I wasn’t allowed to do much, seeing as I was currently the size of a small planet, but I tried to help out around the house by cooking, cleaning, and taking care of everyone else. I hated that I couldn’t do more, but being pregnant and so massively large took a lot out of me, and I couldn’t find the energy to do much more.
Quinten’s arm snaked around my waist, and he pulled me closer. His warm hand settled firmly over my bulging stomach, and he began to gently rub back and forth, trying to comfort me and ease my mind. “You’re moping again,” he muttered quietly.
“I am not moping,” I said firmly. “I’m just bored, and I hate not being able to do more.”
“You do plenty around here, Alanna. Just think. What would we do without fresh lemonade and good, home-cooked meals to nourish us? We’d be a pretty disgraceful looking army, wouldn’t we?” he asked joyfully, trying to help lighten my mood.
“We’re not an army. We’re a group of kids and a couple of adults that are trying to take out the most powerful werewolf in our community. We’re more like a ragtag group of useless fighters. Jenna’s a terrible fighter–one of the worst I’ve ever seen. Darren’s coming along nicely, but he’s not a natural born fighter like Jax or Ray or–”
“Or you,” Quinten said quietly, nuzzling the side of my neck with his nose. “You’re a natural born fighter, just like Ray and Jax are. I guess it runs in your family.”
“That means Ilene is probably a natural born fighter, too.” Just thinking about Ilene had my heart aching in my chest, and I bit my lip to keep from focusing too much on the pain she caused us. I’d done a lot of thinking about her lately, and I couldn’t help but feel we could have done more to stop her from becoming the monster she did.
“Ilene made her choices, Alanna. They had nothing to do with you or Ray. You take after your loving father, and Ilene took after your bitch of a mother. That can’t be helped, and you’d be a fool to think she can still be saved,” Quinten pointed out rationally.
“She’s still my baby sister,” I said, knowing that wasn’t exactly true. “I just wish I could have taken more time to sit down and listen to her. Maybe I could have helped her through whatever negative feelings she was having. I feel like I gave up on her too easily.”
“Alanna, your sister is crazy,” he said. He stopped me and spun me around to face him, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “Ilene mistakenly thinks that you and Ray both didn’t love her. That’s not true. You know it, and I know it. Yes, he may have loved you more, but he still loved Ilene with all of his heart. Just because she refuses to see it or admit it doesn’t make it any less true. Ray is a good father, and you’re a good big sister. It’s not your fault that you were busy with school, and adjusting to immortality.”
“I wasn’t just busy with those things,” I said quietly. “I was busy with you, the boy the she was in love with. I was so wrapped up and absorbed in my own life that I failed to see how much she liked you. What kind of sister doesn’t notice something like that? If I had just taken one moment–”
“Stop,” he said, getting irritated. “No amount of listening or talking will change someone’s personality. Ilene is a crazy, manipulative, psychotic bitch, and listening to her talk about her futile crush on me would not have fixed her. Stop blaming yourself before you go crazy.”
I stared into his dark brown eyes that were so warm and loving, and I realized that he was right. It wouldn’t do anyone any good to sit around and mope about the past. We were here in the present, and we needed to concentrate on our future, so I decided to change the subject. “What do you mean by futile crush? Ilene is pretty for her age, and she was always hanging around. She could have gotten you to develop feelings for her down the road from now, when she was a little older.”
“Nope,” he said. “I was already head over heels in love with you. No way any amount of flirting could have ever gotten my attention. That’s what makes it a futile crush. Plus, Alanna, I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but I am considerably older than her. It would have been really gross for me to be anything other than a friend to her.”
“You’re twenty-two. You’re not that old.”
“She’s only fourteen, almost fifteen.”
“And she’s mated to a man who happens to be almost forty physically. He’s actually way older than that mentally. Not to mention he was married and a father to multiple children, some of which were probably Ilene’s age. She obviously doesn’t see anything wrong with that. I think she would have been fine with an eight year age difference.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have been fine with it. I only ever saw her as a child. Not to mention she was your baby sister. It would have been gross.” Quinten ducked under another low-lying branch, took my hand, and carefully guided me under it as well. He steadied me again until I regained my footing.
“Is it weird, being able to see again?”
He looked at me again, obviously glad to be changing the subject. “Sometimes I expect to wake up blind, and to have this all be one long, horrible and wonderful dream. Sometimes I’ll be doing nothing in particular, and I’ll see this small flower or something, and it just takes my breath away. It’s weird that something as simple as a flower could have such a huge effect on me, but it does.” He cleared his throat, managing to look embarrassed and serious at the same time. “You probably think that sounds stupid, though.”
“Of course not,” I said, shocked he would think so. “I think it makes perfect sense. You’ve gone so long without seeing the beauty in the world, and it makes perfect sense that you would wanna stop and admire it, just in case. You probably worry that any little thing could be the last thing you ever see, and it makes sense that you would want it to be something beautiful.”
His eyes found mine again and he smiled. “Well, if I did ever have to lose my sight again, I’d want the last thing I ever saw to be your face. I’d want to see how much you love me, and I’d want you to know how much I love you. The only thing I can possibly imagine wanting to see more is our babies’ faces, but since they’re not here yet…I guess I’ll have to settle for you,” he said, feigning disappointment.
I chuckled dryly. “Funny how you can manage to be both romantic and kind of an ass at the same time.”
“That’s me, a romantic asshole.”
I pressed myself closer to him, and his arm automatically went around me again, just like it always did. “Yes, but you’re my romantic asshole. So that makes it okay.”
He kissed my temple. “You wanna head back? I know you get restless at night and need to walk it off, but we shouldn’t stray far from the house. You never know what might be lurking out here in the darkness. I’d hate for this walk to be our last.”
“Don’t worry so much,” I said, looking around. Even though I knew we were as safe as we could be, I couldn’t help but look at every shadow as if someone could be waiting for the right moment to pounce. “Jax is nearby, watching us. Ever since Ray found out I’ve been going for walks at night, he’s asked Jax to keep an eye on us. You didn’t hear him?”
“No,” he said, frowning. “I should have, but I was too focused on the sound of your heartbeat. All three of them. I should be paying more attention to our surroundings and less on you. You’re in constant danger, and I can’t afford to make mistakes like that anymore.”
He sounded disappointed in himself, and I elbowed him gently. “Stop that. I hate it when you blame yourself for stupid things. We’re little more than a stone’s throw from the house, and Jax is watching over us. Plus I have you here to help protect me. Not to mention I happen to be a very talented fighter myself. We’re perfectly fine, Quinten.”
“We are farther than a stone’s throw away from home,” he muttered stubbornly as we turned around to head back to the house.
“Fine. A stone’s throw for a vampire.”
We walked back toward the house hand in hand, and I saw Jax out of the corner of my eyes. He was hanging back in a clump of trees, trying
not to look so uncomfortable at spying on the two of us. “Now that I know he’s there, I can’t believe I didn’t notice him before. He reeks,” Quinten said, only slightly angry at himself. “He smells like the inside of a gym bag that hasn’t been cleaned out in months.”
“Hey! I heard that,” Jax said with a chuckle. He dashed off into the surrounding darkness, and I knew he was going to find an open window to get back inside. When I was sure he was gone, I grabbed Quinten’s hand again and pulled him toward the front of the house.
There was an old porch swing that hung from one end, and I slumped gratefully into it. “My feet are killing me. I can’t wait until this whole pregnancy thing is over. I’ve decided that women who enjoy being pregnant are either delusional, or just flat out crazy, because this is worse than torture. My back aches constantly, I have horrid heartburn, and it feels like I have to use the bathroom every hour.”
Quinten sat down beside me without a sound. Since becoming a vampire, all of his movements were quiet and mostly undetectable. I wasn’t sure if his vampirism was the only cause though. I suspected it had something to do with getting his vision back. Even when he’d been blind, he’d always been oddly graceful for a human, perhaps because he had to keep up with a werewolf all the time. Now, not only was he an immortal creature of the night, but he could also see again.
The only thing I can possibly imagine wanting to see more is our babies’ faces, but since they’re not here yet…
“What are you thinking about?”
“The babies,” I said quietly. “Are you excited or scared?”
“Can’t I be both?” he asked with a weak attempt at a chuckle. “Frankly, I’m terrified. I’ve never really envisioned myself as a dad. I mean, there would be times where I would catch myself dreaming about having a family with…someone,” he said nervously. “But for some reason, I never really considered it.”
“I think you’ll be a great dad,” I said, ignoring his discomfort. If he didn’t want to acknowledge the future he’d dreamed up for the two of us before we were together, I wasn’t going to make him talk about it. I understood he was still uncomfortable sometimes with the thought that we were lovers. For some reason, he had always assumed that I could never feel the same way. Maybe it had something to do with his handicap and the fact that he thought I deserved better than him.
“Not as great a dad as Ray is.”
“What does Ray have to do with you being a dad?”
He shrugged, looking uncomfortable again. “I don’t know. I guess I just always compare myself to him. You know, he’s the only father-figure I really know. As long as I can remember, Ray was always there, and he was always helping me and telling me that I could do anything I set my mind to. He was the first person to convince me that my blindness wasn’t necessarily a weakness. I’ve modeled everything about myself after him. He’s a great man, and I try to be like him.”
“Ray’s good like that. And I know that if you turn out to be half the dad Ray is, you’ll still be amazing. I can feel it. So stop worrying, because it’s not doing anyone any good at the moment. Just relax, and enjoy this peace and quiet, because we probably won’t get any for the next eighteen years.”
He laughed, and kissed me softly. “Alright. If we’re gonna be busy the next few years, we should be getting all the sleep we can now.” He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up, carrying me bridal style through the darkened house, before dumping me gently on the bed. He crawled in beside me and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Get some sleep, Alanna.”
“I love you, Quinten.”
“I love you, too.”
I curled up against him, trying not to think about the nightmares I was sure to have. They were the same every night: young faces with accusing eyes and harsh words. The most prominent face was that of the young boy I’d been forced to kill during my stay at the Arena. No matter how many times I talked to Quinten about the dream, it never seemed to stay away for long. Part of me wondered if I would dream about his lifeless eyes for the rest of eternity…
Chapter Two
The warm fall air drifted in through the open window into the room, settling over me like a blanket. I’d kicked off my sheets earlier in the morning, unable to bear the heat any longer. Around four o’clock I’d considered taking an ice bath and never getting out, but I hadn’t wanted to disturb Quinten. He wasn’t sleeping very well, and he needed all the rest he could get.
We both did.
Glancing over at Quinten, I swung my legs over the edge of my bed, and tried not to cringe as the bed springs groaned under my weight. I’d gained almost forty-five pounds in the last few weeks, causing ugly stretch marks to bunch up around my stomach, hips, breasts and thighs. I still wasn’t used to having to carry around two extra people with me everywhere I went.
The thought of what was growing inside of me both frightened and excited me beyond belief. I was terrified of being a terrible mother like Carmen. I was excited to be starting a family with Quinten. But for the most part, I was terrified of what might happen to my baby if Roger or the Council were to ever get their hands on him.
When I stepped into my slippers, I tried not to cry at the sight of my missing ankles. I’d never understood how pregnant women could get so emotional about “cankles”, but damned if I didn’t want to cry every time I saw them. Quinten assured me I was still beautiful and that he was still attracted to me, but I wasn’t so sure.
It was only five thirty in the morning, but I was making my fourth trip to the bathroom since going to bed around midnight. I was only about six and a half weeks pregnant, but to anyone else I looked about six and a half months. I was huge, and every time I had to waddle down the hall to the bathroom Ray or Jax would chuckle. I’d flip them off, and they’d just laugh harder.
Jenna had taken me to a couple of ultrasounds since I’d gotten home, and the progress of my baby was unbelievable. Jenna thought I might be able to deliver in about two weeks. I wanted to push that date back and keep pushing it back, because we weren’t ready to take care of a baby.
For the last four weeks, Roger had lessened his obsession with us, and was instead focusing more on Eli. Even though I was glad to have a break from constantly worrying about them, it wasn’t exactly safe to just lounge around and do nothing. The Council–what was left of it–was dead set on punishing me for four murders I hadn’t committed.
I had Carmen to thank for that. For some reason, she decided to frame me for those crimes, and nobody would believe that I was innocent. Part of me wondered if she was jealous that Quinten was my soul mate and not hers, but I just didn’t understand that. She’d only known him for about two weeks before she threw herself at him.
Deep down, I had the suspicion that she just wanted to hurt me, not that she actually cared about Quinten. She didn’t love him, and she didn’t want him, she just didn’t want me to have him. She was a selfish, manipulative bitch. I guess that’s where Ilene got it from…
I washed my hands in the sink, dried them on the towel, and waddled back to the living room. It was a little cooler out there, but not by much. It felt like I was boiling in my own skin, and I couldn’t take it anymore. The kitchen was right there, and I opened the freezer and just stood there, basking in the frigid air it gave off.
I moaned in relief, and grabbed an ice cube from the dispenser. I rubbed it down the back of my neck, and the freezing water instantly woke me up the rest of the way. It didn’t matter, because I wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep this morning anyway. It was just too hot.
“Hot?” Ray asked, surprising me.
I let my hair fall back, and rubbed the ice cube over my forehead. “Yeah. It’s so bad I can’t even sleep right now. I took the blankets off, opened the window, switched from sweats to shorts, and nothing seems to be helping.”
“Well, you’re almost done. In just a couple of weeks you’ll have a baby,” Ray said sadly. “I can’t believe how grown you are now. It seems like only yest
erday you were starting school. I remember that day clearly; you had your hair braided with a green ribbon, and you refused to wear the dress Carmen picked out for you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Uh-huh.”
“You said ‘I’m going to school in pants or I’m going to school naked!’ I laughed so hard. Oh, your mother gave me this dirty look of loathing; she always wanted a little girl she could dress up and show off, and that definitely wasn’t you.”
“Does it still hurt to think about her?” I asked, surprised at how easily he was talking about her.
He shrugged. “The pain has gotten bearable over the years.”
Carmen had framed me for murder, but she was still his soul mate. Those feelings couldn’t just disappear. I knew, because no matter what happened, I could never stop loving Quinten. No amount of time, distance, or fights would change how I felt about him. Even though Ray had had years to get over her, I always doubted he did.
Hmm, perhaps Jenna could speed that up a little…
Jenna and Ray had been sharing a room since Quinten and I returned, but I wasn’t sure if it was because there wasn’t enough room for everyone, or if there was really something between them. Before we had to leave, I thought I’d noticed some sparks between the two of them, but I couldn’t be sure, and it wasn’t like I could ask my dad if he was sleeping with my doctor.
That would have been incredibly awkward.
The lack of room in the house was a bit of a problem. Jax and Darren were taking turns using Ilene’s bed in our room and the couch. Tonight Jax was in bed in our room, and tomorrow night it would be Darren. If there were anymore people in the house we’d be bursting through cracks in the wall.
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