by Penelope Sky
When she blinked, more tears fell.
“I really loved you. As in, I loved you in a way I’ve never loved anyone else. I trusted you. Fuck, you were my whole world. There was nothing I looked forward to more than getting off work and making love to you. I was happier with you than I ever was with Josephine, or anyone else that came before her. What we had was special. For the first time in my life, I was actually happy.”
More tears came, a waterfall in the making.
“But that’s over because it never really happened. Maybe you were sincere in your feelings, but I have no way of knowing when those moments occurred. When you told me you loved me, it was a lie. The second the words left your mouth, they were meaningless—”
“But they aren’t meaningless now, Crewe,” she said through her tears. “I love you. I know I do. It just took me some time to come to terms with it, to realize I couldn’t run from it anymore. This relationship didn’t start off in the right way. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give it a new beginning.”
“I don’t want to have a new beginning.”
Her hands reached for mine, and her frozen fingers wrapped around my wrists.
I pushed her away before I gave myself the opportunity to enjoy her. “Don’t fucking touch me.”
“Crewe—”
“Get off my property.” I wanted this to end. I wanted to go back to my life and forget she ever existed. I stepped back and turned to the entrance.
“I know you still love me.”
I stopped and turned around, watching her hair blow in the wind.
“I know you do. Just take some time to think about what I said. I’m staying in Edinburgh for a month… I’ll be around.”
“I don’t love you, London,” I said coldly. “I stopped loving you the second Joseph pointed that gun at me.”
She’d stopped crying, but her eyes were still shiny. “Ariel told me what she said to you.”
My eyes narrowed as the betrayal swept over me. I never asked Ariel to keep that a secret, but I assumed she would have kept that information to herself.
“The only reason you got up was to protect me. After everything we’d been through, you still put me first. So don’t pretend you don’t love me. Don’t pretend I don’t mean anything to you. I know you’re angry right now because this is the first time we’ve spoken, so I can be patient. I can give you some time. I’ll be in Edinburgh until the end of this month. When you’re ready to talk, I’m sure you’ll be able to find me.”
Her confidence just pissed me off more. “You shouldn’t waste your time, London. I’m not coming after you. I have a woman in my bed waiting for me at this very moment. I’ve moved on with my life—as I’m sure you’ve moved on with yours.”
She controlled her expression and hid the hurt that was burning under her skin, but I could see the devastation in her eyes.
I enjoyed hurting her, enjoyed getting back at her for hurting me. If she imagined I’d be crying over her, she was stupid. I didn’t shed a single tear. I spent my time drinking scotch and screwing beautiful women.
Because I was still the scotch king.
It took Ariel five seconds to figure out London stopped by. “What did she say?” She walked into my office without knocking, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes focused on me like lasers.
I would have told her it was none of her business, but since Ariel warned me about her to begin with, I felt obligated to share. “She wanted to apologize for lying to me. Then she told me she loved me and wanted to start over.” I flipped through the expense report like our conversation wasn’t important enough for my full attention.
“That fucking cunt.” She ground her teeth together, looking angrier than I’d ever seen her. “What did you say?”
“What do you think, Ariel?” I looked at the totals in the back of the report before I closed the folder. “I told her to get off my property and disappear. End of story.”
Ariel breathed a sigh of relief like she’d been expecting me to say something else. “Thank god.”
Like I’d ever give London another chance. That ship had sailed. “I’m sure we won’t hear from her again.”
“Better not.” She finally took a seat and crossed her legs. “Are you doing okay?”
I was insulted by the question. “I’m more than okay, Ariel.”
“You haven’t talked about it and—”
“Because I don’t need to talk about it. It was a mistake, and it’s over. Let’s move on.” I didn’t need to be reminded how stupid I was. I put my life, as well as the life of everyone around me, in danger. Some of my men were buried in graveyards because of my poor judgment. It’s not something I would easily forget.
“Does that mean you’ve reinstated Dunbar?”
Dunbar had been right about her too. I should have let him beat her to a pulp. “Yes. I gave him a two-week vacation as an apology.”
“That was nice of you.”
Not nice enough. “Is there anything else you need? I’ve got a lot of shit to do today.”
Ariel glanced at my bottle of scotch, which was half empty even though it wasn’t even eleven yet. “Nope. I’ll see you later.” She left my office without a backward glance, in a much better mood now that she knew London wasn’t making a resurgence.
Even if I wanted to take London back, I wouldn’t.
Not after what she did.
I had too much pride, too much stubbornness to let bygones be bygones.
But I did love hearing that she still wanted me, that New York felt empty without me in her life. It made me feel good to know that she actually loved me, that she flew all the way here just to see me.
She accused me of still loving her.
Which I didn’t.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about her, not while I was at work or while I was in my room alone. Sleep had been difficult since the day she left. The only time I slept somewhat well was when a woman slept over. But even then, it wasn’t the same.
As soon as London left, I’d asked Sasha to leave. I didn’t feel like being interrogated by a woman who wanted me all to herself a long time ago. I was in too foul a mood to please a woman for the night.
I just wanted to be alone.
But my mood hadn’t changed. I was just as angry as the moment she left. I was even more angry that I allowed her to have this power over me, to make me feel so many different things at once.
And I was pissed that I hated seeing her cry. It made me feel like shit when it shouldn’t. I enjoyed hurting her, but that desire faded away almost instantly. I wish I’d never mentioned Sasha when it was such a low blow.
And then I hated myself for caring about her feelings.
I was so fucked up in the head.
What was wrong with me?
A week went by, and I didn’t contact her. I knew she was staying in Edinburgh, but I didn’t have a clue what she was doing. She didn’t come from money, so I didn’t know how she was paying for this expensive trip across the world.
Especially since it was all a waste of money.
Even though she was always in the back of my mind, I refused to go to her. I refused to see her after everything we’d been through.
She claimed I loved her, but that was just wishful thinking.
I didn’t.
At least, I wouldn’t admit it to her or myself.
Dunbar just returned from vacation, and he was still cold to me. He obviously hadn’t forgiven me for my error in judgment, and I couldn’t exactly blame him. He lost friends when Joseph ambushed the castle with his men. It was their job to protect me and the keep, but that was an unnecessary war that could have been easily avoided.
If I’d thought with my brain and not my dick.
The next day, I was taking a trip to my distillery in Edinburgh. I knew London would be in the city, but I hadn’t planned to acknowledge her existence. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t think about her.
Because I always thought about her.
I completed my physical training in the morning, which was excruciating since the muscle had been so severely damaged, and then I sat in the back of the car as Dunbar drove me into the city.
All I had to do was call Dimitri, and I would figure out exactly where she was.
But I didn’t make the request.
I stayed strong—learning from my past mistake.
4
London
I couldn’t say I was surprised by Crewe’s reaction.
I didn’t expect him to forgive me in a heartbeat and take me back in his arms. I knew it would take more time, greater effort. But I didn’t expect him to be so merciless and cold. I knew he still cared about me. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind. But Crewe was the proudest man I’d ever known.
Image was everything to him.
A week passed, and I didn’t hear from him. I was working in a clinic in Edinburgh that wasn’t too far from his new distillery. I didn’t pick the location on purpose. That just happened to be where they stationed me. The pay wasn’t amazing, but the cost of living was cheap enough that I managed. I had a small flat in the city, which allowed me to walk anywhere I wanted. There was a grocery store nearby, and of course, the view was incredible. I was living in one of the oldest towns in the world, but it didn’t feel as historic as the castle I shared with Crewe.
As more time passed, the more I realized I may never get him back.
Everything was working against us, mainly his bitterness. I think all men should be a little proud, but he took it to a new level. It was probably his royal heritage that made him that way. I wasn’t sure what else it could be caused by.
Joseph called me in the afternoon, the same time he called me every day. He knew I was in Edinburgh alone, and being the protective older brother that he was, he needed to check on me. “How’s it going?”
“It’s okay.” I couldn’t really enjoy my new surroundings when I was swallowed by misery.
“Hasn’t called, huh?”
“No…”
“I’m sorry, Lon. But I told you he wouldn’t.”
“I think he just needs some time. I haven’t lost all hope yet.”
“Well, you should. He’s not gonna change his mind.”
I was prepared to let him go if I had to, but I didn’t want to. I certainly didn’t want to return to New York and try to start over, to find a man who made my heart flutter the way Crewe did. I couldn’t fall for another man when I was already in love with someone across the world. “It’s only been a week.”
“It could be a year, and it wouldn’t change anything.” Joseph liked to make his opinion extremely well known, regardless of how it made me feel. He never beat around the bush, not even to protect my ego.
“Maybe I should try contacting him again.”
“And what will that do?”
“Hopefully something.” I had no way of contacting him. All I knew was where he lived, but I feared I wouldn’t be so welcome there a second time. “Or you could give me his number…”
“I could, but I’d rather not.”
Joseph would help me if I pushed him enough. “If I could meet him somewhere else, that would be fine. But he doesn’t leave the castle too often.”
“I’m sure he does. He has that scotch facility in Edinburgh.”
“Yeah, but he usually sends Ariel to do that stuff for him.” Crewe seemed to have recovered from his wound well, but he was probably limiting his outdoor adventures. “Unless you can tell me where he is…”
“You think I’m a spy or something?”
“I have no idea what you do, Joseph. And that’s because I’ve never asked.” I didn’t want to know what his criminal activities were. Since he was my brother, it was better if I didn’t know. I had to love him no matter what, and it would be difficult if I knew he was a murderer.
“Give me his number. Maybe I can get him to meet me somewhere.”
“You know, chasing a guy like this seems kinda desperate.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Just give me the number, Joseph.”
After he finally handed it over, I hung up and called Crewe. Every time it rang, my heart moved into my throat. I could hardly breathe because I was nervous, utterly terrified whether he answered or he didn’t.
“This is Crewe.” He spoke with a rich voice that was smooth just like scotch. I missed the way his voice sounded when his lips were pressed against my ear. Just his voice alone could bring me to my knees.
“It’s London.”
Crewe remained silent, the sound of a moving car acting as the background. It sounded like he was on the road, probably in the back seat while one of his men drove him around.
I didn’t expect him to say anything else, so I continued onward. “Where are you headed?”
“Does it matter?”
I didn’t appreciate Crewe’s coldness, but I would have to deal with it for the time being. “If you’re on your way to Edinburgh, maybe we can have dinner.”
“I am on my way to Edinburgh. But let’s skip the dinner.”
Maybe Crewe wasn’t lying. Maybe he truly did stop caring about me. “You’ve gotta eat sometime, right?” I kept the conversation playful, knowing that would get to him better. I’d already cried my eyes out, and I couldn’t do it anymore.
“In this instance, I’d rather go hungry.”
He was ice-cold, and my heat couldn’t force him to melt. “I’m working at a family practice clinic here in town. After working all day, it would be nice to relax over a bottle of wine. But you know I can’t drink an entire bottle on my own.”
“You’re a beautiful woman. I’m sure you can find someone to share it with you.”
I rubbed my temple at the brush-off. “Have dinner with me.” Joseph was right, I did feel desperate chasing him like this. This man kept me as his prisoner for months, and now I was doing everything I could to get him back. He was the only man I’d ever fought for like this. Times like this made me wonder if it was worth it.
“I have a date tonight.”
I didn’t want to believe that was true because it killed me, but I didn’t know why else he was going to Edinburgh later in the day. But there was a chance he was lying, trying to hurt me enough so I would hang up. “Make a rain check.”
He chuckled. “I think I’ll stick with what I’ve got.”
“Or you could blow her off and come straight to my flat.” Jumping his bones was how I got him to fall in love with me in the first place. Sex was always a way into Crewe’s brain. It worked before, and maybe it would work again.
“And do what?”
He took the bait. “I don’t want to give anything away…but I would probably be on my hands and knees most of the time.”
Crewe was quiet, probably considering my offer.
I hoped he would take it. If I could get him in the same room, it would make it much easier for us to talk. A face-to-face interaction was always preferable to hearing his voice over the phone. I could read him much better when I could watch the expressions change in his eyes.
“I told you, I have a date.”
“Well, I don’t believe you.” There was no way for me to know if he was lying or not. I just had to hope for the best. “And I haven’t been with anyone else since I left you, not that it matters.” Actually, it did matter. I knew that would mean something to him.
Crewe was quiet.
I knew he was thinking, considering.
“I don’t care what you believe, London. I have to go.”
I hated it when he called me by my first name. So impersonal. “Crewe—”
“Good night.” He hung up.
After hearing the rejection of the dial tone, I tossed my phone on the table. I wasn’t going to call him again when I knew it wasn’t going to get me any closer to him. The only real chance I had was to get in the same room with him.
But how would I manage that?
I called Joseph back.
He answered immediately.
“What did I tell you?” He didn’t even bother hiding his gloating. “You need to let it go and move on.”
I had another plan in mind. “I need to get in the same room as him.”
“Unless you walk up to his door without getting shot, I don’t see how that’s gonna happen.”
“You’re going to help me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He kidnapped me and made me his prisoner. Now it’s his turn to get kidnapped.”
Joseph’s voice rose a few levels. “Are you really suggesting that I capture the guy?”
“Yes. You’re going to bring him to me so he and I can talk—face-to-face.”
“Wow. You aren’t kidding.”
“No. And you owe me, Joseph.”
“Don’t go there,” he snapped. “I did everything I could to get you back.”
“You don’t owe me for that. You owe me for shooting Crewe when I told you not to.”
He sighed into the phone.
“When his driver takes him somewhere, I need you to intercept the car and drive him to me.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Are you saying you can’t do it?” Playing to his ego should work.
“Yes, I can do it. But I’m not going to do it.”
“Yes, you are. And you aren’t gonna hurt anyone.”
“Now, that’s impossible.”
“It’s not. No guns.”
“You expect me to hijack his car without a gun and actually turn my back to Crewe, who’s definitely packing?”
“He won’t hurt you.”
He laughed into the phone. “I shot the guy. Of course, he’ll take his chance.”
“No, he won’t.” I knew Crewe would never hurt someone I loved unless it was a matter of life and death. “Tell him why you’ve taken over the car, and he’ll cooperate peacefully.”
“You have no idea what he might do.”
“Yes, I do.” Despite being apart for the past month, I knew him better than anyone. “Trust me, Joey.”
“Goddammit…how did my life get to this?”
