“But I will say that nothing has changed. You must not abuse your gate by using magic. Mark my words, the poison inside the gate has been cleanly drawn out, but that doesn’t mean it’s healed. Let’s see. You should rest your gate for…two months.”
“Two months, huh? Pretty low hurdle for a human being who’s lived for seventeen years of his life without any magic.”
That was when Subaru remembered that technically not even two months had passed since he’d been summoned to this new world. Though he’d personally experienced something like four months’ worth of time, chronologically speaking, it was right around two—
When he reflected on all that had happened during those months, he wasn’t sure whether two months of rest was a low hurdle or a high one.
“Well, there’s no way incidents like that will just keep on happeni— Wait, was that an event flag just now?!”
“Unfortunately, healing the inside of your head is outside of Ferri’s specialization, meow.”
While Ferris was verbally laying into him, Subaru shuddered. His physical reaction made Subaru realize that they needed to bring the chitchat to an end. He reached out a hand toward Ferris.
“Meow?”
“You’ve been a big help. I don’t think I’ve ever addressed that properly. You healed my wounds and my gate, but more than that, I never would’ve made it past the White Whale and Sloth without you… Thanks for Rem, too.”
“…You probably didn’t mean that in a mean or sarcastic way, but that’s what it sounds like, meow.”
“The moment I said it, I thought it totally came off that way, too.”
But he genuinely felt grateful. Certainly, Subaru had his differences with Ferris, and each had posed an existential threat to the other at some points. But when Subaru added it all up, his gratitude to Ferris far outweighed any hard feelings.
For a while, Ferris remained silent, looking down at the hand Subaru had offered. Then—
“…Your fingers are thin! Your hand’s super-small! Guess I can’t say, ‘Oh, your fingers are the only manly thing about you!’”
“Ferri is adorable, so why would you be hung up on something like that?!”
After a moment’s hesitation, they shared a handshake that left Subaru surprised by the feel of Ferris’s hand while Ferris wore a suspiciously charming smile. It was adorable. When you added in his slender limbs and light skin, Ferris seemed like the ideal beautiful maiden—
“But, you’re still a guy. Damn it, what the hell…”
“Hey, it’s Lady Crusch who wanted Ferri to wear this. She said the outfit suits me and makes me shine the brightest… Besides, it reflects my entire body and spirit.”
“But that’s…”
Subaru had been about to say, not something this Crusch knows, but he stopped himself midway.
Ferris knew that without Subaru’s having to say it. It wasn’t something for which mere words sufficed. Subaru flapping his lips and acting as if he understood would only upset Ferris.
“Regardless of what happens with the royal selection, I will protect Lady Crusch no matter what.”
“…Huh?”
The unexpected cold words that rang in Subaru’s ears drove him into silence.
It was a quiet whisper, echoing emotions that had frozen over. Even though he had been talking with Ferris right up until that very moment, it took a moment for Subaru to fully realize who had spoken those words.
Ferris’s head was lowered; Subaru couldn’t see his eyes past his hair. But the palm in Subaru’s grasp was very hot.
“Ferris…?”
“And thaaat’s why you have to keep your promise, right, Subawu?”
However, that ominous presence lasted but a single moment. Subaru was still at a loss for words when Ferris’s head seemed to bounce back up, his demeanor the same as usual. His eyes had a mischievous glint to them as he continued.
“You’d better, or I’ll make you suffer before killing you by making the mana inside your body go craaaazy.”
“Could you stop saying stuff scary enough to kill people with such a cute voice and that pretty face of yours?!”
Ferris pulled back his hand, laughed as he disembarked from the dragon carriage, then bowed. Subaru felt weary just watching him, though that brief instant where he’d seen an unknown side of Ferris still weighed heavily in his chest.
Those intense words had to be how Ferris truly felt, an expression of both his tenacity and his resolve.
And Subaru was no bystander in the matter—that was what both believed.
“Ah, Subaru. Is Rem’s bed all ready?”
It was just after Ferris hopped out of the dragon carriage that Emilia appeared at the front gate.
When the dragon carriages were ready to depart, Emilia came over. Her silver hair was bundled into a triple braid.
“Does everything seem fine? Will it hold up until we make it back to the mansion?”
“No problemo. Patlash and I are pumped up and ready for some stunt driving. I’ll pop a wheelie.”
“I don’t really understand why, but I have a reeeally bad feeling about this ‘wheel-ee,’ so I forbid it.”
“Aww, that’s too bad. And I was planning to use some risky driving to set Emilia-tan’s heart aflutter with the suspension bridge effect.”
Replying with typical jokes like he usually would, Subaru gave the dragon carriage a tap to knock on wood. His reply made Emilia’s violet eyes slightly worried, but she didn’t say anything.
“Yep. Anyway, though with some lingering regrets, it’s time to get this show on the road, meow?”
With a clap of his hands, it was Ferris who brought an official end to the awkward pause. When all eyes gathered upon him, attention immediately shifted to Crusch, standing right beside him.
“Now, Lady Crusch. If you have any final things to say to Lady Emilia…”
“Yes, I suppose I do.”
With Ferris ceding the stage to her, Crusch took a step forward. With the men who served her—Ferris and Wilhelm—at her back, she stood at attention as she turned toward Subaru and Emilia.
“First, though I have said this many times, I am deeply grateful to both of you. I may have lost my memories, but I believe it is thanks to your cooperation that our lives have been connected, intertwined with my desires from before I lost my memories. Thank you very much.”
“N-not at all… There is nothing you need to thank me for with such words, Lady Crusch. I spent most of the last several days out of the loop rather than doing anything.”
“It’s a fact that you were out of the loop for the main events. But, relax, ’kay? I got a lot of stuff done right. Any credit I earn belongs to you, Emilia-tan.”
“All Subawu’s sins belong to Lady Emilia, too, meow.”
“Don’t pick at my scars!!”
When Subaru moved to reassure the apologetic Emilia, Ferris swiftly inserted himself into the conversation, poking fun at him for what had transpired at the royal palace. Laughter erupted in front of the gate the instant Subaru raised his voice.
A few days prior, Subaru wouldn’t have even dreamed of laughing those events off.
Of course, that didn’t mean he could just forget about how and why he had acquired those scars, but—
“It’s all right. From here on, I have many things I need to properly talk about with Subaru.”
“…”
Emilia, the only one not to laugh, spoke those words with a sincerity in her eyes.
They seemed to say that whatever the results of Subaru’s actions, she would face them head-on. This was proof she had truly accepted Subaru. In name and fact, Subaru truly stood by her side.
“Let us be sure to meet again in the near future. Lady Emilia, Master Subaru Natsuki, I believe we shall maintain friendly relations for a long time to come.”
Crusch smiled pleasantly as she offered those words, turning a gaze toward the pair that left no room for deceit.
Even after she’d lost her
memories, her nobility remained undiminished. Crusch, whose existence radiated honesty, did not deal in lies or conceits.
Perhaps that had been conveyed painfully clearly. Emilia lowered her eyes, her lips trembling.
“I…am a candidate in competition with you, Lady Crusch. Even with an alliance, we will someday become enemies again.”
“Yes. I must strive to do my best so that I do not lose to you, Lady Emilia.”
“Besides that, I am a half-elf, with silver hair at that… You’re not…afraid of me?”
“Emilia, that’s…”
Subaru tried to stop whatever she was trying to say, but when he saw Emilia’s expression, he said no more.
Emilia had posed that question with a desperate, serious look in her eyes. At that point, no one who understood even a tiny fraction of her feelings could thoughtlessly intervene.
Besides, Subaru knew Crusch—and knew that even now, her soul remained unclouded.
“—The worth of the soul is determined by the worth of a person’s actions. Whether for themselves, or for others, we should all live in whatever fashion makes us shine brightest, to live in a way that brings no shame on our souls.”
“…”
“Or rather, I apparently used to say that often. Hearing it now…from the perspective of the listener, the words sound rather pretentious, do they not?”
Unable to help herself, Crusch let a smile slip as she talked about her own past statement. While listening to the words, Emilia had pursed her lips in silence, likely considering them emblematic of a deeper truth.
“Lady Emilia, do you believe the way you live now is shameful?”
“…I…do not. I have lived this far believing that whatever others may think of me, at the very least, I must not hate myself.”
“Then there is nothing for you to fear or regret. Hone yourself, strive harder, and walk straight and true on your own path—you possess a…wonderful soul.”
Once she had finished speaking, Crusch unflinchingly offered Emilia her hand.
“I am pleased to have had a chance to come to know you. I feel no fear.”
“—!”
As if she felt pain in her chest, Emilia’s cheeks stiffened as she stared down at Crusch’s hand. Crusch quietly awaited Emilia’s response without any attempts to hurry her.
Finally, Emilia very, very gently touched Crusch’s hand, exchanging a handshake with her.
“I hope you remain in good health. I look forward to meeting you again soon.”
“I… No, I do as well. Most likely, I will be able to stand firm before you when that time comes, Lady Crusch. Until then, please be well.”
The two royal candidates swore to do their best, exchanging promises to meet again.
As he watched them share those oaths off to the side, Subaru’s chest was filled with a sense of accomplishment. Subaru had suffered, struggled, and endured much agony. This was the moment they had finally gained something tangible for it.
He hadn’t been able to manage a perfect finish, but—
“I don’t wanna regret anything I’ve done, or forget what I’ve accomplished and make you feel like it’s somehow your fault.”
Subaru glanced back at the dragon carriage before he closed his eyes, imagining the sleeping Rem.
This was a place for celebration. He couldn’t use Rem as an excuse to feel sorry for himself. She wouldn’t want something like that, either—or perhaps he was selfish to think that.
“Master Subaru Natsuki, I hope you remain in good health as well. I pray from the bottom of my heart that…your future exploits help this girl recover as soon as possible.”
“It’s not really a good thing if it requires my exploits in the first place… I’m a useless man except for extreme situations, when I’ll borrow anyone’s help to get things done… What happened to Rem, and what happened to you, Crusch, aren’t someone else’s problem. I’ll make sure to find a way.”
Crusch smiled pleasantly, seeking a handshake from Subaru as well. Too embarrassed to place his hand over the one she offered, Subaru did not shake her hand; instead, he briefly met her palm with his.
A small, dry sound rang out, and with that, the touch between Subaru and Crusch was over.
“Let us certainly meet again.”
These words spoken, Lady Crusch and retainers bowed, seeing Subaru & Co. off on their way.
2
A delicate, stifling atmosphere filled the dragon carriage on its way back to the mansion.
“…”
Crusch had added the large dragon carriage to Patlash as part of his reward from her. Wide enough to seat ten passengers, it was total overkill, with plenty of room to spare.
At present, the only occupants were Subaru, Emilia, and Rem, who slept on the simple bed. With Subaru sitting beside the Sleeping Princess, and Emilia sitting a short distance removed in silent consideration for the unconscious Rem, a rather awkward air had spread throughout the carriage.
“…Feels like it was a mistake to put the brats on a different carriage, huh?”
The village children who had ridden in the dragon carriage with them on their way to the capital were in a different one for the return trip. He’d arranged it out of consideration for the villagers, thinking they wouldn’t want to hear talk related to the royal selection, but this had backfired on him.
There certainly was a lot they needed to talk about. But a trigger was nary to be—
“—Um, by any chance, is the absence of a topic putting you in a bind? This oppressive silence, this heavy atmosphere, I simply cannot bear it.”
“Why are you butting in all of a sudden? Wait, you were here?”
“I was indeed! Of course, I have been here the whole while! In the first place, how do you think I ended up cooperating with you and getting abused by the Witch Cult, Mr. Natsuki?!”
“Personal hobby of yours?”
“Not even a cat has enough lives for that kind of hobby!!”
Peering in through the intervening window from the driver’s seat and letting a grandiose amount of spittle fly was a young man—the merchant Otto Suwen, who had cooperated in the final battle against the Witch Cult.
Subaru smiled mischievously at Otto, who’d volunteered to accompany them as their coachman for the return trip.
“I’m kidding. Your objective is to talk with Roswaal and have him buy up all your cargo. I didn’t forget.”
“I am truly counting on you. Truly, my very life depends on it!”
Otto was all worked up for a big showdown, but Subaru could see no future for him save Roswaal leading him around by the nose. Having been aided by him, Subaru wanted to lend a hand, but…
“I can’t speak for the man himself, but your odds are pretty slim…”
“I can hear you, you know?! You meant to hide it, didn’t you?!”
When Otto, eyes bulging, overheard Subaru speaking to himself, Subaru’s shoulders sank. When she witnessed this exchange between the pair, Emilia’s big eyes went wide as she spoke.
“I’m so surprised. Somehow, you two reeeally get along with each other.”
“I don’t get along with him at all. He’s just someone who saved my life, that’s all.”
“You can’t deny it, so don’t explain it away!!”
When Otto had been captured by the Witch Cult and was on the verge of becoming a human sacrifice, Subaru was the main person behind his rescue. Strictly speaking, it was the Iron Fangs who had saved Otto’s life, but that was something of a tangent.
Either way, thanks to Otto, the awkward atmosphere inside the carriage had greatly abated.
“And while I thank you for the current mood, it is time to bid you farewell for a while.”
“Hey, wait a—! You keep treating me like a pest at the drop of a h—”
Subaru closed the shutter, cutting off Otto midshout. With Well, that job’s done on his face, Subaru looked back. Emilia wore a surprised look as their eyes met. And then—
“
Pfft.” “Ha-ha-ha.”
Unable to take any more, the two abruptly broke up in laughter. For a while thereafter, the pair’s laughing voices echoed inside the dragon carriage. When their laughter finally died down, Subaru said, “Reading the awkward atmosphere and keeping quiet, that’s really not like me, huh?”
“No, it really isn’t like you, Subaru. The Subaru I know is more…a boy always full of energy and doing reckless things, stirring up trouble with almost no regard for my feelings at all.”
“I feel like that translates to a braggart who can’t read the mood to save his life!”
In point of fact, this was without doubt an assessment he could not refute. Laughing awkwardly as he scratched his face, Subaru slowly sat down beside Emilia. She narrowed her eyes toward him.
“…Subaru, you sit next to me like it’s a natural thing.”
“—? Huh? Something strange about that?”
“No… At first, it made me nervous, but for some reason, it doesn’t now, so it’s all right.”
Emilia shook her head as her thoughts on Subaru’s sitting beside her trickled out.
For meals at the mansion and the conversations with minor spirits that were a daily ritual for Emilia, and in many other everyday settings, Subaru had stood and sat by Emilia’s side as was his wont, but…
“All that hard, painstaking work finally paid off. I’m so moved…!”
“There you go making light of things again… Even though I don’t want you to do that weird bluffing.”
When Subaru clenched a fist and murmured, Emilia’s cheeks puffed up in dissatisfaction. Then, after ever so slightly moving her hips away, she turned her eyes to the simple bed at the back.
“You’ve been thinking about Rem the whole time. You don’t need to hide it.”
“Ta-ha-ha…”
With Emilia’s sullen gaze sealing all avenues of retreat, Subaru conceded with a listless laugh.
“Yeah, I have been. I’ve been thinking about her a huge ton. I think she’s been on my mind this whole time because I felt I’ve gotta do something. I want to think of Emilia-tan first and foremost, but…this time I just couldn’t keep things in the right order. Sorry.”
“I’m not upset about that at all. I said it back at Lady Crusch’s mansion, too, didn’t I?”
Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 10 Page 2
