I huffed in amusement, then kissed her. “Thank you.”
“For what? Leaving the Wolf’s lair without knowing if you were still down there? You’re welcome.”
“No. For telling me what happened.”
Neverdark might not have understood my relief. As awful as it seemed, I felt better knowing she’d been trapped down there. No matter how long I had searched the area, I never would have found another entrance—because there wasn’t one. Neverdark had been unreachable. And I’d done all I could in my initial search for her.
“So,” said Neverdark, “what do we do now?”
She couldn’t have known how packed that question was. A selfish impulse ran through me. My mind filled suddenly with a bright fantasy of Neverdark climbing atop the Heron’s back with me. I saw the two of us flying away—flying to a better place, to a land that sounded too good to be true.
For a wonderful moment, I let this fantasy warm my body.
Then I sighed and said, “I have to go back. We have to.”
“Back where?”
“To the village. To every village in this land. We have to tell them the Wolf is dead, that they no longer need to live in fear of some powerful, mysterious force anymore. Nor in fear of being their true selves. I have to spread her message—my message—that fear is a gift.”
“You know your village folk won’t believe you, right?”
“I know. It won’t be easy. But I have to try.”
Neverdark turned to stand beside me. She took my hand in hers. “All right. You know I’ll go anywhere with you. But you still need to meet my clan, cropgirl.”
“Then it’s a deal, nomad. We’ll do this together.”
“Together,” agreed Neverdark.
And together we hobbled through the dark forest, Nosy resting between us, and a pack of wolflings at our backs.
There was much to consider. In a vague way, I’d thought killing the Wolf would solve everything—that it would satiate my hunger for revenge and instantly free me to live the life I’d always wanted.
As if to chasten me, some of the Wolf’s final words crept forth from my memory. “It is not death you fear.”
I laughed at myself, somewhat derisively, and Neverdark left me to my thoughts.
The Wolf had been right about me. My whole life, I had feared living, not dying. On some level, I’d always known I was different. But now, no matter my nature, I knew I possessed as much right to exist in this world as any other person. I belonged here. And as long as my heart pumped blood, I would always belong here.
That didn’t mean life would be easy now.
Like everyone else, I would never have everything I desired. Like everyone else, I would never be whole. Like everyone else, I wasn’t on some kind of grand adventure with a perfect ending. And just like everyone else, I would never become constantly, unchangeably happy.
But I could accept all this. Because that was life.
Acknowledgments
Thank you so much to the following people, who read earlier versions of Fear the Wolf and provided invaluable feedback and support: Sonja Langsjoen, Mel Farrell, Eric L. Congrove, and Louise Denton.
And, as always, thank you to my loving partner who supported me throughout the whole journey of bringing Senla’s story to life.
Fear the Wolf, First Edition 2019
Copyright © by S. J. Sparrows 2019
All characters and events in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance whatsoever to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
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