His tone shocked me. How dare he dismiss my questions. It was his idea to talk. He pleaded for me to open up.
“I’m curious about how a celestial being could go through all these years keeping the truth from the people he supposedly loved. I’m curious how he could let his best friend drink himself into a stupor. I’m really curious to know how he could admit there could be something between us, and know it could never happen.”
That last statement came out of nowhere, and I really wanted to take it back.
While I sat there regretting my words, Cary’s inner turmoil was evident on his face. It was as though I’d slapped him with the truth of his deception. When he bent over, reaching to touch my face, a shockwave pulsated through his hand.
“I have lived many of your lifetimes, and I’ve known countless mortals. I’ve had to keep my identity from everyone I cared about, but keeping the truth from you was excruciating.” He kneeled down in front of me. “I would rather go through this life in total darkness, than to see in your eyes the pain I’m causing.”
His words sliced through me.
I spoke through my tears. “Cary, at first, I could not feel. I couldn’t find the words. The moment you told me, I shut off.”
He placed his hands on top of mine.
I wanted to pull away, but I was frozen.
“The night of the accident, I was so frightened, but then a feeling of calmness came over me. I couldn’t understand what was going on, but I felt your presence, Cary. I knew you were there. You do that to me. I knew you were . . . different. I can’t explain, but something was off about you. You knew how I felt about you. How I wanted . . . more. You were holding back for some other reason than the one you gave me. It was written all over your face.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” he asked.
“My imagination was running wild. I was grasping at any ounce of a chance for us, anything to bring hope—even if it made me feel crazy. I thought maybe a demigod, but a celestial being, never.”
“A demigod?”
“As if you don’t know how breathtakingly beautiful you are, Cary.”
He reached over to wipe away a stray tear.
We sat outside, watching as a storm approached, and the sky opened up around us.
“I’m overwhelmed,” I admitted.
“That’s expected.”
“Are you going to leave?” I whispered.
His brows furrowed deeply. “Why would you think that?”
“I know the truth.”
“I’m not planning to go anywhere. I can trust you,” he added, flinching at his words.
“Too bad you couldn’t trust me sooner,” I snapped. I tried to rein in my emotions. “I’m not going to say anything, Cary.” I laughed to myself. “Now I’m a keeper of secrets.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth. I’m going to have to lie to my family—to the people I love—to make sure your little secret is kept under wraps. Anyway, if I did say anything, they’d lock me up. No one would believe that Cary Baine, famous musician and actor, is actually an angelical being. They’d commit me, just like my mother. Heck, they’d think mental illness just runs in my family.”
“Lauren—”
“You know it’s true. I must say, your cover story is brilliant. No one would ever guess. Did you get to pick this body?”
He looked confused, uncertain where the question was going.
“These bodies are given to us based on the assignment.”
“That’s what you call this, an assignment?” I asked, incredulous.
He added no comment.
“Do you look anything like this?” I waved my hand at him.
“Your mortal eyes would go blind if you saw my true form. However, I can switch forms at any time.”
“Why be Cary Baine? You’re always in the public eye.”
“This assignment is different from my usual duties. Consider it Special Ops. They chose me to come and harvest specific souls. This persona helps to achieve that goal. In today’s society, people idolize celebrities. This form and role can be the best tools to influence people.”
I started to panic. “Harvest souls? Are you here to take our souls?”
“No! Please calm down, Lauren. You’re going to make yourself sick.” He ran his hands through his hair. “All I can say is you’re given a choice. To choose good or evil. Think of it as I’m here to make sure people are not persuaded off their natural course.”
“I’m not following.”
“For example, two teams are trying to score enough points to win a game. The game has specific rules that must be followed, but one team likes to cheat. They’ll do whatever it takes to win. I’m like the referee, making sure everyone follows the rules.”
“You were chosen to help us?” I was trying to understand.
“I can’t answer that, but I want you to know that what I feel for you and your family is real.” He sounded sincere.
I could feel my walls slowly coming down. My heart still ached for him. The spark between us didn’t leave, but instead, it seemed to magnify. It had to be some part of him. “I think I now understand why you have this . . . thing about you, Cary.”
“What thing?” he asked.
“That . . . thing. I can’t explain it, but the thing that influences people. It explains why your music is entrancing.”
“I had the best teacher. Unfortunately, he decided to go another direction.” He spoke as if he were remembering something disappointing.
“You have teachers?” I asked.
“I told you, our worlds aren’t that different. We have a similar infrastructure.”
“I always wondered what was beyond this world. I knew about Heaven and Hell, angels and demons. I always pictured angels flying around Heaven with harps, and demons in Hell with horns in their heads and tails.”
“You’re not alone.”
“I never thought about angels roaming the earth, literally.”
“This world is shared by many supernatural entities.”
“I’m starting to see that.” I sighed.
“You need to understand, some are for good, while others are for evil. Mortals are strange beings, Lauren. Your kind is unique. You have untapped power and insight that has never been touched.” Cary became lost in his thoughts.
“I think I’ve heard enough for today.”
He examined my face. “I’m here anytime you want to talk. Or yell.” He smiled. “I’m still the same Cary you’ve always known.”
I shook my head. “It will take a long time before I can see you as that person again.”
“I plan to stay in your life for as long as it takes. Lauren, I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You do understand why I had to know?”
“As long as you understand I wanted to tell you.”
I let him place his hand in mine as the spark of electricity surged into my body. I couldn’t explain why I needed to feel connected to him.
“Cary, as upset as I am, I don’t want you out of our lives. I’ll do everything I can to try to deal with all that you’ve shared with me.”
He squeezed my hand as he looked at me.
I could still see the uncertainty in his eyes.
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
I picked up my plate and started walking toward the kitchen.
He followed behind me.
“Anymore celestials out there I need to know about?”
“Lauren, I can’t tell . . .”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. It may be better for me not to know, anyway. One angel in my life is all I can handle.”
Suddenly, Cary looked uncomfortable.
Out of everything he’d told me, he’d never looked that guilty. I had a weird feeling what he was hiding had something more to do with me. I understood he couldn’t disclose every detail, but whatever he was withholding was tormenting him. Normally, I would’ve brushed it off, but I’
d discovered my instincts hadn’t always been wrong. Actually, they were proving to be dead-on.
“What are you not telling me, Cary?”
“I answered all your questions.”
“Except the one I just asked.”
“I told you, Lauren, I couldn’t tell you everything. You have to trust me.”
“Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you. Trust is a two-way street.”
“Look, if you asked me to trust you, I would.”
I raised one brow.
“I would, Lauren. You’ve always trusted me in the past. Please don’t stop now.” He begged with those eyes.
I knew he was aware what that did to me. “It’s not fair what you’re doing, you know.” I rolled my eyes. “Fine. I’ll try.”
Cary was too content with my surrender. Nonetheless, I didn’t say I wouldn’t find the answer for myself.
I decided to change the subject. “Hey, I spoke to the doctor today. He said I’ll be back to normal in the next couple weeks.”
“He told me.” He winked, handing me an envelope. “Ms. Lili brought this for you.”
“Mamaw was here, and you didn’t get me?”
“She had her driver deliver it.”
“She’s really getting used to that.” I ripped open the envelope to find all the information I requested from the University of New Orleans. “That was fast,” I mumbled.
“What was?” Cary asked.
“The stuff I requested from UNO.”
“What stuff?”
“I went to UNO’s art store for some more supplies and saw some art courses they were offering. I thought it wouldn’t hurt to inquire.”
“That’s great! I overheard Blake mentioning college to Mamaw. But we haven’t had a moment to talk since he’s busy preparing for the tour.”
“It’s an inquiry. I thought maybe summer courses would help inspire me—though, I don’t really want to leave.”
“UNO’s not that far.”
“Actually, UNO’s summer courses are in Paris.”
“Paris, Texas?”
“No, Cary, Paris, France.”
“Paris, France!”
“Yes. New Orleans teamed up with their sister university in Paris.”
“That is not a good idea, Lauren.”
I paused to look at him. Why was he upset? Was it something I needed to take seriously?
“Why Cary?”
“You were nearly killed! You need to take it easy. What about your security?”
“It was a thought, Cary. I asked for the information to see what it entailed. I wasn’t planning to leave right away. If I did, you’d be the first to know.”
“It’s not safe.” He was adamant.
“You still think I’m in danger?”
“I think what’s best is for you to stay home.”
“I am in danger!” My hands flew to my chest.
“Not now, and I would want to keep it that way.”
“Ruben’s always with me, like a permanent fixture in my life. Oh, and why do I need Ruben when I have you?” That was something I really wanted to know.
“I’m not omnipresent, remember?”
“God is the only omnipresent being; I knew that. Yet, you can’t use your abilities to protect me?”
“My abilities can’t watch you properly every minute. That’s why you have Ruben.”
“Is Ruben an angel, too?”
“You know I can’t tell you that.” He huffed. “Why do you think everyone’s an angel?”
“Geez, I wonder why, Cary.”
“Ruben’s your bodyguard, and he’s one of the best—usually.”
Ruben might not have been the friendliest guard, but he was good at his job, until I ditched him the night of my accident. Cary was furious, and almost fired him, until I explained it was my fault, not Ruben’s.
“I also have Jackson. He helps.”
“How does he help, exactly? He can barely take care of himself.”
“Cary—”
“You still don’t understand the size of his popularity, do you?”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t! Jackson’s as popular or more so overseas. You’d be recognized just by being associated with him. That’s why you’re still guarded.”
“I thought things settled down? People don’t bother me.”
“This is your hometown, Lauren. People here already knew you. Although, the media-hype has died down, it doesn’t mean people won’t know your face.”
“Great. Now I should be worried one of Jackson’s fanatic fans could harm me anywhere in the world.”
“This is your life until you and Jackson are—”
“Are what, Cary? No more? Until he leaves me?”
“I wasn’t going to say that, Lauren.”
“Weren’t you? I know Jackson and I will probably not last forever, but I didn’t expect my ‘angel’ friend to throw that in my face.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m not going to argue with you about that egocentric—”
“Cary!”
He was worked up.
“I need to do something in the office, Lauren. Are we all right?”
“For now.”
“Fine. Do you want to do dinner tonight?” He sighed. “I asked Mamaw to come join us. She needs a day off from cooking.”
“Speaking of Mamaw, you know she’s always said angels were watching over us. Do you think she knows?” I asked, curious.
“Not about me she doesn’t, but she is a woman of faith. She believes in God and his angels.”
“You mean you?”
“Well, I suppose I would be included.”
“Dinner with Mamaw would be good. Make sure it’s healthy. She’s on a strict diet.”
“I’ll ask Chef Marcel to throw out that caramel cake I asked him to make for dessert.” He grinned knowingly.
“Ugh. You don’t play fair.”
“Never said I did, love.”
“You know, I always thought of you more as the devil. The Devil with a British accent.” I smirked.
“What! Why?”
“Don’t know why.” I shrugged. “Maybe it’s because you can be such a pain in my arse.”
Keeping a secret had to be one of the loneliest things in the world. I couldn’t speak about it to anyone, and I wanted to be able to talk to someone other than Cary.
I was still not sleeping well, only a couple hours here and there with help from the pain meds. I started to become my own walking zombie.
Jackson had left for Spain, and I’d held out on my decision to join him. Actually, I decided not to go, but Jackson wasn’t hearing it, and he kept giving me more time to think about it.
With everything that had happened, leaving the country didn’t feel right. I was still trying to grasp my new reality. But, as much as I tried to “feel” normal, that voice in the back of my mind always reminded me that nothing was going to be the same again.
By the end of the week, I was feeling almost back to myself—although, physically, my body looked pretty beat up. At least the pain was subsiding, and I slept a bit more.
Jackson and I spoke every day. He continued to be upset with me for staying at Cary’s, but I did my best to stay off that subject.
Cary was around a lot. He worked from home, and in the evenings, he would go buy a new movie for us to watch. That was our new bonding time ritual. He tried hard to find anything that could get us back to the way things were before he shared his news. Surprisingly, we fell into a familiar routine.
My state of mind was improving each day. Living with the truth about Cary was gradually getting better. As much as I wanted to see something different about him, though, I couldn’t. I had come to terms with the fact I’d have to make the best of it.
The day started out quite typical. Cary and I began to eat breakfast together every morning, and that day, I woke up earlier than normal. While he took a shower, I ate yogurt and read a magazine while I wai
ted.
Cary’s cell phone ranged a few times. I heard several text messages come through as the phone beeped repeatedly, and I assumed it was important.
I grabbed his phone as I headed down the hall to his room, but tripped, causing me to drop it. When I reached to pick it up, I saw the last text.
Need 2 talk, meet in 30.—Jackson
I couldn’t help think of my Jackson, but there’d be no reason he would text Cary. Jackson was in Spain.
“Hey, Cary. Your cell keeps beeping, maybe it’s important.” I knocked on his bathroom door, handing him his phone when he stuck his hand out and said, “Thanks.”
I walked back to the kitchen and poured some orange juice, took a sip and thought, How many Jacksons does Cary know?
The thought was ridiculous it might be Jackson Cruz—there were countless Jacksons in the world.
“Good morning, love. Everything’s fine?” Cary entered the kitchen, but he didn’t look at me.
“I have your place almost set up to my liking.”
“Don’t make the place too girly.”
I glanced over toward his cell phone. “Don’t worry, I won’t girly it up. Was it important?”
“It’s nothing.” He nervously ran his hand through his hair, and he still didn’t look at me.
“It kept beeping. I wasn’t sure.”
“Are you hungry?” He scanned the kitchen.
I nodded. “Yes. I’m starving.”
“I ordered eggs, ham, baked beans, and an assortment of breads,” he said.
“What about grits?” I loved grits.
“They’re coming. Chef never forgets them. Lauren, I need to step out. I’ll be back shortly.”
I watched him grab my glass of juice and walk to his room. He returned wearing a gray hoodie, faded blue jeans, and a Saints baseball hat. He looked like a vagrant that wore designer clothes.
“Going incognito, I see?” I laughed.
“I’m walking.”
“Do you want me to join you?” I offered.
“No! The food will be here shortly.” He put on his sunglasses and walked out the door.
Okay then.
I sat there for a moment, glanced around the room then at the door again, and paused.
Augh!
The Devil has a British Accent: Book One: Jackson (White Carpet #1) Page 26
