But he could be her friend. “Yeah. Your gardens must be huge if you had all that stuff the other day.”
“I have six acres of property on the farm. My personal space takes up one. The rest are for crops.”
“Quite the little farmer.”
“It’s all I know how to do. Well, that and fix cars and tractors,” she said quietly.
He touched her knee. “Hey, I wasn’t making fun.”
Her lips twitched into a half-smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Tension spiked and his gut tightened. Energy definitely shifted in the air of the cab. Her knee moved slightly to the right and his hand slid away—clearly unwelcome—as his mind analyzed the pull she seemed to have over him. Her breath was shallow and each little puff lifted her chest and filled the truck with more of the intoxicating fragrance that was Ashlynn.
Looking away, she whispered, “I don’t understand you, Kelly.”
“I’m…not that complicated.” His voice was low and gravely, as though he was making confession.
“You are to me.”
“How so?” He wanted to touch her again, wished he’d never let his hand slip away.
“You never said two words to me until a week ago. Why?”
He shrugged. Two patrons found their way to their car in the shadows. The glass was getting fogged. “I don’t know. You always seemed a bit off limits.”
“Because I’m not like other girls,” she said frowning at her lap.
“Yeah, but not for the negative reasons you’re probably thinking. I know a lot of women. You’re different, interesting. You don’t cover yourself with fancy crap and pretend to be someone you’re not. You’re honest and unguarded.”
She snorted. “We’re all guarded.”
He shook his head. “I see you, Ashlynn. I see you and I think, my God, she’s pretty.”
She turned and her eyes shimmered. “I’m not pretty.”
“Why, because you’re not disguised in fancy shoes and jewelry? You have natural beauty. It’s refreshing.”
She groaned and pressed her face into her hands. “Why are you saying that?”
“I don’t know.” He honestly didn’t know. This was nothing like his usual approach.
“See…complicated.” She shook her head. “You make me feel like I’m on display when for the past decade I’ve felt nothing but invisible in your presence.”
“Invisible? No.”
“I don’t get you. I know the kind of man you are and every time you talk to me I feel like I’m the butt of some joke.”
He frowned. “I’m not a mean person, Ashlynn.”
“I didn’t mean you were. I just meant things like this don’t happen to me. We aren’t friends.”
“We could be.”
Her eyes went from sad to stern. She met his gaze with a hard glint. “I have no interest in helping you put on a show.”
He jerked back. “What the hell does that mean?”
Shaking her head, she whispered, “That’s you, Kelly. You perform. You’re like the main event everyone comes out to see. You don’t need another girl in the already eager audience.”
Is that how she saw him? Looking away, in a low voice he admitted, “It would be nice to ditch the act for a while. Maybe that’s why I can’t shake you out of my head. It’s like you expect more than what I am. You don’t buy all the bullshit.”
“You’re wrong. I expect the real you. Anyone can have Kelly the bartender or Kelly the flirt. I don’t drink and I don’t sleep around, so what exactly do I have to gain if you aren’t being genuine?”
Exactly. He didn’t have an answer for her. Did he have a genuine side when all the other crap disappeared? “Do you think that’s all there is to me, sex and booze?” His breath held as he waited for her answer, knowing if she confirmed what everyone else thought about him his ego would be crushed. He wasn’t shallow. He had depth, but no one cared to stick around long enough to actually see those parts of him and he’d sort of lost all the other sides to himself over the years.
The longer she took to answer, the more he realized how ridiculous this was. His hand went to the door—
“No,” she whispered, so low he could barely make out the word, but it was enough to still his escape. “I think there’s so much more to you and you’re like everyone else in this world, afraid to let down your guard and show who you really are, because rejection hurts no matter who you are. I think, deep down, you’re scared that if you stopped being what everyone expects no one would want you.”
His lungs froze as his lashes suspended above his wide eyes. His instinct was to deny her theory, but panic that he might be that transparent had him speechless and paralyzed.
She offered a sad smile. “I used to envy your popularity, but over the years it occurred to me how utterly exhausting it must be.” She laughed without humor. “My world’s nothing like yours. I’ve been thinking about getting a cat just so I have someone to talk to at night.”
That made him smile. “Nah. Dogs have better personalities.”
Her lips pursed in a tight smile and she nodded, but he saw the hopeless set of her shoulders. He touched her chin—so soft and delicate—slowly turning her face toward him. She flinched, resisting for a beat, then yielding to the urging of his fingers. Kelly licked his lips as his attention was drawn to her mouth. A soft, pink, perfect little cupid’s bow.
“Maybe it doesn’t matter who we have to talk to. It’s all just fluff if there’s no real depth. Believe it or not, sometimes I get lonely too. Maybe we should both get dogs.”
She laughed and carefully pulled her face out of reach. “A dog would probably chase my rabbits away.”
“Furry little buggers.”
She smiled bashfully and glanced down. “Kelly…” Her mouth was mesmerizing.
“Yes, love?”
“I don’t want to be some conquest. I’m not a toy and I’m not sure I can handle whatever game this is.”
“I don’t know what this is, but it doesn’t feel like a game.”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know, but I think about you and I want to get to know you better.”
“To what end?”
He could have said something clever like ‘both ends’, but that didn’t seem right, not when they were both being honest. “I like you and I shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
God, her lips were fascinating.
She was pretty and this—whatever this was—was turning into a very dangerous situation. He cleared his throat, but his voice remained tight and hoarse. “Because I’m not the guy for you.”
Ashlynn drew in a slow breath, her breasts pressing against the thin cotton of her shirt and distracting him. “Then why did you kiss me?”
“Because you deserved it.” And…now his cock was hard.
Her brows lowered behind the frames of her glasses. “See? What does that mean?”
His voice was gruff as he whispered, “It means sometimes a girl needs to be kissed, kissed properly, so she knows where to set the bar.”
After a moment of quiet, she laughed. “So, basically, you ruined me for all other kisses.”
Yes. God, he was a self-serving prick. “How so?”
“I don’t think every man kisses like you. You are, after all, Kelly McCullough.”
It took everything he had to fight the cocky grin that usually followed such a statement. His lips twitched, but then the real him showed up and he frowned. He didn’t want her to see what everyone else saw, some sort of legend that was all bullshit and late night romps. She was right. Being the legend was exhausting and it was getting old.
Honesty fell out of him without thought. “I’m just a guy.”
“How about if I promise to see beyond your reputation, you promise to see beyond mine?”
He chuckled. “What reputation? You’re a good girl.”
She leveled him with a glare. “Is that all I am, a good little churchgoer holding out for Mr. Right? Okay
. Then I guess you’re just a naughty cliché looking for the next warm bed—”
His hand flew up, cutting her off. “I get your point. Touché. I promise to leave all presumed labels at the door.”
Her grin was slow and it warmed him in places most women didn’t touch. His gaze traveled over her shadowed face and focused on soft brown eyes behind her cat-eye glasses. “You have pretty eyes.”
Her blonde lashes lowered. Shallow breaths continued to lift her chest and his imagination was suddenly hypothesizing, producing rapid images of how she’d look just before she came.
Shit! Where had that come from?
She licked her lips again. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”
Oh, Christ. She was so quiet and reserved, but a lot less shy than he’d first assumed. Did she masturbate? Touch herself in that lonely house where no one could see? Fuck. Get back on point and out of the gutter.
What were they talking about? Oh, right, pretty eyes. “It’s true.”
“I don’t know how to be immune to you, Kelly. I never was.”
He stilled. It was his turn to be confused. “What does that mean?” His dick pulsed. The fantasy of her tucked away in some prim bed, hand under the covers, lashes lowered, head tipped back, spiky hair dragging over the soft linen pillow, just turned a million times hotter. Because now, in the fantasy, she was whispering his name.
She sighed, her expression tightening. “It means you can’t kiss me and say things like that unless you’re actually interested in more. Please don’t play games with me.”
Oh hell. Perhaps they’d always been aware of each other, but were both smart enough to know they made no sense as anything more than acquaintances in a small town. God, how he’d like to play with her…
Wait. What had she said? Unless you’re interested in more…
“But more isn’t on the table.”
She faced him. “More is always on the table, it just comes with a lot additional commitment you’re not interested in.” The reality he’d been hiding from all night slammed into him.
“You’re making assumptions.”
“Am I wrong? Just because I believe there’s more to you than a night in bed, doesn’t mean I’m dumb enough to think you’re ready to settle down. Nor does me admitting that I’m human enough to struggle with sexual urges mean I’m willing to sacrifice my chastity for one night of unforgettable fun.”
Mmmm. Let’s talk more about those urges… “How do you do it?”
Her head tilted. “Do what?”
“Deny yourself for so long?”
Her cheeks flushed and she shrugged. “I just push it back. It’s not like I’m a deviant who only thinks about sex. Usually my mind’s preoccupied with work and stuff.”
He shook his head, “But…when it’s right in front of you…how do you turn it down?”
“I just…do.”
He couldn’t comprehend that sort of patience. “And if Josh waited, if he held out, would you give him everything? Would you give him more?”
“I don’t know him well enough to decide that yet.”
“But you said it’s on the table.”
It was only more arousing when she snapped back, not taking any of his crap. “I can’t predict the future. I just know I’m holding out.”
Hot little, feisty bunny chaser…“What if I wanted to kiss you again, right now?” God he wanted.
Her lip quivered and a bit of her bravado fell away. “Why?”
“Because a woman needs to be kissed properly every now and again and Josh didn’t deliver.” Or maybe because he was developing a masochistic need to torture himself with the one thing he couldn’t have.
Her eyes narrowed behind the frames of her glasses. “See, you’re playing games.”
“No, I’m being honest. I want to kiss you.”
“Games. If I kiss you, you’ll want more, and that isn’t an option. I only plan on doing that with my husband.”
“There’s so much out there besides sex, Ashlynn. There’s kissing and petting and necking and beyond. I could make you feel things you’ve never imagined and your virginity could remain intact.” What the hell was he saying?
Kelly had never been a guy good at games of risk. When he was eight and his dad handed him a loaded gun and it took two seconds for him to get cocky and accidentally shoot the pistol off. He’d been punished something fierce for that cockup. Then when they were in eighth grade he was the idiot that slammed his egg in the car door when they had to do that stupid baby project and carry the damn thing around for a week. He wasn’t good with fragile and he wasn’t good with being careful. Ashlynn was delicate and needed—
“I know there’s more. That’s why you need to stop saying things like that to me.”
He shifted. There were certain things in life a man just didn’t do. Wanting money didn’t justify robbing a bank. Nor did infatuation justify deflowering the town virgin. He’d never robbed a bank, yet he didn’t seem to have the self-control when it came to tampering with the virgin.
He closed his fingers over her petite little chin and turned her face. “I don’t want to stop. I want to do those things to you.” His body tightened another degree as he put everything he was feeling out there. “I don’t know what this is, Ashlynn, but I like you. I know we can’t have sex, but telling myself that doesn’t deter my attraction.”
“Then what happens?” She sounded defeated, definitely affected by his suggestion. She may be a virgin, but she was still human. He bet she had a ton of untapped fantasies dying to come alive.
Playing off how badly he wanted her and trying for indifference, he shrugged. “I can’t give you marriage. I’m not the type.”
She jerked her face away. “Sorry to disappoint you, Kelly, but even if you offered I don’t know you well enough to agree to be your wife.” Her words stabbed him right in the gut, cutting down his bravado in one fast slice. “How can you sit here, being honest with me one minute, and revert to Mr. Phony Magnetism in the next breath? I know the other girls like it, but I don’t. You’re not Danny Zuko any more than I’m Sandra Dee! Stop playing the cool guy and just be you!”
Her words fired off like rounds from a machine gun. “Whoa! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dick.”
“Then don’t be!”
Her fingers swiped behind her glasses. Shit. She was upset. And who the fuck was Danny Zuko? She sniffled and he wasn’t sure if he should comfort her or just leave. This was exactly what he meant when he’d said she was different. She didn’t fall for his bullshit and as complicated as that was it was also refreshing.
Spotting a box of tissues on the floor, he snagged two and scooted across the seat. Her face twisted away the second he touched her jaw. “Stop,” he said, harsh enough to get her attention. In a softer voice, he whispered, “Let me.”
Carefully, he removed her glasses and wiped under her lashes. Her shimmering brown eyes watched him as their breath mingled. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t know how to act with you. You call me out on my bullshit and I’m not used to that.”
She sniffled. “I never asked you to marry me.”
“I know.”
“I have standards,” she said, her face stern.
Swallowing back the pain caused by her admission, he slid her glasses back on. “I know that too. Most women do and I’m way below them.”
He stuffed the crinkled tissues in the cup holder and her cool fingers caught his jaw. Glancing back at her he stilled. Now, she was frowning. God, could he get it right just once?
“That’s not what I meant, Kelly.”
“It’s okay.” He didn’t want to discuss this anymore.
“No, it’s not. I didn’t mean you were below my standards. I meant I deserve love as much as anyone else. Lust can’t replace love. Not for me, anyway.”
“Look…I know what girls want and I know I’m not it.”
“Who says?”
“Plenty of people.”
�
��Kelly, the only person keeping your reputation alive is you. The day you put marriage on the map, I guarantee women will be lined up at your door.”
She couldn’t be more wrong. “Well, as of right now, it’s off the map.”
“I know. And that’s why I can’t let myself read into the feelings I’m having.”
“But you’re attracted to me?”
Her lips tightened. “Yes.” That one word poured over him like warm honey.
Time to get serious. “I find you incredibly appealing, Ashlynn. Why can’t we see what happens?”
She shook her head. “No.”
His spine stiffened. She was so willful. “Why? I promise I won’t sleep with you or push for more than you’re willing to give.” Was he begging? Fucking begging? God, he was being such a twat. He could go find any girl he wanted, but he wanted her.
“Because I’m not going to be some notch on your bedpost. I couldn’t deal with sharing you with half the population. I deserve more than that.”
“What if I promised not to be with anyone else?”
Wait! What the fuck did you just say? It sounded like his conscience talking, but it was definitely his cock.
She blinked at him. “Really?”
Ah, fuck…“Really.” You fucking douche bag! Stop talking! Stop talking now!
Her lips trembled. “What about Josh?”
“You aren’t sleeping with him. I’m not the jealous type.” Such words had always rung true, but at the moment they tasted like a bitter lie on his tongue. Josh wasn’t a threat. The guy hadn’t even really kissed her yet. “Say we can try.”
Her thumb twirled the band on her right ring finger as she considered his offer. Promise ring. He took it as a sign of nervousness in the face of temptation. His breath held. Say yes…
* * * *
Ashlynn didn’t know what to say. It was Kelly McCullough, confessing that he liked her, maybe not as much as she liked him… She was a borderline lurker barely holding back from stalker status, but he liked her.
Chaste Page 9
