“Family stuff,” I muttered, walking around the back of my desk to put as much distance between us as I could.
“Everything okay?” she asked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. In the past, I’d shared many details with her, but I wasn’t interested in that today. I knew she was hurt, and I felt like shit about it, but it was what it was.
This is where I was now.
I wanted to wait before I made any other moves. I wanted Daisy and Alex to be comfortable and happy and that was really all I cared about right now.
Everything else just seemed superficial.
“Everything’s fine, thanks for asking,” I said, sitting at my desk and opening a patient file, pretending to read it. Jenn took a deep breath and then slowly walked out, pausing at the door.
“I’ll be just down the hall if you change your mind,” she said, her voice a soft, wistful whisper.
“Thanks, Jenn,” I said, smiling at her. “Will you close the door on your way out, please?”
“Sure,” she muttered. And just like that, she was gone. My gaze lingered on the door, as I wondered if I was making a mistake. My quick romps with Jenn were always a good time, energizing and satisfying, in just the right way.
But now, I was beginning to want more.
Maybe it was seeing Daisy again that changed me.
Maybe it was just age.
Hell, maybe it was loneliness.
The companionship of Chester could only go so far, you know.
I don’t know what it was, but there I was, sitting alone in my office after refusing perfectly good tail and watching as my fingers dialed Daisy’s number.
She answered on the first ring, her voice a breath of fresh air and sunshine. Suddenly, I wanted to crawl through the phone and press my lips against hers.
“How’s it going?” I asked, since crawling through the phone wasn’t one of my super powers. “Is Chester behaving?”
“Chester’s a dream, actually. Alex loves him and he’s so gentle. We went on a walk earlier and he was a perfect gentleman.”
“Ah, he gets that from me,” I teased.
“I can see that,” she said. I could hear her smile in her words and it warmed my heart.
“Is Alex adjusting?” I asked.
“Nothing fazes him,” she said.
“How’s the teething today?”
“He’s having a good day,” she replied.
“I’m glad to hear it.”
I paused, letting the silence linger between us. I wondered if she knew what I was thinking. I wondered if she knew I couldn’t wait to get home to her.
I wondered if she felt the same way.
“I found some steaks in the fridge,” she said. “Will you be home in time for dinner?”
“Around seven, I believe,” I replied.
“I’ll make dinner then!”
“You don’t have to do that,” I said.
“I’d love to,” she said. “Besides, I need the practice.”
“Well, then, I’ll be happy to be your guinea pig.”
Her laughter rang out like a bell, shooting pings of delight straight through my heart.
I sighed. It was too much. I was a goner and I hadn’t even slept with the woman yet.
Yet.
What was I thinking?
She didn’t need a big brute like me barking up her tree. I reminded myself about the control I’d vowed to exercise earlier and took a deep breath.
“I should get back to work.”
“See you at seven?”
“You bet you will. There’s a grill out back. It’s really easy to use.”
“Oh, great,” she said. “See you tonight. Have a good day.”
“You, too, Daisy,” I said, my words low and gentle and not at all what I really wanted to say.
I’d keep those words to myself.
For now.
My mouth began watering as soon as I opened the front door, the fragrance of steak permeating the air. When I walked into the kitchen, my eyebrows shot up when I saw the spread Daisy had prepared.
My grandmother’s good china was laid out in a place setting so perfect Grandma would have approved. Even the forks were in the right spot, and I knew that because my Grandma, who I’d loved dearly, made me learn the correct way to set a table.
But that wasn’t the most impressive thing.
The food was laid out beautifully, fit for royalty.
“What have you done?” I asked a grinning Daisy.
“I told you I was making dinner,” she shrugged. “What we have is a perfectly grilled steak. Medium rare, I hope that’s okay? Your grill was amazingly efficient. I seared broccoli and made twice-baked potatoes. I also baked an apple pie for desert. Oh, and fresh rolls made from scratch.”
“I had no idea you were such a good cook,” I said. “But the presentation is amazing.” She’d placed fresh herbs and vegetables in dishes I hadn’t seen in years.
“I taught myself. I had a lot of time, before Alex was born. I went shopping earlier and dug around in your cabinets. I hope you don’t mind.”
“My grandmother left me these dishes. She’d be happy to know they’re being used. I haven’t used them…well, never, I guess.”
She shrugged and smiled, a red curl falling over her eye. I reached up, pushing it away instinctively. Her eyes widened and then she quickly turned away, putting Alex in his high chair.
“I can’t wait to dig in. Is it time to eat?”
“Absolutely,” she nodded. “I bought a bottle of wine, too.”
“I guess I forgot to tell you there’s a wine cellar in the basement.”
“Oh,” she said. “I didn’t realize. We can get something else. Mine’s just a cheap bottle…”
“No!” I replied. “That was all there when I moved in. To be honest, the five dollar bottle tastes exactly the same to me as the hundred dollar bottle.”
“I’ve never had a hundred dollar bottle.”
“Well, the night is young!” I exclaimed.
She smiled and laughed that twinkling laugh that went right to my gut. I could still feel her hair on my fingertips, and I felt the familiar stirring between my legs. Quickly, I sat down, hoping she hadn’t noticed.
“Sit! Let’s eat!” I leaned over, looking at Alex, who was watching me intently, his tiny little hand reaching out towards me. “Hey buddy,” I said, leaning over and grabbing his hand. He laughed and Daisy laughed, which made me burst out laughing and before I knew it we were sitting there chuckling like a couple of old friends.
I dug in, slicing into the steak and putting a piece in my mouth. The flavors hit me like a freight train and the moan that escaped from my lips was completely uncontrollable.
She grinned like she’d just won the blue ribbon for her prized pig at the state fair.
“I thought you might like that,” she said, with a wink.
“Mmmm,” I mumbled, shoving forkfuls of potatoes in my mouth. “You should be a chef.”
She smiled and shook her head.
“I just cook for fun. I am going to go back to school, though. In fact, I registered online today.”
“That’s wonderful!”
“Thanks,” she said, handing a piece of her roll to Alex. She shrugged, a slow smile spreading across her face. “I’m a little nervous.”
“Why?”
“I’ve never really been to school. Well, not past second grade.”
I shook my head, speechless. She said it so matter-of-factly, and yet it was a staggering reality that I’d not considered before.
“I educated myself, though. I read every book I could get my hands on. Mostly, that consisted of magazines or worn-out paperbacks, but I taught myself to read, building on the little bit I learned before…well, before my mom left. When everything was normal. As normal as could be. I earned my GED at the shelter just a few months ago…”
Her voice trailed off, my heart pounding in my chest.
“I’m proud of you,” I said. “Y
ou’ll love college.”
Her face lit up, her beauty glowing from her bright eyes.
“I'm really looking forward to it,” she nodded.
“What will you study, if not to be the next celebrity chef?”
She laughed a little then grew serious as she answered.
“I want to be a social worker. Like Elaine.”
“Elaine? Really?”
“She helped me when I was at my lowest. I don’t know what I would have done without her guiding me every step of the way, figuring out how to get what I needed before I even knew I needed it. I want to do that for other women.”
I nodded, slowly, gazing over at her. She reminded me of so many of the women we’d seen in Solid Ground over the last year or so. I’d only been involved very recently, and not enough, but I didn’t have as much time to devote to them that I wanted.
But the cases were all tragic.
Daisy was one of many.
She wasn’t just a stranger in my house. She was a person, a survivor, probably the strongest woman that had ever walked through the door, in fact.
And yet, all of the women that Solid Ground helped were strong in the same way. Maybe they’d gone down different paths, but their hearts and spirits had endured the same trauma, the same trauma that resulted in the resolve that each of them now possessed.
They lived through crippling loss and unimaginable horrors and yet they walked amongst us as if they weren’t made of steel, as if they were as fragile and soft as the rest of us.
But they were so much more than that.
That were survivors, pure and simple, wearing their strength like an invisible armor. But it was there, in their eyes, in the set of their jaws, the lines of their shoulders.
“Jason?”
I shook my head, her voice pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Sorry. I think you’d make a wonderful social worker, Daisy.” I gazed over at her and she smiled, lifting her chin a little.
“I’d like to be a good one,” she said. “I might be able to take online classes. I’d have to pay for a babysitter for Alex, but I can afford it now,” she said, looking over at me shyly. “Now that you’re paying me so generously. And I can get financial aid for the tuition and books.”
“Oh, didn’t I tell you about the job benefits?” I asked.
“Benefits?” she asked. “For dog sitting?”
“Yep, that’s right,” I said. “Full benefits. Vacation time, sick pay, health insurance and tuition reimbursement.”
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” she laughed, shaking her head.
“Does this look like the face of a man that’s kidding?” I asked, wrinkling my brow.
“Is that your serious face?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said, lowering my voice to a growl. “Is it working?”
She laughed again, shaking her head and staring over at me thoughtfully.
“You don’t have to do this,” she said.
“Do what?”
“You know what you’re doing. Being so generous. So kind. For no reason at all.”
“Does anyone need a reason to be kind?” I asked, lifting my eyebrow, and shoving another piece of steak in my mouth.
“Well, no,” she said. “But…”
“But nothing. Look. I have a shit ton of money. It’s just sitting there in the bank, collecting dust, just begging me to do something good with it. I can’t bring myself to spend it on booze and drugs and thirty foot yachts,” I winked.
“All for dog sitting, though? It’s a bit too much, Jason.”
I nodded, wrinkling my brow.
“You’re right. You can be my chef, too, how’s that? This food is fucking phenomenal!”
She laughed and bit her lip, nodding slowly.
“Deal.”
“Deal,” I replied, winking over at her, ignoring the movement in my jeans. She was the cutest thing I’d ever seen, she was strong and beautiful and smart, a wonderful mother and she could cook.
There wasn’t any way I could put a price on a woman like that, but I’d pay every cent I had if it meant I could help her make the world a better place and keep her smiling.
“Pie?” She asked, lifting a tempting eyebrow.
“How could I say no?”
“You can’t,” she quipped, jumping up and padding over to the kitchen. She brought back the biggest, juiciest, most fragrant pie I’d ever seen.
“You taught yourself to bake, as well, I take it?”
“Sure did,” she said. “I make a mean cupcake, too.”
“I’m going to gain twenty pounds in a week,” I said.
“Thirty,” she winked, handing me one of Grandma’s tiny china floral print saucers, with a heaping slice of gooey pie, the thick, sticky sauce sliding over the edges. I scooped it up with my finger and tasted it.
Perfection. Hot, tangy, sweet, mouth-watering perfection.
“I’m going to need a second slice.”
“You can have all you want,” she said, her voice a low whisper as she stood over me, watching me. I looked up at her, the words caught in my throat.
I already knew what I wanted.
I’d known it since the moment I sat down with her for dinner.
Honestly, I’d known it since before I’d ever met her…
I knew it when I was stitching up her lip. I knew when I was delivering Alex. I knew when she woke up, the first time I’d seen those gorgeous green eyes…
The words threatened to fall from my mouth, my urge to tell her now, to speed through to the end, to let her know that my heart wouldn’t stand still when she was around and I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied until she was sharing more than my home.
But I couldn’t do that.
What kind of man does that?
That’s not how it works. Not with a woman like Daisy.
I had to go slow. Let the tangles work themselves out, let things unfold naturally and most likely painstakingly slow, but who was I to complain?
Look at me.
Look what’s standing in my kitchen. A chance at having a family.
A chance at having love.
I’d be a fool to spill my guts now, no matter how badly I want to.
So, I don’t.
I smile and shove more pie in my pie-hole before I ruin the only thing that’s ever really mattered in my life.
They say you get one shot.
And she’s mine.
I have no intention of screwing this up. I have to be a perfect gentleman and let her lead the way, and hope like hell she sees the signs, too.
Pie. Pie. Pie, I thought. Focus on the pie…
“More, please?” I mumble, the urge to shout out a life-ruining stream of consciousness almost pushed away.
I kept shoveling, though, just in case some rogue words bubbled up just to sabotage me.
Words are funny that way.
Little bastards.
Lucifer
The thing about the period of time right after a big fight is that you have a lot of time on your hands and nothing to do with it — that’s what I was plagued with right now — boredom.
Outside of my trainers and handlers, my relationships outside of the ring were strained and few to say the least. My marriage was a disaster and fame had alienated any friends I ever had before everything changed. After I got famous, all kinds of people pretended they wanted to be my friend. It didn’t take long for me to realize that what they really wanted was a little bit of that fame to rub off on them like some kind of life enhancing potion.
Or, they wanted a handout.
Whichever was easier.
Usually, that was the handout.
And I wasn’t about that. I worked hard for my fucking money and maintaining this lifestyle cost a lot more than one might think. There wasn’t a lot left over after all the trainers and lawyers and publicists got paid.
Not to mention the insane amount of money that Lily spent, but whatever. That was expected. I knew how much she
loved money when I married her. At the time, I was young and dumb and full of cum, as they say. And she was a hippy with a shopping habit.
As you can see, the years have altered my perception.
Now, I’m just some fucking schmuck financially trapped in a loveless marriage and bored out of his fucking mind because my trainer thinks taking a break for a few weeks between fights is good for my health.
I wasn’t the type to run off to frolic on the beaches of fucking Cabo or something, you know?
So, for some fucking reason, I’d come back to Portland out of duty to Lily, which I knew now was a dumb ass idea, even if I only intended to stay for a little while. My plan was to see Lily, spend a few nights at a hotel with Scarlet and then disappear to the woods.
Years ago, I’d bought an old log cabin in the Columbia River Gorge, in a tiny little town called Bridal Veil. Down a long, winding driveway, it was secluded from the world and everyone in it. If I had to take a break, it was going to be a real break. A break from everything and everyone.
The cabin’s only a small hike away from my favorite place on Earth - a rushing two-tiered waterfall that splashes into a clear, rocky pool. If I don’t feel like hiking, I can jump in my car and drive to another half-dozen waterfalls within miles. It’s the most beautiful place in Oregon, if you ask me, and I’d live there full time if I could.
Someday, I’ll retire there and spend all my days running up and down the winding trails all day long, with not a soul for miles.
If it wasn’t for Lily, I’d live there already.
Instead, I sneak away to it as much as I can when I’m not training somewhere else. I can’t train there, not in any serious way. There’s too much solitude, too much peace, making me feel as if training here would somehow soil the sacredness of this place.
There was no room for violence at the cabin.
It was my church.
And I was beyond ready to get back to it.
Now that I’d discovered Scarlet was gone and I’d had more than enough of Lily, it was time to retreat to my own little paradise.
I packed up the car with some warm clothes and boots and said goodbye to a pouting Lily, just as a delivery truck pulled up to the curb.
BONES: GODS OF CHAOS MC Page 11
