Joe’s future seemed to hang in the balance while Fate deliberated. But before he could witness the outcome, darkness wrapped him in its cold embrace and dragged him down.
And there was no war. No blood. No pain. Only Sadie as she was the last time he’d seen her that autumn day before his deployment, her cheeks streaked with tears, her eyes swollen from crying, as she’d pleaded, “Come home to me, Joe.”
CHAPTER 1
Eighteen months later…
Joe snatched the bottle of Aquafina from the shelf and pressed it to his forehead, closing his eyes as the air from the open fridge seeped out and cooled his sweat-slicked skin. He’d finished his run two minutes better than the day before, but it still wasn’t anywhere close to what his time had been before. Not to mention his lungs were shredded, his leg was killing him, and he had a serious case of swamp ass going.
His rational side kept trying to reassure him that what the hell could he expect after sitting on his ass in the hospital for weeks and then being in rehab for months just to get to the point where he could even walk on his left leg again? The fact that he was running at all was a frigging miracle. And he wasn’t even going to think about the job that fucking IED had done on his gut.
Joe squeezed his eyes tighter for a moment, pushing away the barrage of images that flooded his brain, a year and a half of therapy not helping a damn bit when it came to keeping them at bay. It’d taken him a couple of weeks after that day before he could actually remember what had happened. He wished he never had. Because then he wouldn’t have had to relive the sight of Pete Ryan being blown apart a few yards away from him.
Joe’s throat went tight with a mixture of sorrow and regret. And fear. It could’ve been him. And by all rights it should’ve been if Fate had had any sense of justice. Ryan had had a wife and three kids waiting for him stateside, people who needed him. And now those kids would be growing up without their dad while Joe got to come back home to what? A job he was no longer fit to perform and bills he soon wouldn’t be able to pay unless he got his ass back to said job.
Joe let fly a string of juicy curses and slammed the fridge door. Irritated with his body’s continued limitations, he opened the water bottle and chucked the cap with an enraged groan, then chugged the water, hoping it would cool the fire that raged within him. When that didn’t work, he stripped out of his shirt and made harsh swipes over his neck and under his pits before tossing it into the hamper in the adjacent laundry room.
He was just heading toward his bathroom to take a shower when the back door suddenly swung open. Instinctively, he wrapped an arm over his abdomen where the skin was puckered and discolored as he spun around, slightly crouched and at the ready to take on his intruder. When he saw who it was, the tension in his muscles instantly eased.
“Hey,” he managed, his breath catching in his lungs for reasons that had nothing to do with being startled. It was the reaction he always had when Sadie walked into a room. “What’re you doing here?”
Sadie gave him a wry smile, her flushed cheeks at odds with the playfully reproachful look she gave him. “Well, good morning to you, too, sunshine.”
“Sorry,” he fumbled with a quick shake of his head. He edged around to the other side of the tiny kitchen island to hide his scars from her view as he continued, “I meant—”
“I knew what you meant,” she interrupted with a laugh, the material of her pale pink skirt hugging her killer curves and hitting at just the right spot to accentuate very shapely calves as she drifted toward him to stand on the other side of the island. She tossed her keys on the counter. “Sorry I didn’t call—I wasn’t sure you’d be awake yet. I just wanted to stop by and give you a present to celebrate your first day back at the department.”
Joe grunted before he could check it. His first day back at the sheriff’s department wasn’t exactly cause to celebrate, in his opinion. Yeah, he’d been a deputy for ten years now, but about half that time had been spent on various deployments with his National Guard unit.
Well, those days were over, that was for damned sure. He’d never be able to serve again, not with his injuries. No matter how hard he pushed himself to get back into shape and return to the peak physical condition he’d been in before everything had gone to shit, he’d received his discharge papers and a purple heart—both of which he’d promptly dropped in the trash bin. Sadie had insisted upon rescuing them and putting them away in a safe deposit box “until he was ready.” Ready for what, he wasn’t sure. He’d never be ready to accept that he’d lost a damned good friend that day. He’d have to live with that for the rest of his life.
At least the nightmares had started to diminish, and he was finally able to drive without breaking into a cold sweat at the irrational thought that an IED might be buried along the side of the road in rural Northern Indiana. And he could now walk into a crowded room without having a full-blown panic attack that had him doing an about-face to gulp down deep breaths of air and a handful of Tums. The rest of the shit he was still dealing with he’d been able to bury deep enough to convince the review board deciding his case that he could return to duty with the sheriff’s department. Well, they’d seemed to buy it anyway.
But he had a sneaking suspicion that the only reason he still had a job was because his dad was the sheriff and his two older brothers were pretty much next in command. Their family had been the law in Fairfield County, Indiana, since before it was a county. So if Sheriff Mac Dawson wanted his son back in the department, who the hell was going to stop him? He’d proven on more than one occasion to the people of the county that he ran things his way and if they didn’t like it, they could take their happy asses somewhere else.
Still, for all the outward appearances of acceptance, Joe had heard the whispers when the other deputies didn’t think he was listening, had seen the sidelong glances when he’d arrived for his evaluations, and he knew what they were thinking: He wasn’t fit for duty. He couldn’t be counted on, couldn’t be trusted. That he was going to crack at the first sign of stress.
He knew what they were thinking because he was thinking it, too.
Still, when Joe saw the mildly disappointed look in Sadie’s eyes at his less than enthusiastic reaction to her gift, he forced a grin and reached out to take the small box wrapped in tissue paper and tied with a red ribbon. “A present for me? Aw, shucks. You shouldn’t have.”
The charade was worth it when he saw her eyes light up with anticipation as he worked at the ribbon. She was beaming but seemed a little nervous at the same time, he could tell. She fidgeted, brushed a stray black dog hair from the sleeve of her blouse, grasped the locket she wore—the one he’d given her for her birthday a few years before—and slid it back and forth a little on the chain as she watched him fiddle with the ribbon.
God, she was beautiful. He would’ve much rather been slowly unbuttoning her white blouse, sliding it from her shoulders, pressing kisses to her creamy skin, her full breasts, than working on the ribbon with fingers that threatened to tremble if he kept letting his thoughts drift to far more pleasurable activities.
When he finally tore open the tissue paper, he was a little startled at what the package held. He had to blink a few times before lifting his gaze to Sadie’s. “Bullets?”
When he’d first come home, he’d been so depressed that Sadie had taken all his guns from the house, including his grandfather’s revolver. He knew the fact that she had brought him bullets was a sign of her faith in him and his recovery.
Sadie came around the island so that she was standing closer and let her hand rest lightly on his forearm. “You’re ready, Joe. You were born to protect and serve the people of this county, and they’ve been without you for too long.”
If his anxiety hadn’t been eating away at him, the look in her eyes would’ve made his chest swell with pride. As it was, the nearness of her was making other areas swell. He turned slightly to keep her
from noticing, a trick he’d learned back in high school that had served him well over the years. “Thanks, Sade. That means a lot.”
She lifted her hand to cup his cheek and forced him to look at her. “I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true, and you know it. I want you to keep that in mind when you go on duty today.”
He nodded, swallowing hard and trying not to focus too much on the fact that her palm was so soft against his cheek or that her body was only inches away from his. God, it would’ve been so easy to wrap his arms around her and whisk her away to his bed.
For a long moment, their gazes met and locked. And something in the air between them shifted, the tension that always flared up whenever they were this close now becoming a palpable force that seemed to build with each breath. Joe’s eyes flicked down to her lips, his desire to taste them making his mouth water.
Sadie’s thumb lightly caressed his cheek, and she swayed ever so slightly toward him.
Good God, it was torture. He’d wanted her for as long as he could remember. He’d even kissed her once before, when they were fourteen and curious about what exactly a true grown-up kiss was like. It’d been a disaster. He’d gone in too fast, too harsh, and his braces had cut her lips. And that’d been that. He’d never had the balls to try again.
There’d been a few times over the years that they’d come close to kissing again. When he’d held her in his arms while she cried from a recent broken heart after some idiot had dumped her, when she’d comforted him after his mother’s death, before he’d left for Afghanistan, and they’d clung to each other, the thought of being parted again too difficult to even put into words. But they’d always held back, afraid that giving in would ruin their friendship.
But this time… Something had changed. There was something more, a longing that was impossible to deny.
He slowly slid his hand around to the small of her back, pressing ever so slightly, bringing her just a little closer. He could feel her breath quicken, saw her eyes dilate, growing darker. And to his astonishment, her lids drifted shut.
For a split second he hesitated, their mouths so close the heat of their breath intermingled. But only for an instant. When his lips brushed hers in a tender, lingering kiss, it sent a shot of electricity through every nerve ending in his body. Had he not been drenched in sweat from his run, he would’ve dragged her against him and finally explored the mystery of those full lips in the way he’d longed to, but knowing she was on her way to work, he had to content himself with gently grasping the nape of her neck, sliding his fingers into the length of the silky chestnut brown hair that fell below her shoulders, and kissing her slowly, languidly, savoring the warmth of her lips as they sought his.
A tiny moan escaped her, buzzing against his lips. Encouraged, he deepened the kiss, his tongue sweeping across the seam of her mouth. It was all he could do not to whoop for joy when her lips parted, inviting him in.
Sadie’s hands rested lightly against his chest, her palms a welcome warmth against his already heated skin. He took a half step closer but quickly stepped back when his raging erection threatened to give away just how badly he wanted her. “Ah, God, Sadie,” he murmured when her hands began to roam.
“I know,” she replied, her voice strained, breathless as she pressed kisses to the corner of his mouth, jaw, chin. “I know.”
Then her fingertips brushed against his abdomen, over his scars, and suddenly the spell was broken. He jerked so hard he stumbled backward in his haste to get away from her touch, his back slamming into the counter behind him. He snatched up a discarded dish towel and held it over his ruined skin—among other things.
Sadie’s eyes went wide with confusion and concern. “Oh my God, Joe! I’m so sorry!” she gasped, the words tumbling out in a rush. “Did I hurt you? Are you okay?”
She took a step toward him, but he held up his free hand, keeping her from coming any closer. “No, no. I’m fine.”
Uh-huh, riiiight… The woman he’d fantasized about since hitting puberty was finally in his arms and he has a total freak-out. Oh yeah, he was golden.
Sadie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then she tilted her head to one side, her dark eyes boring into his as if she was reading his soul. She took a tentative step toward him. And another. Then she reached out and took hold of the dish towel. For a moment, he thought about tightening his grip, but he let go, allowing her to take it from him.
“You don’t have to hide yourself from me, Joe,” she assured him softly, clearly sensing the reason behind his response to her touch.
And, hell, why wouldn’t she? She’d been at his side during every step of his recovery, taking time off from her job as a high school English teacher to be there for him. She’d seen him through that dark time, had encouraged him to keep going. It was his fear of disappointing her that had gotten him through it all, that would be his driving force to continue getting through it. But he couldn’t help but think he’d disappoint her in the end. He was broken, damaged. His body was full of scars—inside and out. She deserved better.
“You should probably go,” he managed to grind out. “You’ll be late for work.”
She immediately drew away and forced a tight smile, then pivoted and strode toward the door—but not before he caught the hurt look in her eyes.
She was already down the steps and striding toward her car by the time he made it out the kitchen door.
• • •
God, she was an idiot.
What the hell had she been thinking when she’d given into the temptation to kiss him? The temptation that had plagued her since they were kids, that had filled her dreams every night he’d been on deployment—even when she’d spent those nights next to another man. She’d loved Joe for as long as she could remember; her heart full to bursting every time he smiled or held her close. But they’d always managed to stay “just friends,” wary of taking it further for fear of what they might lose. But the realization that she’d almost lost him to that IED had rattled her to the core, had forced her brain to finally come to terms with what her heart had always known: She was in love with him.
That knowledge made their platonic promise harder and harder to maintain—especially in moments like this morning when she’d walked into his kitchen using the spare key he’d given her, expecting to just leave the present and go. But there he was, standing in the kitchen in only shorts and running shoes, his bare chest still glistening with manly sweat, his hard-won muscles taut with exhaustion from his workout.
Damn, he was even more gorgeous than she’d remembered! With that mixture of Ryan Reynolds boy-next-door good looks, the sharp edges that stress and experience had added to his face, and the network of scars that marked him as a warrior in every sense of the word, he’d literally made her heart skip a beat. Maybe two. Okay, definitely two. And then there were those eyes… The color of whiskey, they used to melt her with a mischievous look, daring her to go along with whatever adventure he’d cooked up.
How many times when they were growing up had he sneaked out his bedroom window at night to come knocking on hers, needing only that look to convince her to go check out the old Conway house where blue lights were supposed to mysteriously dance? Or the old railway cars that had been long abandoned and sat rusting in their haphazard graveyard? Or the church cemetery where the white lady was supposed to walk every Thursday at midnight?
Scared to death and shivering, she’d always go along with his latest scheme for adventure, clinging to his hand—yet knowing that no matter what they came up against, her gallant hero would protect her. Because he’d promised he would. And Joe Dawson never broke a promise.
Now those eyes melted her with the heat she saw there when he looked at her. She’d seen that heat so many times when he thought she wasn’t paying attention. She’d seen it when they were standing in his kitchen when she’d walked in unexpectedly to drop off his present. And she�
�d never wanted him as badly as she had in that moment. Fortunately, she’d been able to quickly recover from the heat that had flooded her cheeks with a flippant remark. If he was going to try to deny the desire that simmered between them, she’d do the same, by God.
But that kiss…
It wasn’t so easy to recover from that. The brush of his lips against hers had sent white-hot heat zipping through her veins to pool in all the right, womanly places. And she’d been sure he felt it, too. But he’d jerked away from her touch, almost ass-planting in his haste to get away from her, for crying out loud. He was embarrassed by his scars, she knew. He thought they made him less desirable. He’d once told her as much after one of his surgeries. It was just a casual remark about how women would be lining up to be with a fine specimen of man like him. But she could see the pain in his eyes when he said it.
And it broke her heart. He’d never had the calm self-assuredness of his eldest brother Tom, whose quiet strength made him the obvious heir-apparent to their family’s law enforcement legacy. Nor did he have the cocky swagger of his brother Gabe, who thought he was God’s gift to women. And he certainly didn’t share the defiant, rebellious streak of his younger brother Kyle, who always felt like he had something to prove. But Joe had always had the confident bearing of a man who knew the true meaning of courage. He’d never backed down from a fight, not once. To see him lose that confidence now left an agonizing ache in the center of her chest.
“Sadie!” she heard Joe call from the doorway as she hurried to her car. The screen door slammed, echoing down the street in the older residential neighborhood in spite of the heavy shade of the trees that crowded in among the houses, their leaves full and just beginning to turn the bright crimson and gold of autumn. “Let me explain!”
Way of the Warrior Page 11
