by Renée Watson
Before Jay can say anything to me, I say to him, “Don’t gloat.”
“Who me?” Jay smiles and I know I am staring at him, but I can’t help it. “No need to brag just ’cause I beat him and I get you.”
“You get me?”
“Yeah, I get you to do somethin’ for me.”
I have my hands on my hips and I feel Erica’s and Maria’s voices rise in me. “What is it that you want me to do?”
“Come on a walk with me.” He scores against Ricky. “Tonight, after dinner.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Hey—I won the bet. You have to do somethin’ for me, or in this case, with me.” The red disk almost makes a goal for Ricky.
“You better watch what you’re doing,” I say.
“Got my eyes on you. Your beauty is distracting.” Jay hits the disk hard. It flies off the table. Ricky runs to get it.
I can’t believe he just called me beautiful. My face must be as red as that hockey disc. “I have to go,” I tell him. “I have to do my assignment. See you later.”
“Tonight,” Jay says.
I walk away.
Before I am even in the door to our room, Maria is teasing me about Jay. “And you told me you didn’t have your eye on anyone!”
“I don’t.”
“Serenity Evans, I know what I saw. You standing there, blushing. Jay flirting, trying to talk all smooth.”
I sit down at the desk. “He wants to go for a walk tonight.”
“See, I told you! He’s sweet on you.”
“I don’t think I should go.”
“Why not? Are you crazy? Jay is fiiiine.” Maria sits crossed-legged on the floor. “Why don’t you want to go out with him? Maybe he’ll ask if he can be your boyfriend.”
“He didn’t say he wanted to be my boyfriend. He said he wanted to go for a walk.”
“Well, he don’t want to go on a walk for exercise. I’m pretty sure he likes you. Don’t you think he’s cute?”
“Yeah. He’s real cute. But I don’t know. He’s into things I’m not into.” I give Maria a look and she knows what I’m talking about. All I can think about is that scripture Grandpa said to Danny. First Corinthians 15:33.
“You should get to know him. At least give him a chance. Maybe it will turn into something. Then you, me, him, and Ricky can all go out on a double date.” Maria stretches her legs out and kicks off her shoes.
“My grandmother doesn’t let me date yet.”
Maria shakes her head at me. “Serenity, girl, one sin isn’t going to send you to hell. Look at it this way—if you disobey your grandmother, you’ll have something to repent for. Don’t you want to experience God’s grace?” Maria bursts out laughing and so do I. She gets on her knees, like people do when they are called to the altar for prayer at church. “Lord Jesus,” Maria shouts, mocking Mrs. McGee. “Forgive us, Father! Take this disobedience and lust out of our hearts! Purge our souls, Father, God!”
I play along with her. “Yes, Lord! Hallelujah!”
Maria gets up and starts doing a fake praise dance. She is jumping and turning in circles, waving her hands in the air, pretending to have The Spirit. We are laughing so hard tears are in both our eyes.
We finally stop fooling around and write our assignment. I want so bad to ask Maria what she is praying for, but I know it’s none of my business. Besides, if I ask her, then she will want to know what I am asking for and I don’t want to tell her. So I just keep quiet and write: Dear God, please help Jay become a better person. And please help him to stop selling drugs. I tuck my paper in the envelope and slide it in my Bible. I bet no one prayed for my dad. Maybe no one is praying for Jay either.
Afternoon Bible study is coed. I feel bad for not being able to concentrate. I am trying to focus, but all I can think about is Jay. Pastor Mitchell is telling us, “Young people, you are never too young to make a difference.”
Then my mind wanders again to First Corinthians 15:33. I can’t be a hypocrite and start hanging out with Jay when I’ve yelled at Danny for being his friend. I can’t sneak off with Jay tonight. What will people think of the pastor’s granddaughter going off with some boy that doesn’t even go to church?
Pastor Mitchell is pacing through the aisles. “You can make a difference at school and in your neighborhood. When your peers are teasing someone or gossiping about somebody, you can stand up for what is right. That’s how you show God’s love.”
Even though I am looking at Pastor Mitchell, I am not paying full attention. What if Jay tries to kiss me? What if we get caught like Maria and Ricky? My grandmother would pass out and go into a coma. I can’t. I won’t. I came here for God, not for boys.
“I want you all to come up to the altar,” Pastor Mitchell says. All the youth flood the altar. “We’re going to pray for the things you wrote down this morning.”
Pastor Mitchell is standing at the front of the room. He looks at us and says, “Young people, no matter how simple your desires are, God wants to answer your prayers. What do you need God to do for you? What do you want? Let’s take it to the Lord in prayer.” He closes his eyes and begins to pray. I look over at Jay. His eyes are shut tight and it looks like he is really praying. I wonder what Jay needs from God.
Finally, Pastor Mitchell says “Amen” and dismisses us. We have an hour till dinner. Maria rushes off with Ricky and a smile on her face. Danny is talking to Ivan. I go to the game room to try to find Karen and Sabrina. We are going to play board games until it’s time for dinner.
“Wait up!” Jay yells. He jogs toward me. “You ready to go?”
“Where?”
“On our walk.” He takes my hand and chills rush up my whole body. I quickly take my hand out his grasp, as if I’ve been shocked by something electrical or touched a hot stove.
“Ahh, it’s like that. You don’t want to hold my hand?”
“I have to go,” I say.
Jay just smiles at me. “Next time, then,” he says.
I walk away feeling proud. First Corinthians 15:33. I didn’t give in.
AS IT IS
• • • • • • • • • • •
Serenity Evans
Mrs. Ross, 1st Period
Poetry Workshop
Anaphora: When the beginning of the line repeats. Write a poem using the anaphora “I believe.”
I believe love is the medicine that cures fear.
I believe my grandparents’ love is a healing balm.
I believe habits are prison bars
that hold you back.
I believe some secrets need to be told.
I believe in second chances.
I believe change is possible,
but I know change isn’t easy.
We’ve been back from the retreat for a week now. It’s Saturday morning and I wake up to the sound of slamming doors and yelling voices. Grandpa is standing at the foot of the steps screaming at Danny. “Young man, get back down these stairs right now!”
I hear Danny open the door, but he doesn’t go downstairs. He is standing in the hallway yelling back at Grandpa. “What do you want? You’ve already said no. What else do we need to talk about?” Danny has found new boldness today.
I get out of bed and go into the hallway. “What’s the matter?”
Danny snaps at me. “None of your business! Leave me alone.”
Grandpa keeps fussing. “Danny, you don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you. And you don’t slam doors and throw tantrums in this house. You understand?”
“Yes. But what I don’t understand is why I can’t get the shoes!”
Grandpa sighs. “Didn’t I just get you shoes at the beginning of the school year?”
“Yeah, but those are ugly.”
“Danny, the answer is no. No new video games, no new shoes.” Grandpa starts to walk away. “You ought to be grateful for what you have. There are kids in this world who wish they had even one pair of shoes.” Grandpa is out of sight now. He
’s walked toward the kitchen, still mumbling about how ungrateful the youth of today are and how materialistic we’ve become.
Danny is mumbling too. “My daddy would’ve got them for me,” he says. But not low enough, because Grandpa is making his way up the steps before Danny can say anything else.
“What did you say?” Grandpa is short of breath because he is talking and walking up the steps at the same time. “You’re right. Your father got you every thing you wanted. But, son, I’m going to give you what you need.” When Grandpa reaches the top of the stairs, Danny backs up. Fear has come now and erased the boldness and attitude. He flinches and puts his hands out to protect his face.
“What are you flinching for? Why are you jumping back?” Grandpa is yelling loud. His voice is like thunder, an unexpected roar.
Now Grandma is at the foot of the steps, “James, leave him be. Leave him be,” she says.
“Why did you just flinch up like that, huh? Answer me.”
“James.” Grandma is coming up the stairs too.
“Answer me.”
Danny doesn’t sound angry anymore. Now his voice is soft and low. “I thought you were going to hit me.”
Grandma is upstairs now. The hallway seems tiny with the four us standing there. The silence is loud. No one speaks or moves until Grandma puts her hand on my grandpa’s back. “Leave him be, James,” she says softly.
Grandpa gently touches Danny on his shoulder. “Like I said, I’m not your father.” He keeps his hand on Danny’s shoulder and it must feel like a heap of coals because Danny’s anger melts away and now he is crying. Grandpa repeats himself. “Son, I’m not your father. I’m not like him.” Grandma gives me a look and so I go back in our room. I hear her walking down the stairs. Danny and Grandpa are still in the hallway. Neither of them say a word. All I can hear is the sound of crying. From both of them.
• • • • • • •
Ricky comes over later. I try to stay out of their way, but every now and then I have to go upstairs to get something out of our room. I know Danny and Ricky are up to trouble because when I knock they both say, “Just a minute!” And it takes them forever to let me in. When I step in this time Danny is on the phone. I hear him say, “All right, Jay, we’ll meet you at the park.”
I am trying so hard to mind my own business. I just need to get my pad of paper and a pen and go back downstairs. I promised Grandma I would help her with the cookbook—but only the writing part. I’m going to take notes as she cooks so that we make sure she includes all the right ingredients and measurements. Grandma is one of those cooks that use a little bit of this and a little bit of that. She has never followed a written recipe. I close the door and Ricky says, “You sure you want to do this?”
Danny says, “Yeah. I need the money.”
My heart is pounding and I think maybe I should go back in the room and ask them what they’re up to, but I know they won’t tell me. I go downstairs and whisper a prayer. God, please don’t let them get in trouble.
I stay in the kitchen helping Grandma for most of the afternoon. “Your handwriting is so pretty,” Grandma tells me. She is happy I am with her and it feels good to be wanted. “We’ve got to finish up,” Grandma says. “Erica will be here soon. We’re going to look at places where we can have the wedding and reception.”
We clean the kitchen and now we have dinner for the next few days: blackened catfish, brown rice with vegetables, and fresh-baked rolls. Grandma plans to have four sections in the book: breads, main courses, side dishes, and desserts. “Next time we cook,” she says, “we’ll work on desserts. But we can’t keep those in the house. Maybe Ricky’s mom would like a pie.”
“And Maria’s too,” I tell her. I don’t know anyone who’d turn down my grandma’s cooking.
When Danny comes home from the park, Grandpa fixes our plates and the three of us sit at the dining room table eating and talking about what we’re going to do for Halloween. The church is having a Harvest Festival. “Pastor Mitchell is planning lots of fun stuff for you all. Make sure you invite your friends.” Grandpa gets up and puts his dishes in the dishwasher. “Danny, I was thinking. How about we compromise? You do some work around the house and at the church and I’ll pay you an allowance so you can start saving up for those shoes and games and whatever else the mall has for you.” Grandpa is smiling.
Danny gets up from the table, empties his dish, puts it in the dishwasher, and says, “How much?”
“Well, it depends. Five dollars a chore maybe. I don’t know.”
“Five dollars?” Danny heads upstairs. “That’s okay, Grandpa. By the time I save up enough I’ll be out of college and I’ll be able to get a real job.” Danny is smiling, but there is a little trace of attitude in his voice.
Grandpa laughs. Like a lawyer who is negotiating, he tells Danny, “Well, the offer is on the table, so whenever you’re ready to take it, let me know.” Then he looks at me. “You too.”
“Okay,” I say. And I think I’ll take him up on his offer. Maria’s birthday is next month and I want to get her something nice.
I go upstairs and get ready for bed. “Why don’t you want to get paid for chores?” I ask Danny.
“I got it all worked out,” he says. “Ricky and Jay are hooking me up.”
“Doing what?”
“If I tell you, you’re going to be mad and run and tell Grandpa.”
“I promise I won’t.”
“You promise?”
“Yes, Danny. What is it?”
“Serenity, if you tell I’ll never talk to you again.”
“Danny!”
“All right.” Danny goes into his drawer and pulls out a bundle of plastic cards that are wrapped in a rubber band. “You know how much money these are worth?” He hands me the cards.
I take the rubber band off and look at them. They’re gift cards from just about every department and clothing store a mall could have. “What are you doing with these? Did you steal these?”
“No!” Danny whispers. He closes the door. “Okay, so here’s how it works. Jay’s cousin is a booster. She steals clothes and all kinds of stuff from stores and resells it to people.”
“But how did she get these?”
“Let me explain!” Danny sits down on his bed. “She steals, like, five hundred dollars worth of clothes, or whatever, and then brings them back to the store, saying they don’t fit.” Danny lowers his voice even more. “But at most stores you need a receipt to take something back in order to get cash back. So instead they give her store credit on a gift card.” Danny takes the cards out of my hands and shuffles through them. “Then she sells the cards. So say this card has two hundred dollars on it. She’ll sell it for one hundred fifty.”
I sit down on my bed. “How did you get the cards?”
“Jay told her to let me and Ricky in on it.”
I am regretting that I promised Danny I wouldn’t tell. “What else Jay got you selling?”
“Nothing. I mean, one of his boys, Dwayne, asked if I wanted to run an errand for him—you know, deliver it—but I told him no.”
Danny can tell that I’m not for this. He goes into the bathroom and changes into his pajamas. When he comes out of the bathroom, I am waiting for him. “Danny, you can’t do this.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” he says. He tries to walk past me, but I won’t move.
“Danny, you can’t do it. It’s wrong.”
Danny tries to pass me again. I won’t move. “Get out of the way,” he yells.
“No.”
“Serenity, move!” And then he pushes me. Hard.
I fall down and even though I’m not hurt at all, I don’t get up. Danny stands there staring at me. He is breathing heavy and his eyes are teary, but he’s holding it in.
“What’s all the commotion?” Grandpa yells from downstairs. “Did somebody fall?”
I stand up. “I’m okay, Grandpa,” I say. “I’m fine.”
I step aside. Dann
y walks into the room.
I turn the lights off and get into my bed.
No knock-knock or Laffy Taffy jokes tonight. Just silence.
I can’t help but worry. I think maybe I need to pray harder. And then I think, maybe prayer isn’t going to work on Danny or on Jay. Maybe I just have to accept that some people don’t change. I am so confused. I have been thinking that Jay isn’t a bad person. Now I find out all this.
I feel really stupid. I was just telling Maria that I was finally going to go on a walk with Jay. Ever since we came back from the youth retreat, he’s been asking about it. I’ve been feeling bad for avoiding him, but now I’m thinking that maybe Erica is right. Boys like Jay don’t change. He’s like those items on discount in stores that are going out of business, you have to take him as is.
IN HEAVEN
• • • • • • • • • • •
Serenity Evans
Mrs. Ross, 1st Period
Poetry Workshop
Personification: Making inanimate objects act like a person or animal: The fog crept in on little cat feet. Write a line of poetry using personification.
Heaven smiled at me today.
I don’t mind sharing a room with Danny, but Grandma insists that I should have my own. “You’re a woman now,” she says. I am proud and happy and scared all at the same time. Grandma is going to tell Grandpa to turn his office into a room for me. She promises she won’t say why. I can’t wait to tell Maria. Now we are tied. Even though she has dated and kissed more boys than me, today I became a woman.
I take a shower after Grandma leaves the bathroom. I dry my body off, get dressed, and stand in front of the full-length mirror. I look like my momma today. Everybody has been telling me, but now I see it too. I don’t realize I’m crying till Danny starts banging on the door.
“You fall in the toilet or something?” Danny is turning the knob.
“Just a minute.” I wipe my tears and take one last look at myself. I can’t believe it’s happened. I open the door. Danny doesn’t notice anything new about me. Not even my red eyes.
