He leans in, eyes still connected with mine before kissing me one more time.
He pulls away from me and lifts his lips up, but it’s not a smile. It’s more a way of accepting the inevitable. “You’re right. You deserve that much.”
“It’s that heavy?”
He nods. “Very. None of us knew to what extent my mom had been in mourning for the past few months.”
What is he talking about?
“Did someone die?”
“Figuratively, yes.”
I furrow my eyebrows, perplexed by his statement, and then it hits me. “Your brother?”
His jaw clenches as he shakes his head. Knowing Nikolaj and his toxic relationship with Jakob, he must be silently suppressing so many unspoken feelings. A ghost of a sarcastic smile haunts his lips. “Who else?”
“I thought you said Nicoline was dealing with your father’s decision to cast your brother aside and keep him away from your family?”
“That’s what we all thought. My mom gave off the impression she could handle never seeing her firstborn ever again, but she’s been hiding her pain. Our wedding became a shield to fool everyone into believing she’s adjusting to her new reality, when the truth of the matter is she’s been using happy pills to cope.”
What the hell? “You mean antidepressants?”
He raises his eyebrows. “Exactly.”
Holy shit. I’m completely dumbfounded by Nikolaj’s confession. “That’s some pretty serious stuff.”
He closes his eyes momentarily, and I sense him struggle with what he’s about to say. “It is, sweetness. My mom has been dealing with depression since Jakob ran away with Marna and her grandson, but other than her psychiatrist no one in the family knew. Heck, we didn’t even know she was seeing a specialist. When I got back home that afternoon, I thought I was going to sit down with her over dinner surrounded by the rest of the family to let her know we had decided not to get married in Copenhagen. That never happened because on the morning of my arrival my dad found a pack of Zoloft pills hidden in the pantry tucked in between a few boxes of cookies. Her name was all over that prescription. After we confronted my mom, she unraveled. By the time we had our family dinner that night, it was more like a serious intervention than me updating her on our wedding plans.”
“This is unbelievable,” I say, widening my eyes, trying to absorb it all.
“You’re telling me.”
“Nikolaj, if she had them hidden in the pantry, maybe it was her way of crying out for help. I mean, from our visits back to your parents’ place, it’s obvious your dad loves his cookies. Your mom must’ve figured out sooner or later, her husband would find out.”
“Good point. I didn’t even think of it.”
“Maybe she didn’t know how else to tell him she was hurting.”
“You may be right.”
“So our wedding was a convenient distraction, I guess? You know, make some noise over here so no one sees what’s happening over there.”
He nods. “Busying herself around our big day became her sole purpose—her only reason for getting up in the morning. She was obsessively trying to impress everyone around her. Especially you.”
“What?” I gasp. “Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Aren’t I the one who should be stressing out about impressing my soon-to-be in-laws?”
“Probably, but as I told you when I flew to New York to claim you after six weeks of being apart from you, my older brother has a habit of destroying everything and everyone he touches. My mom has been consumed with grief and guilt at how easily Jakob stole from my father’s business. In her eyes she’s failed catastrophically as a mother. She’s ashamed of every single action my brother has taken and how he’s negatively impacted our family’s reputation and our family business.”
Jakob. The gift that keeps on giving.
“But your brother is a grown-ass man. And since he has all his senses and he’s never undergone a lobotomy, it’s safe to assume that his actions are his own doing, not your mom’s.”
“That’s not how she sees it. Even though she has four other healthy, normal and well-adjusted children and a little brood of beautiful grandchildren, she focuses on the one bad apple in the family.”
“So she’s not harboring any negative feelings towards me or our change of plans?” I ask carefully.
Nik shakes his head. “Frankly, I think she’s relieved. I waited until the next morning to tell her over breakfast because the night before we really focused on trying to understand how we could help her get out of this funk. When I announced the big news, she simply smiled and patted my hands to let me know she was very happy for me and she’d stand by any decision we made.”
“She did? Are you telling me I’ve been stressing out like a mad woman for no good reason?”
“I’ll be honest, I didn’t know how she was going to take it, but I suspected she might be disappointed. I never imagined it would be a huge weight off her shoulders. I think it has to do with the fact that she no longer has to hide.”
“Wow. What your mom’s been dealing with is almost as shocking and as inconceivable as the news of Jakob’s treachery.”
“I know.” He nods.
“Thank God she’s no longer dealing with her sadness alone now that it’s out in the open.”
“I agree. Funny.” He chuckles. “I went back home ready for battle. I was prepared to give her an ultimatum if she made things difficult for us, for you, over our decision to get married in the South of France. I was ready to put my foot down and let her know that when it comes to the woman I love, I wouldn’t hesitate to take sides. Yours. It never amounted to that because of everything that transpired during my trip, but it’s something I was willing to do.”
His confession takes hold of my soul. “Really?” I blink away the tears burning my eyes. “You—you were?” I stutter breathlessly.
“When it comes to you, for me, there’s never any hesitation.” He leans in and brushes a kiss on my lips. The tenderness and vulnerability behind it bewitches me. We rarely do anything soft. “You mean everything to me, baby.”
I don’t know how he expects me to respond since he just stole my breath, but after a few heart-stopping seconds I manage to say, “God, I love you.”
Elation soars through me at the thought he’d be willing to stand up for me like this. This man is everything that makes me feel utterly content, loved, cherished, and protected.
“I love you so much as well, baby.”
“Nikolaj,” I begin and stop.
“Yeah?”
“I’m thrilled to know my relationship with your mom remains unscathed.”
“My mom adores you.”
“Ha,” I exhale, overjoyed.
“Everyone in my family does,” he adds.
“You can’t imagine how meaningful these words are. So no hard feelings?”
Nik cups the side of my face with his right hand and traces the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip. “None whatsoever.”
“Thank God.”
I would’ve been crushed had things turned out differently.
We both sit there silently for a few seconds, soaking in the song playing in the background. I suspect we’re both mulling over what Nikolaj’s just shared.
“Ciara.” My name comes out in a breath.
“Yeah, baby,” I say turning my attention to him.
“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, do I get to fuck you?”
“Seriously?”
Instead of answering he grabs my hand and cups it over his hard cock. “Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”
I tilt my head back and laugh out loud at how he’s using my words against me. “You’re impossible.”
“Perhaps, but you love me this way.”
“You’re right,” I concede.
“Are you going to torture me by playing hard-to-get or do I get to release myself between your legs?” His impatience is laced with so much p
romise for the night.
Given the sultry mood of the moment, I certainly didn’t expect Nikolaj to be this forward, but then again, haven’t I been dying to have him inside me since he left five days ago? I nod my head and murmur, “Yes, please.”
“Hmmm.” I’m caught off guard when he leans in and bites the tip of my nose. Such a boyish and unexpected gesture from the man who’s about to ravish me and leave me panting.
BOOK 6—ALWAYS & FOREVER
Chapter Nine
Ten days before the wedding
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of frantic activities. Don’t get me wrong, Kayla’s team is still acing it. We’ve been back to Grasse a number of times for menu tastings and to confirm a few things that required our approval, but all in all, Kayla was right. I might be the most stress-free bride in history. Everything surrounding our nuptials has been running so smoothly, it sometimes leaves me in awe.
Even though I have little to worry about, I still can’t help but notice how quickly the days roll by, especially when you’re trying to fit in work, preparations and family parties. Everything was becoming a bit too crazy. That’s why Nikolaj and I put a cap on our business travels a month ago. Other than boarding his jet to visit our family in Barcelona, New York and Copenhagen, we’ve stayed put in Paris because we want to spend more time together. When I look at the calendar, I still can hardly believe that in a little over one week, I’ll be Nikolaj’s wife.
After Nikolaj opened up about his mom’s fragile emotional state at losing the connection she’d had for so long with her elder son, I was so humbled by all of the great things she had to say about me and how much she valued our relationship that I planned a little girl time with her. The weekend following Nik’s confession, I flew to Copenhagen to meet up with my soon-to-be mother-in-law to spend four days bonding with her. We had an incredible time getting to know each other better now that the veil had been lifted and her painful secret was out in the open. We laughed and we cried and I believe that by the end of my stay, we built an unshakable bond.
On the day of my departure, she insisted on accompanying me to the airport. We were chatting so animatedly at the back of the car that she followed me all the way to the security gate. It’s as if she didn’t want the conversation to end. When it was time for me to say goodbye, Nicoline surprised me. I was moved to tears when she took me in her arms and hugged me so hard I thought she was never going to let me go.
Even though my trip took place many weeks ago, her words still ring in my ears every time I catch myself gazing at Nikolaj without him knowing.
“It took my stubborn son a lifetime to find you and I couldn’t ask for more in a daughter-in-law. He scored big time when you said yes. Ciara, you make him so deliriously happy, sometimes he’s almost unrecognizable to his own mother. Thank you so much for loving him the way you do.”
I have to admit, I’m rarely rendered speechless, but in that magical moment standing in the middle of the Copenhagen airport, I couldn’t come up with anything to say other than to hug her back while bawling my eyes out. What a far cry from the relationship I had with Luke’s mom.
Once I knew drama was averted, it was full speed ahead towards my big day. Kayla’s team is so on top of things I have to pinch myself in light of my good fortune. I doubt I would’ve agreed to follow Nik to Toronto had I still been planning things with Anton and Tanner because I’d be way too frazzled to leave for three whole days so close to my wedding. This is more of a fun trip than a purely work trip and since we’ll be attending parties and galas instead of spending our day confined in a stuffy conference room, Nikolaj was able to convince me to cross the Atlantic with him.
After landing the jet at Pearson Airport, we jump into the red Porsche Cayenne Nik rented for us and we head towards the city center. He’s been very secretive about the hotel he’s selected for us. I’ve done my best to try to seduce it out of him, but he always sees me coming a mile away.
Honestly, it didn’t take much convincing for me to set everything aside to attend these industry parties and galas by his side. Apparently the one we’re attending tonight is the same one he took me to last year the day after we met at the Four Seasons Hotel.
We’ve been driving for a while in silence, the faint sound of the radio as our companion as I watch the hustle and bustle of the rush-hour commute. I’ve heard Canada can be frigid during the winter, but I must admit early September is a spectacularly clement and enjoyable month. The sun is out, radiant and bright, lighting up the warm afternoon sky. I’m lost in my thoughts when Nikolaj’s rich voice brings me back.
“It’s been a while since we’ve been here.”
“One year exactly,” I respond without moving my eyes away from the busy streets.
“I’m glad you agreed to accompany me.”
Something about the way he says that pulls my attention to him.
“As long as I’m with you, baby, I’m happy. Of course, divulging the hotel would have made this trip much better, but I’m sure you’ve selected an incredible place, right?” I waggle my eyebrows, hoping to coerce a confession from him, since we must be close to where we’ll be staying for the next few days. “Come on, you can tell me now,” I plead.
“That was almost a deal-breaker for you—not knowing where you’d stay?” He lets go of the stick shift and squeezes my left hand.
“It made me think twice.” I smile.
“I had a plan just in case you had said no.”
As if I would have ever refused him anything.
“Really? And now you tell me?”
“I had no intention of spending the next few days without you by my side, so I was prepared to fling you over my shoulder, drag you to the jet and strap you into a seat unless you agreed willingly, which of course you did.”
“Caveman-style, huh?” I retort, amused.
“Well, not quite. I’m a gentleman after all and I would have packed your suitcase for you. Of course that means I would have been the one deciding on what you were going to wear during the trip.”
“No way.”
“Are you questioning my taste?”
Don’t get me wrong, Nikolaj has impeccable taste in clothing and shoes. I owe half my collection of outrageously sexy high heels to him, but something tells me he would have taken advantage of his position of power.
“Honey, if I leave it up to you, I’ll end up wearing the most revealing outfits.”
“And that’s a problem how?” We both laugh. “I doubt anything I select for you would have made people talk as much as your aunt Carmelita did with her selection over the weekend.”
Oh, yeah, Aunt Carmelita.
Nikolaj and I only spent twenty hours in Paris after returning from one of the craziest non-stop partying weekends in Barcelona before jumping back on his jet and heading towards Canada. In Barcelona, Diego had insisted on throwing a massive celebration to unite all three families—his, Emilio’s and Nik’s. My father is so proud and so elated to be part of this incredible event in my life, he couldn’t stop smiling, kissing and hugging me all weekend long. The three days and three nights of celebrations were an extension of his joy. In typical Spanish fashion, the festivities were grandiose, unforgettable and way too fun to be legal. When we got back to Paris, both Nik and I considered running away to the Virgin Islands for a much-needed respite, but Nikolaj had already committed to all these galas.
“You’re right. Everything she wears is so colorful and so over the top, she announces her arrival even before walking into a room because a blind man can see her at a distance.”
It goes without saying that Aunt Carmelita was invited to the Barcelonan festivities, but when she arrived, fashionably late, everyone did a double-take. She was clad in a bright yellow pantsuit with the matching high-heeled shoes and one of those chichi-looking hats with a huge feather stuck to the side—like the ones you see in British magazines when they feature celebrity weddings—in the same screaming canary hue. As if the suit wasn
’t enough of a statement piece, her bright red lipstick could stop traffic in any city. There was no way anyone at that party was ever going to forget Carmelita.
“She’s a sweet woman, but is she ever persistent.”
I guess that’s the politically correct way to describe her.
“You mean pushy?”
“You said it. Not me,” he says, rolling his eyes back to the road.
“I thought Mom was lying when she said she and Aunt Carmelita had become closer, but these two are getting along like best friends after years of barely speaking to each other. Mom says it takes some time for her to be willing to open up. Apparently there’s more to her than just her flamboyant personality.”
“I guess your aunt Carmelita is like a fine cognac. She comes on strong and it takes a little time to get used to her, but when you do, you can fully appreciate her big personality and her huge heart.”
“You’ve summed her up well, I suppose.”
Diego invited Nikolaj’s four cousins to come celebrate with us in Barcelona. There’s definitely a serious gene pool advantage among the von Henningsen clan. At some point Nikolaj asked me to take a photo of him with his cousins Christian, Adam, Georg and Mikkel, his uncles Jerrik and Kennet and his dad Jonas. As I was looking at the screen of my digital camera angling myself to capture the right shot, it hit me how this photo could be an advert for Ralph Lauren’s men’s collection. These Danish hunks are tall, gorgeous blue-eyed Adonises built like athletes. And when they all flashed me a perfect smile, I swear the angels were jumping up and down, they looked that good. It was truly a Kodak moment. I had to pinch myself when I remembered one of them is mine.
Always & Forever Page 19
