“Nothing has changed around here, nothing,” she snapped. “The three of you live in your little dream world, feeling superior to everything around you, when in fact you’re all a mess. You think you loved Diego? You don’t know what real love is, Ana. It’s been staring you in the face as long as I’ve been around and you’re too much of a coward to grab hold of it.”
Libby turned her back on the vampire. “You all make me sick.”
She nodded toward the door. “Tell Jaxon the next time he wants to ask me something, he should grow a set of balls and do it himself. We’re done.”
She waited, tense and on edge until she heard Ana leave. When the door slammed shut, Libby shook her head, suddenly feeling deflated. She’d been awful, absolutely awful. She’d never been close to Ana, and while she knew that Diego’s eyes had wandered several times, it had been cruel to throw that in her face.
Libby fell onto the bed and groaned as she caught Jaxon’s scent on the bedsheets. The soft cotton weave held fast to his essence, and she hit the pillow, frustrated and weary. She needed to sleep, and clenched her mouth tightly before uttering a curse that would make a sailor proud. She grabbed a throw blanket that had been tossed onto the end of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders.
But a few moments later she hopped off the bed, crossed over to the window and threw her body down into the corner, against the wall. She pulled her knees up, rested her chin against them and looked up into the sky.
Eventually her mind slowed and weariness infiltrated her muscles, emanating through her body. She didn’t fight it. She knew she’d need all the strength she could muster, for the next few days would test her like none in recent memory.
And that was saying a lot.
Her eyes closed and she felt the tug of slumber calling her. She snuggled deep into the blanket and relaxed, falling under the sandman’s spell less than a minute later.
How long she slept, she couldn’t say. The rumble of a large diesel engine woke her from the dead, and the faint scent of its putrid exhaust filtered in through the open window above her head.
Instantly, her senses roared to life and she listened intently, while her eyes took in the shadowed light of dawn.
Two voices crept through the early gloom, and she recognized the deep, husky tones of Jagger Castille as he conversed with someone else. She snorted softly. So, Jaxon had called in the troops. Since Jagger had left with Cracker the other night, she assumed the second male voice was Cracker’s.
A soft smile fell across her lips at the thought of the older man, and a genuine feeling of anticipation hit her in the chest. He was a real sweetie underneath the muscular bravado he projected to the world. Cracker was someone who’d seen a lot during his tours of duty, and as far as she could tell, had no family to speak of.
Their particular unit had been his family, and he was loyal to a fault. Obviously, he’d not been pulled under the black cloud of hatred the rest had felt for her, and she was grateful for that.
She stretched out her protesting limbs, the muscles tight and stiff. Once she was on her feet, the ache in her side flared, but she pushed it aside. There was much to be done today.
Hope flared deep in her chest, and she felt light-headed with the enormity of it all. To think that she was on the path to finding her son was incredible. But to know that his father would be there, alongside her, was something she couldn’t wrap her brain around.
He didn’t even know about Logan.
But he suspected.
The look on his face when he’d seen the long incision low on her belly had spoken volumes.
Two days ago she hadn’t understood what the look of loathing and disdain meant. But as the shattered fragments of her mind had slowly fused together, it hadn’t taken long for her to figure it out.
That he hadn’t asked her outright could be taken two ways: that he didn’t give a shit either way, or that he was afraid of what her answer would be.
Libby shrugged and opened the door. She just wouldn’t think about it.
Voices drifted down the hall toward her. Everyone was up and ready to go. She looked down at the clothes she wore and grimaced. She needed a change of wardrobe. The overlarge T-shirt wasn’t going to cut it.
Determination walked beside her as she entered the great room, hair tousled, sleep vanishing from her eyes and attitude dripping from her pores.
All conversation stopped, and once more she felt like a bug underneath a microscope. Slowly, she scanned the room.
Jaxon and Declan were off to the side, bent over a low-lying table. They were studying what appeared to be a large map, and both men turned toward her as she walked farther in. She took in Declan’s wary countenance, and felt the heat of Jaxon’s gaze but refused to meet his eyes. She could feel his scowl, and felt a tug of pleasure ripple through her.
Good. Let him stew.
Ana turned away from her and retreated to the kitchen, busying herself with a spot of granite that was apparently dirty, shooting looks of venom her way from half-lowered eyes. A slice of remorse shot through her, but Libby ignored it. She had no time to worry about the vampire.
Cracker and Jagger, however, greeted her with huge smiles, and she was overwhelmed with emotion as the older gentleman swung her into a hug, carefully avoiding the tender area of her ribs.
His voice was rough, and she felt the tickle of his whiskers as he whispered into her ear. “I knew you’d come back to us. I’m sorry to hear about what you went through, but rest assured we will make things right.” He squeezed her shoulders gently before releasing her. “Everything will be all right.”
His double meaning wasn’t lost on her, and Libby shook her head sadly. “I don’t think anything will ever be the same again, Cracker. But thank you for your kind words.”
“Hey, old man, you gonna let me say a proper hello to Blondie here?”
Aware of the dark eyes boring a hole into her back, Libby encircled Jagger in a far more intimate embrace then she normally would have, but the devil was licking at her toes and she answered his call recklessly.
Jaxon’s brother was almost a duplicate, when it came to his features, but he was larger both in height and in bulk. She felt the hard muscles tense at her forward greeting, but they quickly softened and she laughed up into the wicked green eyes that regarded her closely. They glinted with both open warmth and something devilish, which manifested itself as his grin widened and he reciprocated, wrapping his long arms around her like a silky net.
She was crushed against him, and he laughed softly against her neck, “I better behave myself or he’s going to blow.” Gently, she was released, and a genuine feeling of warmth had her pausing. It was tinged with sadness at the realization that it was a reaction she hadn’t felt in a long while.
Jagger had never been part of their unit in PATU. He was overseas in Iraq most of the time she’d been with his brother. She’d met him several months after joining Jaxon’s unit. He had come home on leave, and they instantly clicked. He was a tough soldier and deadly at his job, and if you were part of his inner circle, he was loyal to the bitter end.
She had always liked that about Jagger. There was no second guessing. He was a no bullshit kinda guy.
Critically, Libby ran her eyes over him. He’d become one hell of a sexy specimen. He had matured. There was no longer any hint of boyishness about him…well, until he smiled. The eyes were still devastating, but there was something there; a void, a wariness that she could sense because it was akin to the feelings that coursed deep inside her.
Cupping his face with her hands, she could see the pain that he tried to hide from everyone. It called to her. It was so like her own. “Jagger, you’ve grown up.”
His eyes softened and he chuckled. “Well, you look exactly as I remember. You’re still the same hot little blonde that Jaxon would never leave me alone with.”
Libby shook her head. They both knew that was a bald-faced lie, but she appreciated the sentiment.
He
was a charmer, for sure, and she wondered if there was anyone in his life. Then she sighed inwardly. He was a jaguar warrior, and in so many ways just like his brother. She wasn’t sure it was in their genetic makeup to trust and to love.
“When you’re done copping a feel over there, Jagger,” Jaxon said, “I’d like to have a few minutes of your time. If it’s not too much trouble.”
The sarcastic words elicited a wide grin from the younger Castille. He winked down at Libby and whispered as he moved away, “This is gonna be fun. He’s already frothing at the mouth, and I haven’t even begun to work it.”
Libby turned around, her violet eyes flashing as they connected with the Jaxon’s. Clearly, he was pissed, and he looked dangerous as all hell. She felt a shiver course through her, and as his eyes dropped to her chest, the tightening of her nipples crested against the thin T-shirt that she wore.
When his eyes met hers again, they were lit with an inner fire that was part madness and most definitely tinged with desire.
She felt her stomach flutter but did not break eye contact, instead following slowly behind Jagger. The large parchment they had spread out was a detailed map of Mexico and several surrounding countries, including Honduras and Belize.
She felt that little flip inside her once more, and nervous tension washed over her in waves. She could see they had red-flagged an area on the south-east side of Mexico, near Cozumel. There were also a series of red-flagged areas in Guatemala, Honduras, and Belize.
Libby felt a slow burn begin as she studied the map. None of the red flags were anywhere near where they needed to be. The burn intensified, and her gut contracted as anger flushed through her veins. Her breathing increased, and the sound of her heart beating fast in her breast was so loud, she was sure everyone in the room heard.
It was obvious what was going on, and she was having none of it. This was her mission. Not his. He thought to leave without her? Christ, he didn’t even know where to look.
Her fury burst forth. “What the hell are you doing, Castille?” she demanded, and once more five pairs of eyes landed on her.
She crossed over to him in seconds, and her hand arced out, sweeping the map from the table. Just as quickly, Jaxon’s large hand snaked out and he grabbed hold of her arm in a steel grip. She wanted to cry out as pain radiated down from her wrist, but clenched her teeth, her hatred and anger spewing forth from her eyes.
“Leave us,” Jaxon growled menacingly, and cast a dark look at the others, who appeared stunned by the ferocity of his order. The cold tone of his voice brooked no arguments, and one by one they cleared the area, leaving the two of them alone. Ana cast a sly look toward Libby on her way out, and Libby fought the urge to stick her tongue out at the vampire as she disappeared into the basement.
“Are you going to let go or are you trying to crush my wrist?”
Jaxon cursed and loosened his grip, drawing a rough hand through the messy crop of hair atop his head. He started to speak, and she watched him slowly gain control of the fierce emotions at war inside him.
“I’ve made arrangements for you to be taken to a safe place until this is all over. As soon as the transport arrives, we’ll head out.”
“You will not keep me from going to Belize. You will not.”
She was breathing hard, and began to pace as anxiety ravaged her limbs. She was like a junkie coming down from a high, and she sure as hell wasn’t ready for it.
“I told you last night I was going. I guess you didn’t listen too well, because I also said I would kill anyone that stands in my way. And that includes you, Jaxon. Don’t think for one second I would hesitate to put a bullet through your brain if you dared to try and keep me here.”
Libby felt a weight settle on her chest. Why the hell did everything have to be so hard? Why couldn’t he just let her be?
He regarded her with frozen, black eyes, but remained silent.
“You will not keep me from Belize.”
She kicked at the scattered parchments on the floor and snarled, “From the looks of those, you have no clue where to look anyway. I’m willing to lead you straight to Degas and Frank. What more could you ask?”
His face remained closed, and the familiar blankness that he used so successfully when on mission shrouded his features. It dawned on her then exactly what his problem was.
He didn’t trust her. Hell, right at this very moment he was most likely thinking that she was part of some nefarious plan to trap both him and his brother deep in DaCosta land. She kicked the maps again as her anger bubbled up. She took a second, not trusting her voice, but thoughts of her baby stolen from her breast overcame her.
“What do you want to know?” Libby asked.
Her voice was soft, halting, and it hung in the air between them as something flickered in the depths of his eyes. It was illusive, gone just as quick as it had arrived.
“Everything.”
Chapter 16
Libby continued to stare long and hard at Jaxon. The last thing she wanted to do right now was revisit her not too distant past. One that was so chock full of pain and torment, she could feel her insides tightening, like she’d inhaled a gallon of sour milk.
Her muscles were strung so tight, her teeth clenched so hard, that a dull ache formed along her jawbone. With great effort she forced her body to relax.
Her eyes wandered toward the large window that welcomed the wilderness so intimately into the cabin. Early morning fog shrouded the edges of the forest, and it crept over the grass, lingering along the path beyond the small hill. Birds were chirping away, happily unaware of the darkness that resided so deep in her mind.
She closed her eyes, welcoming the agony that lanced her heart, thinking that maybe by sharing she’d be able to chase the demons that haunted her still. If anything, he should know what her love for him had cost her.
“They took me an hour after you left, that day. An hour.”
Her voice was quiet but she made no effort to speak louder.
“We’d made love, do you remember? Although I suppose we could have called it breakup sex, because I knew then it was over. I’m sure it wasn’t hard for them to track me, since my body was drenched in your scent.”
Libby moved away from the window and glanced back toward Jaxon. Her face remained closed, tense, but his eyes followed her movements and she could feel the heat of his gaze.
“I still wonder if, maybe if I’d had my wits about me, it would have all turned out differently. Maybe I would have been able to escape. Or not.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. Either way, when they attacked, it was fast and precise. They used some kind of drug to knock me out, and when I woke up, I was in a crate. My hands were tied and I had a rag stuck in my mouth.” She paused, exhaling softly. “It was dark, I was cold, wet. I didn’t see the light for a few more hours. Considering what was in store for me, it would have been much better to have remained blind.”
Libby’s voice wavered and she didn’t bother to stop the tears that pricked the edges of her eyes.
“I realized right away who was responsible for my kidnapping. Fat Frank was literally drooling when I wouldn’t answer any of his brother’s questions. They wanted to know where you and Diego were. They wanted the both of you dead, but like the trained agent that I was, there was no way in hell I was giving it up. Not even after Degas left and Frank moved in with all his torture paraphernalia.”
She turned to him then, her eyes full of fire and the need for him to know how hard she’d tried to keep it together. “I didn’t say shit to them, not when they stripped me, not when he used a knife to cut into my flesh…not even when they used cigarettes to burn me. I held it deep inside of me, but then…”
“Then what?” Jaxon’s harsh voice cut through her, and Libby turned her tortured eyes away. His voice softened, maybe even trembled a bit. “Did they…did they rape you, Libby?”
She laughed outright at that.
The sound was hysterical and tinny, and she caught the grim
ace that flashed across his face. “No. They never touched me in that way. Frank liked to torture, but Degas made it quite clear that a DaCosta would never lower himself to have sex with someone like me. A Castille whore. I don’t think I was called by my name again. And when they found out…” Her voice trailed off and she hushed, her eyes falling to the fingers that nervously worried the worn edges of the T-shirt she wore.
“When they found out what?”
“A woman came into the room. She was a jaguar, I could tell. It was in the way her skin shimmered when she moved, and when she looked at me and came so close I could see the veins in her eyeballs, I knew it was over.”
Libby’s eyes darkened at the memory, and she felt the anger that stuck in her throat, like a heavy dose of bile.
“She took her time sniffing my skin, my mouth, and when she knelt down and touched my belly, I thought I was going to throw up. She knew. She told Frank I was pregnant, and when he aimed a crowbar at my midsection I broke down. I was only a few months along, but already this life inside of me had my heart and my soul and I knew I needed to fight for it.”
Libby avoided Jaxon’s gaze as she continued. “I gave it up right then and there. They told me that if I cooperated they’d spare my life and the life of my unborn child. I told them everything they wanted to know, praying the entire time that you’d make it through, and a few days later when they told me they’d killed Diego, I felt…like Fat Frank had gone ahead and slammed that bat into my gut. They told me you and Declan had managed to escape. So they were keeping me…biding their time.”
She turned eyes full of accusation and anger on him then, and she noticed the sudden whiteness around his mouth and the bleakness that surrounded his dark eyes.
“I know it was my fault the unit was attacked, and that because of me, Diego died. But I had no choice and I would do it again if I had to. Surely you must understand that.” Her eyes filled with unshed tears and she looked away as her voice softened with the weight of emotion she was feeling. “I needed for you to understand. So I waited for you to come for me. It’s the one thing that got me through those dark months. As time passed and my belly grew with the life we’d created, my hope turned to despair. When my time came and they cut our baby from my body, took Logan from my breast, my despair turned to hatred. I cursed you and everything that you loved that day, Jaxon.”
His Darkest Hunger Page 17
