by Kendra Riley
“I’m sure I will. Well, I’m happy for you Damien. It’s always good to have family. They have your back for you when nobody else does.”
Damien looked deep into his coffee, suddenly too afraid to look into her eyes. He knew that he had hurt her so much and he wondered just how much her family hated him right now. Especially since Hazel had already been hurt so badly before.
“I’m sorry, Hazel.”
“I know you are. But… oh Damien, sorry is just not enough.”
“I know. Can I explain?”
That was all he wanted. To just get the chance to explain why he had left her. So that she could know that he had never ever wanted to do that to her. He watched as a few different emotions crossed her face.
Finally, she sighed, looked up at him and said, “Yes. You can. But first, I have something to tell you. I really need to get this out of the way first before I lose my nerve.”
“I have a child.”
He saw her head shoot up. “What? How did you know?”
Damien took her hand but she pulled it away and he tried to ignore how much that hurt him. “Hazel… you came in to see me. You told the guard that you were pregnant with my child. I heard the stories but no matter how much I begged them they wouldn’t allow me to see you. They told me that you were probably making it up as an excuse to see me but I knew you weren’t. I just knew.”
“So… all this time… you knew?”
“All this time. And it’s been the hardest two years of my life. Not because I was in jail. That part I could handle. In fact, that part I most definitely deserved. But because I missed you so much, and all I could think about was the fact that you were about to have my child. It’s been… hard. But it was the reason why I was let out early.”
“Oh good behavior?” she asked.
“Yeah… I knew that I could get out early if I just kept my head down and worked hard in there. I kept you and our child at the front of my mind the whole time. You were the only thing that got me through it. It’s why some of the guys there just never come out – because they don’t have a big enough reason. And if you have nothing on the outside – then jail can be so much easier. But not for me – I had everything waiting for me on the outside. Although I was so scared that you would never want to see me again. Hazel… did you have the child?” Damien took her hand again and this time she didn’t pull away.
“I did. We have a little boy. His name is Ben.”
“Ben.” Damien whispered his name and felt tears in his eyes.
He had a son. It was strange, because in the whole time that he was in jail and up until now he knew that he had a son. And yet, hearing Hazel tell him for the first time – it made it all just seem so much more real. It was as if his dream was turning into a reality. When they had first started dating Damien had told her all about his uncle who had died when he was little. He had been someone that Damien had looked up to and had taught him a lot about life. Damien had been devastated when he died and to this day he believed that a part of him had died along with him that day. That man’s name was Ben.
“Ben,” he said again. “Thank you, Hazel.” It was the nicest thing that anyone had ever done for him. And he knew that he didn’t deserve that from her.
“He looks just like you, Damien. He has dark hair and his eyes shine with so much mischief. He’s just turned two and he’s been the best thing that has ever happened to me. He was the only reason I got through that time with you leaving. He’s like a little angel – untouched by the world.”
“Hazel. I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are. But it’s so hard, Damien. This whole thing is so damn hard. Tell me what happened, Damien. I always knew that you had a little bit of a shady past – it was obvious in the way you presented yourself and the scars on your body that you didn’t want to talk about. But I thought that it was all over. I thought that you were in a better place. Why did you lie to me? Why did you make me think that we actually had a future together?”
“Oh, Hazel, there’s so much to tell you.” Damien cradled his coffee which was starting to get cold and started talking.
He told her everything – from the very beginning, to how he had started getting into gangs, to how he had spent most of his adult life cheating and stealing his way through everything, to the day that he decided he didn’t want it anymore. “And then… then I met you. And I knew then that I had chosen the wrong path in life. Because you were everything that I wished I was. You were perfect Hazel. And you looked at me in a way that nobody had ever looked at me before. I was already out of the business for quite some time. I had found a job. I had a place to stay. I was making it on my own. And when I met you it felt as if I had finally found my way. Finally discovered who I was as a person and what I wanted to be. I never lied to you Hazel. I really wasn’t involved in anything when we were together and I had no plans to.”
“My parents really liked you, you know.”
“I liked them, too. They must hate me now.”
“Yeah. They do. I’m not going to lie.”
“I don’t expect you to. I would hate me, too. I do hate me.”
“So what happened then? That night that you left.”
“I got a call from Tom. And he asked me to help him with this big job of his. He’d gotten himself into heaps of trouble. I said no. Of course I said no. I mean we’d never done things like robbing banks before. That’s another level altogether. But Tom was in deep and he was desperate for my help. He’d saved my life before. I owed him and he knew it. He used that against me. If I had said no then I’m not sure what would’ve happened to me.
"These people… they hold grudges. And even though I considered him my friend at one stage – well, when you’re in this deep, I guess friendship just goes away. So I said yes. He told me that nobody would get hurt. He told me that nobody would get caught. He promised that afterwards he’d never ask me for anything again. Hazel… I had looked at you then. Sitting with your family. And I knew that I wanted nothing more than for my old life to disappear. I thought that by saying yes I could make that happen.”
“So you went.”
“I went. And, as you know, I did get caught.”
There was silence in the room and Damien could see Hazel trying to digest everything that she had just heard.
“I can’t just forgive you, Damien. You hurt me so badly.”
“I know.”
“Listen, I think I have to go. This is a lot to think about. Thank you for your honesty. It sometimes feels as if it’s a little too late. But… I still needed to hear it from you. Two years has been a long time to wait to hear the truth.”
“You don’t want to stay a bit more. Have some coffee?”
Damien suddenly felt desperate not to see her go. It felt so good having her by his side again. She had pulled her hand away again and he felt empty without her touch.
“I can’t Damien. You know I can’t.”
He nodded. He knew. “Thank you for coming, Hazel. Uh… Hazel… before you go. Can I ask you something?”
She nodded.
“Have you… uh… have you met anyone?”
“No. Well… No. I haven’t.” Then she put her head down and quickly walked away.
Damien noticed that she had hesitated and he wondered if that meant anything.
Chapter6
Hazel
When Hazel got home from her meet up with Damien her head was full of confusion. She’d felt so good being around him again, which only made her feel even worse about everything. She wanted to hate him but it was so hard. He made her feel so good. She hadn’t been entirely honest when she had said that she hadn’t met anyone. The truth was that only a few days prior to Damien coming home she’d been asked on a date. And she’d said yes. It was the father of a child that came to her school. He fetched the child every day and often the two of them would get talking. It was always about the child and nothing else but over the past few weeks they had started letting other inf
ormation start to seep into their conversations.
What he did, what she liked, and so on. Then, out of the blue he had asked her on a date. She’d been so taken aback that she had said yes without even realizing it. She’d almost phoned him to cancel that same night but after speaking to Rachel, she knew that it was time that she moved on. And Travis seemed like such a nice man. Such a normal man. No scars or jail time.
Now, she wondered if she could cancel. Her mind was just all over the place after seeing Damien again. She quickly phoned Rachel.
“I saw him,” she told Rachel.
“How was it? Did you tell him about Ben?”
“You won’t believe this Rach… he knew.” Hazel then launched into the tale that Damien had told her about how he had found out about her being pregnant and how he had used that information to keep his head down while he was in jail.
“Oh wow. Well, at least that made your job of telling him easier.”
“That’s true. But Rachel, I have that date tonight. With Travis. I don’t know what to do. Should I cancel?”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. My head is all over the place and my heart is even worse. I just don’t know what to do.”
“Do you want to go back to Damien?”
“NO! I could never do that. Not after what he did to me.”
“Then you have your answer, Haze. Go on the date. Get your mind off Damien. I know it must’ve been hard seeing him again. I know you were in love with him. But if you don’t want to be with him again then you need to move on. You deserve to.”
Hazel sighed. Rachel was right. “Thanks, Rach.”
“You’ve got this, Hazel! Don’t be too hard on yourself either. You knew that it was never going to be easy when Damien came back. You’re dealing with this as best as you can.”
“I know.”
Later that evening, after dropping Ben off with her mother, she got ready for her date. She hadn’t told her mother again about Damien being back nor about her date. She’d just said that she was going out and her mother had accepted it without pushing for details. Hazel never went out anymore and she was sure that her mother was glad that she was at least doing something for herself for a change. She probably assumed that she was going out with Rachel.
She had a long shower and then pulled on some tight jeans and a white vest with lace details in the front. She looked in the mirror and sighed. It had been a long time since she’d gone for a date and she didn’t even know what to do. She put on some heels and then changed her mind at the last minute and pulled on some pumps instead. She was nervous enough as it was and she wanted to at least feel comfortable in herself for the evening. When the doorbell rang she took a deep breath and opened up.
“Hazel, you look beautiful.”
“What, you mean clean? No dirt marks or crayons all over my body?”
“Ah, don’t blame the kids. They love drawing on you.”
She laughed and thought to herself, it’s going to be okay. The day that he had asked her out he had told her that she had crayon on her face and she had told him that one of the kids had begged to draw on her. He’d found it hilarious and said that she was like a walking piece of art.
“It’s the only reason I’m wearing white today. I don’t dare wear white when I’m with the kids. So this is a big deal for me.”
They got into the car and he grinned at her. “So you aren’t nervous that I might spill tomato sauce down your shirt? You know I’m just a big kid in a man’s body, right? In fact, I may or may not have a pack of crayons in the car too and I’m always looking for a fresh white canvas.”
“Don’t you dare!” She tried not to notice that he had looked at her top when he had said that and that it had made her feel uncomfortable. The shirt was slightly sheer.
“Oh look – I’m wearing white, too. We are brave today. Thankfully, I’m not taking you for Italian. I’m taking you for sushi!” he exclaimed.
“Sushi! Now that’s brave – how do you know I even like sushi? That’s not something everyone likes.” Hazel was surprised at this. Most of the people she knew hated sushi so he was either taking a big chance or else he knew that it was one of favorite meals.
“Ah, you think too little of me, Miss Rose. I asked.”
“Who?”
“Uh… Maddie,” he said sheepishly.
“Hold up. You asked your daughter what kind of food I like?”
“I did. And she told me sushi. Hey, it may not have been the smoothest way for me to get that information – but I got it.”
That made Hazel laugh. “Well, I most certainly am impressed by your investigation skills.”
He took her to Simply Sushi, one of her favorite restaurants and the two of them settled into a little corner table. It wasn’t the most romantic place but she was actually quite glad for that. It made the whole process seem easier. She wasn’t sure what was going on or how she felt about everything but she knew that had the place been too romantic, she would’ve been freaked out. She ordered a wide variety and saw Travis staring at her.
“What? Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh no. I’m just impressed. You’ve got a mighty big appetite for a girl so small.”
“Ah, there are few things in life that I refuse to eat small quantities. And, just so you know, I refuse to share. Sushi is one of those things. Nobody gets in the way of me and my sushi. And I will eat every single piece. You’ll see.”
“Duly noted. Ooh, what else don’t you like to share? You know, for future reference.”
She assumed he meant because there would be more dates and she tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that was building up inside of her.
“Well, let’s see. Chocolate. And popcorn. Yes, definitely popcorn. I’ve been to movies before and had people say to me ‘why don’t we just share a box?’ and I start to look at them differently. I am just not sure I can be friends with someone who shares popcorn.”
“Well, you’re in luck then – I never share my popcorn. I’ve been known to slap a few hands away.”
After that they settled into a nice evening and Hazel found herself relaxing easily with Travis. He was a welcome distraction after everything that she had gone through lately. And he didn’t seem to push anything with her, which made her relax. Also, he was a good looking guy and every so often she would notice that.
“So, how’s Maddie? Where is she tonight?”
“You probably know more about Maddie then me. That girl is crazy for her teacher. She comes home and tells me all about you every day. So, I’m sorry to say, I probably know a lot more about you then you think. Including, your food preferences of course.”
“The funny thing is that I have no idea when I told the class that I ate sushi. What a weird thing to tell them. It must’ve just been in passing so she has a very good memory.”
“Like I said, she really likes you. She probably hangs on to your every word. It’s sweet. And as for tonight – she’s with the wicked witch of the east – her mother.”
That made Hazel laugh. “So I take it the two of you aren’t exactly friends.”
“Not quite. Definitely not friends. But we’re civil to one another because it’s important when you have a child. And she loves Maddie so that’s really all that counts. I don’t actually care how she is around me – as long as she’s good to her daughter.”
“She’s hard not to love. She’s very cute.”
“Ah… yes… she shows you cute Maddie. She shows that to me, too, sometimes – you know, when she wants something. But sometimes I get monster Maddie.”
“Ooh, tell me about monster Maddie.” Hazel was enjoying chatting to Travis. He was funny and she hadn’t laughed in a while.
“Monster Maddie has a voice of only one pitch – high. Monster Maddie refuses to eat what is given to her and refuses to go to bed when she is told. Monster Maddie says ugly words that little girls should never say.”
“You know what I think?” Hazel said an
d pointed a piece of sushi at him.
“What?” he asked.
“I think Monster Maddie takes after her mother.”
Travis burst out laughing. “I knew I asked you on a date for a reason.”
“So it had nothing to do with my charming good looks and irresistible eyes?” She batted her eyelashes at him and realized that she was flirting.
“Nah. It has everything to do with the way you know how to slate the wicked witch.”
“It’s a talent I have.”
“Well, let’s cheers to that.” He held up his glass.
“To witches. And to the fact that without them – we wouldn’t have our little monsters.”
“So, what about you? Is Ben’s father still in the picture?”
She gulped. It was the last thing that she wanted to speak to him about. The last thing that she wanted to think about. And why did thinking about Damien all of a sudden make her feel so guilty. As if she was doing something wrong just by being on this date.
“Uh… it’s a long story.”
“I’ve got time.”
“To be honest, I’d actually rather not talk about it. I’m perfectly happy drinking this wine and eating this sushi.”
He looked at Hazel strangely then and she quickly looked away. “Okay, no problem at all. So, how’s the sushi? Up to your standards?”
“Oh absolutely. And yes, I see you eying my salmon rose. I did tell you to order more.”
“Well… it looks like you’re not going to have that one. I can help you out, you know. It’s really no problem for me. I can see I’ll be doing you a favor.”
“I’ll have you know that the reason there is one lonely salmon rose left on my plate is because I’m saving it for last. Have you already forgotten that I don’t share my sushi? Excuse me,” Hazel said, calling the waiter over, “can you please bring another portion of salmon roses for this man? Thank you.”
