by Renée Watson
My heart sinks and I just want to slam the phone down. “Lisa? She’s with Lisa?”
“Yes, that’s it. They went to the movies. You want me to tell her you called?”
“No, that’s okay. You don’t have to.”
“All right, Mami. See you at church tomorrow.”
“Bye, Isabel.” I hang up.
By the time I’m off the phone, Grandma has used Tasha’s cell phone to call Ricky’s mom and tell her what is going on and Cocoa is bundled up in her coat. She’s coming with us. Tasha looks part relieved, part scared. She keeps apologizing to Grandma. Grandma says, “It’s not you I’m upset with, honey.”
When we get to the car, I help Cocoa with her seat belt. “Well?” Grandpa says.
“They’re not with Maria,” Grandma tells him.
“What are we going to do with this boy?” Grandpa starts the car.
“He might be with Jay,” I say.
Grandpa pulls out into the street. “Let’s see,” he says when he reaches the corner. “I think he lives this way.” He turns on his left blinker.
“No, Grandpa. Make a right.” I know exactly where he lives. Maria showed it to me once. Ever since then, I’ve walked the long way back from the corner store just to walk by his house, praying that he’d be outside. Whenever he is, I stop and we talk for a little bit. Jay always gives me a compliment about something—my hair, my outfit. Last week he told me I had a pretty smile. I must have smiled for the rest of the day.
We ride in the car, Grandma humming the whole time. “Pull over here, Grandpa.” There it is. Jay’s house. Please, God, please let them ask me to go ring the doorbell again. They don’t. Grandpa gets out of the car. As he is standing on the porch knocking, I see a group of boys walking from down the block. “There they are,” I tell Grandma.
Danny and Ricky are walking with four other boys. I see Jay in the back of the group. Grandma starts humming louder. Grandpa walks off the porch toward Danny, and Cocoa leaps out of the car, running to her brother. I go after her, telling Grandma I don’t think she should run across the street by herself. A good excuse to be up close to Jay.
Grandpa doesn’t yell or ask any questions. He just tells Danny and Ricky to get in the car. They get in, heads hanging low. I look at Jay. He is the only one who does not look ashamed. I need to start praying harder.
The whole way home Grandma is asking Danny and Ricky questions: What were you two thinking? Why did you lie to us? Ricky and Danny have no good answers. Grandpa looks through the rearview mirror, eyes of fire. “Well, I hope it was worth it.”
Danny sighs. Grandpa always says, “Well, I hope it was worth it,” before he gives out a punishment.
“I’m sorry, Pastor James,” Ricky says. “I just want you to know that Danny didn’t plan this. He didn’t know my mother wouldn’t be here.”
Grandma stops humming. “But he knew it once he got there and he had a choice to leave or stay. Didn’t you, Danny?”
“Yes, Grandma,” Danny mumbles.
When we get home Grandma tells Danny and Ricky that they can’t watch television or play any games. They are up in Danny’s room pouting. Cocoa is content watching cartoons in the living room.
I pretend I have a lot to do in the bathroom so I can listen to Danny and Ricky through the wall. I sit down on the floor, ear to the wall and listen real close.
Ricky says, “Sorry I got you in trouble.”
“Don’t worry about it. My grandma’s right. I could’ve left.” They are quiet and I hear shifting, like one of them has gotten up from the bed. Danny keeps talking. “At least we made some good bread, though.”
“Yeah. Dwayne hooked us up,” Ricky says.
“What you gonna do with your half?”
“I’m saving it. I want to buy Maria something nice for Christmas.”
My brother says, “Jay told me when we get tired of the small stuff to let him know and he’ll tell Dwayne. He’s got a few errands we can run for him.”
“You thinkin’ ’bout doing it?” Ricky asks.
“It’s good money. Double, maybe triple what we pullin’ now.”
“Yeah,” Ricky says. “Dwayne is the man. With the kind of bread he dishin’ out, we’ll be feastin’ for a long time.”
AND FORGIVE US
• • • • • • • • • • •
Serenity Evans
Mrs. Ross, 1st Period
Poetry Workshop
List Poem: a form of free-verse poetry. Write a List Poem about ten things you know.
10 Things I Know
Even Jesus wept.
Everything tastes better when it’s homemade.
Passing notes in class will get you in trouble.
Nobody likes to be made fun of.
True friends come back to you.
Saying “I’m sorry” is never easy.
A touch from a boy can set your soul on fire.
People who pass away
visit you in your dreams.
Sometimes doing the wrong thing
is the only way people know how to survive.
Death is a sneaky thief,
stealing life when you don’t expect it.
It’s the last day of school before winter break begins. Two weeks without coming to school! Grandma asked me if I wanted Maria to come over. I didn’t tell her yes or no. I’m not sure right now where Maria and I stand. After school she is always running off to be with Ricky or Lisa. She told me that she is only hanging around Lisa because she feels bad being mean to someone who gave her such a nice gift.
We don’t sit by each other anymore in English because Mrs. Ross made a seating chart. She says until the class is mature enough to handle sitting where we want, we’ll all have assigned seats. I’m by Tyrone. He’s quiet and really smart. He has the most silent reading points in the whole class. I’m second.
Mrs. Ross closes the door when the tardy bell rings. “Okay, class, I’ve got a lot to cover with you today.” When she erases the dry-erase board, her hips wiggle from side to side. Most times she erases with her fingers and they turn blue, red, green, or whatever color marker she is using. I notice the hole in Mrs. Ross’s stockings. It’s huge and it’s spreading. I know she must feel it. Tyrone taps me on the shoulder and gives me a note that Maria has passed up the line. Her note is in pink ink. It reads, “You should invite Mrs. Ross to church since she so holy!” I don’t mean to laugh out loud, but I can’t help it.
Mrs. Ross turns around. “Is something funny, Serenity?”
I can’t stop laughing.
“Would you like to tell the class what’s so funny?”
I laugh harder. “I’m sorry Mrs. Ross. I’m—sorry—I just—can’t—stop—laughing.”
“Well, maybe detention will help you get serious about learning. No recess for you,” she says, glaring at me. I think she knows that I am laughing at her. She fixes her clothes, smoothing out the wrinkles and making sure the split in the back of her skirt is in the middle. I think of my grandpa asking me if it was worth it and I say to myself, Yes. It’s worth it to laugh and get in trouble if it means Maria and I are still friends. She passed the note to me, not Lisa.
Mrs. Ross explains to us what our homework will be during winter break. The class is grumbling over the fact that we even have to do work when we are supposed to be on vacation. Mrs. Ross says, “You will work with a partner to create a report and presentation on one of the poets we’ve studied during our poetry workshop.” While she explains and writes on the board how many pages the essay has to be, how long the presentation should be, and what it should cover, Tyrone taps me again.
Another note from Maria. “Want to be partners?”
I am so excited that things are getting back to normal that I don’t even realize Mrs. Ross is standing right in front of me. “Is reading that more interesting than reading the board, Serenity?” Mrs. Ross takes the note right out of my hand and keeps telling the class about the presentation requirements. When pe
ople start choosing partners, she calls me up to her desk. She looks across the room, crumples Maria’s note, and says, “Your partner will be Sommer.” I could just scream I am so mad.
“Well, then, who am I going to be with?” Maria asks.
Mrs. Ross looks at the class. “Who doesn’t have a partner yet?” Two boys and Lisa raise their hands. She puts the boys together and tells Maria, “You can be with Lisa.”
When the bell rings, I exchange information with Sommer. The good thing is Sommer and I already know who we want to do our presentation on. Maya Angelou. I go into the hallway, stop at my locker, and walk outside to meet Danny.
“Serenity, wait up!” Maria is running behind me. There is no Lisa in sight. “Sorry I got you in trouble.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I’m the one who couldn’t stop laughing.”
“Yeah—that part was your fault.” Maria smiles. Then she says, “Oh, and I meant to tell you, I like your hair that way.” Maria runs her fingers through my hair. I’m wearing it down today. Grandma curled the ends with a curling iron.
“Thanks,” I tell her. And I know this is Maria’s way of saying sorry for everything else too. And I forgive her without her even really asking.
Instead of Maria and Ricky going off by themselves, they walk with the rest of us. Ever since Ricky and Danny’s big lie, both boys have to go straight home after school. So we all walk slowly to make the time last. Maria and Ricky walk hand in hand and I am behind them between Danny and Jay. Danny and Ricky are getting off punishment just in time for winter break. They make plans for what they’re going to do and then we all start talking about what we want for Christmas.
Maria wants CDs to add to her music collection, and clothes. She doesn’t know that Ricky is getting her a really nice bracelet. He told me the last time he was over visiting Danny. Danny wants more video games. I want another journal because mine is almost full and I want pens with all kinds of colored ink. I hate writing in only black or blue. “What do you want, Jay?” Maria asks.
“A kiss from Serenity.” Everyone makes a big fuss over Jay saying this. Danny is laughing the hardest. Jay looks me. “I’m serious,” he whispers. I smile and keep walking like what he said didn’t just make my heart skip.
When we get to Ricky’s block, he and Maria leave the group. “See you guys later,” they say.
Jay walks with me and Danny and once we are at my house, Danny goes inside. “See you two lovebirds later.”
“Whatever!” I yell as the screen door slams shut. Danny starts making kissing noises and then he closes the door.
Jay asks, “You have Mrs. Ross for English, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Who are you doing your report on?”
“Maya Angelou,” I answer.
“I’m doing mine on Langston Hughes.”
“Really?”
“You sound surprised.”
“I just—I didn’t know you even knew who any of the poets were. You’re hardly in school.” I sit down on the porch and Jay sits with me.
“I keep up though. I try to make up my work and I always bring a note to excuse my absence.”
“From who?”
“My grandmother. She’s sick. I take care of her. She’s always in and out of the hospital or too sick to stay home by herself, so I stay with her. She’s all I got.” Jay tells me how he’s never known his dad and his mom is on drugs. He tells me how she is in and out of his life. “I gotta hustle just to get clothes and food. And help pay for my grandmother’s prescriptions.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. And I am feeling real bad for judging Jay.
Jay tells me more about his grandmother and then he stands. “I should get out of here,” he says. “Call me tonight,” he says.
“Okay.”
We hug.
When I get inside the house, Danny starts making kissing noises. “I’m telling,” he says.
“Telling what?”
Danny gives me a look.
“We were just talking,” I say.
“I don’t care if you like Jay. But weren’t you the same person who warned me about being his friend?” Danny goes into the kitchen and rummages through the cabinets until he finds a snack. He opens a bag of chips.
“I’m not running the streets with Jay. I don’t steal from stores or sell weed.”
“You’re not perfect, Serenity!”
“I never said I was.” All of a sudden we’re arguing and yelling. “You need to act like you got some sense before you end up—”
“Like who?”
I don’t say anything.
“Say it. Before I end up like who?”
I swallow everything I want to say.
Danny pours chips in a bowl. “I can take care of myself, Serenity. I don’t need you worrying about me.” He walks past me and leaves the kitchen.
“I don’t mean to nag you,” I say. “I’m sorry.” But Danny is halfway up the stairs before I get the words out.
OUR DEBTS
• • • • • • • • • • •
Serenity Evans
Mrs. Ross, 1st Period
Journal Entry
“What happens to a dream deferred?”
—Langston Hughes
Christmas is in two days. Being out of school has been so much fun. Pastor Mitchell planned activities for the youth during the day so that parents have a place to bring their children while they’re at work. My favorite activity was going to Snow Bunny Lodge at Mt. Hood. We went sledding and right before we loaded back on the bus Ricky started a snowball fight—kids against adults. Pastor Mitchell is fast! He barely got hit. Maria and I were soaking wet. Today there aren’t any activities. Pastor Mitchell and his wife left to visit family up in Tacoma. Since there are no outings today, I’ve decided to work more on the poet study presentation. I am in my room getting dressed when my Grandma calls for me. “Serenity, Sommer is here!”
“Okay. I’m coming,” I say. Maria and Lisa should be here soon. Sommer came up with the idea that just because we had to be with the partner Mrs. Ross assigned didn’t mean we couldn’t work as a group. So Lisa and Maria have been coming over to work on their poet, Sandra Cisneros, while Sommer and I work on Maya Angelou.
At first I wasn’t too sure how I felt about having Lisa in my house. I told Ann about it and she said it might be a good chance for me to get to know Lisa. Maybe there was another side to her. And at least I’d get to be with Maria. What would it hurt? Ann asked me. So far, I have not seen many other sides of Lisa. She turns her nose up when my grandma offers her food, she bosses Sommer around, and I hear her telling Maria how their presentation is going to be the best because she’s going to use a color printer for the presentation boards.
The only other side I’ve seen of Lisa is the side that gets all soft around the edges whenever Danny comes around. She starts to stutter and her light brown face turns red. Grandma notices, I think. So earlier today, before anyone came over, she asked Danny, “Don’t you have some homework to work on while the girls are downstairs?” He didn’t, so she sent him over to the church to help Grandpa and Deacon Harris decorate the sanctuary for the Christmas program. Before he left, he told me to tell Lisa he said hi.
We work on our presentations and once Maria has her introduction paragraph written, she asks us all to listen. “Okay, tell me how this sounds,” Maria says. She stands up, as if she’s in class, and reads, “Sandra Cisneros is the only girl out of seven children. Her family lived in run-down apartments in the poor neighborhoods of Chicago’s South Side while she was growing up.” Maria squints at her paper. She takes her pencil, fixes a mistake, and keeps reading. “When she was a teenager, her family accomplished one of their dreams and bought a house. But Sandra Cisneros thought the new house was ugly and old.” Maria sits down. “That’s all I have so far, but next I’m going to write about how reading about Sandra Cisneros’s life has taught me that sometimes, even when your dream comes true, it might not turn out like
you thought it would,” she says.
“I think it’s good,” Sommer says.
I nod. “Me too.”
Just when Sommer and I are about to start the art on our poster board, Danny barges in the front door sobbing and screaming, “Grandma! Grandma!” His shirt is covered in blood. “Grandma!”
My grandma runs out of her bedroom. “What, baby? What’s the matter?”
“Grandma, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t go straight to church and help Grandpa like you told me to.”
“Danny, baby, what’s wrong? What happened to you?”
Danny can barely catch his breath he’s crying so hard. And even though I know he sees all of us—me, Maria, Sommer, and Lisa—he doesn’t care that he is crying like a baby and that we can see him. He is shaking and he keeps looking behind him, like he is expecting someone to be there.
My grandma grabs him by his shoulders. “Danny—talk to me! What happened?”
“They killed Ricky,” he says.
Maria throws her book on the table and runs over to Danny. “What?”
Danny tells Grandma the whole story. “I was going to go to church. I swear. But I went to Ricky’s first. And—and we called—we called Jay’s friend Dwayne to see if he had any work for us and he did. So we went to run his errand and then—then as we were walking back we saw that boy from school. The one we fought ’cause he was talking about me and Serenity. But he wasn’t alone. He was with some older guys. One of them had a gun. They yelled at us, ‘Try to fight him now.’ But me and Ricky just walked away. We weren’t trying to start trouble. But they followed us, driving real slow, yelling out, ‘It’s payback time. It’s payback time.’ And then—then the boy got out of the car and ran up on me. Ricky jumped in the middle to help me. Then the older one, he shot Ricky. Just shot him and told the boy to get back in the car. And they—they just drove off.” Danny’s chest is heaving up and down, his cheeks and lips are shaking, like he’s been left outside for hours on the coldest winter day.
Maria’s face is drenched in tears. Grandma calls for an ambulance and rushes with Danny to Ricky’s house. She tells me to call my grandpa and to wait here. “Nobody leave,” she tells us.
