by Darla Baker
Thalia takes in the sweet scent of damp leaves and dew-coated trees along the shore as she paddles into the marina and heads into the store for a breakfast sandwich and coffee.
“Hey, Thalia!” Josh waves from the gas pump as she rounds the corner.
“Hey. You’re working early today. I was with your mom and the rest of the gang last night making plans for the raft-up this weekend. Are you going?”
“Nah. The marina will be busy, and the tips’ll be great. I’ll make some serious cash.”
“Your mom must be so proud of you,” Thalia says and then catches the embarrassed look on his face. “Well, I’m heading in for some breakfast and then on to the office. Later.”
“Later.” Josh waves as Thalia enters the store.
THALIA ARRIVES AT the office at nine-thirty. She heads into the kitchenette to fill her mug with coffee, and on the way to her office, she catches some of the conversation René is having on the phone with what sounds like a potential new client.
“Yes, of course, I can schedule you for an appointment with Thalia. But based on what you’re telling me, she’s going to want to see your friend just as soon as you can persuade him to come in, too.” René looks up at Thalia and takes in her puzzled expression. She waves her off and turns her attention back to the telephone conversation.
“Thalia would be happy to see you both initially if you can get him to come with you. Let’s get you scheduled, and you and Thalia can work out the details from there. How does ten in the morning on Monday work for you? Excellent, Amara. I’ve placed you on the schedule for Monday at ten. Be sure to arrive about fifteen minutes early to fill out some paperwork before your appointment. You’re welcome and thank you. We’ll see you on Monday. Goodbye”
“What was all that about?”
René shakes her head. “You heard most of it. You have an appointment with a new client on Monday. Her name is Amara Liakos. She says the appointment is not for her but for a friend of hers who is trying to get pregnant, but he has developed performance anxiety.”
“Okay. That’s certainly an interesting twist. They must be very good friends for him to share this with her, not to mention trust her to fix his condition through… what? Vicarious therapy?”
“I know. I don’t get it either. But I guess you’ll find out on Monday.”
“Does her name sound familiar to you?”
“No. Why? Do you think you know her?”
“I don’t believe so. But something about her name seems familiar to me.”
René and Thalia turn to see the door to the waiting area open, and Robin enters the office using a cane to help her walk.
“Hello, Robin. You’re right on time. Come on in.”
Thalia plops down into her chair, just the right height for her short little legs. Across from her is Robin, a client who’s been coming here for a while now and progress has been slow.
“So have you made any progress getting Charley to share with you since our last visit?”
Robin swallows hard and proceeds to bring Thalia up to date on the latest events in her life. “Not really. I’ve been dealing with some bad news. My neurologist has confirmed that the MS has relapsed, and I’m frightened about what that means for my future.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It probably sounds silly that this would make my top-ten list of fears, but I can’t make love to my wife right now. What if I never can? And I’m also afraid that she won’t want to make love to me in my damaged state. And even if she does, I won’t be able to enjoy it. I love her so much. I can’t bear to think of not being able to make love ever again.”
Thalia leans back, shaking her head. “No, it isn’t silly. Your fears aren’t completely without foundation, but you may be getting a bit ahead of yourself. How did Charley respond when you talked to her?”
Tears begin to form in Robin’s eyes. “Well, that’s what has me lost. I asked Charley if she would miss sex if we couldn’t make love ever again. She suddenly stood up, screaming at me, ‘is this what you want?’ while stripping naked. ‘Do you want to see how hot I am for you? Do you want to see how wet my pussy is for you? Is that what you want!?’ I was stunned and hurt… so very, very hurt.”
“Mmm. Wow. Has she ever responded so… dramatically before?”
“Charley isn’t the best at discussing her feelings. She prefers doing to feeling. I was stupid to bring up the subject when I was so vulnerable.”
“Well, of course you weren’t stupid. Something very deep and personally painful must be going on with Charley to have sparked such a response. Do you have any idea what that might be?”
Robin slouched down in the sofa and let out a heavy sigh. “Other than the MS relapse, I don’t think so. For me, it was about grief, not lust. Charley is very reluctant to discuss sex and intimacy in general. And she has a way of, I don’t know, punishing me when I try to discuss something she doesn’t want to deal with. But, Thalia, this was so intense.”
She puts her head in her hands, tears now streaming down her face, her voice breaking as she speaks. “What did I do wrong?”
Thalia sits there listening, absorbing what she’d just heard, feeling her chest ache over the pain in Robin’s eyes.
Charley needs to be here with Robin.
“Excellent question. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Thalia moves to the edge of her seat as she leans toward Robin and places her hands over Robin’s wanting to make sure her client absorbs every word. “Hear me when I say this. You have every right to ask your wife for intimacy. It’s one of the main reasons we take a lover and a spouse in the first place. You’re not wrong for wanting this from her.”
Thalia thinks for a moment. It seems to be an odd pairing between Robin and Charley. Thalia looks deep into her client’s watery blue eyes and asks, “You and Charley have been together for about ten years, right?”
Robin nods.
“Has she always demonstrated this fear of intimacy?”
“Well, yes and no. She was worse at the beginning of our relationship. Much of our difficulties over the years have come from her being quite homophobic. Tragic, huh? I can tell you from first-hand observation that it sucks to be a homophobic homosexual. But she has overcome a lot of fear over the years.” Robin sucks in a breath. “Lately, talking with her about anything other than the most mundane is sort of like walking through a minefield. I’m never quite sure what will set her off, and it just seems almost random.”
“Interesting. Okay, well, the incident you just described appears to be coming from a particular fear or feeling Charley is struggling with. It’s not exactly surprising given your diagnosis. Meanness is a common response to fear, and not just in humans.”
Thalia takes a deep breath and carefully considers her response, knowing her client isn’t going to like what she’s about to tell her. “Charley needs to be here, too. I can’t help her through you. I can only help you. So we have a couple of things I’d like to explore. The first is your grief around the relapse of MS and the second is coming up with a successful strategy for sharing your feelings with your wife.”
“Are you familiar with the 2009 documentary Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement?”
“Yes. It would be a bit difficult to watch right now given the relapse of MS considering Thea died of MS in the film.”
“True. However, there’s a particular scene in the documentary where Thea makes it clear to us the importance of physical intimacy in their relationship. They had to work hard to express their love through physical intimacy toward the end, but they never gave up.”
“She won’t watch it with me. And even if by some miracle she does watch it, I’m one hundred percent certain she won’t talk about our battle with MS.”
Thalia leans back and looks up toward the ceiling before dropping her gaze back to Robin. “You’re probably right. So, watch it for yourself. If you feel comfortable, you can ask her to watch it with you. But don’t push her. Write about your feelings. Again,
if you feel comfortable, ask Charley if you can read to her what you’ve written. Again, don’t push her. If she refuses to watch the documentary and declines your offer to have her read your journal, be prepared to feel hurt. Because you will be hurt. Write about it. Can you do that?”
“Yes,” Robin responds as she wipes the tears from her cheeks.
“We’ll talk about it here, where it’s safe. And we’ll work to create a safe environment where you can share your feelings with Charley.”
Thalia pats Robin on the arm. “You’ll get through this.”
Thalia looks at the clock on the wall. “That’s time for today. You’re already scheduled for the same time next week, so I’ll see you then.”
Thalia walks Robin out of the office and then returns to her desk to make notes on the session while her thoughts are still fresh in her mind.
WITH HER MORNING sessions finished, Thalia moves over to her desk to check her email and website. She runs a popular blog where she regularly posts about topics of interest to her readers. She also features an Ask Thalia blog where she receives relationship questions from readers and then posts the questions along with her response on the site. She started the blog about a year ago, and it’s become popular. She’s thinking about expanding it into a podcast.
Thalia leans back in her chair and closes her eyes. Amara Liakos. Why does her name sound so familiar? I’ve never met her and know nothing about her except that she’s coming to therapy as a proxy for her friend. Pfft. Like that’ll work.
Thalia reviews her inbox and sets aside the dozen or so Q & A emails she’ll answer later. She’ll get to them tonight. The rest of the emails are either junk or stuff for René to deal with. Speaking of René, I need to update her on our plans for this weekend.
Thalia heads out of her office and over to the kitchenette where she pulls out her salad and baguette along with a bottle of vitamin water and heads over to crash in front of René’s desk to eat her lunch.
“Don’t get crumbs all over my desk. You know how I hate that.”
“There’s that all over crap again. You’re saying that just to irritate me, aren’t you?”
“I’m insulted. So what’s up?”
“I met up with the gang last night. Thanks for contacting Sammy, by the way. She says you’re due for a raise.”
“Smart girl.”
“Mm-hmm. You’re coming to the raft-up this weekend, right?”
“Just try and keep me away. Gotta soak up those rays while I can.”
“Okay, you know that’s not good for you, right? I volunteered you to take out Three Graces while I follow on the jet ski. And… I volunteered you to supply the soda and water.” Thalia ducks as René throws a pen at her. “Ouch!”
“Serves you right,” René says with a hint of teasing in her voice. “I can do that. Anything else?”
“We’re meeting at the slip at ten.”
“I’ll be there. Now get your lunch away from me and go mess up your own desk.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
GENEVIEVE ARRIVES AT the office and René sends Thalia a chat message to let her know she’s here, and she’s heading home for the evening.
Thalia gets up from her desk, opens the door, and motions for Genevieve to come in. “Have a seat, Genevieve.”
“Thanks. So, before we get started, I have to let you know that I was none too happy you canceled on me yesterday.” Genevieve shakes her finger at Thalia. “I suspect a woman was involved. I swear, Thalia, you do such a great job with your clients. When are you going to take care of yourself, physician heal thyself and all, and find someone you can settle down with?”
“I’m sorry, Genevieve. I’m sorry I canceled on you on such short notice. As for the rest, we’re getting into a weird area here. Why don’t I be the therapist and you be the client. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“All right. With that settled, tell me what’s been going on with you?”
Genevieve starts to fidget. “I’ve met someone I’m interested in, and he asked me out. I said yes, and we’re going out tomorrow night.”
“Okay. Go on.”
She crosses her legs. “It’s been almost a year since I… you know… had sex.”
“It takes time after a divorce to heal enough to let someone else close again.”
Genevieve blows her bangs out of her eyes with a puff of air. “Right, I know that. But I haven’t even…”
“Haven’t what, Genevieve? Spit it out.”
“I haven’t even… masturbated,” she whispers.
“I see. Do you have something against masturbation? In your situation, I would recommend it as a way to maintain an active sex drive. “
“No, no, no. It’s not that. I tried it last night in the tub, and I couldn’t finish. You know, I couldn’t make myself come… orgasm. What if something’s wrong with me, and I’ve let myself go too long, and I’ve, I don’t know, atrophied?”
Thalia can see the worry and near panic on Genevieve’s face. She’s going to need to proceed very delicately. “Well, let me ease your mind. I’m pretty sure you haven’t atrophied. Vaginal atrophy typically happens to women in perimenopause or menopause when their estrogen levels have decreased. Early onset menopause can occur. But you would have other symptoms first such as irregular periods. Are you having any symptoms of perimenopause?”
“No.”
“Okay, that’s good. I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. What’s the rush?”
“Well, as I mentioned, our date is tomorrow night. My mom is watching my daughter, Alissa. Even though it’s been just shy of a year since my divorce, Steve and I hadn’t made love the last year and a half of our marriage. We were married for close to five years and dated exclusively for two years before that. So it’s been close to eight years since I’ve been on a date with someone new, someone I’m trying to get to know. Don’t men expect a woman to put out on a first date these days?”
Thalia frowns. “Umm, I suppose some men expect a woman to put out on a first date, but no more so now than eight years ago when you were dating before. I’m certain of that. Things haven’t changed that much in eight years, I promise. Besides, and please know that I’m not judging you, but you don’t strike me as the sort of person who would agree to date a man who would pressure you to have sex, first date or otherwise.”
“I know you aren’t judging me, and no, if I thought Dan were the sort of man who would pressure me, I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with him. I have a daughter to think of, and I can’t afford to be frivolous with my time and attention. I know my needs are important, and I know I’ll be a better mother to Alissa when I’m attending to my needs as well as hers.”
“Yes, I’m glad to hear you say that. It makes our work here much easier.” A soft chuckle escapes. “So, we’re pretty sure he’s not going to pressure you. Do you feel ready to have sex with Dan tomorrow night if the date goes well?”
Genevieve straightens in her chair and scrubs her hands over her face. “Let’s see. I’m ready to date again. And I don’t think I would mind a kiss or two, maybe holding hands. I’m definitely ready to feel sexy and desired again.”
Genevieve shifts positions in her chair, crossing one leg over the other, her body language answering the question before her voice. “No. No, I’m not ready to be intimate with Dan. And it’s not just about Alissa. I’m not a ‘casual sex’ sort of person. If I were to allow him to meet my needs this soon, then I would be mortgaging any possible future we might have, any chance for meaningful intimacy. That would be unfair to both of us.”
Thalia claps her hands together and then pats Genevieve on the knee. “I couldn’t have said it better myself. That’s settled, then. Let’s talk more about your elusive orgasm, and how you’ll meet your needs until you’re ready to have someone else meet them. What was going on last night? What prevented your orgasm?”
Genevieve tosses Thalia a playfully wicked look. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed
to tell me?”
“Mm-hmm. Try again.”
“I was thinking about Dan and our date while I was soaking in the tub, and I started exploring. But I wasn’t thinking about him in that ‘Oh, he’s so sexy and I can’t wait for him to touch me’ sort of way. It was more of a ‘What if I’ve forgotten how to have sex’ panic. I guess it’s not too difficult to figure out why I had so much trouble, huh?”
“I think the hammer found the nail, Genevieve.” Thalia grins. “Let’s agree to hold off on the masturbation until after your date tomorrow night. And then give it a shot again. But only if you’re feeling aroused, not panicked. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“Okay, this was an insightful session. I’ll see you next week at our usual time on Wednesday at five.”
CHAPTER FOUR
THALIA LOVES TO take Sassy and Grace out on the boat with her. Neither one of them will get into the lake and swim, unfortunately. But they do love riding in the boat, smelling the air and barking at the ducks and other dogs. And it’s that last thought that persuades Thalia to leave them at home for the raft-up. Three Graces will be more crowded than usual. The raft-up is one of the biggest events of the season. The lake will be crazy with fast boats and wild parties. It’s just too much stimulation for the dogs, and some people are afraid of pit bulls. Of course, no one Thalia would entertain.
“Box lunches are in the cooler. The backpack is ready. The girls have done their business, and their bowls are full. Doors are locked. Lights are off. I think we’re ready. Be good, girls. Mommy will see you later.” They each take a spot on the sofa and barely give Thalia a second thought as she heads out the door. “You lazy dogs,” Thalia says with a heartfelt smile.
