I rushed home and jumped in the shower. The water hit me, and I shook as if cold, even though the water was steaming. My stomach lurched, and I thought I might be sick. I hadn’t planned on this attack of nerves.
I got out, stepping carefully to make sure I didn’t slip and fall from my trembling. I scrunched my hair with the frizz serum and applied my make up lightly. Just a little mascara and lip gloss to finish it.
I went to my room and pulled a fitted aqua sweater the same color as my eyes. It was wide necked and scooped from my shoulders to my upper chest. It didn’t dip far enough to show anything really. It was long, so I wore it with a pair of skinny jeans and a wide belt.
My mom knocked on the door before opening it. “We’re off. Do you want us to bring you back a plate?” Then she looked at me. “Are you going somewhere?”
I shook my head. “No, but a friend from drama is coming by to rehearse a scene.” It was sort of true.
Mom eyed me up and down disapprovingly. “I know the wide neck is fashionable, but I don’t think it’s for you.”
I looked in the mirror. It was a good color on me. “Really? I like it.”
“Remember why I never entered you in pageants? I’d have gone broke on body makeup. Turtlenecks are your best bet and cake makeup does a better job than that mineral makeup you’ve switched to.” Mom’s lips pursed and her nose wrinkled as she glared at me with disapproval.
I eyed myself in the mirror again. The sweater suddenly looked different. No, it wasn’t the sweater, I looked different. Maybe I would change. I made my way to my closet to find something else, but then I remembered who I was dressing up for. The thought of Theo and the way he looked at me—so differently than my mom’s scrutiny. He always looked at me with wonder in his eyes. I turned back around and looked at myself again. “I’m freckled Mom. And I’m okay with that. And I like this sweater”
Mom shook her head. “At least tie a scarf around your neck to cover them up a little. Being all liberated is one way for the aesthetically challenged to deal with what life’s handed them, but in truth, you’d be better off learning to do the best with what God gave you.”
Why did my mom have to be such a snotty …? I took a deep breath and bit my lips shut. I could say something hurtful back, knock her down a peg but I didn’t want to get my highs the way she did. My biggest hang up had always been not measuring up to my mom’s standards of perfection. But to my relief, I no longer wanted to be like my mom. In fact, I wanted to be nothing like her. All my life I’d felt inferior to her and her beauty and social skills, but not anymore.
I now wanted to be a different kind of woman. One who looked for ways to see myself as another’s equal, not superior—someone who looked for the best in people, like Mrs. Strickland. My mom was forever in pageant mode. She spent every moment of every day sizing up her competition—trying to find a way to one up them in her own mind’s eye. She was the antitheses of Mrs. Strickland. I finally knew the same thing my mom knew the moment she looked at me at birth—I would never be my mother’s daughter. Thank God.
Besides, this night was special and I wasn’t about to ruin it by getting all red in the face before Theo got there.
I smiled a flat smile at her. “Thanks Mom—for showing me what I could be like if I took after you a little more.”
She smiled at me, completely oblivious to my meaning. “You’re welcome sweetie. Just do your best with what you’ve got and don’t dwell too much on what you don’t.”
Mom closed the door, and I let out a growl. “Why does she have to do that?”
“Do what?”
I turned around to see Theo lying on my bed twirling my throw pillow by the tassel like he always did.
“Nothing. Just my mom and …” I waved it off. “How long have you been there?” I wasn’t expecting him yet. I’d planned on lighting candles in my room first.
“I just got here.” He kept looking at the ceiling, his face very serious.
I went and sat on the bed next to him, not sure what to do next. Lean down and just kiss him? Lie down with him and kiss on the bed together? What happened to my well thought out plan? So I sat there looking at him looking at the ceiling and said nothing. I bit my lips and hugged myself while my foot started tapping the floor.
Theo finally looked at me. His eyes lit up when he did. “You look very nice in that color.”
I smiled. “Thanks.” My foot went back to tapping. It was either my foot shaking or let my whole body tremble. I started biting my nails without thinking. I felt my cheeks heat up.
Theo reached up and traced a line from my hair line down to my collar. “It shows more freckles than I’ve seen before.”
I trembled at his touch, and my breath caught. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and gather my thoughts, before turning toward him to speak. I wanted to sound seductive—mature—sexy. But instead, I sounded weak and scared when I asked, “Are you ready?”
Theo removed his hand and placed both behind his head and leaned back on my pillow, back to not looking at me. He didn’t answer me. Bad sign. Very bad sign.
I felt the lump forming in my throat. He wasn’t going to doing it. I couldn’t take the silence any longer. I finally asked, “Did you change your mind…about…kissing me?” The last part was a whisper.
Theo sat up and looked at the wall. “No, I didn’t change my mind. I don’t mind doing it. I mean, you’ve helped me with the well so much. Never backing down when Fritz came after you. I owe you one—big time.”
How romantic, being kissed because he “owes me one.” I shook that thought from my head. I knew going into this how it would be.
Theo sighed and then finally turned to look me in the eye. “The problem is, Bio thinks this is a very bad idea. He chewed me out big time this afternoon. I tried to brush off what he was saying, but…”
My face grew hot as the fire in my gut ignited and shot upward. I leaped up from the bed, spun around, hands on my hips. “Well, who asked him? It’s none of Bio’s business what you and I do. I didn’t ask him to kiss me, now did I? I asked you.”
Theo sat up and looked at me. His eyes were thoughtful, like there was a great deal on his mind. “Bio knows a lot more about these things than I do. I give him a hard time, and all, and…don’t you dare tell him this, but I know most of the time what he’s saying is right. It’s just not what I want to hear.”
Theo got quiet again. Forehead wrinkled—still thinking. “He says this would end up hurting you in the long run. Painters—you know—we kind of go with the moment of inspiration. We don’t think long term. Sciences do. I was just trying to do something to pay you back. To help you out. I didn’t realize what kissing you could do when I agreed.” He looked deep into my eyes. His gray-blue eyes were searching mine. “If this could hurt you, then I can’t do it.”
My face was even hotter now. “How is this going to hurt me? It’s just a kiss. I didn’t ask you to marry me. It doesn’t mean anything. I’m going to have to kiss Wayne in a couple of weeks—for a play. For pretend, in front of who knows how many strangers. It’s a kiss. It’s not that big of a deal.” My voice had raised an octave.
Theo looked at the floor. “Bio thinks you…He said based on your body language and scent…that…” He stopped, remembering how I hated them smelling me. “… no matter what you say now, it will mean something to you if I kiss you.”
“Well I say it won’t. Being a science doesn’t mean he knows everything.”
“Bio’s noticed you don’t react the same to the human boys attention—Wayne. Because of that, he thinks you kissing the human boy would be less traumatic on your emotional wellbeing, because it will be pretend for you. But if you kiss me, you will not be pretending, and that’s all I can do is pretend to have feelings. It would mean something to you and it wouldn’t mean anything to me, and that wouldn’t be fair to you.”
The tears were flowing hard by then. “It’s my choice to do this. I know what it won’t be to you, and I don�
�t care.”
“But you might care after. Bio thinks you have feelings for me and that I’m encouraging them. He said if I kiss you, it could give you hope for more when there can’t be. I’m not capable of feeling what you want me to feel.”
“I don’t want you to feel anything. I just want you to kiss me. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Bio doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” I was furious by then. Angry at Bio for getting involved in our business. Angry at Theo for listening to him. Mad at myself for getting so upset about a kiss I was trying to convince him meant nothing to me.
“Get out!” I screamed as loud as I could. “Go now!”
Theo got up. “I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow.” And then he disappeared.
Chapter 25
My eyes were red from crying all night. I walked into the school board meeting. There weren’t many people there, so I sat alone.
I stared into space thinking about how badly last night had turned out. I looked around to see if Theo or the sciences were there, but they weren’t. That’s when the doubts started. No one’s here to help you now. You might as well stay in your seat and shut up. No one wants to listen to what a stupid kid has to say. You’ll just make a bigger fool of yourself than you did last time.
Since I knew I wouldn’t actually be speaking at the meeting, I knew exactly what was going on, but I didn’t look at him. I didn’t acknowledge him at all. The goal was for him to think he’d won. That way, he’d have no reason to snoop around and find out our plan with the city council.
I still didn’t look when Theo sat down beside me.
Fritz chuckled. “Looks like she no longer notices you either. What happened? Did you stop being special to this speckled little egg?”
I kept looking off into space, like I heard nothing. But I couldn’t help but flinch at Fritz’s next statement.
“The thing about eggs is…” I could feel him gently rub my cheek. “they are so easy to break.”
With that, Theo stood and shoved Fritz, knocking him into some chairs. People looked up at them. They’d made themselves noticeable. I smiled at the onlookers and then leaned into Theo. “Please sit down. I don’t need your protection right now. I’ve got this.”
Theo looked down at me with his stormy eyes. “Do you want me to leave?”
He seemed hurt, but I reminded myself that painters don’t have deep emotions like humans. It made it easier to say, “Yes, I do.”
Theo walked off. Fritz doubled over with laughter as he made his way to the front where some school board members were starting to get settled. It was then that I noticed Bio sitting there. Apparently, I wasn’t as sensitive to noticing sciences around me as I was painters. I couldn’t even notice Fritz unless he whispered something in ignorance to me.
Bio sat next to me. “You’ve done the right thing. This relationship with Theo shouldn’t have started in the first place.”
“Well forgive me for noticing the earth painter sitting on the stage that first day.” My tone was sarcastic. I didn’t feel like discussing it with Bio at the moment. I was still angry with him about ruining my momentous night.
“Why did you notice him? Did he do something? I’ve always been curious about that?”
I let out a giant sigh. “I just saw him sitting there. I thought he was a boy being ignored or something. I don’t know. Maybe you tweaked me wrong some time back and gave me Theo vision.”
Bio’s eyes grew large as he threw his hands up in protest. “No, no, no.” He shook his head. “You’ve got it wrong. I’ve never tweaked humans. They are solely owned and tweaked by The Sculptor.” He did the little bow of the head they all did when they spoke of him.
“Then why did you talk to Theo as if you know or understand humans?”
He leaned in, reminding me not to draw attention to us with his eyes. I had gotten a bit loud.
“I do know about humans. I’ve been studying them since the beginning. I’ve been all over the planet. Some things are cultural, and some things seem to run universal to the species. Women want to be kissed and held by someone who loves them.”
I shook my head at him. “Women do a lot more than that all the time with men who don’t. Nobody dies from it. What business was it of yours to get involved?”
“If humans want to misuse and abuse each other for their own pleasure, that is none of my business. They act mostly out of ignorance. But…”
I looked away, not caring to be in the conversation any longer.
“Look at me. You need to understand this.”
I complied, but my expression made it clear that I hated him at that moment.
“Theo is not human. I am not human. We don’t get second chances.”
I felt my expression change. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if we directly injured the Sculptor’s prized work, it could be the end of us.”
I still wasn’t ready to relent. “How do you know Theo kissing me would hurt me?”
“I’ve told you. I’ve studied humans a long time. It could hurt you. Could is too close to would. I’m trying to protect Theo, too.”
The whole meeting went just as expected. It was my time to speak. Fritz was winding his way along the line of board members when it was announced that there was no need for me to speak. And the plan for a new high school was revealed, complete with picture. Mrs. Strickland got up and flipped the pages with excitement showing all the inside details for the new school.
I knew when Fritz was beside me again. The thought, “See, I knew you were useless. Now they all know too. Just a little irritation, like a pebble in a shoe. Tossed aside and forgotten in an instant.”
I didn’t acknowledge him. This was the point—for him to think he’d won. To get him to think I’d quit fighting so he would. It was all a set up for him, and yet, where I was emotionally, the words he spoke still stung.
I rushed out of the room in tears, got in my car and drove home.
Theo didn’t come check on me. Probably per Bio’s advice. He stopped coming to drama class, too. I walked through each rehearsal in a daze. My heart ached through each spoken word. I stood off stage as the home arts class measured me for my costume, glancing up at the catwalk. I even lagged behind, pretending to drop my books. But Anthony stayed to help me. It was for the best anyway. Going up there would only make things worse.
Weeks went by like this. Then one day at work, Mrs. Strickland handed me something. I was sitting at my desk when a large folder fell in front of me. I looked up to see Mrs. Strickland standing over me with a grin.
“Open it. I think you’ll be pleased.” Her grin was suspicious.
I opened the file and couldn’t believe it.
“I had the same artist who made up sketches of the school make this. I thought you’d be pleased.”
It was a sketch of the pump that would be installed on the site of the old school. But it was more than a pump where people could fill up their jugs and take them home. There was also a drinking fountain and a plaque that read, “Let your fountain be blessed. Proverbs 5:18”
Tears stung the corners of my eyes. “Oh…oh” I jumped up and hugged her. “It’s perfect.” I looked at it again. It was perfect. “And the plaque?”
“Oh, I got sentimental at the idea of them tearing down my old alma matter. I’m donating the plaque. That school is where I first realized what I wanted to do with my life.”
I dropped the file when my tears hit it and grabbed a Kleenex to blot them off. “Hey, can I take this and show it to a friend? I’ll bring it back.”
Mrs. Strickland hugged me back. “Sweetie you can have it. I had this copy made for you.”
I let go of her and grabbed my jacket. Fall had set in, and it was crisp outside. “I’ve got to go. I’ll stay late tomorrow.”
“You can’t. You and Anthony have dress rehearsal tomorrow.”
I put my jacket back. “You’re right. I’ll finish up first. I just got so excited.”
“Go baby
, go. I haven’t seen you this happy in weeks. Go! I’ll finish up.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
When I got to the high school, I didn’t even have to break in. The art class was there hanging the sets. I almost chickened out but decided to go in and blend in like I was supposed to be there. I scooted through the side curtains and looked up the ladder. Some guys were up on the catwalk lowering a set. I glanced over, it was Theo’s forest. I stepped back and hid in the shadows, watching as the guys came down. Then I bolted up to the catwalk with my file in my mouth.
I got to the top, made it to the door and opened it. But Theo wasn’t there. The whole place was the stark white Khai-Ree preferred. I stepped in and called out, “Hello?” That’s when Khai-Ree popped in.
“You!” His look was indignant. “My master isn’t here. And I’m not sure when he will return.”
Khai-Ree crossed his arms and glared at me. “We’ll I think you should go, don’t you? I know you didn’t come to visit me.”
I stood there, not sure what to say to the surly little man. “Uhhh…I brought this for Theo. Would you please give it to him when he gets back.”
“I will, but I’m not sure when that will be. Theo is with Bio and Geo down in the Amazon. Sort of an extended holiday as you humans would call it.”
My heart sank, heavy like a rock to the bottom of a lake. “Oh, ok. Well, just give it to him whenever he gets back. I think he will like it.”
I made my way down the ladder and along the dark aisle to the door. I didn’t remember driving home. I think I walked passed my parents eating dinner in the kitchen. I hardly remembered the brief exchange between us as I turned down food. Then I locked myself in my room. I never went by the bathroom to brush my teeth. I didn’t even bother with pajamas. I just stripped down to my t-shirt and underwear and climbed into bed.
The last time I looked at the clock, it was midnight. That’s when I flipped my pillow to the dry side and finally went to sleep. The side I’d been laying on was soaked from tears.
I stumbled along with the whole drama class who stayed after school for dress rehearsal. Home arts had dropped off out costumes. We were to go back stage, find the one with our names on it and get dressed. Ms. Jones was in the back with her boyfriend, Coach Scott, showing him how to operate the spotlight.
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