by Penelope Sky
When he finished kissing me, he kept his forehead pressed against mine. “I love you more than anything in this world.”
Instead of feeling happiness, I felt a surge of heartbreak. I was broken in two, and I hadn’t even left yet. Despair washed over me, but I was forced to ignore it, to pretend it never happened at all. “I love you too.”
He kissed my forehead before he gently pulled out of me, taking his time so he could secure his deposit inside my slit. He liked knowing his come was sitting inside me all night long while we both slept. That was the kind of possession he liked to take.
He finally pulled out of me then got comfortable in bed, his powerful body next to mine. He draped his arm over my waist and nuzzled his face into my neck, the coarse hair rubbing against my soft skin.
I didn’t think I could sleep tonight since I was going to leave tomorrow, but my eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep almost immediately.
“Everything okay?” Crewe checked his black tie as he watched me.
“Yeah…why?” He was about to leave for work, and I was doing my best to pretend everything was fine. Since he was so in tune with my mannerisms and expressions, he probably knew I wasn’t behaving like I normally did.
“Seem a little off.” He grabbed his watch and secured it around his wrist before he walked up to me and kissed me on the mouth.
“Just tired.”
“Alright.” Crewe didn’t press me further and kissed my hairline. “I’ll see you later.”
“See you later.” He walked through the door.
“I love you,” I blurted, unsure how many more times I’d get to say it.
He turned around and smiled. “I love you too.” He shut the door and disappeared.
I felt sick to my stomach. I would spend the day packing and organizing my departure. He had no idea when he walked through that door everything would be different.
I only had one small suitcase, and I threw everything inside, not caring about tidiness. I stole one of his shirts from his drawer and kept that too, knowing I would want it when I was sleeping alone in my apartment.
When everything was put together, I called Joseph.
“What’s up?” he answered.
“I was wondering if I could catch a ride from you later today…” It was hard to talk when I was on the verge of tears.
Joseph heard the sorrow in my voice. “Are you leaving him?”
“Yeah…”
“You’re sure you wanna do this?”
“Yes.”
“I hate the guy, but you shouldn’t let some cunt tell you what to do.”
“I’m not…I just know it needs to be this way.”
“Well, I’m nowhere near Scotland right now. I’m in Russia, actually.”
“Oh…” I assumed he was about to perform the heist that he and Crewe planned together.
“But I can have one of my men pick you up. A very trustworthy guy.”
I didn’t feel comfortable sitting in a car with someone I didn’t know, but I didn’t have any other choice. I just needed to get to the airport. “That’ll be fine.”
“Okay. I’ll have him swing by.”
“Thanks.” I sat on the edge of the bed with my arms crossed over my chest. There wasn’t anything else to say and Joseph wasn’t interested in these types of conversations, but it felt good just to sit on the line with him.
“I don’t want to be insensitive, but I need to go…”
“Oh, I understand.” I knew he was busy with more important things.
“But I still think you should reconsider what you’re doing. If Ariel is willing to hurt him like this, she shouldn’t be in his life at all.”
“I know…but I did a lot of terrible things. I understand why she doesn’t trust me.”
“It’s fine that she doesn’t trust you. But this is hurting Crewe—the man she’s supposedly loyal to.”
“Joseph, I appreciate what you’re doing, but this is how it has to be.”
He sighed. “Whatever you say.”
“I’ll talk to you later.”
“Alright. Love you.” I hardly ever heard him say anything remotely sweet, so I knew he meant it.
“I love you too.”
When five o’clock came around, my heart shattered.
This was the most difficult moment of my life.
I had to let him go even if he didn’t want to let me go.
Crewe walked inside and immediately peeled his jacket off, but he halted when he saw my roll-aboard suitcase at the end of the bed. “Is this a hint that you want me to take you on a vacation?”
I stood beside the suitcase and couldn’t meet his gaze. It was too difficult. In a matter of seconds, I would hurt him more than I hurt right that second. “I’ve been doing some thinking…”
Crewe stiffened noticeably. I could see the movement in my periphery since I refused to look directly at him.
“I don’t think I can sacrifice my whole life to be with you. I’ve always wanted to be a doctor and practice medicine, but I can’t do that here. My friends are back in New York. I can’t give up everything just for you. And a life of royalty…it’s just not for me.” I held back the tears up until that moment, but I wouldn’t be able to hold back the dam much longer.
Crewe was absolutely still. It didn’t seem like he was even breathing. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I’ve decided to go back to America, Crewe. That’s all I’m trying to tell you.”
He stepped closer to me before his voice turned hostile. “Look at me.”
I knew I would cry the second that I did. I lifted my gaze and stared into his scotch-colored eyes. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes then dripped down my face.
Crewe watched me without an ounce of sympathy. “Where is this coming from?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”
“Didn’t seem that way yesterday,” he said coldly. “Or the day before. Or the day before that…”
“I just…I guess I’ve been waiting.” I grabbed the handle to my suitcase, like that would make my intention more convincing. “I’m sorry, Crewe. I don’t know what to say.” I moved around him and headed to the door.
He blocked the way with his massive size. “This isn’t making any sense. We were happy yesterday.”
“I haven’t really been happy. I stay home all day—”
“I never had a problem with you going to school.”
“I know, but it’s not—”
“You don’t need to transfer your credits if you get your citizenship and live here forever,” he said simply. “So what the fuck? This isn’t making any sense. What aren’t you telling me?”
“I’m not hiding anything,” I said defensively. “I just…I don’t want this lifestyle. I don’t want to go to these fancy parties with people I’ll never be good enough for. I don’t want to be dressed up like a doll and reminded not to slouch. I just want a normal life, Crewe. We both know I’ll never get that with you.”
“You’re destined to have more than a normal life,” he said quietly. “Even if you’re unhappy with the situation, it doesn’t make sense for you to leave. You love me.”
The words elicited more tears. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”
“I’m not the one making this hard. You’re giving me whiplash right now.”
“I’m sorry if I’ve confused you…but I want to leave.”
He clenched his jaw in annoyance, his eyes darkening. “This isn’t making any sense.”
“Crewe, I don’t want to be with you.” I strengthened my voice so it wouldn’t shake. “I came back because I thought I loved you, but I think that was just a high. Now that I’m here as a free person, I realize I don’t want to be here.”
He continued to block the door, but his hostile expression softened.
“Based on the way we started, it would never work between us. We had no chance anyway. We were never going to get married, so it make
s sense for me to leave sooner rather than later.” The mention of marriage made me want to cry harder.
Crewe bowed his head to the floor. “I didn’t realize you felt this way.”
“I…I do.” A part of me wanted him to catch my lie, to know I didn’t want to say any of this.
“How long have you felt this way?”
I made something up. “A few weeks.”
“And you aren’t willing to work on it with me?”
“No,” I whispered. “I want to marry a normal guy…have a normal life. I’m sorry.”
He rubbed his fingers over his jawline, his shoulders stiff with pain. “And that’s it?” he asked incredulously. “You’re just gonna go, and we’re gonna move on like nothing happened?”
I nodded.
He dragged his hand down his face then shook his head. “I guess Ariel was right. I feel like an idiot.”
That was the last nail in the coffin. More tears fell.
Crewe finally stepped out of the way. He moved toward the fireplace and didn’t turn around, refusing to look at me.
The path to the door was open, and now I had no reason to stay. I waited for him to say something, to understand this wasn’t me at all. I hoped he would understand how much I loved him and I would never do this unless someone were forcing me. But I knew Josephine had fucked up his brain. She left him for someone else, and now I was leaving him. It wasn’t the first time a woman broke his heart.
I finally opened the door and walked out, doing my best not to look at him. I made it down the hallway and to the stairs, the tears falling harder and harder. Like a sheet of rain, the moisture drizzled down my face.
When I got to the front door, Dimitri stared at me with concern. He didn’t show any joy at my sadness, only confusion.
I got the door opened and ran right into Ariel. In her typical dark clothing, she looked like she had returned just to make sure I kept my word. She looked right at the tears on my face without giving the slightest reaction.
I had to steady my fist so I wouldn’t punch her. Nothing I’d like to do more than break that pretty little nose of hers. “You should be ashamed of yourself.” That was the best I could come up with on the spot. I moved past her, purposely shoving my shoulder into hers as I moved down the stone steps and to the driveway. There was a black SUV waiting for me, and the man got out and immediately helped me into the back seat.
I looked out the window as I waited for the car to pull away. Ariel stood at the front door with her arms crossed over her chest. She watched me with a stoic expression, my final words not leaving any kind of mark. I surveyed the windows of the tower, wondering what Crewe was thinking at that very moment. I treasured the final view of my home before I was pulled away forever, returning to my mediocre and passionless life.
When the car pulled away, I covered my face and gave in to the grief that burned inside of my heart. The driver didn’t glance at me over his shoulder. He didn’t ask me any questions either. He left me to cry to myself in peace, letting me express emotions that I couldn’t express in words.
I didn’t just lose the love of my life.
I lost my reason to live.
19
Crewe
I was numb.
Absolutely numb.
Whenever I was angry, I reached for the scotch. But I didn’t do that today. Whenever I was pissed, I shoved my fist through a wall. That didn’t happen either.
What I felt in that moment was different from anything else I’d ever experienced.
The first thing I did was sit down on the balcony. It was freezing cold outside and windy, but I needed the temperature to cool myself off. I rested my fingers against my chin and tried to understand what just happened.
She left me.
She didn’t want me anymore, so she packed her things and took off.
I thought we were happy.
I thought she loved me.
A part of me still thought those things. There had been instances when she behaved strangely, but I assumed she was simply in a peculiar mood. I didn’t think it reflected on me or her happiness in our relationship.
Maybe if I’d paid more attention, I would have noticed.
I sat there for hours until it was pitch black outside. I didn’t bother turning on the lights or having dinner. I allowed the shadows to surround me and steal my soul. I almost felt indifferent, but I knew that wasn’t the case. I knew I was in such distress my body didn’t know how to cope with the pain.
I was going to ask her to marry me.
But she wanted to break up instead.
How would I internalize that? How would I accept that? It was hard for me to take her back to begin with. She fought for me, even moved here for me, and then she just changed her mind?
It didn’t add up.
I made love to her last night, and everything seemed normal. She was drenched for me, and when she said she loved me, I could see the passion in her eyes. If you told me then that was my last night with her, I wouldn’t have believed you.
But that didn’t stop it from being true.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’d given up alcoholism, my biggest habit. I’d given up my asshole attitude too. All my bad characteristics had been locked away so my good features could shine through. Without her with me, there was no reason to be a good man. There was no reason to be happy.
There was no reason for anything.
I didn’t hear the knock at my door, just Dunbar’s approach from the living room. “Sir?”
I didn’t turn around. Even if he had a gun pointed at me, I still wouldn’t turn around. “I’m listening.”
“I just picked up the ring. What would you like me to do with it?”
If it hadn’t belonged to my mother, I would have told him to throw it away. “Leave it on the table. Tell the rest of the staff not to disturb me.”
Dunbar was smart to not ask any questions. “Yes, sir.” He shut the door and disappeared.
There were only two women I’d ever intended to marry, and both of them left me without a backward glance. Not only was I wealthy and smart, but I was handsome and gentle. I had a lot of good qualities when I allowed them to shine through.
But neither of them seemed to care.
I needed to have children to pass down my lineage. If not, I would have stopped giving a fuck.
But I couldn’t picture myself with anyone, letting alone being a husband. All I could think of was the woman I’d fallen madly in love with. She played me like a fool, not once, but twice.
Ariel had been right.
Why didn’t I listen to her?
I stared into the darkness and tightened my hand into a fist, the kind that pierced my skin and made my knuckles turn white. “Fuck her.”
Ariel walked into my office. “I just got off the phone with—”
“You can reach me by email today. I’m not taking any personal visits.” I didn’t look up from my laptop, not interested in seeing a human face other than my own for the foreseeable future.
Ariel lingered in the doorway. “Everything alright?”
“London left. But you already knew that.”
She didn’t deny it. “I’m sorry, Crewe.”
“No, you aren’t. You can say I told you so. Go ahead.” I finally looked up, unable to hide the pissed expression on my face. All I wanted to do was destroy everything in the castle. If everything weren’t a preservation of history, I would have set it on fire. I wanted to ruin anything that woman had ever touched.
“I have no interest in doing that.”
“Then get out. I have shit to do.”
Ariel didn’t hesitate before she walked out the door.
When she was gone, I turned back to my computer and dragged my hand down my face. I wanted to flip my desk over and shatter it. When London originally left, I didn’t feel anything. But now that I had a few hours of sleep, I was just pissed.
Fucking livid.
All I felt was hatred.
I wanted to grab her by the neck and strangle her.
I closed my eyes and willed the pain to go away. The rage was affecting my ability to work, and work was the only distraction I had right now. But I needed the anger. Once it was gone, there would only be depression.
And I hated being depressed.
Joseph was launching the attack tonight. I stayed on the line in my bedroom so I could overhear their communications. Joseph was in charge of intercepting the wire transfer, not the actual murder. I shouldn’t care if he was safe since he was London’s brother, but her happiness was always something that lingered in the back of my mind.
Pissed me off.
“How are things going?” I asked him over the phone.
“Everything is on schedule. We’re ready to intercept the second the line is open. Our men are staked at the house right now. The second the wife and kids are gone, we’ll loot the place. The third team is in place to take him out the moment he leaves the meeting and gets into the car.”
“You think he won’t run the second the money is intercepted?”
“He won’t know the funds have been misplaced for at least five minutes. He’s done this dozens of times, so he has no reason to think it won’t go through.”
“For argument’s sake, what if he doesn’t get in the car?” I didn’t care about all the money Joseph would steal from the asshole. I just wanted the asshole to be dead.
“I have a team in place if it comes to that. Don’t worry, Crewe. I know what I’m doing.”
“Surely, you must understand why I doubt that.”
Joseph didn’t strike with a comeback. “I’m gonna put you on speakerphone. Don’t talk until it’s over. I can’t afford a distraction right now.”
I expected him to mention London, but he never did. He probably expected me to mention her too, but now wasn’t the time. It wasn’t like Joseph had anything to say to make me feel better. He never wanted me to be with his sister anyway. “Okay.”
I sat on the line and listened. Joseph’s fingers hit the keyboard in the background, and I could hear our men radio in while they took their positions. We decided to split the men down the middle, fifty-fifty. It made us both equally involved and equally in charge, even though Joseph was running the operation.
