by Lisa Olsen
“That’s crazy! You know you’ve been obsessed with music since you first learned how to sing your ABC’s.”
“I can still love music and not want to spend every waking moment gearing up for a profession that’s destined to give me an ulcer.”
“I never got why you get so freaked out before a show. You have a beautiful voice.”
“It’s not about that, it’s not fear of screwing up or sounding bad, it’s just… fear.” I couldn’t explain it better than that. Besides, the less attention I drew to myself the better.
“I still think you’re crazy to walk away now after all the work you’ve put into it your whole life.”
“Oh come on, what about you? You’re not doing what Mom and Dad tried to railroad you into,” I pointed out.
“That’s because I don’t have your gift. It’s a crime for you to give this up.”
“I don’t know, I haven’t really decided what to do yet.” It was a cinch my parents would stop supporting me if I dropped out of college, and I wouldn’t really want them to. That meant finding a job, which meant working nights. At least I lived in a city that had that as an option, instead of living in a little podunk town in the middle of nowhere that shut down at six p.m. every night.
“Is this because of a guy?” Her head tilted to one side as she regarded me from across the table, and I started to laugh. If she only knew! Just as quickly, my laughter turned to tears as I realized how quickly my organized life had upended. All over a man, and I had absolutely no clue to his identity.
“You could say that, just not in the way you’re thinking.” My problems were bigger than whether or not my Sire would ever show his face. Part of me did wish he’d put in an appearance and carry me off for whatever life he had planned for us. The reality was - I had to figure it out for myself. “I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going,” I admitted. “But there’s a very distinct possibility I might be going away for a while,” I sniffed. My future was so uncertain, I didn’t want her or my folks to worry if I disappeared suddenly.
“Oh hey, sis… it’s okay.” Hanna reached out to cover my hand with hers. “Whatever you do, I’ll support you. If you need a place to crash, you can always come and stay with me.”
“Thanks. I’ll be fine though.” I smiled as I brushed away the tears. Despite the offer, I would never put my sister in that kind of danger. The less she knew about my new life, the better. Unfortunately, someone else had a different idea on that score.
“Hello, ladies.” Mason suddenly appeared, looming larger than life and helping himself to the seat between us. “Nice to see you again, Anja, fancy meeting you here.” From the silly grin on his face, I could tell it was definitely not a coincidence.
“Oh, um… hi, Mason.” I gave him a tight smile, more than a little worried about the way Hanna perked up as soon as she saw him.
“Who’s this?” she asked, her eyes sweeping over him boldly, just the same as he was doing to her.
“I’m Mason, glad to meet you. And you are?”
“Hanna, Anja’s sister.”
“Imagine that.” His grin grew wider. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Hanna, Anja’s sister. I’m keeping an eye on our girl here.” He winked at me.
“Why?”
“You know, after the attack and all, making sure she’s safe.”
Oh I could have killed him!
“What attack?” Hanna’s brows drew together into a single line as she looked to me for answers.
“Mason!” I hissed, trying to get him to stop ogling my sister long enough to look at me. All at once he seemed to clue in to the fact that Hanna had no idea what he was talking about, and he backpedaled like crazy.
“Oh, I didn’t mean attack, attack. I meant, like ah, attack of the munchies. I’m her sponsor for overeaters anonymous,” he lied glibly, and Hanna laughed at him.
“Are you insane? Anja doesn’t have an eating disorder.”
“Mason, stop helping,” I muttered. “Hanna, maybe we should…”
“Sure she does. That’s why she’s on an all liquid diet now.” His eyes flashed playfully, and I kicked him under the table, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Relax,” Mason finally addressed me. “It’s under control. Isn’t it, Hanna?” His eyes swung back to catch hers and I could tell he had her under his sway. “It’s all good, Anja’s in no danger, and you’ll forget what I said here tonight. In fact, you’ll forget you ever saw me here with your sister, but you will think about me, especially at night…” His lips curved into a predatory smile and I kicked him under the table again. Hard.
“Mason!” I hissed. “Stop that!”
“Ow!” he scowled, reaching down to rub his leg. “Spoilsport,” he muttered in disgust. “Sorry you have to be going, Hanna. It was nice to meet you.”
Hanna blinked as he released her, “Right. Well, it was nice to meet you, Mason, but I have to be going. I’ll ah, I’ll catch up with you later, okay Anja?”
“I’ll call you,” I promised, lifting my cheek to be kissed as she picked up her coffee. Hanna left with a last look over her shoulder to Mason, who waggled his fingers at her, a big smile on his face.
“Do you mind? I’d rather not have my sister’s memory shot full of holes like Swiss cheese,” I begged as soon as she was out of earshot.
“Relax, I do this all the time. She’s in no danger whatsoever, trust me.”
I tried to take him at his word, she seemed to be no worse for wear and he’d said other things that demanded my attention. “Did you mean that? About watching over me?”
“Absolutely. I pulled the swing shift, Bishop’s got nights and Cage drew the short straw.”
“Bishop has you watching me?” I gaped, wondering what reason he could have given his friends to do such a thing.
“Yep, or actually no… of course not, because that would sound insane.” His smile turned uneasy.
“Did he say why I need watching?”
“Hey, it’s not that he doesn’t trust you. In fact, I think it’s the opposite. He thinks you need protecting.”
“I can take care of myself,” I frowned. Had Bishop forgotten the idea that everyone was supposed to think I’d been looking out for myself for the past four hundred years or more?
“You can relax. He told me all about you and how the two of you met. I wanted you to know it’s cool, your secret is safe with me.” Mason gave me what I’m sure was meant to be a reassuring wink, but all I could think of was, how many others knew I was a fraud?
“Did he tell the rest of the Order too? Oh God… did he get in trouble for breaking the law? How many other people know? Is that why he thinks I need looking after?”
“Whoa, calm down before your head explodes.” His hands came up, and I forced a deep breath. “No, the rest of the Order is in the dark, otherwise we’d be having this conversation with you in detention until we found your Sire. I said your secret is safe, remember?”
“Right, okay. Sorry.” I gave him a sheepish smile.
“Bishop wouldn’t do that to you, you should know better than that.”
“I’m sorry, I’m still trying to figure him out.” Talk about an understatement. “Have you known him for a long time?”
“Oh yeah, Bishop and me, we go way back.”
“Then you must have known Carys.” Okay, I was fishing, but I had to learn more about her, and Bishop didn’t offer much in the way of details.
“No, she died way before my time, but I’ve heard about her. Bishop doesn’t talk about her much, but I know she did a real number on him.”
“What do you mean? What was she like?” I leaned forward in my seat, eager to hear what he had to say.
“According to him she was like hot fudge sundaes, sunsets over the water, and Christmas morning all wrapped up in one.”
Just a little hard to live up to. Cool beans. “So what was the problem then, if she was so great?”
“The problem was, she had him wrapped around her little finger.
Bishop’s given to extremes, in case you haven’t noticed. He lived for Carys. She was his Sire, that’s a pretty intense bond, but he took it further than most. We’re talking pretty much no independent life outside of catering to her every whim. Vampires aren’t known for their fidelity though, and she didn’t share the same devotion to him. Bishop spent a hundred years chasing her all over Europe on the off chance she’d look his way. He told me once it felt like he hadn’t had a choice. Something about the look in her baby blues that made him jump whenever she crooked a finger in his direction.
“When she died, it fucked him up. I don’t know much about what happened to him after that, but then he joined the Order and traded one kind of obsession for another, it’s his entire life. I mean yeah, the Order is supposed to be our life, but it’s really all there is for him. He doesn’t do anything else.”
“So I’ve noticed. But it’s not for you, right? You do normal things too.”
“Me? Hell yeah. I buy motorcycles, fix em up and pretend I’m gonna sell them, but mostly just keep them in my garage,” he grinned. “And I happen to love movies, any kind of movie as long as there aren’t subtitles. Does your sister like to go to the movies?”
“Hanna? Yes, I suppose she does, but… Mason, don’t take this the wrong way but… are you allowed to… be with women?” My teeth bit my bottom lip as I waited for him to take my meaning.
“Am I allowed to?”
“Well, yes, I mean… when you joined the Order, they didn’t make you give up um, female companionship, did they?” Could it be that simple? Was that why Bishop would rather call me sister than sweetheart?
“You mean, am I a eunuch?” Mason burst out laughing, before I could answer.
“No, I didn’t mean that, but… can you get involved with women, vampire or human?”
“There’s a lot we give up when we take our vows, but no, not to that extent. It doesn’t leave a lot of room for steady relationships though. The Order has a lot of control over where we go and what we do, it’s kind of like being in the military. We’re either crazy busy for days on end when the shit hits the fan, or we have to travel when bigwigs hit the states for a conference and we’re turned into glorified security guards. The Order comes first, that’s the lifestyle. But that doesn’t mean any of us live like monks.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t help but feel a stab of disappointment. There wasn’t anything to prevent Bishop from pursuing anything with me other than his own hang-ups, which sounded more difficult to overcome than bending a regulation. “What kinds of things did you have to give up then?”
“Sorry, cupcake. If I told you that I’d have to kill you. And then Bishop would kill me… so best not to go down that road, huh?” he grinned.
“You’re afraid of Bishop then?” It was surprising to hear. Mason was easily a few inches taller and had at least ten pounds of muscle over Bishop’s lean, muscular frame.
“Ah, yeah, Bishop could wipe the floor with my ass without even looking. He’s a fucking legend in our community you know. His name is enough to strike fear in the hearts of the most powerful vampires in the country.”
“You’re kidding me. Bishop? But he seems so… understanding and gentle.” Sure I knew he had his growly side, but so far he’d been much more bark than bite.
“You’re getting to see a side of him most people don’t know exists. Hell, I didn’t know he still remembered how to laugh until you showed up. So whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.”
“I guess maybe he always wanted a sister, huh?” I muttered sourly, taking a sip of cocoa.
“A sister?”
“Yes, that’s what he said he wanted to be to me, a brother type. I suppose he thinks I need looking out for, hence the protection detail,” I gestured to him.
“Yeah, maybe.” Mason fell silent then, lost in thought.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Sure, why stop now?”
I was glad to find someone to talk to who didn’t balk at my endless questions. “Have you ever gone… hunting with someone else before?” I wasn’t sure if that was the politically correct thing to call it.
“All the time, it’s my job, remember?”
“No, I mean, to feed.”
“Oh. Yeah sure, lots of times in the beginning, but not so much lately, why?”
“Is it always so um…”
“So what?”
“So… sexy?”
A single brow was raised, and I had his complete attention again. “You had a sexy time feeding with Bishop?”
“Well… yes.” I launched into a basic narrative of my experience in the alley with Bishop and Josh. “He said it didn’t mean anything, that it was a common side effect. So, is that normal?”
The thought amused him, and Mason didn’t bother to hide it. “It can be. It is whatever you put into it. The blood just magnified whatever was there to begin with. If Bishop kissed you, it’s because he wanted to, blood or no blood. The feeding made it more… intense.” His brows waggled playfully.
Intense was definitely the word for it. “Then why the song and dance about being a brother to me?”
“Sorry, that’s a question you’ll have to ask him,” he shrugged. “But in my own humble opinion, I don’t think he would have kissed you like that if he wasn’t into you.” I couldn’t help but smile like a big dweeb at that, impossibly buoyed by his last remark. “Give him a little time, I’m confident you’ll crack him.”
“I don’t want to crack him,” I frowned. “I just want to know if he feels anything but bloodlust and obligation towards me.”
“There is one way to find out if he’s into you, you know.”
“What’s that?”
“He wants to be your brother? So treat him like a brother.”
“How do you mean?”
“If I know Bishop, it’s easier for him to push you away if he feels like you’re pressing for more than he wants to give. He won’t be able to stand it if you look somewhere else to get those needs fulfilled.”
“You mean make him jealous?” I blinked. Mason’s answering smile was beatific. “But isn’t that sort of… dishonest?”
“Why? You’re doing what he wanted, right? If he’s not willing to give you what you need, you have every right to move on and find someone who will, right?”
“I guess so…”
“So why not give him a taste of his own medicine? Treat him like a brother and see if he chokes on it,” he grinned and it was hard not to smile back.
“Mason, you are a devious man. But what if it doesn’t work?” It might blow up in my face and I’d end up losing him altogether. I wasn’t sure I could handle that.
“Then you’re one step closer to moving on instead of obsessing over someone you can’t have.”
Ouch. He had a good point there. Nothing would be served by sitting at home pining over a lost cause. Not that I was ready to give Bishop up as a lost cause just yet. “Alright, I’ll try it.”
“Atta girl, teach him a lesson.”
“Thanks, Mason. You’re a good friend.” I gave his hand a friendly squeeze on my way to my feet, eager to get home and draft a plan of action. I’ve always been a maker of lists, it helps keep my thoughts organized. I even have a master list of lists, and my new Bishop list was about to move to the top.
“Not a problem, sis,” he grinned, and I realized I could easily come to think of him as a big brother. “But love games aside, if you ever really hurt him, I’ll hunt you down and stake you myself.”
I stopped to regard him earnestly, taking in the note of steel behind the playful tone. “It’s a deal.” If I ever really hurt Bishop, I wouldn’t want to spend eternity with the consequences. “But just so we’re clear? The same goes for my sister.”
Chapter Twenty-two
The problem with pretending to be something you’re not, is you start to forget who you are.
After working hard to cultivate a passable rendition of Anja Gudrun, cultured, wealthy,
powerful vampire, I almost hated to go back to being Anja Evans, confused, slightly geeky, music student. Somehow I managed to find a balance between the two. For the next couple of days I spent mornings at school, pretending to be a normal, human girl with no problems beyond the next pop quiz, thanks to Bishop’s wonder drug. I ended up dropping my afternoon classes, it wasn’t possible to stay up the whole day. While I wasn’t looking forward to having that conversation with my parents, it felt like a good compromise for the time being, better than dropping out altogether. As soon as the sun went down, I woke and hustled to my rehearsals, grateful I hadn’t had to give them up yet.
Late at night, I ventured back to The Bleeding Hart, eager to make more friends once I knew a little more what to expect and how to act. I fabricated an intricate back story for myself, of how Carys had found me in 1650 Austria and turned me. Nobody in town seemed to know anything about her, so it was easy to make up anything I liked about our life together before she died. Not that I knew a whole lot about Austria to begin with, or even how to speak their language. But it was fun to research and learn more about their history, and with a name like Anja Gudrun, I couldn’t say I was from Spain. Thanks to my new abilities, I was already on my way to learning conversational German in just a few hours of study.
It definitely helped to have a hobby, something to fill the wee hours of the night, because I didn’t hear from Bishop, except when he stopped by to give me more of the drug. I tried my hardest not to be clingy or ask him to stay, following Mason’s advice, but so far he hadn’t seemed to notice. I had to step up my game and make the bait more enticing. That meant spending time at the Hart cultivating new friendships.
The vamps at the Hart accepted me with open arms, despite the scene I’d caused with Bridget the first time I visited, though Serena avoided me like the plague. Jarrod and Leander invited me back to their table the first night, eager to learn more about me. After that, the stories grew and grew, each one feeding the next. Until I almost started to believe I was this cool, laid back, sophisticated vampire who’d spent the better part of the last three hundred years traveling the world, never setting down roots, all the better to avoid connections that could be proven false.
