by V. K. Ludwig
“Oh, yeah. It’s just, um…” I jutted my chin toward the staircase, letting my voice fall into a whisper. “Who is he?”
“Your counselor. Remember, we spoke about it?”
Sourness spread across my tongue, catapulting my next words across my lips. “You said I could choose between telling you and telling him!”
“No need to shout at me.” Melek tilted his head, his eyes warmer than I deserved. “And that’s not how it happened. It takes a bit more than telling me you had no connection to Kidan to help with your trauma.”
That concentrated rage seeped into my veins, mixing there with frustration. “I don’t have a trauma!”
I loathed the way he exchanged a glance with Grace as if I was some sort of patient here. As if they spoke about me without saying a word, and I just stood there, stone embedded.
“So you’re not paralyzed right now? Didn’t you just stop in the middle of the hallway, glancing around for an escape?” His eyes flicked to Grace as if he considered for a moment mentioning how he’d held me that night, comforting me. “You and I share a wall, Katie. I hear every whimper, every startled breath. I can even distinguish between you tossing around and thrusting yourself up from bed.”
His words acted as a slap.
None of us said anything for a while, leaving silence to bring me face to face with truth. Everyone around me remained still, but I sensed my own personal earthquake shaking me to the core. How much longer could I keep up my pretense of strength? Because deep down, underneath that forced smile and fake courage, I was brittle, as if Kidan had shattered me and stole essential pieces, never to be fully complete again.
A flap-flap-flap resonated inside my mouth with the way I sucked my upper lip between my teeth, only to let it snap out repeatedly. “Do I have to be alone with him in a room?”
“I could stay,” Grace said.
The relief her words offered didn’t stick very long. What was the point in working on my trauma if it the gruesome details would shift to her?
“Honey, it’s sweet that you offered, but I doubt I could talk about what happened in front of you. I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
Melek raked a hand through his hair, tousling the dirty blond strands. “Do you want me to ask K’terra or Adora?” Before I parted my lips for a no, he added, “I could stay. If Grace waits outside and tells me when someone comes… yeah, we can manage. If it works for you, of course.”
The memory of his scent crept into my nostrils, like bleached fabric and iodine, with traces of my salty tears mixed into it. “Yes, please.”
Melek straightened a little at that and gifted me a soft smile. A smile I could have sworn I’d seen a million times before, easily remembered by those dimples forming beneath the corners. As if I had known him a lifetime.
“Alright,” he said. “How about you go back and wait on the couch, and I bring him, huh? Gives you a moment to prepare yourself.”
I nodded and walked back to our apartment but glanced over my shoulder a bunch of times back at the other male. Had he ever seen a human female before? And if he hadn’t, how would he react to me?
Back inside, the cushion of the couch grew bumps. They poked into my thighs and ass, turning me itchy, turning me hot.
Melek stepped inside. With him.
My heart beat so fast it caused physical pain around the area of my sternum, that excess saliva pooling underneath my tongue rolling like a brick down my throat.
“Katie, this is Takel, a healer in training who specializes in trauma counseling.”
I forced a polite smile, but it slipped down when the healer in gray robes stepped closer. If I had called Melek young, then this guy was a puppy. Remnants of acne still lingered across his forehead and down his temples, patches of thin hair growing scattered across his cheeks.
He sat down on the armchair beside me and hinted a bow, his eyes shining brighter with each stroke they took over my features. “You have no idea what an honor this is for me to meet an Earth female.”
I coughed an uncertain laugh, my eyes darting to Melek, who took the armchair across from me. Surely, he wouldn’t expect me to talk about sexual assault with a guy barely out of his exowomb?
Takel glanced over at Melek, then his eyes returned to me with a nod. “May I ask if you agreed to speak to me willingly?”
At the lift of Melek’s brow, I nodded. “Guess you could call it that.”
“Good. Whenever we experience trauma, we have the tendency to search for answers from within. But our withins are either silent or a loud turmoil. Reaching out for help, even if it’s only to share our story, is an important step toward healing, right after recognizing the need for it.”
Those were some mighty mature words for a pimply face. “Uh-huh.”
“The Jal’zar who came searching for me shared little about you. I was told someone assaulted you?”
Another glance at Melek, his brow still up. “Um, yes. Yes, I was.”
“May I ask what kind of assault we’re talking about here? Do you feel ready to share that?” He leaned back and folded his hands in his lap like any shrink on Earth would have, the most gentle and reassuring smile sitting on his oily skin. “Are we talking about an assault of a sexual nature?”
His face remained earnest, but I could have sworn the word sexual contained a juvenile giggle no matter the heaviness of the subject. Now Melek lifted both brows, accompanied by tender nods of encouragement.
My lips parted.
My tongue pressed against my gums.
This is ridiculous.
That guy was barely old enough to have regained full control over his voice again, and now I was supposed to tell him about a body part he most likely had never seen before?
“Sorry, but I can’t do this.”
“Katiiie… we spoke about this, didn’t we?” Melek reprimanded. He leaned forward, elbows resting on his thighs. “Would you prefer me to leave? I can stay outside and wait right at the door. No eavesdropping. Promise.”
I dropped my gaze. “It’s not that.”
I slowly glanced up, immediately catching Melek’s digging stare. When I held it for what seemed like an eternity, something softened around the edges.
He nodded and placed his hand onto Takel’s shoulder. “Would you mind waiting outside for a moment?”
“Not at all,” Takel said and got up, leaving the room shortly after.
Melek sucked in a breath and released it in a never-ending exhale. “I won’t let this slip, Katie. It’s important you speak to someone, just like he said, nightmares or not.”
“The problem is not that I mind speaking to someone,” I said, raising my hand toward the door. “But that guy’s a kid, Melek. I can’t talk to a healer barely older than Grace about a guy tearing my meniscus so I would spread my legs for him. If there’s an adult —”
“I can’t afford a trained counselor,” he said, shame sitting heavy on his voice. “Not with my pay. Not even with your pay. And I’m simply not qualified.”
“How old is that guy anyway?”
“Seventeen? Eighteen? Not sure.” He threw his head back and run his palms over his face. “There aren’t a lot of counselors on Odheim, and you need someone to talk to now. This planet isn’t a good place for vulnerable souls, and I won’t watch you waste away.”
The silence growing between us churned my stomach. Melek tried to help me, paid for everything around here so I could save up, and I only made this worse for the three of us.
“I get you’re not trained for this, but can’t I just talk to you?”
At that, his head popped forward again, his hands slipping back onto his lap. “Can you do that? Open up to me like that? Talking to a stranger only seems hard until you try to talk to someone you’re familiar with.”
The churning turned into a roil. “All I can promise is that I’ll try my best.”
He popped his nail over his incisor. “Alright. I already had something planned for tonight. But tomorro
w after Grace goes to bed, you and I talk. No escape.”
My pulse pumped a bit faster at that, curiosity getting the best of me along with something else I decided not to name. Every now and then, Melek disappeared for an hour at night. Where to he never mentioned.
“What kind of plans do you have tonight?”
The way he raised his chin brought out those trails of green snaking through his eyes. He sat up a bit taller, the light from the window across illuminating defined muscles underneath white fabric.
“This isn’t my counseling session,” he said, that boyish grin of his another reminder of his youth. “Besides, you wouldn’t want to know since I belong to those people you don’t want to associate with.”
“You can’t seriously still be upset about that,” I huffed. “I told you that night that I was sorry.”
“Can’t recall the word sorry.”
“Well, but I said something along the lines of it.” I walked over to him, hesitating for less than a second before I placed my hand onto his veined arm. “I’m sorry, okay? Adora is incredibly helpful. So is everybody else.”
He sucked in a sharp breath as he stared at where I touched him. His gaze rose along with his other arm, making my heart race. His hand slowly reached for my cheek. I definitely should have pulled away from it, but my balance seemed locked in place.
Not that it mattered.
His hand stalled, then dropped by his side. Melek got up, turned away, my hand slipping off his arm and slamming against my sides, and yet it sent a vibration through my chest somehow. Was I supposed to feel this disappointed over something I shouldn’t even have wanted?
“I need to see that you’re committed before I send him away.” He fumbled two tubs from his pockets. “Do you trust me enough to let me take care of those scratches?”
I gave a limp shrug. “They’ll heal all on their own.”
“You keep chaffing them. I can tell by those drops of blood on the inseam.”
“Shit.” I stared down at myself and wrestled the fabric aside, tiny specks of red confirming it. “That’s because these damn pants are way too big.”
“We’ll go to the tailor once I show you around Odheim,” he said. “Now, pull your pants down and sit on the couch.”
“But —”
“Or I can sedate you while you’re asleep because there’s no way I’m not going to treat those. Your choice. And for your information, there isn’t a place on your body I haven’t touched while you were out.” He smacked his tongue and let out a groan. “I meant for medical treatment only.”
My thighs pressed together like two inseparable stone columns. I didn’t want him to touch me there, and yet those messed up pants told me the scratches needed treatment.
“Why don’t you just give it to me, and I’ll apply whatever you prescribe?”
He held up one tub. “This one closes the stratum corneum while bonding itself to the stratum spinosum underneath to contain infections but will poison you if the wounds reached the dermal papilla.”
He clasped the other tub between two fingers. “This one will protect the dermal papilla, infusing it with a layer of low-grade nanites to heal the wounds from the inside out. It needs to be applied covering the entire stratum germinativum to create a sound bond. This isn’t like Earth medicine, and I’d hate to waste any.”
Heat registered once more where my thighs burned along the inside, mixing with that unease pebbling my skin.
He’s only helping. Only helping.
“You can look, but I’ll apply it.”
“I will look,” he murmured low, “and you’ll apply it with my guidance.”
At my nod, he hurried over to the door and told Takel he could leave. When he returned, he knelt in front of the couch, waiting for me to sit down.
“Pants down.”
Trembling fingers pushed down the waistband until my pants hung halfway down my calves. I spread my legs, my stomach turning at how bad they’d gotten.
“This is worse than I expected. See that yellow there? That thing is getting infected.”
The way I tilted my pelvis at his approaching touch made his finger stall in the air. He remained like that in a state of patient wait, whispering, “I would never hurt you, or take anything you don’t want to give.”
I struggled in a breath, my lungs as paralyzed as his hand. Did I have a choice other than trusting him? Did I have a reason not to? Melek had taken care of me for over a week, not once touching me in any other way than the one of a healer. Or a friend?
The sway of the couch pillow pulled me out of my thoughts.
Melek maneuvered himself behind me. One tug against my tummy and I sat with my ass pressed against his crotch.
“No no no. Please don’t touch. Please.”
“Shh…” His hush reverberated at my core, smoothing my panic. “Dip your two fingers into this, and I’ll guide your strokes.”
“What are you doing?”
“Not what you’re thinking,” he rasped, his breath against my neck making a shiver wreck through me.
He placed one of the tubs on the couch between my legs, the lid popped open. When I hesitated, he swung his other arm around and clasped my fingers. Melek guided my fingers into the tub, slowly, the cream settling cold against my fingertips.
“I’m not like him, Katie,” he whispered. “I need you to trust me. Can you do that? Trust me?”
I braced myself for panic.
Prepared for crippling fear.
Instead, the heat of his chest seeped into my spine, leaving behind nothing but a lulling warmth spreading through my body. It left me with a deep sense of safety I couldn’t explain. I had few reasons to trust a male ever again. But I didn’t have a single excuse for how his closeness and his touch eased me into giving it to him freely.
“Okay.” My voice came out a breath.
He shoved my stiff fingers over the burning flesh, my head tilting back against him all on its own.
“I’m not touching,” he whispered. “You are.”
A tremble wormed through me so strange I had nothing to compare it to. It quickened my senses. How his wide chest expanded against my shoulder blades. How the scent of his fresh uniform triggered a sense of shelter. How everything behind me was nothing but hard muscle coiling around my back.
“From right to left, then down and up. It needs to get deep into those layers for it to work. Tonight we will wrap it and make sure you won’t scratch again.”
His lips hovered over my skin, right above the side of my neck, not making any contact, yet I sensed them there, flooding me with confusion. I wasn’t supposed to be okay with this. Wasn’t supposed to let my eyes close shut.
“Melek… I…”
“Almost done.” Another dip into the tub, followed by my own fingertips tingling my skin as if they were his. “Just trust me. Nothing’s happening here but me guiding your strokes. That’s all.”
My stomach tightened. “Okay.”
His arm was nothing but flexed tendons and popped veins, which extended over the back of his hand, and yet he managed to put a caress into my fingertips so gentle it was barely there.
Then, as quickly as he had appeared behind me, he had left… and the warmth right along with him. He stood in front of me and closed the lid on the tub before he slipped it into his pocket.
I stared up at him, blinking in confusion. “What are you doing?”
“Going to prepare for tonight,” he said, head cocked as if my question had somehow offended him. “Thought I’d try something? If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, Katie, it’s how to suppress even the strongest urges. See you at breakfast?”
My head nodded in beat to that mantra playing in my head.
He didn’t touch me, I did.
He didn’t touch me, I did.
Why did I feel as if he had?
Eleven
Melek
* * *
I hadn’t touched her. She had. And if I had touche
d her, which I hadn’t, then it would have been purely on a professional level. The way I had grown hard merely an inappropriate side effect.
The way I had wanted her at that moment gnawed on my conscience after what she’d been through. It also confused the shit out of me. Her link caused havoc wherever she went, a cataclysm of history-altering proportions. But as far as my cock was concerned, all seemed in place.
“It hurts right here,” the Jal’zar female crooned and pulled me out of my thoughts, stroking two fingers over her lower abdomen before she let them slip into her panties. “It’s eating me from the inside. Make it go away, Vetusian.”
How I hated mating season.
I ignored how she writhed on the makeshift exam table and grabbed for the injector from my bag beside me. She rotated her hips, her fingers flicking against her sex, which closely resembled the mating cleft of our females. Something my kind had used and abused for a decade, only to toss it aside the moment the first stargazer headed to Earth.
The Jal’zar females remained on Odheim.
Unchained. Unwanted. Unused.
I loaded the injector with a medication countering the hormone. “This should ease it for three to four suns. Feel free to come back after that, though I can’t guarantee I’ll always have it now that everyone’s lining up for it.”
She hissed and snarled, showing me her still intact fangs. A sign that she was tame enough, though she didn’t look it at the moment.
“Mate me, healer. Let me suck that seed out of your penis until your face clenches.” She smoothed her voice back into something docile, alluring, shoving her panties aside and fingering herself right in front of me. “Your peak will last me for an entire lunar cycle. Please, I’m begging you. I’ll pay you!”
The old Melek had never turned down some interspecies fun. I had already slipped so low back then, touching a Jal’zar was almost a step up.
The Jal’zar pulled me closer by my collar. “Do you prefer males? You can look at one while you mate me.”
I grabbed the injector gun and placed it against the Jal’zar’s stomach. “Be a good girl and take a deep breath.”
