The clouds bounce around the steeple top, the sun lights up the sky, and we go to church.
Be in the moment, now. That’s where my mother is. In the moment. Still teaching, still yearning, still loving.
Shin, soe, and hikae. Heaven, earth, and man.
Acknowledgments
This book has many contributing voices, and I am deeply grateful for each and every one of you. You have inspired me, pushed me, and assisted me in both large and infinitesimal ways, reminding me that it takes many steps to complete a journey, but not one step can be missed. Each of you has taken a step with me, and so the completion of this book has your spirit dancing around in the pages, along with my family’s . . . keeping my mother company along her Flower Path.
I am deeply grateful to Sandra Prachyl of Ikebana Chapter #38, who advised me on many occasions. Also, much gratitude to Sharman Palmer, Mary Lib Saleh, Betty Neese, and Margaret Woodlief, Mom’s band of activists who helped reinstate the Fort Worth chapter. I would especially like to thank the ikebana community in America and Japan for planting the first seeds of shin, soe, and hikae in my mother’s life, which then gave her the creative tools to express herself, and to bring tranquil beauty into our lives. Thank you to the Southlake Garden Club, and especially to Denise Stringfellow.
This book would not have come into being without my friend, Alvin Sargent, who one day shared his extraordinary gifts of the pen and inspired me to write. Alvin said, “Write in twenty-minute stretches,” and he read every single word, giving me feedback and encouragement. His is a class worth taking!
Thanks to Dr. Wendy Walsh, who introduced me to the wonderful people at Dupree Miller.
Thanks to Lacy Lalene Lynch and Jan Miller for finding the story in the narrative. Lacy, thank you for waiting patiently, pushing positively, and walking me through necessary improvements, even at midnight.
Thank you to all the people at Simon & Schuster and Atria Books. This book would have never been possible without the commitment, logic, and patience of my editor Rakesh Satyal, and without the heart of Judith Curr. Writing this book has been an adventure unlike any other, and I am still stunned that you thought I could do it.
I am an actor, and so I understand stories by reading them aloud, and feeling how the words fall in the room, how they feel on my tongue, and how they dance in rhythm with the characters. That means I had to read, a lot, to anyone who would listen. So . . . thank you all for your ears!
Thanks to my daughter Eulala Scheel, who listened to me read and read and read. And to my twins, Hudson and Julitta, who, between listening, made their own dinners many nights so I could continue writing. To Ashleigh Falls, who loves and feels words, and made me feel mine were worth listening to. To Natalie Peyton, who gave me a poem, and listened and edited with me. To my second son, Dan Murphy, who remembered with me. To Kelly DiPaola, who keenly pushed me and honored me with perceptive suggestions. To Maryellen Mulcahy, who is the backbone of everything I do. To Carri McClure, who jumps hurdles and makes the impossible possible. To Camryn Manheim, who makes me a better person.
Thanks to Amy Lederman, Harry Ford, Boris Kodjoe, Rebekah Jones, Leesa Carter, Deborah Koenigsberger, Augusta Allen-Jones, Jocelyn Flores, Ashley Guillem, John Peyton, Bridget Peyton, Stephanie O’Brien, and Thaddaeus Scheel for listening.
Thank you to all caregivers, everywhere, for your heartfelt work, and especially to Lisa and Rose, for your love and for all you do for Mom.
Finally, thank you to all the scientists and researchers and doctors in the Alzheimer’s community. Please find a cure. Ikimashō.
I am the most grateful of all for my first loves and my deepest childhood connections: my siblings. Leslie, Sheryl, Thaddeus, and Stephanie, thank you. We were always our own neighborhood.
The Seasons of My Mother
Marcia Gay Harden
This reading group guide for The Seasons of My Mother includes an introduction, discussion questions, and ideas for enhancing your book club. The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for your discussion. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book.
Introduction
Marcia Gay Harden knew at a young age that her life would be anything but ordinary. One of five lively children born to two Texas natives—Beverly, a proper Dallas lady, and Thad, a young naval officer—she always had a knack for storytelling, role-playing, and adventure. As a military family, the Hardens moved often, and their travels eventually took them to Yokohama, off the coast of Japan, during the Vietnam War era. It was here that Beverly, amid the many challenges of raising her family abroad, found her own self-expression in ikebana, the ancient Japanese art of flower arranging.
Using the philosophy of ikebana as her starting point, Marcia intertwines the seasons of her mother’s life with her own journey from precocious young girl to budding artist in New York City to Academy Award–winning actress. With a razor-sharp wit, as well as the kind of emotional honesty that has made her performances resonate with audiences worldwide, Marcia captures the joys and losses of life even as her precious mother gracefully strives to maintain her identity while coming to grips with Alzheimer’s disease.
Topics and Questions for Discussion
1. How does Marcia describe Beverly to us in the prologue? What is Marcia setting out to do in writing their story?
2. This memoir uses seasons and metaphors as its structure and Marcia often invokes the principles of ikebana, which her mother learned and taught to others. Why do you think Marcia organizes the narrative in this way? How does this structure influence your reading? What is Beverly’s Flower Path?
3. Describe how the author writes about memories of her childhood. In what ways do her memories stand out to you? How does Marcia’s child voice differ from her adult self’s voice?
4. What is it like to be the children of a US Navy lieutenant? How are things different at home when Marcia’s father, Thad, is away at sea?
5. When the Hardens travel to Japan, what transformation does Marcia witness in Beverly?
6. In her description of her father, Marcia writes: “There was enough darkness in his head.” Where did this “darkness” come from? Did it go away? How?
7. Marcia attends the Bon Odori festival as a young girl, which changes her “sense of self forever.” What does she mean by that? What happens at the festival?
8. “Friendships that meant everything one day could be entirely vanished the next.” While Marcia is living in Maryland as a child, what happens to her friendship with the other girls? How does her mother react after she picks up Marcia from the principal’s office? Are you surprised by her reaction?
9. Where do Marcia’s roots in acting come from?
10. When Beverly visits Marcia again in New York City, they climb the stairs to Marcia’s apartment rooftop and “[gaze] up at the stars, at this same sky.” What are they looking for? Do they find it? How does this scene make you feel?
11. Discuss Marcia’s trip to New Zealand with Beverly. What are Marcia’s initial plans and expectations for the trip? What is the “subtle difference” that Marcia senses in her and her mother’s relationship?
12. Why do you think Marcia writes about Giselle’s recovery from the Potomac River? How are Giselle and Beverly’s “roles” somewhat reversed?
13. When does Marcia realize that Beverly’s memory issues are serious? What is her initial reaction? What steps does she take to address her mother’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis?
14. When Marcia’s parents congratulate her on being nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in the film Pollock, why is Marcia hesitant to accept their congratulations? What are her thoughts about the nomination?
15. Marcia writes about the night she attended the Oscars and won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress. What is it like for her and her parents to be at this event? How does this scene make you feel? What are Marcia’s f
inal thoughts on “deserving” an award?
16. In the epilogue, Marcia says that her mother’s legacy “cannot be Alzheimer’s.” Instead, how does Marcia choose to describe Beverly’s true legacy?
Enhance Your Book Club
1. Marcia uses several metaphors to describe Alzheimer’s disease throughout the book, like “vines” and “a robber” or “a stealthy thief.” How effective are these metaphors? Do you have your own metaphor for this disease?
2. Consider enrolling in a local ikebana class to learn more about this ancient Japanese art form.
3. Marcia incorporates the lyrics of Sarah Vaughan’s standard, “Everything Must Change” into the epilogue. Listen to the song. Why do you think Marcia chose this song? How do the song and the lyrics make you feel?
4. To learn more about Alzheimer’s, or donate to Alzheimer’s research, visit the Alzheimer’s Association at www.alz.org.
About the Author
Marcia Gay Harden is an actress of the stage, screen, and television. She originated the role of Harper Pitt in Tony Kushner’s Angels in America, a performance that earned her a Tony Award nomination. In 2001 she won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for Pollock, and in 2009 she won a Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play for Yasmina Reza’s God of Carnage. Her films include Miller’s Crossing, The First Wives Club, Mystic River (for which she received a second Academy Award nomination), Into the Wild, and Fifty Shades of Grey. Her television credits include Law & Order: SVU, The Newsroom, How to Get Away with Murder, and Code Black. She holds a BA in acting from The University of Texas at Austin, and an MFA from the Graduate Acting Program at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives between Los Angeles and New York with her three children, two cats, and a dog. The fish stays in LA.
Learn more from TheOfficialMarciaGayHarden.com and follow her on Twitter @MGH_8.
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An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
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Copyright © 2018 by Marcia Gay Harden
Everything Must Change
Words and Music by Benard Ighner
Copyright © 1974 ALMO MUSIC CORP.
Copyright Renewed
All Rights Reserved Used by Permission
Reprinted by Permission of Hal Leonard LLC
Illustrations on pages 17, 81, 145, and 211 by Alexis Seabrook.
All other illustrations by Shutterstock.
A portion of the author’s proceeds has been donated to Alzheimer’s research.
*Some names have been changed.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.
First Atria Books hardcover edition May 2018
and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
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Interior design by Amy Trombat
Jacket design by Na Kim
Author photo by Larsen&Talbert
Endpaper photos are from the author’s personal collection.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for.
ISBN 978-1-5011-3570-5
ISBN 978-1-5011-3572-9 (ebook)
The Seasons of My Mother Page 25
