That’s all it takes for me to lose it. Sofia’s hands are shaking as her sobbing grows louder and louder, but she never falters from her responsibilities and she holds the tablet steady as her mascara runs down her face. Harley rushes to me and holds me as my body convulses under the weight of Diego’s confession. When I press my chin on top of my best friend’s head, I notice that Payton and Marie-Claire are also swept away by this happy family moment unfolding in front of them.
I allow myself to let go and not fight my emotions. After a good cry, I speak again. “All of you, stop it with the crying, or else I’ll end up looking like a mess.” I wipe the smudges of my mascara from under my eyes. “Okay, before I have a complete meltdown, I have to call Emilio. I promised him he’d get to see the dress the second I found it.”
“I’m sure Emilio will be as much of a blubbering and proud papa as when he saw your big sister in her wedding dress on that contessa’s yacht right before he walked her down the length of the boat towards Bryce.”
We all laugh.
I turn around to face the mirror one more time and I nod at myself while playing with my engagement ring like I always do when I’m lost deep in my thoughts. Holy shit. I’m about to become a Mrs. “This is it, people. I’ve found the dress. I’m really doing this.”
The room roars and my parents jump up and down on Sofia’s iPad screen. This is another day I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.
* * *
After a long and eventful day, my sister, my best friend and I are lounging on my deck enjoying another spectacular evening in Paris under the stars. Leave it to Sofia to push me to put a couple of bottles of Bollinger champagne in the fridge before leaving this morning because she had the premonition that I was going to find the dress. I remember shrugging my shoulders at her optimism. I guess she was right.
Luckily, Pierre-Henry packed the fridge with enough food to last me a month. Since we’ve been nibbling nearly all day because all three bridal shops received us as if we were royalty, we settled for a light dinner composed of a tasty platter of charcuterie and French cheese with the obligatory baguette. It’s perfect because this will give us ample room to pig out on the selection of decadent desserts I bought from Ladurée, aka Sofia’s favorite pastry shop, before Jerome dropped us home. We’re already halfway through our second bottle and the conversation is flowing as much as the bubbly amber liquid floating at the bottom of our flutes.
“Are you really forfeiting your bachelorette party?” Even though she’s already asked at least eighty times since I announced I was getting married, Harley is still unable to believe I’d renounce an American tradition.
“Harl, I have no desire to get plastered and forget what I did or who I did,” I say. Sofia nearly spits out her champagne. “Nor do I wish to see any other man’s cock dangling in front of me at a seedy strip joint in a shady part of Manhattan. May I remind you my fiancé keeps me very, very, very happy in that department. As bad-boy Lil Wayne raps on Chris Brown’s Loyal song, ‘Why give a bitch your inch when she rather have nine?’”
“Hello!” Sofia high-fives me, flashing me a wide, unfiltered smile.
“Fuck, you don’t have to rub it in,” Harley says, grinding her neck.
“Holy shit, how much champagne did you have?” Sofia asks. “You’ve never been one to hold your tongue, but tonight, little sis, you’re completely unleashed.”
“What? I’m just telling it like it is,” I say.
“There are other options.” Harley crosses her arms over her ample chest and does her best to pretend to be offended. “Excuse me, but I would’ve thrown the bachelorette to end all bachelorettes.”
“Hmmm, let me ponder on that one real quick,” I say, tapping my chin while lifting my eyes to the sky. “Well, the idea of a beefed-up, super-tanned and well-oiled muscle-head, pardon my French, male stripper grinding his ass or his family jewels in my face while you girls hoot and holler shouting at him to take it off isn’t very appealing to me either.” I grimace.
“I think I have a little bit more taste than that, Ci. I would’ve done something a lot more sophisticated, like an afternoon at the spa.”
“Harley, we’re New Yorkers. There’s one of those at every corner in the city and the same goes for Paris. I want to hang out with you girls, but not go to a spa. I’d much rather kick back like we’re doing now on my deck. I’ll hit the spa when I’m stressed out.”
“I can be more creative than that.”
“Shoot. I’m listening.”
It’s Harley’s turn to lift her eyes to the dark sky. After a few long seconds of contemplation she wiggles her nose and I can tell she’s desperately trying to come up with another idea. “I read on this website that road trips are very popular now as bachelorette party themes. Oprah and her best friend Gail did one of those a few years back. Not only did they have fun, all the media was talking about it. We could rent a car with your sister and your boyfriend’s best friend’s wife, Eloise, and we could hit the road. You know… Vegas or Miami, here we come?”
“Seriously? A modern-day rendition of Thelma & Louise?” I say. Sofia laughs so hard I think she’s going to hurt herself. “Harl, the only way I’d agree to a road trip like the one you’re describing is if I get to fuck Brad Pitt along the way,” I mock, shooting her a side glance. “I’m sure Nikolaj would graciously forgive me for that little indiscretion.” I purse my lips together to punctuate my point.
During the time I was still dating Dylan and trying to avoid spending the entire weekend at his place, Harley and I decided to hide for two days at her home and spend our time watching girl-power movies. Thelma & Louise’s adventure of two best friends trying to escape their ordinary lives was one of the many on the list and it’s also one that had a big impact on my blonde bombshell since we were both too young to see the movie when it first came out.
In between laughing fits, Sofia manages to ask the question that’s burning her tongue. “Which one of the two friends ends up bagging the young Brad?” My sister waves her finger at us, obviously tipsy from all the champagne.
“Thelma,” Harley and I shout at the same time.
All three of us giggle uncontrollably, tears rolling down our cheeks while we cradle our stomachs in an effort to regain some kind of composure.
Unwilling to admit defeat, my best friend presses on. “Okay. I may be down but I’m not totally out. What about a trapeze party like they did on Sex and the City? That could totally rock.”
“Honey, I need to keep myself limber for the night of my nuptials. I have no intention of pulling a muscle a few days before I get hitched. Remember the whole idea is for me to consummate the marriage after I say ‘I do.’” I’m on a roll here, the effervescence of the bubbly fueling my chutzpah.
“Ci, you’ve been consummating that man for a really long time. What’s one night?”
Oh, no, she didn’t. I shoot Harley one of those icy looks that speaks volumes and I roll my eyes at her.
Sofia’s hysterical laugh gets louder and louder. She’s slapping one hand against her thigh and stomping her bare feet against the slate floor, all the while balancing her champagne flute in her other hand. Harley looks disappointed at my sister’s obvious lack of support.
“What about Nikolaj? Doesn’t he want a night out with his boys?”
“Danes don’t have this concept of the bachelor party. It’s true he’s been to a few stag parties, which is what they call it in England, for his university buddies and colleagues, but he says it’s totally foreign to him. He just doesn’t get it. He told me if I want to go out and party my ass off, I’m welcome to as long as I don’t accidentally end up sitting on another man’s cock. He said if I decide to go ahead with it, he’d hang out at a swanky cigar bar with his best friend and his cousins in London or New York sipping outrageously expensive cognac and puffing down Cuban Cohibas. Martin attempted to suggest a traditional stag night. He wanted to organize something in a high-end London gentlemen’s club
, but Nikolaj told him point blank if he ever tries anything like that, Nik will wring his neck.”
“Fine. I give up.”
“I know you mean well, Harl. But it’s just not my thing. Not to mention, I believe the family dinner we’re having three days before the wedding in the South of France is going to kick some serious ass. We’re all going to let our hair down. We can drink as much as we want and at the end of the night, if I really want to see a cock, I’ll have Nikolaj’s to play with.” I flash both my sister and my best friend a mischievous smile, knowing full well the alcohol is pushing my audaciousness a little further than usual.
“Bahahaha,” my sister spits out.
Harley and I join her and we’re now all folded in half crying with laughter again. God, I love these two. After a few hilarious minutes, we all calm down and on cue we take another sip of champagne at the same time.
“Lucky you for being able to get some whenever you want,” Harley says.
“What are you talking about, Harl? So can you.”
“It’s not the same thing as you and Sofia.”
Huh? “I thought your relationship with Lamar was better than the one you had with Darius?”
“Darius.” Harley repeats her ex’s name fondly and shakes her head. “Lamar has an amazing dick and he knows how to use it. Just thinking of his tongue over me gets me all worked up, but that’s all he’s able to give.”
“Harl, I thought you were dealing with so much with your sister moving back with your parents, you didn’t want more.”
“Yeah, I thought the same. But…”
I furrow my brow. “But what?”
“Every time we talk, you’re so flipping happy, Ci. No, scratch that. Ever since Nikolaj came into your life, you’ve been walking on a cloud. You’re constantly elated and you’re so much in love it’s sickening.” Harley takes a deep breath before continuing. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m delighted for you, but it’s started to make me reconsider my position on dating, men and my future.”
Although this is the first time she’s shared this openly, I suspected as much. Like me, Harley never wanted more than a few quick nights of hot sex with a guy, but since Nikolaj proposed, she’s changed her tune. It’s as if she realizes one man can be everything you want and need. “Exactly. I thought that’s why you ended things with Mr Great Dick, But Commitment-Phobic.”
Soon after my engagement, Harley got tired of Darius’ evasive ways and unwillingness to commit to anything more than a few nights here and there. Harley met Lamar Owens in LA while she was working on a movie set. It was a huge deal when she landed that gig. She had been hired to create sumptuous bouquet arrangements for the main characters’ home for the upcoming film An Affair to Remember. Harley’s job was to give life to the wife’s obsession for finer things—and according to the director, she did it amazingly. The shoot for the scenes that required Harley’s talent lasted five weeks.
Lamar is a born-and-bred New Yorker. He’s also a sought-after sound engineer. When he bumped into my little blonde bombshell, it didn’t take him long to rock her world. I’ve never met him in person because I started traveling heavily again when he moved back to the Big Apple. He returned from the movie set a few days after Harley got back and they started seeing each soon after. As far as I know, Harley was very optimistic about this relationship, but she’s giving off a different vibe now.
Harley picks imaginary lint off of her jeans, a nervous habit she has when she’s put on the spot. “Yeah, Lamar. Hmph. He’s deceptive.”
“Aren’t things going well?”
Harley avoids my gaze and chooses to play with the label on the empty bottle of champagne on the table in front of her. “I thought maybe I had a chance with him, but I was fooling myself.” She sighs. “Lamar and I only see each other late on Saturday nights. His choice, not mine. Do you want to know what he told me last week when I suggested Mexican and a movie on a Tuesday night to break from the routine we seem to be stuck in since we came back from LA?”
I scoot my chair closer to hers and cup her hands in mine. “Oh, honey, I don’t, but it doesn’t sound too good.”
“It never is with me, Ci.” I can hear the strain in her voice. “He declared that after seeing me for the last few weeks, he’s come to the conclusion that he’s not a one-woman kind of guy and he doesn’t want to be tied down. He likes being with me and loves the sex, but he doesn’t want to do couple things like dinner and a movie.”
“Shit.”
“Oh, my God, Harley. That’s terrible.” This is the first time my sister has interjected since Harley has started to pour her soul out.
“I know, right?”
“He’s obviously not the right one,” I add, doing my best to comfort Harley.
“Even after that fun little heart-to-heart moment, I idiotically gave him one last chance even after he painted a pretty clear picture of our future—or should I say, lack thereof. He came over a few days ago to my place and after we had another steamy sexcapade, I suggested he stay the night. I was feeling lonely and vulnerable, but he refused. He gave me a cockamamie story about having to get up early for a morning meeting and I got fed up. I broke things off with him right there in bed with both of us butt naked under my sheets. I told him I was done with men like him. I didn’t see the point of dragging it out any longer, not even for great sex.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you broke it off? We’re best friends.”
“I didn’t want to spend my time here with you and Sofia sulking over a guy who’s not worth it and it would’ve been selfish for me to drag you down when you’re experiencing one of the most extraordinary moments of your life.”
“Sweetie, I’m so sorry,” I sympathize, rubbing her back.
Harl shrugs dismissively. “Whatever.” I’ve known her far too long to ignore the fact that she’s putting on a brave face in light of another blow.
“Harley Mackenzie Lancaster, you don’t mean that and we both know it.”
“I just don’t think it’ll ever happen for me the way it has for you and Sofia.”
“Harley, you’re selling yourself short.” My sister scowls at my best friend, who’s sitting in her seat sulking like a four-year-old.
“I love you, but that’s the biggest load of crap you’ve ever told yourself. It’s a copout.” I scowl too. “You’ve only been looking for something more solid with a guy for the past six months. So what? Lamar wasn’t the right one. Okay, so he can’t even commit to burritos, popcorn or a large soda. Screw him, Harl. There are plenty of men out there who would kill to be with a woman like you. You’re smart, sassy and sexy as hell.”
“Yeah? Where the fuck are they, Ci?”
“Now that you want more, you’ll find more. He’s out there, Harley.” Sofia summarizes this beautifully.
“My sister’s right on the money.” I lean in and drop a tender kiss on Harley’s cheek. She brushes me off, fighting off tears. When I pull away, she reaches out and grabs her champagne flute again. “Give it time, sweetie.”
Harley eyes me from behind her champagne glass. “I’m starting to doubt a lot, Ci. I mean look at you and her,” she says, pointing at my sister. “Nikolaj is throwing a huge bash for your birthday at the end of July and Bryce whisked his precious wife to the Dalmatian Coast in Croatia after celebrating in style at their penthouse. My birthday is coming up soon and the guy I was seeing can’t even spend the night. Do you think he’d even consider doing something special for me? Not a chance. Let’s face it, there is no hope for me at all.”
Harley’s breakdown makes her realize how much I lucked out when I found Nikolaj and how chaotic and empty my former love life was—hopping from one bed to another.
“Oh, Harl.” Everything I want to say to her is wrapped up in those two words. Sofia and Harley are the two closest women to me other than my mom. When they’re in pain, I’m in pain.
“See. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. That’s why I kept my mouth shut about Lam
ar,” she says, wiping the tear trickling from the corner of her eye. “I’m stealing your moment and I hate myself for doing this to you. We should be laughing like we were earlier. These gloomy faces have got to go,” she says, waving her finger around. A silence falls between us before she speaks again. “Shoe-shopping tomorrow should cheer me up, right?”
Normally, wild horses couldn’t keep me away from shopping for new shoes, but my heart isn’t into it given how sad my best friend is right now. Harley is defusing what’s going on by sweeping her desire to have a more meaningful relationship under the carpet. I know it and she knows it, but it would be cruel to push her further.
I glance at my sister and I read the same concern in her eyes. My beautiful friend is hurting and I don’t know how to help her.
BOOK 6—ALWAYS & FOREVER
Chapter Eight
Four days later
After five days that flew by way too quickly, Sofia and Harley boarded my sister’s jet and headed back to New York very early this morning. It was a bittersweet departure. We’ve had way too much fun and we’ve bonded like we haven’t in a long time. Although I love waking up at Nikolaj’s side every day and I’m so honored to be the one Kayla selected for all these European projects, living on this side of the pond means I don’t get to see my two favorite girls as often. They promised to come back soon, but with the wedding fast approaching, I’m not sure it’ll happen.
Harley’s confession has been haunting me since she opened up and I’m so heavy-hearted when I play back her words in my head. It’s so frustrating because there isn’t much I can do other than to be there to console her when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Since I felt so guilty seeing her go back to New York alone, we made a pact to call each other every single day. With us being an ocean apart, it’s easy to lose touch with the people who matter the most. If she forgets to call, I’ll dial her up even if it’s to say a quick hello. I feel it’s my job to cheer her up, lift her spirits and remind her that contrary to what she believes, everyone is entitled to find love when they’re ready.
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