whispered, his voice low and husky. “I’m so sorry all of that happened to you, Daisy. I hope you know that you can still have a full, thriving life.”
“I’m working on that,” I nodded, reeling from the fact that he’d just kissed me so casually, as if he’d done it a million times before. “I want the best for Alex. I want him to have everything I never had. He deserves it, no matter who his parents are.”
“Have you heard from the father? Does he know?”
“Not that I know of. I don’t know what Ruby told him,” I said, shaking my head. “I imagine I was easily replaced and forgotten about.”
“Well, perhaps that’s for the best.”
“I believe it is,” I said, smiling. “I love my life now. I hope you don’t think I’m some depressed, broken girl. I’ve been seeing a therapist at the shelter for the whole year and Alex is healthy and so far, happy.”
I leaned down, kissing his furry red head.
“He certainly is happy,” Jason said. “So, are you ready to eat?”
“I’m starving!” I said. “I’m sorry for the long, drawn out story.”
“Don’t be,” he said, smiling over at me. He wiggled his eyebrows and pulled out a plastic bag from the basket. “Sandwich?”
“Absolutely,” I replied, smiling over at him. I’d just walked through my entire traumatic history and I was still sitting here smiling at the most handsome man, who just so happened to be an amazing kisser from the small kiss I’d received.
Maybe the grip that the past held over me was loosening up after all.
I tore into the sandwich Jason handed me, my appetite strong. He laughed and did the same and together we sat there under the setting sun, surrounded by huge blooms of gorgeous blue flowers, smiling at each other like a couple of teenagers.
At that moment, life couldn’t have gotten any better.
Bones
Something was happening.
I don’t know how, or why, or even when it happened, but I’d quickly become completely enchanted with Daisy. Seeing her sitting at the bus stop had been a shock. I never expected to run into her again, but I’d wondered for the last year how she had fared.
I knew she was safe, because Elaine had assured me of that fact each time I’d inquired about her.
She’d made an impression on me, that’s for sure. But when I saw her again, a year later, looking healthy and happy, her bruises long healed, she was breathtaking. She was glowing with happiness and beauty, and exuding a calm strength that pulled me in right away.
It was as if she’d grown up, aged ten years or more, gained a level of maturity she’d not possessed previously. Parenting was the reason for that, but there was more to it. Last year, she’d been haunted, jumpy, almost cowering at every loud sound, hiding her true light just to keep her tiny flame from going out completely.
Now, she was a raging wildfire of life. Her bright red hair bounced around her face in charming, unruly, frizzy curls. Her green eyes flashed with vivid awareness, observant and crystal-clear. Each time she looked at me, I felt my soul had been bared to her.
And I didn’t mind one bit.
I was an open book. I always had been. I had no secrets, no brooding sadness, no mysterious past. But being around Daisy tonight, watching her lay out her pain like she was ironing a dress on an ironing board, unwrinkling the dark details for all the world to see, like it was the most natural thing in the world — well, it made me want her to see me.
I wasn't perfect, I didn’t have a perfect life, but compared to the life she’s suffered through, I grew up in fucking Mayberry. It was night and day.
To be honest, I almost didn’t feel worthy. She was stronger and tougher than I’d ever be required to be, she’d overcome more than most anyone I knew, except maybe some of the women and men from Solid Ground.
“If I had known the extent of your story, I might have put you in touch with my friends,” I said. “Honestly, I thought it you were coming out of an abusive situation with a boyfriend. Not that those cases are ever simple, but unfortunately they are many.”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you about the Gods. But I don’t think I told you about the organization they run, Solid Ground. The Gods are there for anyone who needs them, no matter what needs to be done. They tend to work outside the law and will do anything necessary to extract someone from a situation they can’t get out of themselves. Maybe the victim can’t call the cops, because their abuser is a cop. Or someone even more powerful. It happens all the time, as you well know, it sounds like.”
“Yes, it does,” she nodded, her eyes darkening. I hated bringing this up again but I wanted her to know that there was other help if she ever needed it.
“Daisy, if you ever need anything, if for some reason you find yourself needing somewhere to hide or escape to, even if it’s just for a little while, let me know. I can take you there. It’s a safe place.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, lifting her chin. “But I’m fine now. The worst is over. I won’t need any help.”
“Sometimes, it’s just good to know a place like that exists,” I said, squeezing her hand.
She was so beautiful it hurt. Her bright red hair
, her freckles, her thin, lanky body that looked so frail and yet held such strength…I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and lock her away somewhere safe for the rest of her life.
But that was the last thing she needed.
She needed wings, she needed freedom, she needed to live the exact life she was now living. I thought of her at the shelter again and sighed with disappointment. My offer was refused but I wished so badly that she’d reconsider.
“Hey, would you like to go for a walk?” I asked, sensing she wanted to change the subject. I couldn’t blame her, I did too. It was a heavy thing she’d gone through and I needed time to process everything she’d told me. My first instinct was to track down her abusers and show them the same pain they’d put her through.
That job wasn’t up to me, though.
That was up to her, should she ever seek revenge. I was a big advocate of the healing effects of revenge, but I wasn’t sure a girl like Daisy would ever be interested in something like that.
Despite everything she’d gone through, she still possessed a kind heart.
Obviously, she just wanted to move on.
I made a vow to help her with that endeavor as much as she’d allow me to.
We packed up the picnic and the blanket and headed back to my truck, placing everything back in the bed.
“This is a lovely neighborhood,” she said, admiring the expensive homes that lined the street.
“It is,” I said. “It’s peaceful up here. The rose gardens are just on the other side of the park and it’s so close to downtown, yet it’s rarely crowded. You can come up here and feel like you’ve left the city down below.”
We strolled down the sidewalk, leaving my truck parked behind us. She carried Alex in her arms and he reached out his arms towards me.
“You want me to hold you?” I asked. He nodded and practically jumped into my arms. I held him close, and he put his arms around my neck, holding on tight.
“I think he likes you,” Daisy mused, shaking her head.
“Kids love me,” I shrugged. “I don’t know why.”
“I do,” she said, smiling shyly. “You’re like a big, gentle, teddy bear.”
“Great,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “There goes my image of a big, bad, intimidating biker.”
“Yep,” she said. “Too late. Totally ruined.”
I growled, doing my best to sound intimidating, but both she and Alex both burst out laughing.
“I can’t win,” I said. “Guess I’ll have to settle for being a teddy bear.”
“There are worst things to be,” she said.
“True, true,” I said. We strolled down the street a little farther, and she stopped in front of one of the houses. It was a low, rambling Frank Lloyd Wright-esque mansion, all wood and windows, with several different wings attached.
“This house is incredible,” she whispered.
“It’s very nice,” I said. “One of my favorites on this street.”
“I love it,” she said, her eyes wide as she raked them over the house slowly. I nodded silently, as we passed by and kept walking. This neighborhood was littered with nice homes, at least a dozen on this street alone. We walked to the end, taking them all in. There were Victorian mansions and Colonials, too, with majestic, stark-white, wide, rounded columns flanking the porch, and a rustic cabin nestled at the end in a patch of old growth redwoods. We walked back down the block, and Daisy stopped in front of the first house she’d admired.
“I think this is my favorite,” she said, lingering as she looked it over again.
“Mine, too,” I whispered, standing close to her side. The sound of a dog barking sounded from inside and a wagging German Shepherd appeared at the floor length window beside the front door.
“Oh, look at him!” Daisy exclaimed, pointing to him. Alex’s gaze followed and he began clapping wildly and screaming.
“I think Alex wants to meet him,” I said.
“Yes!” Alex cried, his little boy voice shouting loudly. “Dogg-o! Dogg-o!”
“No, honey,” Daisy said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, honey. We can’t meet that dogg-o.”
“Sure we can,” I said, throwing a mischievous wink her way as I strode down the sidewalk towards the front door.
“What are you doing?” She asked, her voice full of confusion. I dug my keys out of my pocket and opened the front door.
“Hey Chester,” I said, leaning down to pet my dog’s head.
“What?” Daisy asked, her eyes wide.
“This is my house,” I said, shrugging and winking again. “This is Chester.”
Chester was trained well. He sat at our feet, patiently allowing us to pet the top of his head, his tail wagging furiously against the ground. Alex reached down, softly touching his head and giggling as Chester leaned his head down submissively.
“Good boy, Chester,” I murmured. I turned and looked up at Daisy, hoping like hell she wasn’t upset.
“I didn’t mean to trick you,” I said. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“Oh, no, not at all,” she said, laughing a little. “The beauty of this house…and Chester…makes up for it.”
“Feel free to look around,” I said. “I can’t take any credit, of course. It was decorated before I moved in and I haven’t changed much of anything.”
Daisy nodded and left us by the front door, Alex completely enthralled with Chester’s ears by now. Chester sat patiently taking in all the affection. I watched as she slowly wandered through the entryway and into the sunken living room, gazing up at the heavy wooden beams that criss-crossed the vaulted ceiling.
“This is incredible,” she said. “It’s so big. How many rooms?”
“Five bedrooms,” I said. “Four baths. There’s a pool out back, like I told you. And a garden. A library, a bar, and even a sauna. All things I rarely have time to use.”
“So what happens to Chester when you’re working? He’s all alone?”
“I have a girl who comes to give him walks twice a day, but I still feel guilty. I found him as a stray in the park a few years ago and I can’t bear to take him to the shelter. He’s a perfect gentleman, never barks or tears anything up. I’m starting to think he likes the time alone, actually,” I said, laughing, as he rolled over onto his back, begging for Alex to rub his belly.
“He doesn’t seem too miserable,” Daisy said, laughing, her eyes soft and relaxed as she watched her boy play with Chester.
I stood up and walked over to her, pulling her into my arms, hoping like hell she’d allow me to embrace her. I wanted to pull her close and tight and never let go, never let another bad thing happen to this woman, but I knew going slow was essential.
She’d been through hell and back.
The last thing I wanted to do was contribute to that pain in any way.
Lucky me. She didn’t pull away. She didn’t even flinch. She walked into my arms like she’d done it a million times before.
All I could think about was that I hoped she’d do it a million times more.
Daisy
We had two new women at the shelter. They’d each come in bloody and bruised, crying children in tow, well after ten tonight. Alex was sleeping soundly in his bed and I was unsuccessfully trying to read. Mostly, I was just thinking about Jason.
Our date had been one of the loveliest days of my life. He was smart and charming, not to mention handsome, but most of all, he was peaceful. I’d been nervous before he’d arrived, but once I was in his truck with him, all of that disappeared. He had a way of putting me at ease with just a smile.
I’d never experienced anything like it, to be honest.
Lots of different types of men had wandered in and out of my life, some of them harmless, but most of them were shifty and creepy characters that left me feeling dirty and ashamed. A good number of them were violent and abusive. After awhile, it just became ordinary.
I’d allowed myself to think that all men, and hell, most women, too, were heartless, selfish
assholes, because that was all I ever saw. Nobody was nice to me, outside of the other victims I lived with, and even then, they were so broken and flawed they didn’t know what being kind was either, not really.
I mean, we tried. We really did.
We bandaged each other’s wounds and made sure to ration out food whenever necessary and every now and then, one of us would try to intervene in a beating or punishment, but that never ended well. Our abusers would only tolerate so much fellowship before they beat us just for trying to do something nice for one another.
Cruelty was normal.
Kindness was just a fairy tale.
Apparently, Jason was straight out of a fucking romance novel, because as far as I could see, there were no flaws to find there. He was as kind of a man as I could imagine.
And for some insane reason, he liked me.
He kissed me!
Did I kiss him back? No. I just stood there like a frozen freak who had no idea how to respond.
In all the time I’d spent with those other men, none of them had kissed me. Hell, none of them had even tried. To them, I was just another whore.
But Jason kissed me.
After I told him my story.
That fact wasn’t lost on me and in fact, it only made me more confused. I’d hesitated opening up to anyone, knowing that no matter how hard someone might try to understand, they’d never walk away looking at me the same way.
I saw it in the eyes of the women at the shelter, on my therapist’s face.
They pitied me, even if they didn’t find it disgusting.
As far as I was concerned, pity was almost worse. The pity was directed squarely at me, whereas the disgust was reserved for the things that were done to me. There’s a distinct difference. And I wanted none of it.
BONES: GODS OF CHAOS MC Page 8
